by Sabrina York
A half hour earlier, Matt seemed surprised when they stood at the front door to her childhood home and Tori told him her mother was in Arizona. “No one’s here,” she said as she inserted the key in the front door. “My mom’s in Arizona for two months.”
In the kitchen, Tori found her mother’s recipe box and hunted for the macaroon recipe while Matt stood by. Instead of letting her run into the house, he’d followed her. She wasn’t sure why. She’d told him it would only take a minute. Then, at the door, he’d confessed he wanted to meet her mother. Why?
With the recipe in hand, Tori turned to Matt who was looking at photos of Tori and her sister in frames on the wall.
“You were a cute kid,” he said pointing at a picture of Tori dressed as a Christmas tree against a red door.
“I loved that costume. I played a Christmas tree in my third grade Christmas recital.” She touched his sleeve. “Let’s go.” Matt smiled at her like he was imagining the child she was and fitting that image into her adult self.
They worked companionably in the kitchen, trying to stay out of the way of two other teams who were decorating with sprinkles and fondant, making their cookies look truly Christmasy. “We might not win on taste alone,” Tori said watching Clint’s aunt make gingerbread people in tacky Christmas sweaters.
“If you don’t care, I don’t care if we win.” Matt shrugged and continued stirring the batter. “I’m just enjoying the process. And I want to eat cookies.”
She didn’t care if they won. Tori mostly entered the contest to try to make up for calling Matt back to the Lodge for Diesel yesterday. And because he looked so interested in this contest at breakfast, like he did want to win another challenge.
For her, Tori just wanted to spend time with Matt. Time out of her room. Time practicing how to relate to people. Matt specifically. Tori wanted more hours with this man before she went back to her apartment in a few days, never to see him again. He’d pretty much said he was taking another year long mission after this and that meant he wouldn’t be looking for a relationship at this point in his life. Knowing his last girlfriend was dumped just before he left town, Tori wondered if this was his habit. Was this somehow satisfying to Matt? Good enough until he decided to settle down?
When the macaroons were baking, they stood by the oven waiting, watching, not wanting the treats to cook a minute longer than necessary.
“When will you take off again for your next posting,” Tori asked, leaning against the counter, her arms folded across her chest to protect herself from the answer.
Matt shrugged. “I’m not sure I will leave. Two doctor friends opened a practice in Cle Elum, my hometown, and want me to join them. The offer is tempting.”
Cle Elum was only two hours from Seattle and Tori imagined herself in Friday night traffic, on her way to visit Matt. “Big decision. Will the offer still stand if you leave for a year?’
“No. They need someone soon.” Matt stared out the kitchen window like the answer might be outside. “Tori,” he almost whispered. “I have something to talk to you about. Something to confess.” He cleared his throat nervously.
Here it was.
Matt was about to tell her that he liked her, but he didn’t want to start a relationship or anything. Tori was sure about Matt’s confession. “It’s OK, Matt. This has been fun, hanging with you the last few days. That’s all it’s been.” She wanted to let him off the hook. And, not appear desperate.
“It’s not that. I’ve been keeping a secret that I think you should know,” he said finally looking directly into her eyes.
Tori gulped. That sounded more serious. Was he gay? Married? Unavailable somehow and her hopes would be puddled on the floor in another minute? She mentally braced herself for the worst. “What is it?”
“My ex-girlfriend, Jessica, was the person who took the video of you that went viral.” His face was set firmly like he expected a slap. “I was with her when she filmed you and with her when she posted it.”
Tori held her breath. She’d always wondered who posted the thing.
“I tried to tell her not to, but she wouldn’t listen.”
Tori looked at the floor, humiliated that Matt saw her in her most vulnerable moment. “Why were you at the church?”
“Jessica was friends with Bob.”
Jessica Brody + One. Tori remembered asking Bob who this person was when he added her to the invitation list. “They knew each other in college. Stayed friends.” Tori had met Jessica several times. Jessica had been to Bob’s house for dinner with a bunch of other college friends when Tori had made lasagna. She remembered she didn’t like her much. Especially when she took a big piece of lasagna and left most of it on the plate after dinner.
“I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop her from posting that thing.” Matt sounded like the whole incident was his fault.
The oven timer went off. Tori told herself it didn’t matter who posted the video.
The timer continued to beep as Tori walked out of the kitchen.
11
He’d done it. He’d told her. And successfully sent Tori back to her room. Would she even come out for the wedding? Matt pulled the macaroons out of the oven and set the tray on top, wondering what to do next.
He’d convinced himself that he had to tell Tori about the video if they were going to go down this relationship road. Confessing was the right thing to do. He hadn’t confessed to clear his own conscience, but more in the name of full disclosure. He knew the video was Tori’s Achilles heel and he also knew who posted it. Not only that, but he’d been standing right beside Jessica at the wedding when she uploaded it to her Instagram account with the title, “Where you going, Bob?”
It was because of Jessica’s vast following, that the video went viral. She was a social media influencer and the thing took off with its own set of wings after that. At the time, Matt felt badly for the bride, the pretty bride who stood there wondering where her groom was headed in the middle of their wedding ceremony, but afterwards realized it was because that same bride trusted and loved Bob that she couldn’t believe what was happening. Her heart told her that there must be some other explanation for Bob running down the aisle, away from the wedding, and getting in the car with another woman. The innocent woman had uttered those words, not because of stupidity, but because of blind love.
Weeks after, as the video gained traction and horrible memes spun off the original, Matt hoped the woman who’d been jilted wasn’t following the rise of fame to her face, her words, that moment. It was a cruel fact in this life of technology that videos were taken, posted, and used to make fun of people and the subject of the videos had no way to make the public shaming and bullying stop.
If Tori had consulted an attorney about suing, Matt never heard anything from Jessica. He’d broken off their relationship shortly after and Matt always thought that part of the reason that Jessica hadn’t fought for their relationship was her delight at being the first to post the “Where you going, Bob?” video. She’d even done a Seattle talk show about capturing that moment. When the interviewer asked Jessica if she knew how the bride was doing, Jessica had the nerve to pretend she cared. “I’m sure she has bigger things to worry about than my little video.”
That day, seeing Jessica on TV, Matt couldn’t help but compare the two women. While Jessica was delighted to have captured what she thought was a funny video that would circulate the internet’s social media, Tori was most likely devastated that the man she loved deeply enough to marry, wasn’t carrying through with the wedding. Jessica had spent the day doing something cruel and selfish while Tori had to get out of that wedding dress and try to pick up the pieces of her life.
Matt wanted someone to love him like that. Someone who would trust him and always think the best of him.
Standing in the kitchen, remembering the day of Tori’s wedding, Matt wondered if he should leave her to think in the privacy of her room or find her and finish his apology. There was no hope of salvaging his
romantic relationship with Tori at this point, but he didn’t want her to remain in her room because of him. He’d offer to leave with Diesel, not attend the wedding, if that would make it easier.
Matt had been at the wedding to see her humiliation. He’d seen her walk down the aisle in a dress that took months to decide on and cost her two paychecks. He’d watched her with a heart filled with hope as she approached her groom at the front of the church. He’d seen the flowers she and her mother had taken such care to choose, the small bouquets at the end of each aisle, the arrangements that filled the church, the lilies she’d carried in her hands. Matt had been one of the hundred people in the church that day when the vows started. When there was a rustling in the pews and Bob’s ex-girlfriend, Emma left the church, Matt had seen Bob’s expression as he turned to watch the last of Emma running out the door. Her groom didn’t even turn to look at Tori. He just took off.
Bob would have run by the pew where Matt sat, running not to set things right with Emma, to tell her that he wished she would come back and be happy he was marrying Tori. He was leaving Tori to be with Emma.
The night before, they’d even talked about Emma still harboring feelings for Bob but promising to come to the church to wish them well. Bob reassured Tori that he’d remained platonic friends with Emma after their breakup and even said she was dating someone. Tori was proud that Bob cared so much for his ex. That’s the kind of man he was. Or, so she thought.
Tori had left the macaroons in the oven, hurried upstairs and let herself into her little hotel room, her hands shaking. The door shut a little louder than she intended. She locked the door and crossed to the bathroom where she wet a facecloth and covered her face. The cool water distracted her. Momentarily.
Matt’s ex-girlfriend, Jessica, was the person who’d uploaded the video. The one who got traction from the comedy of the moment. How had Tori never known the name of the person who started it all? When the video released, Tori had been surrounded by family and friends warning her to not check the internet. She’d seen the video only once, then vowed to avoid anything that reminded her what a fool she’d been.
For days after Bob deserted her, she’d hid at her mother’s house, not even turning on her laptop, instead, reading books, writing in her journal, only going for walks along the rural roads. Then, she’d gone to town with her mother to pick up some groceries and was recognized, stared at, and told by strangers that they hoped she was doing better.
Against her better judgement, she’d gone online to see the laughingstock she’d become. She was gutted and horrified. The memes made from the video were cruel and made her out to be an idiot. She needed to be alone, not with her mother who kept telling her to move on, she had to get over the heartbreak. Driving back to Seattle, in tears the whole way, Tori vowed to stay inside her apartment until the sensation blew over. One thing led to another and her seclusion became the norm.
Was Matt to blame, at all? No. But Tori’s embarrassment over him being there that day, had sent her from the kitchen to her room to hide. She got into bed and pulled the covers up over her head and cried for the lost possibility of a relationship with a man who knew she was the idiot from last year’s most comical viral video. Everything was ruined now. As she cried, Tori thought about how Matt wasn’t this kind man who liked her because of who she was. He was driven by guilt in his pursuit of her. It all became clear as she lay there balled up the fetal position in her bed.
Matt didn’t like her. He felt sorry for her.
The knock on the door, an hour later, had Tori wondering who had come to try to make her feel better. She didn’t want Maddy concerned with all this, especially because the wedding was two days away. Tori didn’t answer.
Then scratching on the door told her that it was Diesel. And Matt.
“I’m fine. Just go away please,” she called.
“Tori? Can I let in Diesel for a bit?”
She didn’t feel like a dog cuddle would help the embarrassment of Matt being part of that horrible wedding day. “No, just leave me alone.” It hadn’t been meant to sound the way it came out.
“Tori,” Matt said through the door. “I understand you might hate me, but I’ve made the decision to leave today. You won’t have to see me anymore. I’m going to pack now and then tell Clint and Maddy I can’t stay for the wedding. You don’t have to face me again. I’m so sorry.”
Tori pulled the covers down and looked at the door. If Matt left, would it make things better?
No.
She didn’t need him to leave. She needed to get over her own embarrassment of him being at the wedding, seeing her at the most embarrassing moment of her life. Two hours ago, she’d hoped her relationship with Matt would be a fresh start, even if they didn’t last beyond this week. She hadn’t wanted her feelings for Matt tainted by the video and its aftermath. Tori had wanted to come into this thing with Matt with no baggage. “You don’t have to leave,” she said. She listened but didn’t hear anything outside the door. No footsteps, not dog scratching.
Pulling herself out of bed, she crossed to the door. “Matt?”
Nothing.
She unlocked the door and opened it a crack. Matt wasn’t out there. Neither was Diesel. The door across the hall was closed. He might have already packed and be on his way downstairs. Would it be best, if Matt left?
Something on the floor by her foot caught her eye and she looked down to see a plate with a macaroon in the center. She bent to retrieve the plate and saw that he’d dipped the cookie in chocolate, just like they’d planned. The cookie looked perfect, exactly like the ones her grandmother used to make. Closing the door behind her, Tori took a small bite of the macaroon. The chocolate slid across her tongue, the coconut mixture melting in her mouth. They’d turned out perfectly.
She set the plate with the rest of the cookie on the desk beside her laptop, then crossed to look out the window. No Matt with a suitcase.
She picked up her phone and texted Matt. “Don’t go on my account. Please, Matt.”
Watching people come and go from the Lodge, Tori thought about Matt pulling the confection from the oven and waiting until they cooled before he could dip them in chocolate. Why would he care? Had he finished the cookies as a gesture?
Her phone pinged and she checked the text. It was from Matt. “I don’t want to stay if you hate me and it makes tomorrow difficult. I’m so sorry, Tori. You don’t deserve any of this.”
Tori stared at the message until her eyes blurred. He thought she hated him, but that was as far from the truth as possible. She texted back. “I don’t hate you. I’m just sorry you were there that day. It’s humiliating.”
“Why? Because you loved Bob so completely, you didn’t have any idea he’d be leaving you? I admired you were that type of person to not even think he was the skunk he turned out to be.”
Tori hadn’t seen it that way. She’d been so wrapped up in her humiliation that she hadn’t realized it was because she’d always thought the best of Bob, she didn’t consider he was leaving her. Not until he hopped in the car with Emma and drove away. “I thought he was going after her to set things right with Emma. To ask her to come back. It turned out he’d had a secret rendezvous with her two nights earlier and she’d begged him to not marry me.”
“Do you think it might be for the best that you didn’t marry Bob?” Matt texted.
“Absolutely!” she texted back. “But it’s hard to get over being a viral idiot…”
“You’re not an idiot but a person who loves deeply. And trusts.”
Tori wondered where Matt was as he wrote these emails. In his room?
“Tori, if you are in your room because you are humiliated all over again because I was at the wedding, I think we need to talk. Maddy was at the wedding, Clint too, maybe several of the people under this Lodge roof and you aren’t hiding from them. Open your door and let’s take Diesel for a walk so we can put some distance between the moment I told you I was there and the moment I tell yo
u my feelings for you have nothing to do with guilt. I’m falling for you and I don’t want to lose you.”
She froze. The last words were exactly what she wanted to hear but how could she trust that Matt meant what he said? He didn’t have any motive to sweet talk her except to get her to come out of her room for Maddy and Clint’s sake. “I’m mostly embarrassed you saw me at my worst.”
“I saw you at your best.” Matt’s text came right back like he hadn’t thought about his answer. “Diesel has to go outside. Come with me. I promise I won’t look you in the eyes if you don’t want.”
Tori smiled. Thinking of the Christmas Challenge, and how this week was to be the biggest, hardest task yet, Tori texted back. “Meet you downstairs in 2 minutes.”
“I’m standing outside your door.”
A tentative smile escaped her lips as she grabbed her coat, hat and scarf and opened the door to see Matt and Diesel in the hall. He didn’t look directly at her, but down the hall towards the stairs. He wore his coat and a cap and as Diesel danced around, happy at the prospect of going outside, Tori had to chuckle.
“Let’s put our phones away,” she said, closing her door. “And eye contact is preferable if we’re going to get past this.”
Matt made a show of putting his phone in his pocket and looked her in the eyes. “Thank you, Tori. I don’t know what I would have done if you said I needed to leave.”
“I don’t want you to leave, Matt. I just want to know this has nothing to do with feeling sorry for me.”
Matt took her hand and nodded towards the stairs. “I mostly feel sorry for me because I’m trying so hard to make you like me.”
“I don’t know why.”
“Maybe I need a date for the wedding.”
“Now I know you’re kidding,” she took a deep breath. “I do like you. A lot. That’s why I was hiding in my room in embarrassment.”
“Let’s move past that as quickly as possible.” His eyes grew wistful. “I have wanted someone to love me as much as you loved Bob at that moment you didn’t realize he was leaving. I didn’t think your words were amusing at all, asking Bob where he was going. It broke my heart to see a woman who had the capacity to love so completely she still saw the good in the man she loved as he ran down the street.”
