The Battle

by t. h. snyder

  Shaking her head she tries to pry herself away from me, but I won’t have it.

  “Mike, let me go, I’m used to this kind of thing. I just never imagined I’d have a chance with you.”

  I’m heading into unchartered territory with this chick, but something in me says it’s worth it…she’s worth it.

  As I let go of her right wrist, I move my hand to grab her chin between two fingers. Leaning in close to her, I want to make sure I have her attention.

  “Traci, you’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not. I never should have left you that night, I should have been brave enough to tell you the thoughts running through my mind, but I wasn’t. I’m an emotional mess. What happened that night between us was incredible and I’m not saying I regret a moment of it. Did it surprise me, hell yeah it did. Maybe it was something we both needed, maybe it was something we both wanted. I walked away, that was my doing and I’m sorry for that. These past two weeks I’ve taken a lot of time to find me again. I know what I need and what I want. Just give me the benefit of the doubt here. I was lost trying to find something that was never mine to begin with. I see that now and I’m willing to find myself again. Give me time, Traci, that’s all I can ask. I’m not here to hurt you, but if you give me time for you to get to know the real me, we’ll see where this goes.”

  I watch her as she intently listens to every word coming from my lips. I’m being sincere, shedding a layer of my thoughts to her. If she can’t accept that, then there’s no need to for us to take a step forward.

  “I’m not expecting anything of you, Mike. Like I said, I’m used to being the fuck buddy for a night and then tossed out for the next best thing. All I’m saying is that I won’t be second best, I’m not Taryn and I’ll never be Taryn.”

  That’s it, I’m over the need to resist the urge, the pull she’s drawing from me. Without a second thought, I lightly press my lips against hers. As her breath hitches, I take advantage of the moment and slide my tongue along her lips and into her mouth. She moans against me as her warm body presses against mine. Deepening the kiss, I allow my fingers to tangle into her long hair. My senses begin to buzz and the need to have her close to me nags my attention to take her right here and now, but I can’t.

  Our moment is broken by the sounds of clapping coming from behind. My eyes snap open as I pull my hands from Traci’s hair and I look to see that we have an audience.

  Dan, Gus, and Birch all continue to applaud our actions while Traci places her embarrassed face against my chest. Not wanting her to feel ill about our moment, I gesture for them to get lost. Each man gives me a sly grin and turns their backs on us walking back through the large gym space.

  Prying Traci away from me, I look down into her eyes as we both begin to laugh.

  “I won’t say that I’m sorry for that. I couldn’t resist myself.”

  “I need to get to work,” she says staring up and into my eyes.

  “That’s fine for now, but we’re not done here. I have to work tonight, but I’m off tomorrow, how about I pick you up and take you out for an actual date. We’ll talk more…kiss less,” I reply with a wink.

  Her eyes grow big and she begins to blush.

  “Kiss less?” she asks.

  “Yup!” I respond with a smirk. “We have a lot to discuss and I’m not kissing you again until you listen to every word I have to say.”

  With a giggle she salutes me before turning on her heels and walking toward the desk. Our relationship may have started with a one night stand, but I can feel that there is so much more to come.

  Chapter 6

  Pulling up to her apartment, I mentally praise Jamie for giving me Traci’s number last night before I left the Cage. With the heat of our kiss and getting busted by the guys, my brain wasn’t even thinking that I’d need it to call her about today.

  As I pull the car into an available spot, I quickly check my reflection in the rear view mirror. My dark eyes have a look of need, want, and desire…why I’m not a hundred percent sure, but knowing I’m about to see her sends a thrill through my entire body. I’m still not exactly certain if this is a sudden case of infatuation or what, but I do know that I can’t wait to see her.

  Getting out of the car, I make my way up to her place, running my fingertips through my hair. My mind has been a tangled spider web since Traci walked away from me. I don’t know which way is up nor which direction I should be moving in. There’s a lot for me to focus on with the fights coming up, yet she’s taken me by storm. I’m nervous for tonight and I haven’t a clue as to why. It’s not like I haven’t taken girls out on dates before, there’s just something different about this one. I don’t know what to expect or if there’s anything to predict. All I know is that I want to get to know her better, make her understand that she’s more than just a random hook up…at least to me.

  Thoughts spin in a million directions as I try to figure out the mess that has become my life. If I want Traci to see things through my eyes, I need to come clean about everything, starting from the beginning.

  Walking toward her apartment, my fingers tips run along my palms that are now beginning to clam up. Wiping them onto the top of my jeans, I take the last few steps to her door. Fingers now clenched in fists next to me, I lift my right arm and push the door bell. Anticipation surges through me while my chest rises and falls beneath my shirt.

  A clicking sound pulls my focus to the wooden door standing mere inches from my body. As it opens I see one of the most beautiful sights. Long brown hair cascades around her face landing in soft waves beneath her shoulders. Our gazes meet, light blue eyes pouring depth into my soul as I will myself not to grab her and push her up against the wall. A smile forms against her lips as I continue to take in the rest of her body. She’s wearing a strapless blue dress that falls just above her knees with a pair of heels that make her legs look incredible. Traci look simply amazing and for tonight she’s all mine.

  “Would you like to come in?” she asks. “I’m just about ready to go.”

  Her voice is soft, delicate, and music to my ears. The pull I feel toward her right now is like nothing I’ve ever felt. The emotions that drove me toward Taryn were so different. I loved her, but in so many ways I’m beginning to feel as if it really wasn’t love at all.

  Following Traci into her apartment, my eyes focus on her curves as she takes each step forward leading us toward the kitchen. Turning on her heel, she catches me watching her.

  “Mike?” she asks with a sexy smirk.

  “Yea, I’m here,” I reply with a laugh. “Go finish getting ready, I’ll just wait out here.”

  Taking a few steps in my direction, her eyes never leaving mine, she rests her hands on my shoulders, leans into my body, and places her lips on mine. Biting down on my lower lip, a groan escapes me as I move in to deepen the kiss. As she pulls back, she gives me a wink and leaves me standing…wanting her even more than I had when she first opened the door.

  Dinner at the Crab House was delicious and our small chit chat even better. The banter between the two of us is uncanny, it’s as though we’ve known one another on a deeper level for years. Our personalities are in sync and she doesn’t let my sarcastic whit deter her feisty comebacks for a second. I enjoy talking with Traci and getting to know more about her. Although I know I need to tell her more about me, hearing her story and what has brought her to the Cage was enlightening. She’s a well educated woman, one with a dream and a vision. The confidence she shows in herself on the outside is strong, but the way she feels about herself on the inside needs an adjustment. Traci is a beautiful woman that I know could do anything she puts her mind to; she just needs to spread her wings and give herself a challenge. Maybe in time I can help her achieve her goals, but first she needs to set them and want them badly enough.

  Time, we all need it to overcome the thoughts that race through our minds and prepare for the greatness that is yet to come. She’s done something to me and I can’t quite put my fin
ger on it. Being with her makes me smile, my body longs to be against hers with a desire I’ve never felt before. If time is what we need to get to know one another better, then time is exactly what I intend to give her. I’m starting on a new road in my life and if things are meant to be, whether us as friends or more, I want to be there for her. I’m not expecting much, I know I won’t be her knight in shining armor that will sweep her off her feet, but I will make her a part of my life and move on from the hurt I once felt.

  All of us have a past, I get that, but I’m worried that telling her about mine may scare her off. It’s not like things were all that bad, but the obsession I’m now aware of with Taryn is enough to have her running for the hills. She may have been my lifeline, the one that I could always turn to, but the feelings I built up for her were unhealthy. I separated my life, longing to be with her. It was stupid, I was naïve and blinded. Now with open eyes, I’m beginning to see and understand the possibilities of a life I need and want to live.

  As we approach her apartment I know I need to spend some more time talking to her, I don’t want our night to end. Parking the car, I quickly slide out of my seat and rush to the passenger’s side to open the door for Traci.

  Extending my hand in to meet hers, she looks up at me and flashes her gorgeous smile. Her soft fingers graze the palm of my hand as she reaches out to me and I help her out of the car. With fingers intertwined, we walk in silence to her apartment. Previously at times like this, I would have been filled with anxiety, concerned about what my next step would be, but right now I know exactly where I am and what I want to do.

  We walk up to her apartment door, key in hand; she unlocks the door and leads me into her living space. I’m ready to share with her the hurt of my past and willing to do whatever I need to let this woman know she’s worthy of my undivided attention.

  Spinning her around in my arms, I walk us back up against the kitchen breakfast bar. A squeal ignites from her lips as I capture them with my own. She tastes like wine, passion, and Traci. A sensation overrides my body as I consume her mouth with my own. Sliding my tongue between her lips, I begin a journey I’ve been searching for all my life. No longer am I stuck between the lives of others, now is my time to be me and enjoy every inch of this woman I’m with right now.

  For a brief moment I break from our kiss, staring back to her as she gazes up at me through her long lashes. She’s beautiful in every sense of the word and I want to give her my all.

  “Come, let’s sit,” I say pulling her from the kitchen into the living room.

  She follows my lead as we approach the coach. Taking a seat, she rests down beside me, turning her body to face mine. I grab ahold of her hands and watch her expression turn from happy and blissful, to worried and torn. With my fingertips, I brush away a strand of hair falling forward across her face.

  “What’s wrong, Mike?” she asks in a concerned tone.

  Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead against hers and savor the moment. If what I’m about to say will shake her in any way, I don’t want to forget the way I’m feeling right now…happy.

  “I’m not a sappy, pour my emotions out kind of a guy, but I do want to tell you a little bit more about a few things. When we met up a few weeks ago, I was going through a rough time. I just want to make certain you know now that I’m here to be with you, no questions asked.”

  Her eyes widen as she moves her face away from mine.

  “I don’t understand,” she replies.

  Taking her hands in mine, I need to get this out. I want her to feel as comfortable with me as she has the past few times we’ve spent together.

  “Just let me explain, don’t interrupt, give me a chance to tell you my story. After I’m done you can make a decision for yourself whether or not you want to continue whatever this is we have going on…okay?”

  The skin on the back of my neck begins to prickle and my nerves send a shockwave through my body. Please don’t walk away from me. She nods and I tighten the grip I have on her hands.

  “Growing up I didn’t have loving and supportive parents like my friends. Instead, I lived with two grown adults that would have rather me stay at Hank and Trenton’s house than come home after school. They taught me how to feel worthless, lifeless, and as though I was a burden that no one would ever want. The only times I felt that I was really a part of something was when I was playing football, with the twins or Taryn. Their families became my family and without them I don’t know what I would have done.

  For years, I followed in the footsteps of my best friends. Knowing that I fit in to our tight little circle, I made a point to do everything they did. It’s what brought me to the Cage. Hank’s dad was all about the fights and he took us there whenever we wanted to go. It was a place I could see myself, if I’d just have the confidence to do what the men between the wires were doing.

  I started to form a love for the adrenaline, the sounds, sweat, and tears. It was a life I wanted more than anything and I fought hard to get where I am today. Between the guys and Taryn, I was one of them. They made me feel as thought I was a part of something when my parents turned their backs to me.”

  I stop for a moment, needing to take a second. Remembering the disappointment in my father’s face every time I saw him tore me down…but not anymore. I’m a man with so much to give and never want to make another human being feel the way they made me feel.

  “Taryn was the girl that hung with the guys, she was always around and I found myself, so I thought, falling in love with her as a teenager. I’m embarrassed now to say that I acted like a love sick puppy dog following her around everywhere she went. Yea, I hung out and dated other people, but the obsession I had with her for so long was wrong. Being with her made me feel whole, she acknowledged my faults and tried to help me overcome my weaknesses. If not for her and the guys I don’t know that I would be the person I am today.”

  Traci catches my focus as she stands to move from the couch. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t take into consideration her reaction to my words. My eyes follow her figure as she stands a few feet from me, looking down at me with hurt in her expression.

  “Mike, why are you telling me this? Are you trying to say that you’re in love with Taryn? ‘Cause if that’s the case then I don’t know that I can do this with you…whatever this is,” she states gesturing her hands between the void of our bodies.

  Feeling like a complete ass, I move to stand next to her, taking her in my arms.

  “No, that’s not it at all. I want you to know where I’m coming from and where I am now. Please let me finish.”

  Nodding, she moves back from my embrace and pulls me down to sit next to her on the couch.

  “I’m not going to lie to you and say that the feelings I had for Taryn weren’t strong, because they consumed me. I built up an unhealthy attachment to her, she was the one girl that grew into a woman whom I needed in my life. The night I saw you at Benny’s was a huge turning point for me. I may not have realized it at the moment, but learning that Taryn and Hank were together gutted me. Never in a million years would I have thought they could hurt me so bad. But looking back at it all, weeks later I realize that she wasn’t the one for me. I was living a life based off of what I thought I needed to do. Spent time with the three people who were all I knew as family. Since that night we met and spent together, I’ve done so much soul searching. I have a bigger plan in life, one that is going to help me move forward in a direction I want. No longer do I feel the need to follow Hank and Trenton, nor do I need to obsess over a woman that I was never meant to be with. You’ve helped me see so much in a short time, you have no idea. Emotionally I was a broken mess, but now I see what’s really out there. Because of you, I see that there are possibilities I never imaged.”

  Again I stop for a moment to calm my thoughts. She’s watching me intently, but I haven’t a clue as to the feelings spinning through her head.

  “Can I speak now?” she asks.

  U
nsure if she’s joking with me or being serious, I nod in response.

  “Thank you for sharing that with me. I really do appreciate that you felt the need to open up a bit to me. We all have pasts that at some point consumed us, yet still made us who we are today. It takes courage to see the error of our ways and as long as you’re willing to take the steps needed to move on, then I’m right here with you.”

  Feeling a huge sigh of relief wash over me, I grab ahold of Traci and pull her into my arms. I’m not sure where this thing between us may go, but I do know that I’m not closing the door on what could be.

  Chapter 7

  2 Weeks Later

  “It has to be done, Mike; you’ve separated yourself from two of the most important people in your life. Don’t think for a second that your training staff and coaches haven’t noticed. Your skills are there, you’re busting your ass, but I need you to train and go up against Hank and Trenton. Whatever you need to do to get your shit sorted out, do it. I need you three ready and in the best shape possible. You do realize the fights are coming up in only a few short months. Are you ready?”

  Sitting in Birch’s office I hear his voice, the words coming out of his mouth, but right now I feel like a five year old getting scolded by his father. This is a feeling I remember all too well, it’s as though I’ve disappointed him, even when I’ve been trying my best. Is it ever good enough, will I ever become the man that is good enough to make anyone proud of my struggles and accomplishments?

  “Lawdenski!” he shouts. “Did you hear a word I just said to you?”

  My head slowly tilts toward him, meeting a fierce set of dark brown eyes.

  Nodding in his direction, I begin to look away as he takes a step forward. Resting himself on the edge of his desk, his arms cross along his chest as his glare intensifies.