“You’ve got this,” he told himself as he washed down the tablets with a long swig of ice cold water from a bottle freshly sourced from his large refrigerator.
“Ready to kill it today?” Carl was already in the hallway, standing expectantly beside the door.
“You bet,” Jasper did his best to sound upbeat, but he knew it was just a matter of time until Carl clocked his beaten knuckles.
“Woah,” Carl reached out for one of his hands, turning it over to assess the damage. “What happened here?”
“I got a little over enthusiastic with a punching bag last night,” Jasper shrugged.
“I’ll say.” Carl agreed as he dropped his hand. Jasper waited for the anger, for the discipline, but Carl remained quiet. There was almost something approving about his silence.
“You’re not mad?” Jasper felt forced to prompt him for a response when one wasn’t readily given.
“No,” Carl shook his head and opened the front door. “If anything, it’s nice to see some of your fierce energy coming back. I was worried for a moment that you were spent.”
Chapter 33
Sadly, Jasper had no fierce energy left to give at the gym. He lifted weights, did squats, and jumped rope, but it all just felt like going through the motions. Perhaps his pain medication had made him overly numb. Feeling detached, he sat for a moment and wiped the sweat from the back of his neck.
“Your mind is elsewhere today,” his trainer noted, his tone lacking the harsh edge it usually held.
“Yeah,” Jasper agreed with a sigh. “Sorry.”
“What made you go mad at the bag like you did?” His trainer glanced at his bloodied knuckles. Jasper leaned back on the bench and shook his head.
“You don’t want to know.”
“That means it’s a woman,” his trainer laughed wryly. “Which also means I should know be berating you for letting the fairer sex get in your head. Once there, all they do is mess up your thoughts, and you need to be focused right now. But you already knew that.”
“Exactly,” Jasper agreed softly. “I already knew that.”
“I saw the fall you took during your last fight,” his trainer came and sat beside him. His perfect blonde hair settled naturally around his shoulders as it was free from product that morning.
Jasper lowered his head shamefully. The whole world saw the fall he took on his bad leg. Everyone knew he was ripe for replacement. It was one hell of a beast of burden, and Jasper struggled beneath it.
“There’s no shame is stopping when you’ve peaked,” his trainer said gentle, his voice low so that no one else could hear him.
“That’s not what you’ve said before,” Jasper challenged with a smile.
“True,” his trainer laughed. “But I’ve seen men push themselves so hard in the ring that they can’t walk by the time they are forty. And that’s no life.”
“But I’m not supposed to think about the future,” Jasper countered, “just the next match, the next big win.”
“But you are thinking about the future. Hence why you took that punching bag to task. You’re frustrated, Duboix, about more than your career.”
“So says you.” Jasper gave him a playful nudge.
“I’ve seen it happen before. If you find something beyond the ring that you care about, cling to it. Your career won’t always be there, but this other thing, it might be.”
“Carl would fire you on the spot if you heard you talking like that,” Jasper warned teasingly.
“True,” his trainer was nodding and laughing as he spoke. “But if I didn’t say this to you, I’d never forgive myself. That knee can still barely support your weight, but you’ve got another fight lined up for next week.”
Jasper grimaced at the thought of getting back in the ring so soon. He was starting to fear that the next time he went down, he’d never get back up.
“Just ask yourself if it’s worth killing yourself over,” his trainer advised. “Because at this point, I fear that’s what you’re doing.”
Jasper exhaled slowly. It was the first time someone had been so brutally honest and voiced the fears that constantly plagued his own mind.
“How about you take ten?” His trainer suggested brightly. “Go outside, get some sun.”
Chapter 34
Kait had walked twice the distance to the gym if she counted the number of times she’d changed her mind and started walking back only to spin around on her heel and continue towards the gym, towards Jasper. She had decided to give him one last chance to explain himself. One last chance to prove that she was right about him. Because she wasn’t sure she could handle being wrong about him all this time.
When she’d woken up that morning, her mind was made up. She would confront Jasper, and if he pushed her away yet again, that was it. But what if she was just making a massive fool of herself? Self-doubt crept in and began taunting her as she walked purposefully towards the gym, already wearing her lycra shorts and top with bright purple trainers.
She saw the gym in the distance – a huge glass building which glistened in the sun. Taking a deep breath, Kait sped up. As she neared the gym, she spotted a large figure sat on a bench outside, their head bent low. She didn’t need to get any closer to know that it was Jasper. She’d recognize his strong shoulders and bursting biceps anywhere. Slowly, she approached him, her heart hammering madly in her chest. She stood before him, blocking out the sun. Slowly, Jasper raised his head. She saw his eyes widen first with joy and then surprise as he clocked her.
“Kait!” He sat up straight whilst Kait remained standing. She placed her hands on her hips and took a long, steadying breath.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she began, her words tumbling too quickly from her mouth. “You’re thinking that I’m a desperate fool to come chasing after you yet again. And maybe I am. But I don’t want to be wrong about you, Jasper Duboix. I can’t believe that you’re this cold hearted asshole who would just push me aside in favor of his career. You’re better than this!”
Kait could feel herself getting worked up. Thankfully there was no one else around in the gym’s car park to hear their exchange.
“You really want us to end?” She demanded sternly. Jasper opened his mouth, but she didn’t give him chance to speak.
“Because I don’t believe you’re that…that cold! You sent me flowers, you took me out to dinner, and when we make love you make the whole world melt away! That means something to me, Jasper! Maybe not to you, but it does to me. And yeah, maybe I’m making a fool of myself right now, but at least I’m willing to do that for us!”
Kait was breathing hard. She was just talking at Jasper whilst he impassively watched her. But she didn’t dare give him a second to speak, not until she was done.
“I came here to fight for you, for us,” she told him fiercely. “Because I would fight for us because I believe there is something here worth fighting for. It destroyed me seeing you get hurt in the ring. Not because you almost lost the fight, but because I can’t bear to see you hurt. I care about you too much. I…I.”
Kait clamped her mouth closed. She couldn’t utter those powerful words not when the feeling might not be returned.
“Why do you treat me like you do, Jasper? Do you want to push me away in to the arms of another man? Is that what you want?”
She gave Jasper a mere second to respond which he didn’t seize.
“Because that’s what will happen! I’ll forget about the moody, mean fighter I once knew and find happiness elsewhere!”
Kait could feel her resolve weakening. She wanted to cry. To curl up in to a tight little ball and sob away all her sorrow. Turning on her heel, she sprinted away from him. He called after her, but just like the time in the park, she didn’t stop and come back. She couldn’t as she was now crying. She could feel her hot tears falling down her cheeks. As she ran away from him and back towards her apartment, she could only hope that she’d done enough to make him realize that he shouldn’t just thro
w her away. They had something special, something worth fighting for. And Jasper was a fighter; surely he could see something worth fighting for? Surely he couldn’t just walk away from that?
Chapter 35
“Are you ready to come back inside?” Jasper snapped his head around in the direction of his trainer who had just emerged through the glass sliding doors at the entrance to the gym. Looking back across the car park, Jasper could make out the golden swish of Kait’s ponytail as she disappeared from view.
“Everything okay?” His trainer asked in his perky American accent. Jasper sighed wearily and kept gazing out across the car park.
“Did I say too much back there?” His trainer asked, concerned.
“No,” Jasper stood up slowly and smoothed down his gym shorts. “You said just enough.”
“So what now? Are we getting back to it? There are some weights in there with your name on them.” His trainer was gesturing back towards the polished interior of the gym. Jasper could smell the scent of sweat and determination filtering out through the open doors. He could so easily just walk back inside and resume his daily grind of training. But Kait had just been there. He glanced at the spot she’d suddenly vacated as though spooked by some unseen specter. It was the second time she’d approached him at the gym. She sure had guts. Not many women would take on their man on his own turf like that.
“As much as I enjoy standing around doing nothing all day, I need to know the plan,” Jasper’s trainer quipped from nearby.
Jasper’s gaze flitted between the glass doors bordering the entrance to the gym and the long stretch of car park over which Kait had sprinted away, presumably heading back to her apartment.
“Earth to Jasper.” His trainer clicked his fingers to get his attention. “I need a decision, Duboix. I don’t get paid to watch you stare at butterflies all day.”
Jasper’s stomach knotted with indecision.
“So are we going back inside or what?” His trainer demanded impatiently.
Chapter 36
Kait wasn’t sure she’d ever felt so embarrassed in her entire life. What was she doing? She’d cornered Jasper for a second time at his gym and for what? To humiliate herself? Her cheeks were still burning as she hurriedly jogged back towards her apartment. She just wanted to be alone. Things were obviously well and truly over between them.
She was panting as she ran up the stairs, but she didn’t care. She needed to get behind the locked door and seal herself off from the world. Once inside, she leaned against her front door and slowly dropped to the ground. She was shaking from both nerves and adrenaline. Over and over she asked herself what the hell she was doing. She wanted to call Anna, but she knew her friend would severely disapprove of what she’d just done.
“You’re crazy,” Kait whispered angrily to herself. “He’s actually made you go crazy.”
At least she’d stopped crying though her cheeks were still damp. With a shaking hand, she wiped at them and willed herself to get up, but her legs felt leaden and reluctant beneath her. All she wanted to do was remain sat on the floor until it became dark outside. Then she might crawl over to her sofa and sit watching her favorite films whilst cradling a tub of ice cream. And she’d need the entire tub not just a bowl.
Behind her, the door trembled as someone knocked upon it. Startled, Kait scrambled to her feet. For a moment she thought she’d hallucinated the sound, but when it came again, she was certain it was real. Anxiety swept through her. Had someone seen her running back in to the building in an agitated state? Were they now coming to check in on her? What would she even say if they asked her what was wrong?
“Oh, I’m fine I just humiliated myself in front of the guy I was pretty sure I was falling in love with.”
Even thinking the word made her throat burn. How could she have been so very wrong about him? How could he not have felt it too?
Taking a steadying breath, Kait unlocked her front door and prepared to face whoever was standing there. She almost fainted in shock when she locked eyes with Jasper. His head was tilted apologetically towards her.
“You’re right.” His voice was so deep and rich when he spoke. For a moment, Kait could only stare at him, suddenly rendered speechless by his presence.
“Kait, you’re right.” He repeated.
“About what?” Kait squeaked. She wished she sounded as confident as he did. She sounded like a startled mouse.
“About us, about me, about everything.”
Kait pursed her lips at his vague response.
“I’m the guy who stood up for you in the car park!” Jasper was leaning towards her, his eyes wide and insistent. “I’m the guy who bought you flowers and took you to dinner! That’s the real me; that’s the guy I am! I don’t want to be this asshole that only cares about winning fights. There are more important things in life, Kait. You’re more important.”
“So, you’re saying I’m more important than your career?” Kait could hardly believe what he was saying as it was a complete contrast to what he’d told her all along.
“Yes!” Jasper told her, stepping forward so that they were so close their noses were almost touching. “I should have told you before, but I was stupid.”
“And stubborn,” Kait added though she was smiling now.
“Yeah, that too,” Jasper was also smiling. He leaned down, and their lips met. Electricity surged through Kait as she melted against him, her heart pounding deliciously as he swept her up in his strong arms. Their tongues hungrily roved together as they backed up into the apartment. Jasper kicked the door shut but didn’t disconnect from Kait. He pressed against her with such urgency that it was like he needed her kisses in order to breathe. His hands were starting to lift her shirt when Kait forced herself away from him and stepped back.
“I’m not…” she was breathing hard and struggling to speak. “This,” she gestured at the space between them. “Jasper, this can’t just keep happening like it does.”
“I know,” Jasper nodded as he expertly snaked a hand around her waist. “And it won’t.”
He leaned down and nuzzled against her neck. Kait wanted nothing more than to get lost in the delirious sensation it induced, but her mind was screaming at her to remain focused, to be logical. Jasper had hurt her one too many times. She wasn’t about to let him do it again.
“Jasper, what is this?” Kait demanded. “You say we’re seeing each other, and then you treat me like a booty call.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” The sincerity in his voice surprised her. “I’ve treated you terribly, and I can’t take that back. But please, know that I’m all in now. Kait, I want you. I need you.”
His words hummed in her mind. Words she had waited so long to hear.
“I need you too,” she admitted, becoming tearful. “But I can’t…I can’t just keep getting pushed aside. I need to be treated with respect, Jasper.”
“I know.”
“I need to be able to come to your fights and support you as your girlfriend.”
“I know.”
He was pressing up against her, his tongue tickling her neck. Kait wanted to resist him longer, to keep talking, but she was powerless against her body’s desires. When Jasper reached to take off her shirt, she didn’t stop him. As his hands cupped her breasts, she moaned with delight. This was what she wanted. She led him towards the sofa. The sofa where she’d previously planned on spending the evening alone with just ice cream for company. Jasper growled with approval as she slid out of her pants and then positioned herself on all fours, arching her back towards him. When he entered her, she gasped in delight. She could feel his entire, impressive length inside her. Jasper grabbed her hips and angled her towards him. Kait called out his name as her passion reached its climax.
Chapter 37
Kait woke up on the sofa. It took her a moment to realize where she was and why she was there. As she stood up, she noticed Jasper curled up beside her. Clearly they’d never made it to the bed the previous nigh
t. Wiping a hand across her eyes, Kait tried to wake up. Outside, it was starting to get light.
She remembered Jasper’s visit, how they’d ended up having sex again. But then things had been different. Jasper hadn’t just grabbed his things and left in a hurry. They had curled up on the sofa and ordered in a takeaway. Together they had watched an action film, and then on Jasper’s insistence started the sequel, but their earlier exploits caught up with them and they both fell asleep. Kait felt stiff from spending the night on her sofa. She stretched her arms above her head and started walking over to the kitchenette. Twice, she paused to steal glances at Jasper who was still resting.
Break Me (Caged Hearts Book 2) Page 8
