‘If he had been asleep, I don’t know if I would’ve done it. I ask myself that question every time I’m sober. If Aries was asleep, would I have gone through with my plan?’
‘Surely most people have thought about killing people they’re annoyed with,’ Kerry said, rubbing her arms.
She was kind. Trying to make me feel better wouldn’t work. I wasn’t right in the head sometimes. I knew that. The drugs were the only thing that stopped me from having those thoughts.
‘I don’t think they pick up a knife and intend to go through with it, though.’
‘Were you taking drugs?’
I looked down as I brought my hands together in front of me. The hairs on my arms were long and dyed blonde by the sun. My skin was tanned and rippled over the muscle in my forearm.
‘Yes, every day.’
Her feet shuffled. She wore sandals. Her toenails were painted green to match her dress.
‘Have you ever thought that it could’ve been the drugs?’
Shaking my head, I brought my gaze up to meet hers. Our eyes locked. I didn’t want pity or understanding, but the depths of her eyes offered both.
‘There’s no excuse for the way I acted,’ I said, shaking myself.
My phone buzzed with a text. I was pleased for the distraction.
‘You’re a drug addict. They make you do crazy things, Taurus.’
The text was from Cancer. Matt had gone into hiding because Nick knew that he had gone behind his back. It was a reminder of the world I lived in. A world that Kerry knew nothing about.
‘They’re not as bad as everyone makes out!’ I snapped. I got off the roundabout and gave it a push so she couldn’t follow me.
‘Hey!’ Kerry called as I spun away and left the play area.
Why did everyone blame what I did on drugs? I put my hand in my pocket to check that the baggie with the white powder was still in there. I froze when I realised what I had done. Only an addict would check their drugs straight after they denied a problem.
‘You can keep running away from your problems or you can face them. Either way, Taurus, I’m here for you if you need me.’ Kerry puffed the words as she ran to catch up to me.
Gritting my teeth, I turned to her. She put up her hand before I spoke.
‘Being a drug addict is not easy. I can’t even begin to imagine it, but you choose to take drugs every day. I never chose to be abused. I’ll tell you something, the thoughts I’ve had about killing my stepfather, are probably worse than yours.’
My mouth dropped open. When she put it like that, it sounded like I was a whiney boy.
‘I’m sorry about what happened to you.’
I genuinely was, too. My upbringing had been easy compared to hers by the sound of it. I had no right to complain about my life when she had suffered.
‘What you did, or didn’t do…it wasn’t great. But you’ve got to stop beating yourself up for something you thought of doing. If you got off the drugs—’
I spun away from her. She was preaching. She had been kind enough to listen to me, but I didn’t appreciate—
Something hit my back. I glanced over my shoulder. Kerry’s bag lay on the ground. Had she just thrown her bag at me?
‘I’ll stop,’ she said, holding her hands in the air.
‘Why do you even care?’
Her shoulders relaxed as she moved towards me. ‘If I’m really honest, I have no idea.’
I laughed. It started as a chuckle but built into full blown laughter. She bit her bottom lip as she watched me. The last week had been the weirdest week in my whole life.
‘I don’t even know what’s going on and the funny thing is, I’m not even high.’ I almost shouted as I held my arms to the sides.
I wanted to be, though. No matter how much I tried to resist the urge, it was building and building inside me. It wasn’t the urge to forget that drove me this time, it was the urge to remember.
‘Kerry, thank you,’ I said, pulling her to me for a quick hug. ‘I have to be somewhere.’
She smelt of strawberry. The scent of it wafted up my nose as I let her go. She shook her head as she smiled at me.
‘I owe you an agony uncle session!’ I shouted as I jogged backwards away from her.
Her hands were on her hips. The sun was behind her. I had made a new friend. Once I found out about myself and why I acted the way I did, I would repay her.
Chapter Fifteen
I watched her as she danced with her new husband. He laughed as she teased him. Her hair flew out behind her as he spun her around.
‘You shouldn’t be here.’
The whisper was welcome. I had been waiting.
My beloved’s father was the same height as me, but I was twice the breadth of him. It had taken me twelve months to build myself. I was finally bigger than him. My hatred for his trickery had kept me going.
‘You fooled me,’ I said quietly.
His chuckle was low. It sent heat throughout my body. I should have been dancing with the giggling woman. I should have been lying with her that night. Instead, I had an inn full of drunkards and the cold arms of a prostitute wrapped around me at night.
‘You were never good enough for her. She loved you, aye, but you couldn’t prove yourself.’
My arm was swift as I lunged into the air. I fell down onto him, the knife hitting its target, straight in the chest. The blade pierced skin and buried deep, sending a thrill right through the handle and up my arm. His mouth hung open. No sound came out as he slumped to the ground.
‘I loved her, aye. Love hurts, though, doesn’t it?’ I whispered to his dead body.
If I couldn’t have the one I loved, why should anyone else be happy? Turning back to my horse, I lifted the bow from my saddle bag. My heart was steady and so was my hand.
‘I will never allow anyone to be happy in love. This I swear.’ My whispered words were a vow to myself. Any person that I saw to be in love would cease to exist. Love hurt a lot more than not loving.
‘Nicklaus?’ her breathy voice carried to me.
I turned to see her at the edge of the clearing, standing between two bushes. The party continued in the background. The fire cast shadows over the remaining dancers. The singing covered the sound of the arrow as I drew it against the bow.
I ignored her. She was nothing to me. My sight set on her new husband.
‘What are you doing? Where is my father?’
The shadows were thick at my feet. She couldn’t see her deceased father lying on the ground.
‘What is that in your hand?’
The shooting practice in the dark had paid off. I lined up the arrow, squinted at my target, and let it fly across the clearing. Straight into his back. Directly into his heart.
‘Nicklaus!’ her shout echoed around me.
I turned to her as she ran for me. She tripped over her father’s legs and screamed when she landed on him.
‘What have you done?’ she cried.
Bending to her, I clasped her arms. ‘You were meant to be mine. No one can hurt as much as I’ve been hurt over you. I will not let others suffer because of love anymore.’
*
My breath inhaled sharply as I came to. The sofa held my weight. I had to shift because my arm had gone numb.
‘That’s what it was? You decided to keep people apart because you lost someone once?’ I sat up as I rubbed my face to clear the memory of the blood on my hands.
Nick’s chuckle was deep. ‘It started that way. Things always start out simple but grow into much more. What you just witnessed happened hundreds of years ago. The father of my beloved…that was Trevor.’
My father had stopped Nick from being with his beloved hundreds of years ago?
‘The look of disbelief on your face is a picture. You’re struggling to believe that this happened.’ Nick sat up slowly, gesturing for one of his men to hand us a drink.
I gulped down the vodka. It seemed to give the drug a kick. My head was buzzing.
I could run ten miles. In fact, I could run all the way home.
‘Well, this is the best trip I’ve ever had.’ I laughed, slapping Nick on the shoulder.
He frowned as his arm paused in mid-air. His glass was almost full. It seemed that Nick also liked to drink.
‘Is that what you think this is? A clever trick of the drug? Do you believe any of it happened?’
His grey eyes searched mine. I looked away from him, eyeing up the open bag on the coffee table. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I almost didn’t care either.
‘You search for the truth but you’re not very good at seeing it.’
His voice was tight. I glanced at him. He glared at me, causing the lines around his eyes to crease.
‘You expect me to believe that when I get high, I’m going back to another time?’
He smiled. It wasn’t a friendly lift of the lips, but a smirk.
‘Taurus, Taurus, Taurus…how you embody the traits of your star sign.’ Nick tutted, pointing at the earthy brown bracelet on my wrist. ‘What about that? Are you so disbelieving in that?’
The silver charm lay against the leather. The symbol imprinted on it was ingrained with dirt. I forgot it was even on my wrist most of the time.
‘Fall in love with an amazing girl. Heal the world. All is good. Is that what you mean?’
The sweet current that filtered through my veins made it hard to stay alert. If the others could see me now, they would slit my throat. Getting high with our enemy was stupid, even for me.
‘I see your guardians did a fantastic job of telling you about your mission.’ Nick reached for the bottle of vodka and poured us another glass.
‘I ban the word mission in my head. It’s so boring. And not real.’
I nodded my thanks when he handed me the drink. My head lulled onto the back of the sofa as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
‘Oh, how I wish I could show you the moment you agreed to come to earth yet again.’ Nick sighed.
‘Yes, please do. Then maybe I’ll actually believe you,’ I replied, kicking off my shoes when my feet started to pulse with my heartbeat.
‘No can do. It’s against the bloody rules.’
I spluttered my drink as I took a sip. ‘You play by the rules?’
Wiping my chin free of vodka, I waited for his answer. It didn’t come. Glancing at him, I was tempted to take advantage of his unconsciousness. One of his men was waiting nearby, watching me intensely.
‘If only I had the guts,’ I muttered, letting my head fall where it would as I slumped into sleep.
*
‘You knew how much I loved her,’ he spat.
My spine squeezed against the wall as he pressed his arm into me. I tried to pull air into my lungs as black spots attacked my vision from the side.
‘Why did you kill her?’
My young brother didn’t understand. I had to save him from heartache. What was worse? To lose her before he had been with her or let her rip his heart out?
He released me and I fell to the ground. The straw under my feet was wet from days of rain. The thunder rolled overhead. The castle had been shut up for the night. I needed to get inside.
‘Tell me why?’ he cried.
His cheeks were streaked with rain and tears. I had never seen my brother look so desolate. My heart tried to melt, but it was too late. I had been bitter for far too many years.
‘She would’ve hurt you far worse than I have.’
The explanation was weak. No one understood me when I tried to explain why I did what I did.
‘Liar! You’ve killed my heart!’ He launched at me.
I dodged away from him, skipping to the side.
I had wanted to escape before he caught me with her, but he had walked in too soon. She had enticed me. Lured me to her bed. I had gone willingly. Only to prove what I already knew. True love did not exist. Even after all these years, I saw the truth of what love was.
A trap. A way for a woman to get what she wanted. A way for a man to take pleasure, not caring about what could happen in the future. I had to save man from himself. The human race had become a slave to this one emotion.
‘She would’ve killed you. She took me to her bed, brother,’ I shouted over the icy rain.
If I could physically see a heart breaking, it was through his eyes. I wondered for a moment at the lack of guilt that I was left with. He would thank me in the long run.
‘It doesn’t pay to feel anything. You are free from what would’ve caused you pain!’
My words flew away on the wind. He shook his head. I didn’t know if he had heard me.
‘You, my brother, are dead inside,’ he called as I turned away from him.
He was right. My heart had stopped beating long ago. The myth of vampire had recently filtered through to the country. Was I one of them? A dead man, living off the living?
‘Until we meet again,’ I murmured, entering the secret door to the castle dungeons.
A man resided in the prison deep under the sleeping royal family. I had met him three days before at my inn. He told me that I had promise. That I could achieve great things.
‘Who goes there?’ the guard shouted.
The stone corridor was the perfect echo for my footsteps. The man followed me away from the iron bars that held my intriguing new friend.
‘What do you want?’ he ordered when I turned to face him.
His eyes widened when I held my bow high and shot him with an arrow directly in the throat. He stumbled to his knees, grasping the arrow between his hands. I stepped past him as he started to cough blood.
‘Who is that?’ called a frail voice.
The old man was crouched at the back of his stone cell. The storm thundered high in the skies above, making it feel like we were separated from the world outside.
‘It is I, the innkeeper from a few days ago,’ I replied, kneeling in front of the bars.
The man crawled over to me. He had told me that he was on his way to the dungeons to live out his days. When I asked him why he was going voluntary, he said that he had done some terrible things in his life.
‘Please, tell me what it is you have done.’ I was fascinated by the man. Something about him made me want to know him. To be him.
‘You came all this way to ask me what I’ve done?’ His chest was raspy as he drew in a breath.
I couldn’t explain the pull. It was like he was my teacher. A man that could show me who I was.
‘I can’t believe it,’ he whispered, grasping his chest. ‘It’s you!’
Frowning, I handed him a flask of water to clear his throat. Had I followed a senile old man? Did he just recognise me from the inn? Or was there something more to his words.
‘I met you at my inn. You—’
‘No, no! You’re the one taking over from me. I can’t believe that it’s finally time for my retirement.’
Yes, I had put my trust in a crazy old man. I accepted the flask back, leaving it on the ground between us.
‘For five hundred years I’ve been keeping them apart. It’s been fairly easy for me. Humans are not that advanced yet. The worst is to come. You can handle it.’ The man coughed again. Great gut wrenching coughs that made my stomach queasy.
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said, knocking my hood down to get a better look at him.
‘You’ve heard the stories of the bible. Good versus evil. God versus Satan. Blah, blah…’
I nodded, not really sure where he was going. Could I leave before he started lecturing me?
‘Man has twisted things along the way. It can’t be helped, it’s natural. However, you and I…we embody a power that keeps us going. We know the truth of love. It’s evil. Women are evil. Men are evil. Everyone is evil.’
His cackle of laughter echoed around the cell. He was mad. He was completely crazy. He spoke a language I wanted to understand. If he spoke the truth, then what I did was excusable. The way I slaughtered the people that cheated and lied
to their loved ones was acceptable.
‘You’re like me. You see what love does to people. It cripples them. It hurts them. It turns them into blabbering fools. We’ve been sent to earth to keep the balance. Too much love means that we won’t exist. You can never let too much love overtake the planet. If it does, evil will die out. Evil will cease to exist. We can’t have that in a world of polarity, can we?’
His words spoke to a deep part of my soul. I would never allow love to overtake. When that happened, I would cease to exist. Before that happened, I would carry on going until I could go no more.
Chapter Sixteen
Love had turned Nick into the person he was today. That technically wasn’t true. It was heartbreak that turned him into someone that wanted to destroy love and all that was good.
‘You’ve been disappearing off somewhere,’ Gemini said.
He was lounging on his bed. His shirt was undone, showing a toned stomach and a smattering of hairs. Why he always insisted on wearing a shirt was beyond me. When I chillaxed, I wore my no-sleeved T-shirt.
‘My mind isn’t really here at the moment.’ I picked up the red tie that rested on the dresser.
Sophie’s funeral loomed. Her family had asked me and Cancer to attend. Apparently, she had told them about us in the week that she had been with me.
‘I meant physically. I’ve seen you sneak off a couple of times. Where are you going?’
Gemini fiddled with his usually pristine hair.
‘To train,’ I lied.
He nodded, not doubting me. What else would I be doing with my time? He would never guess that I was getting high with our enemy. Flicking the tie over my neck, I began to thread it through.
‘Let me do that for you,’ Cancer said, coming into the room.
For once she didn’t cringe. There would usually be a cloud of smoke to greet her.
‘I’ve noticed you’re not smoking as much,’ she said, pulling on my tie to make it neat.
Shaking my head, I rubbed a hand over my face. ‘No, I’m cutting down.’
[Zodiac Twin Flames 01.0 - 03.0] Boxed Set Page 41
