She would not do that to herself.
Not tonight.
She took a deep, ragged breath and forced herself out of the car.
She would get the box. She would carry it straight back to the home office, store it on the top shelf of the closet, and she would forget that it was there.
Her hands trembled as her fingers curled into the open handles. The contents shifted as she lifted it, and soft things brushed her fingers. She stopped, closed her eyes, and swallowed the tidal wave rising up inside her. One day it wouldn’t hurt anymore. One day it wouldn’t feel like someone had punched a hole in her stomach and yanked out all her internal organs.
She turned and forced her eyes open. She went hot, then cold, and the box slid right out of her hands, scattering the contents at her feet as Jared pushed away from the railing on her front porch.
She knelt down and gathered up the pictures and memorabilia from her former life. She stuffed it back in the box without looking at it. He knelt down next to her, whatever smartass comment he’d had ready melting away as he studied the contents.
“Don’t.” She grabbed at the handful of photos he’d gathered up. She should have thrown all of this junk away. She’d never brought it home before because she didn’t want to risk going through it on the nights she didn’t sleep. She should have left it at the warehouse. She should never have kept any of it.
“Robbie looks like…”
“Stop.” She grabbed a photograph of Robert from high school. He and his best friends, Stefan Sellers, Ben Rogan, and Jackson Napier, grinning at the camera, filthy in their football uniforms but still ready to conquer the world. Robert was a year older than the others. It was the last time they’d played football on the same team. It was the last photograph she’d taken of them together.
“Let me help.” The gentleness in his voice burned her skin as he returned more stray items to the box.
“I do not need or want your help,” she gasped as he paused, his head snapping back when he saw the contents that had not fallen out of the box.
She lurched forward when he pulled out a small stuffed tiger wearing a purple LSU T-shirt. Agony split her skin as he ran his finger across the ‘Geaux Tigers’ embroidered on it. Robert had sent it to her the morning after she told him she was pregnant. The tiger had arrived with roses, balloons, and a card on which he’d written, for our little tiger.
The card was still attached to the tiger, along with purple ribbon and dead balloons. Jared flipped the card open, and Madlyn’s world turned inside out.
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this.
“Please.” The word was gouged out of her.
He paused, and she died all over again. She braced herself for a cutting remark that would flay her alive. Instead, and possibly worse, he placed it back in the box and replaced the lid. Without a word, he straightened, taking the box with him. She wanted to follow him, but she couldn’t move. She was rooted to the spot, on her knees, unable to breathe.
A moment later, warm fingers curled around her upper arm and helped her to her feet. He held on to her until she was steady. She stared straight ahead. How could she still be alive when it hurt this much?
He tried to touch her face, but she flinched. He dropped his hand. “Are there any more boxes?”
There was something so warm about the way he said that. The smug, smartass, cocky twenty-something was gone. She hardly recognized the man standing in front of her.
“Why won’t you let me help you?”
Help her? Really? No one could help her. It made those words all the more painful. The sincerity and concern in his voice almost finished her off. “Help me?” She had no idea what that meant.
He stepped closer. Too close.
“Step back.”
He was inside her defense perimeter. How had he managed that? No one got past her defenses. And how was she going to get him out?
“I want to help you.” Warm silky words spun all over her, making her want things she refused to ever consider having again.
“You can’t,” she said, wishing she didn’t sound so breathless and…defeated.
Jared had never seen anything like the expression on her face. Beyond pain and loss, he doubted it had a name. She wasn’t just drowning. She’d already drowned. Every protective instinct he’d ever felt for Jen Taylor paled next to what was rattling through him now. He was powerless to stop it.
Jared stepped back, giving her the space she asked for, but not moving far enough away for her to get by him. “You kept the stuffed tiger, but not the baby? That makes no sense. Why does your grandfather have custody of Robbie? Why is your sister raising him? Make me understand why you turn white as a sheet over a box of photographs and old baby clothes. Because it doesn’t add up.”
“You need to leave.”
It was the voice that prosecutors and hardened criminals both withered under. Even prison guards had been known to hesitate. It took serious control, but Jared held his ground and stared right back at her. He could taste her panic, so he fought to stay calm. “I want to help you.”
Real fury burned away the cold disguise, and she blazed at him. “You want to help? Fine. Go back and tell your brother he shouldn’t pimp out a boy to do a man’s work. I’m not into virgin sacrifices.”
A nuclear bomb could have flattened New Orleans and neither of them would have noticed. Jared took the hit, but her fury ignited his. “Pimp out?”
“I’m sorry, did I say pimp? I meant whore.”
He stepped forward, backing her toward the car. “That's the best you got?”
“No, it’s not the best I’ve got.” She just managed to hide her surprise when she felt the car at her back. Cruel words died on her lips as his face came right up against hers, blocking out the entire world and making her feel something impossible.
Then, when she should have been eviscerating him, he ripped her to shreds.
“I wonder what Robert thinks of the mother of his son. You think he’s proud, Madlyn? Do you think he likes that you gave his son away to a man like your grandfather? Do you think he likes how you’ve treated his sister?”
Paralyzed, she didn’t notice his hands fisting in her hair, or the way he’d pressed hard into her body. His mouth raked across hers, his teeth skating along her bottom lip. Fury and sex radiated off him and collided with the unspeakable pain the truth in his words was building inside her. She wanted to run, but she couldn’t move a muscle.
“How do you live with yourself?” His hands tightened in her hair and pulled her head back, brown eyes savaging over her. “You’ve got one shot. The next thing you say to me may be the most important thing you’ve ever said in your life. Tell me what is so bad that you let him turn you into this…this…monster.”
“Monster?” she echoed, panic searing through her. He was right. She was a monster. But monsters weren’t supposed to feel like this.
His fingers tightened in her hair. “Tell the truth, Madlyn. For once, be honest. Because I can smell it. I can taste it. I know the poison is there, but I can’t do shit about it unless you admit it. What truth is so bad that you make everyone hate you so you can keep it hidden?”
“Jared.”
“Just admit that it exists.”
His eyes scalded over her face. He didn’t go all smug and cocky this time. If anything, he was more determined. Madlyn’s skin rippled with chills, the soft hairs pulling tight all over her body as she realized he would never back down. Ever.
What was she supposed to do with that? She’d never met anyone she could go up against and…
Lose?
Her heart stopped as her self-preservation instinct geared up. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“So it really is all about Sellers? You want him for yourself, so you tried to destroy Jen?”
So much for his insight. Ridiculous disappointment choked her and she struck back. “Maybe you missed the memo, but I had Stefan.”
“
Oh, trust me, I’ve heard plenty about you and Sellers. Jen saw you with him at a party. Worst day of her life. It’s why she hates you so much.”
Madlyn closed her eyes. The look on Jen’s face that night was branded into her memory. Her stomach clenched with a familiar tight sickness. It had been necessary, she reminded herself, her nails biting into her palm. Sometimes you had to hurt people you loved to keep them safe. Even when it felt like you were having your intestines drawn while you did it. It wasn’t like she’d planned it, and it hadn’t even been Stefan. Jen had just thought it was and Madlyn had never bothered to correct her.
“But she got him in the end, didn’t she?” Jared’s laugh was bitter. “She won.”
That bitterness in his tone exposed his weakness, and Madlyn attacked without thinking. “It must be so hard for you,” she purred. He wanted to play rough? She could play rough. “Does it peel your skin off every time you see them together? What was it like walking her down the aisle and handing her over to him?”
His expression went dark, and denial turned his words bitter. “It’s not like that.”
“Oh, it’s exactly like that,” she flung back at him, determined to rip him wide open so he would leave. “Everyone knows how you feel about her. Everyone but her, of course. Stefan thinks it’s hilarious, by the way, he—”
“Bitch,” he breathed out. “You’re unbelievable.”
“I tried to help you, you know. I practically gift-wrapped her and sent her to Paris with you. You had her all to yourself in the most romantic city in the world for six months and you still struck out. You never even crossed her mind for a second, did you? That must sting.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice was too low and tight with anger. “Jen and I are just friends.”
She forced a bitter laugh. “Jen is just friends, but anyone can see that you want more. And Stefan, well, he called you the perfect watchdog. He appreciated you keeping other guys away while never having a chance at her.” She was quoting Stefan but completely out of context.
It did the trick. His jaw clenched and his fingers curled into fists at his sides. “I’m not in love with Jen.”
She almost believed him, but she still couldn’t stop that perverse little streak in her from chipping away at him. And it was his fault because he’d let her monster out. “How long did you practice that in front of a mirror?”
“I’m not in love with her.”
She scoffed, examining her nails. She was afraid she might have sprouted claws. “You sure about that?”
He didn’t answer.
“Hurts, doesn’t it?”
His expression turned mean. “I’ll bet all the time Sellers was fucking you, he was thinking about her, but don’t worry, babe. When I’m fucking you, I’ll make sure I say your name.”
Madlyn lost it then, worse than she had in recent memory, and she came out fighting. “When I’m fucking you, you won’t be able to form words, much less say my name.”
“Nice try,” he hissed at her. Closing the distance between them until his nose touched hers. “Do you think I don’t know collateral damage when I see it?”
Raw, undiluted fear flowed through her and she lost what little control she had left. The Red Queen took over. She reached down into that dark, cruel self that had helped survive all these years and let her monster fly.
“I get it,” she said slowly, her tone scathing. Losing had never been an option. She could be terrifying when she wanted to be. When you were raised by the devil himself, some of that got passed down, and she unleashed it all on him, full force. Her smiled turned sinister, and she felt him ease back from her. She stroked her fingers down his face before he could get away. The words purred out of her as her blood turned cold. “You want me, but you need to believe I’m not a monster so you won’t feel guilty about wanting someone so bad. I hate that for you, I do. Because I’m worse than a monster, and this is the last chance I’m giving you to walk away.”
He bounced away from her, his arms going wide as if trying to shake her off.
“No kiss goodbye?” she whispered, but the taunt sounded more ragged than mocking.
Then he was back. His hands tangled in her hair as he backed her against the car. He leaned over her until she was almost lying on the hood. Furious eyes bored into her, searching for some scrap of decency. His jaw was clenched, and he wasn’t breathing right.
And she wanted him. The simmering under her skin started to boil.
She fought to keep her eyes open as one hand slid around to the back of her head, his knee shoved between her legs as he held her hard against the car. His thumb teased that soft spot below her ear until her neck gave up the weight of her head. He dropped his face to hers again, his lips grazing across hers.
“Beg me,” he whispered against her mouth, his lips so close to hers she could already taste him and the mint on his breath.
“No.”
His tongue slid across her bottom lip, teasing at the corners until her lips parted. It triggered a nuclear reaction deep inside her, and everything she was started to melt.
“Beg me.”
“Kiss me,” she ordered with as much authority as she could instill in her shaking voice.
Then his eyes met hers, and his angry expression gave way to smug satisfaction. “Maybe next time. If you beg me.”
“I’m warning you…” She gave in to the urge to grab him back. “I’ll break you, Jared, and crush all the pieces.”
“You keep saying that…” he sighed, unimpressed. “Admit it.” He dropped closer to her, his mouth on her neck. “You want me, too.” His tone was all rough animal seduction.
She pressed her hand against the side of his face. His eyes closed. Heat burst deep inside her, and she forgot that she didn’t want to hurt him. She forgot everything except the way he tasted and smelled and that the world didn’t hurt as much when he was this close. She needed that. Needed him.
No.
She couldn’t live with that. She couldn’t live with what her need would do to him. “You don’t want to do this.”
His face turned, and he sucked her thumb into his mouth. “You’re right, but I can’t stop.”
“Once won’t be enough,” she warned him. “I’ll get in your blood. I’ll own you. I’ll use you up, destroy every good thing about you, then forget you.”
“You’ll try to forget me.” He bit her thumb. “But you’ll fail.”
“You think so?”
“I’ll prove it.” His mouth grazed across hers. “Starting right now.”
He stepped back this time, his smug grin flaying her all over again.
“I will never beg you.”
“Yeah.” He backed further away. “You will.” He grinned again as he turned away and disappeared into the moonlight.
She stayed frozen in place until she could no longer hear the engine of his SUV disappearing into the night. Then her breath returned to her lungs, but it was still a long time before she moved. Even longer before she slept. But at least she did not dream.
Jared didn’t sleep either. He stared at the ceiling, tossing a tennis ball into the air and catching it.
Kiss me.
Fuck.
He missed, and the tennis ball bounced across the hardwood floors of his loft. He turned on his sides and watched the bright yellow ball roll under a bookshelf.
Kiss me.
He groaned, closing his eyes tightly and wishing for sleep.
The sound of her voice when she said that to him, the liquid lust in her eyes…he’d never felt anything like the reaction that sizzled through his body.
Groaning again, he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling again.
He should’ve kissed her. Hell, he should have slept with her. He had no doubt she’d let him, despite what she’d said. And maybe then he could show her who would break whom.
It would soothe his ego and punish her for hurting Jen.
Except that he wasn�
��t wired that way. The idea nauseated him.
Then there was that box. All those photographs. That tiny stuffed tiger saved with the card still attached. Why would she keep that, then hand her baby over to her grandfather?
He stared at the ceiling fan turning lazy circles above him until he relaxed into a half-sleep. That’s when his brain switched on and everything he’d learned this evening collided with everything he thought was true.
The old man must have threatened her. It was the only thing that made sense. He’d given her an ultimatum, and the lesser of two evils was handing over her son.
What could possibly be that bad? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
Cold chills trickled down his spine, and he rolled out of bed, giving up on sleep. He stepped into a freezing cold shower that did nothing but make him shiver.
Nothing made sense.
And he should have kissed her.
Chapter Seven
Madlyn killed the ignition and sat back in the leather seat. She couldn’t believe she was considering this. She’d demanded a partnership because she was sure they would refuse. The contract Milton Marshall had offered her was beyond generous. She glanced at the brown envelope on the passenger seat. She hadn’t signed it yet. She’d started to a few times, but something held her back.
Fear, she admitted to herself. Fear of what her grandfather would do if he found out she joined a rival firm. She wanted to lash out at him for keeping her son from her, but she’d lashed out at him once before and lost everything. She wasn’t taking that risk again.
She grabbed the envelope. She paused when car brakes screeched a row over. A red convertible with its top up reversed, then parked. Recognizing the car, Madlyn didn’t move until Jen Sellers disappeared into the parking garage elevator.
Seeing Jen reinforced how crazy it was to consider this job. Marshall and Marshall had moved to Sellers Tower after Hurricane Katrina. Sellers Tower was home base for Sellers Taylor International, the company Jen’s and Stefan’s fathers had built into a small empire before Rob and Michelle Taylor were killed in a car wreck. The car wreck that their children had survived, until Robert had gone back to get his mother. The car caught fire and the explosion had burned Robert so badly he shouldn’t have survived the seventeen hours he spent in the burn unit.
The Fall of the Red Queen (Self Made Men...Southern Style Book 3) Page 7
