by Ally James
He moved into the living room to wait for her, hoping she didn’t return with her suitcase. About fifteen minutes later, she came into view, with her faithful companion trotting happily at her side. Trouble is smarter than I am. Maybe if I licked her hand? He couldn’t help smiling at that thought. Of course, that was the exact moment that she spotted him and halted in her tracks. “Oh—hello, I didn’t realize you were home.”
Her face was flushed and he knew she was wondering how long he’d been here. “I just walked in.” He shrugged. “Hey, how about we go out tonight? Feel like dinner at Maxi’s before we go shopping? I didn’t bother to get a Christmas tree last year since I was busy getting ready for my deployment, but I think we should rectify that, don’t you? Trouble will probably chew all the lights off it, but it’ll be nice while it lasts.”
She appeared stunned. She probably had no clue how to deal with him not only interacting normally with her but also suggesting an outing. The look on her face would have been comical, had it not been further proof of how shitty he’d been the entire time she’d been staying with him. I can do better, Sara, give me a chance.
“I—er . . . sure. If that’s what you want. Just let me change clothes. I’m covered in dog fur.”
He motioned toward what he was wearing. “Yeah, I need to do the same. What say we leave in about thirty minutes? Will that give you enough time?”
When he recalled how long it had taken Melanie to get ready, he wondered if he was rushing her. But she merely shrugged. “Sure, that’ll work.” She gave him a last perplexed stare before disappearing once again.
Only this time Trouble stayed behind. He ambled over to Gabe and nudged his leg, as if congratulating him on pulling his head out of his ass. “I know, buddy. You’ve been trying to tell me, but I’m a little slow sometimes.” He could have sworn the dog nodded. “You’re entirely too smart, boy,” he murmured as he scratched him between the ears. “Actually, you’re the brightest male in this house.”
Gabe spent a few more minutes with Trouble, then headed to his room. For the first time since Sara had arrived, he was strangely excited. It was what he’d expected to feel when they met in person. But instead they had been plagued by misunderstandings and mixed signals. And most of those lately had come from him. He’d put the ball in her court in North Carolina, and she’d passed it back to him by taking the flight to Alaska. She made the leap of faith, only he hadn’t been there to catch her. He wasn’t naive enough to think it would be smooth sailing. They were still essentially strangers. But neither of them could deny they cared about each other. She’d told her cousin that she’d fallen for him, and he’d been fighting the fact that he felt the same way about her. He didn’t know if what they had was a forever thing, but he did know with certainty that if he didn’t give them a real shot, he would always regret it. He only hoped he hadn’t already lost her.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sara felt as if she’d landed in the Twilight Zone. As she sat across from Gabe in Maxi’s, she couldn’t help thinking that he wasn’t the same man she’d been staying with. No, in fact, he was the Gabe she’d come to know in Iraq. The warm, funny, thoughtful, and caring version that she was beginning to think she’d imagined. “So what’d you decide on?” he asked as he looked up from his menu. If he thought it strange that she was staring at him, he didn’t mention it. In fact, he smiled, offering her a genuine expression. Not the fake kind he’d been using. What is going on? Pity date? And they were going to pick out a Christmas tree next. That was maybe the weirdest thing of all. She wondered if he was doing it for her benefit. She’d mentioned how she loved Christmas and how much fun it was to decorate the tree with Kaylee. The fact that he wanted to get one was oddly touching.
The past week had been a roller coaster of emotions for her, and she was more than a little overwhelmed by it all. Today was the first time she allowed herself to fully consider all that she’d walked away from to go to him in Alaska. Her relatives might not be perfect, but she’d always known she had a family to rely on if needed. Yet now, she wasn’t sure that was the case. They had every right to turn their backs on her, as she’d basically done to them. “Sara, are you ready to order?” When Gabe touched her hand, she realized she’d been lost in her thoughts and hadn’t noticed the waitress standing there.
“Oh, sorry,” she murmured and quickly selected the lasagna. “I don’t see Maxi,” she noted as she glanced around. She felt awkward and uncertain, which made it difficult for her to relax.
A fact that Gabe seemed to notice. Because when the server returned with a glass of wine, he motioned for her to put it in front of Sara, and he took the tea she’d ordered. “Listen, I know it’s been tense since you’ve been here, and I apologize. We could sit here and rehash everything, but I don’t think either of us is up for that.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose before continuing. “What I’d like to do, if you’re agreeable, is to start over. Try to get back to where we were during my deployment. There’s a reason we wanted to meet. We enjoy each other, and there are feelings there. Granted, we have to make the adjustment to being together in a more conventional way. It might not have been easy on us, but we’ve at least broken the ice this week.”
She wondered for a moment if he was joking. This was the exact opposite of what she’d been expecting. She had been ready to throw in the towel and return home because he’d been so cool and distant toward her. Maybe he had sensed it somehow. Because he was opening up to her—and did this mean he was giving them a real chance? Is that what I still want? “I’m scared,” she admitted. If they were going to attempt to restore their former bond, she needed to be completely honest with him. And if he couldn’t handle that, it was better to know now.
He leaned forward and put his hand over hers, giving it a squeeze. The gesture was unexpected and she assumed he’d release her, yet he didn’t. Instead, his fingers curled around hers as if it were completely natural. “So am I. Terrified, in fact. I’ve never done this, Sara. My parents and my sister are the only constants in my life, and I haven’t seen them in over a year. They might not be thrilled, but they’re used to me being a mostly absent son and brother. I’ve dated and had some short-term relationships, but they were never serious, nor was I unhappy to see them end. The Army has been my life, and pretty much my wife, for the last sixteen years, and I haven’t wanted to subject anyone to it. You already know I deploy and relocate on a fairly regular basis. It’s hard on anyone left behind. I haven’t been in that position personally, but plenty of my soldiers have, and it’s tough on everyone involved. Even knowing all that, I couldn’t stop myself from becoming attached to you. You gave me something I’ve never had before: a sense of belonging. I can’t give you a guarantee that this will work out. It hasn’t been smooth sailing thus far. But we’re still here. If you’re willing, let’s take it one day at a time, and see where it goes. Try to push the fears and bullshit aside, and be the Gabe and Sara who’ve spent the last seven months talking together.”
“Well, well, look at you two sitting here all happy and glowing. I’ve been wondering how things were going. Seems like they worked out fine.” Maxi stood next to their table with her hands on her hips, beaming down at them like a proud parent.
“Things are definitely looking up.” Sara smiled as Gabe gave her a wink. Her words were not only a response to Maxi but also her acknowledgment of everything Gabe had just said. His answering grin told her that he understood. She found herself relaxing and enjoying his company. They both made an effort to keep the conversation lighthearted, which meant a lot of joking around. And when they left Maxi’s, he took her hand and led her to the truck. She had to fight the urge to pinch herself to see if she was dreaming. This was exactly what she’d envisioned all those nights she’d lain awake and dreamed about being with him.
Shopping for a Christmas tree and decorations was the most fun she’d had in longer than she could remember. He urged her to pi
ck out whatever she liked. When she attempted to be conservative, not wanting to choose items that were so costly, he’d gone behind her and put everything in the cart that she’d admired.
She was studying the lights when he excused himself. She thought he was going to the restroom, so she was surprised when he returned with three red stockings. “I think you forgot something. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to piss Santa off by not being prepared. One for you, me, and Trouble. You know he’d be hurt if we left him out.”
In that moment, he reminded her of Kaylee. His expression was a mixture of sheepish and expectant. As if hoping for her approval, but a tad embarrassed at the same time. She didn’t have to pretend to be pleased at his thoughtfulness, because she was thrilled. Not only was it sweet, but it showed her more than words that he wanted them to be a couple. A tree was great, but what he’d done on his own was so touching. She swallowed past the lump that was wedged in her throat, knowing he might take it the wrong way if she burst into tears. “I couldn’t agree more.” She nodded. “I’m glad you thought of that. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without them hanging above the fireplace.” He laid them in the cart, then put his hand in the center of her back and rested it there while they finished.
He surprised her again on the way home by turning on the radio and finding a station that played holiday music. It was a perfect evening, and much different from the other ones she’d spent there. Trouble was ecstatic when he saw all the bags they brought in. They’d decided on an artificial tree, knowing it would be easier. So when Gabe sat the big box down without opening it, both her and Trouble were disappointed. He took his coat and gloves off, then turned to see her expression. He chuckled, shaking his head. “I guess you wanted to do all this now, huh?”
She knew he was tired after working all day, but it was hard to think of going to bed and waiting until tomorrow. “If you’re not up to it, I could do it myself. If you’ll help me open the box, I’ll take it from there.” Trouble barked once, as if volunteering his assistance as well.
“I can see now that I’m going to be outnumbered.” He scowled at his dog, adding, “Who’s fed you and picked up your poop for years now? I thought you had my back.” Trouble flopped down on the floor in a move that clearly said he was remorseful but still wanted to see the damn tree. “All right, let’s do this,” Gabe said, and got started.
Sara unpacked the decorations and tried to hide her smile as he cursed his way through the directions. “Need some help over there?”
“Hell no,” he mumbled, then flashed her a boyish grin. “Sorry. I keep putting these damn things in the wrong spot. Whoever heard of color coding something, then having all of them look alike? Is this yellow or orange?” As she moved to offer her assistance, he held up a hand. “Oh no, baby, this right here is personal. You stay over there because shit just got real. I’m going to war against this plastic monstrosity.”
Sara pumped her fist in the air, letting loose a roar that made Trouble jump. “Go, tiger, you totally got this. I believe in you. Winners never quit and quitters never win.” He smirked when her motivational chant finally ended. “Too much?”
Holding up two branches that didn’t appear to belong anywhere, he said, “You better keep going. Maybe sacrifice something to the PVC gods who made this crap. For this to actually look like it’s supposed to, we might have to promise them our firstborn.” He kept working as if he had no clue what he’d said. Our firstborn? She knew he was joking around, but still—images of her pregnant with his child flooded her mind. They’d never really discussed any desire for children, and now certainly wasn’t the time. But what if? She didn’t know how long she stood there daydreaming, but she was abruptly pulled back to the present when he shouted, “The enemy has been defeated.” He motioned her over and put his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. “Behold the beauty of this masterpiece.”
So sexy. Kiss me. As they admired his handiwork, she longed for him to do more than hug her. Considering how timid she’d been during her few sexual experiences, it was hard to believe that she wasn’t nervous with him. Anticipation and desire far overshadowed any anxiety she might have. And unlike the reserved stranger he’d been since she arrived, this was her Gabe—the man she’d been in love with for months. “It’s perfect,” she whispered, and it had little to do with the tree before them and everything to do with him.
Even though she would have been content at that point to snuggle on the couch for the rest of the evening, Gabe’s renewed enthusiasm was infectious. She put the hooks on the ornaments, and he hung them. A few times she had to chase Trouble through the house when he pulled something off and ran with it in his mouth. Luckily, they’d anticipated that very thing and had purchased all nonbreakable items. When she returned to the living room with the snowman she’d wrestled away from him, Gabe was standing on a stepladder waiting for her. “Think we’re finished.” He rearranged a few lights near the top as he said over his shoulder, “Angel, if you’ll hand me the star, I’ll put it up.”
“Angel?” She hadn’t realized she’d said it aloud until Gabe flipped around slowly to face her. He appeared almost embarrassed, which she found fascinating. Oh my God, what if he accidentally called me the wrong name?
That horrifying thought had barely flitted through her head when he said, “I guess I should admit that I—gave you that nickname after you sent me the picture of you and your niece playing in the snow while I was in Iraq. That’s how I came to see you, Sara. You appeared in my life seemingly out of nowhere and made it so much better. It was the toughest deployment I’ve ever been through for a variety of reasons. And you . . . you became the beautiful angel who saved my sanity on the long days and nights. Every time I needed an escape, I looked at that photo. To me, it wasn’t rabbit ears above your head, but a halo. When I was so physically and mentally spent that I didn’t know how I’d deal with the seemingly endless months ahead of me, you soothed me. Made me smile and see each day as a new opportunity to hear your laughter and see that gorgeous face.”
She tried to blink the tears away, knowing they would make him uncomfortable, but it proved impossible. “Gabe,” she sighed, putting a wealth of emotion into his name. Trouble approached her and dropped a toy Santa at her feet, as if apologizing for upsetting her.
“I really suck at this,” Gabe joked weakly. He stepped down from the ladder and took her into his arms. She slid hers around his waist and they stood there, finding comfort in each other. His hands rubbed her back, and she thought she felt him drop a kiss onto the top of her head a couple of times. She didn’t do an all-out ugly cry, but if that would keep him close, she was willing to try. “All better?” he asked as he pulled back to survey her face.
She nodded shyly, thinking, Kiss me, dammit. And he did—on the forehead. So close. The lips, Randall. A little lower. It didn’t happen, and she couldn’t really complain. He held her as they watched It’s a Wonderful Life. When it was over, he surprised her by getting their boots and coats, then returning with a comforter to bundle around them. “What?” she asked sleepily, thinking maybe she was dreaming the entire thing. But the cold air hitting her face a few moments later let her know she was definitely awake.
She shivered and buried closer into his side, as Trouble voiced his displeasure at being left inside. “I know it’s freezing, but it’s clear tonight and I wanted you to see the Northern Lights.”
Intrigued, she looked up at the sky, expecting to be awed, but instead there was nothing more than some milky-looking clouds present. She thought she detected other colors, but they were too faint to detect for sure. Obviously, Gabe was wrong about it being clear. “We can try it again tomorrow,” she murmured, not wanting him to hear the disappointment in her voice. She’d seen so many magnificent pictures of the bright dancing lights, and what she was seeing wasn’t even remotely close.
“Here, try this.” Gabe laughed softly as he handed her a
camera.
She shrugged as she brought her hands up to grasp it, thankful he’d had her put on her gloves as well. It took a moment, but suddenly everything changed. The camera lens brought to life a scene that took her breath away. Shades of green, purple, yellow, orange, red, and blue shimmered in the night sky. “Oh my,” she hissed in wonder. “Gabe, I see . . .” Her voice trailed off as she stared, mesmerized by the sight before her.
Gabe leaned closer as he said, “They say human eyes often can’t see the faint colors of the aurora at night. But this type of camera doesn’t have those limitations. I bought it right after I moved here on the advice of the locals, and it’s been worth every penny.” Sara would have likely remained spellbound on the porch until she froze to death had Gabe not ushered her back inside. They discarded their outerwear and rushed to the fire to warm their hands in front of the flames. Then he pulled her down onto the sofa next to him, and she cuddled into the warm curve of his body. “Thank you,” she mumbled sleepily. Lying with her head on his chest, hearing the beat of his heart, Sara knew that every moment in her life had led her here, to this man. Against all odds, their paths had intersected. Whether he was her final destination, or a stop along the way, she didn’t know, but she’d never been more excited to take the next step than she was now.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Gabe stood in the kitchen waiting for Sara. They’d both fallen asleep on the sofa the previous evening, and he woke her after two for bed. He’d wanted nothing more than to take her to his room and make love to her, but he didn’t want to rush things. He figured she was dealing with enough shock from the sudden turnaround he’d made in his attitude toward her. And he didn’t want her to know that it stemmed from the phone call he’d eavesdropped on. That had been an extremely private moment for her, and he felt like an ass for intruding on it. Yet had it not happened, she might well be on her way home.
