by Ian Doescher
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
HAN
—What is it, thou Wookiee?
[Chewbacca finds a piece of meat hanging from a rope.
CHEWBAC.
—Egh. Egh, auugh!
HAN
I do not understand, Chewbacca. It
Is just a piece of meat, and nothing more.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
LUKE
—Nay! Pray, patience!
[All are caught in a net and raised into the air.
HAN
—Wonderful! The ones
Who wish’d to find become the ones found out,
Who wish’d to net a princess, netted are,
Who pray’d to find her, find themselves now prey.
And why? Because the one who thinketh least
Hath thought with appetite and not with mind.
LUKE
Since fault of thought hath got us to this place,
Let us be calm, and reason our way out.
Canst thou reach my lightsaber, Han?
HAN
—Indeed!
[Han Solo tries but cannot reach the lightsaber.
R2-D2
[ aside:] Once more it lies in me to save these men.
Mayhap a fall upon their rears shall serve
Them well. Now quickly to thy work, my blade!
[R2-D2 begins to cut the net.
C-3PO
R2, dost think that wise? ’Tis far to fall!
LUKE
Down, down, we fall!
HAN
—Alack!
C-3PO
—O, R2!
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
HAN
Safe from the net, yet hard upon the ground.
Although my mind is grateful for the help,
My back doth cry for vengeance on the droid
Whose foolish act hath knock’d us flat.
Enter EWOKS , including TEEBO, surrounding the others.
LUKE
—But look,
How many furry beings are there here!
O brave new world, that has such creatures in’t!
[Teebo points his spear at Han Solo.
TEEBO
U jabbeh, jabbeh,
Ussah stabbatheh,
Unoh muvva,
Gabbeh, gabbeh.
HAN
Avaunt, thou scruffy flea-infested imp—
Point not thy spear toward my angry self,
Else thou shalt know the scourge of blaster fire.
LUKE
I prithee, patience, Han—all shall be well.
TEEBO
E hura hura,
Heeno scura,
Heesa tempurr,
Gura, gura.
LUKE
Chewbacca, give thy crossbow unto them.
Let them believe they have the upper hand,
And we shall see of what the beasts are made.
C-3PO
[ rising from the fall:] Alas, my head! What pains I must endure.
But O—what creatures do surround us here?
TEEBO
U hadoo, hadoo,
Heesa gadoo,
Heesa mytee,
Gadoo, gadoo.
C-3PO
A treeto treeto,
Meesah greeto,
Houdi dootee,
Seeto, seeto.
LUKE
C-3PO, dost comprehend their tongue?
C-3PO
Indeed, my master Luke! Recall that I
Am fluent in more than six million forms—
HAN
Less prating, more explaining, droid. What didst
Thou say to them, when thou didst speak e’en now?
C-3PO
“Hello,” methinks. ’Tis possible I am
Mistaken. They employ a primitive
And ancient dialect, but it appears
They think of me as like unto a god.
R2-D2
[ aside:] O heaven help us all. C-3PO
Already thinks himself divine, and needs
No congregation further. [ To C-3PO:] Beep, squeak!
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
HAN
O Lord most high and reverent, thou gold
And stainless deity, call on thy pow’rs
And godlike charms, and straight divine us all
A way beyond this situation. Aye?
C-3PO
Nay, Gen’ral Solo, ’tis not proper.
HAN
—Proper?
You shall for sure discover what is right
And proper, when I blast apart thy frame.
C-3PO
Lo, ’tis forbidden, Gen’ral Solo, for
E’en droids aren’t masters of divinity.
HAN
Thou fickle spirit! Deity or not,
I shall a spiritual experience
Enjoy as I do tear thee limb from limb.
[The Ewoks surround and threaten Han Solo.
TEEBO
Na goo, na goo,
Heesall na doo,
Heesall beest ill,
Ya doo, ya doo.
HAN
Pray pardon, jolly beasts. Nay, fear me not—
’Twas but a jest, for he is my old friend.
[The Ewoks bind Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, and R2-D2 and take them to their village, with C-3PO enthroned.
LUKE
Now are we ta’en unto their simple homes—
Plain huts of wood with branches for their roofs.
A simple tribe are these, yet wise as well—
With neither guns nor lightsabers they snar’d
A pilot skill’d, a Wookiee brave and strong,
A Jedi Knight, and two most earnest droids.
’Twas quite a catch for such a humble net.
And now, like spits upon a fire we’re hung.
But what transpireth next? We’ll see anon.
HAN
My feelings are o’ercome with thoughts most dire:
They ready for a feast, but where’s the food?
Do they not know I shall a poor meal make?
No supper may be cook’d from Han’s firm flesh,
For smuggler meat is all too hard and tough.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
TEEBO
E krandeh krandeh,
Thessah mandeh,
Thessah kuukah,
Gandeh, gandeh,
C-3PO
Ad toyum toyum,
Lessum goyum,
Nossah dootis,
Noyum, noyum.
HAN
—Prithee, tell me, droid, what did he say?
C-3PO
O, it is rather an embarrassment
Good Gen’ral Solo. It appears that thou
Shalt be the main course at a banquet in
My honor. I am quite asham’d, good Sir,
And promise I shall not enjoy the meal.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
[Ewoks begin playing drums.
EWOKS
[ singing:] A gunda gunda,
Thissa funda,
Thessa burna,
Kunda, kunda.
Enter PRINCESS LEIA.
LUKE
—Leia!
HAN
—O, my heart! My precious one!
My Leia! Now may I go up in flames,
Since I have seen thee safe and well again,
Belovèd.
C-3PO
—Royal Highness!
LEIA
—What is this
That doth transpire here? Luke and Han bound up?
[Leia approaches but is stopped by Ewoks.
[ To Ewoks:] Nay, do not hinder me, my newfound friends.
These goodly men are dear to me, they are
The closest that I have to family.
Pray, still your doubtful, cautious minds, and I
Shall show ye that these people mean no harm.
/>
C-3PO, thou somehow art enthron’d,
Which doth suggest thou hast some sway o’er them.
Serve thou as translator, and tell these imps
To free our brave companions from their bonds.
C-3PO
[ to Teebo:] I rooktah rooktah,
Nowyee looktah,
Lessem freeum,
Booktah, booktah.
[The Ewoks continue their preparations for the feast.
HAN
It seemeth that thy kingly words did fall
Upon their peasant ears a little less
Than royally.
LUKE
—Good 3PO, relay
To them that if they shall not heed thy words,
Thou wilt astound them with thine anger fierce,
And ply thy magic on them.
C-3PO
—Magic, Sir?
I know not what you mean. I have no magic!
LUKE
I prithee: argue not, but tell them now.
C-3PO
[ to Ewoks:] No gosh, no gosh,
I yami bosh,
I uzzee prahnkh,
E boomabosh.
[The Ewoks stop momentarily and then resume their preparations.
O, see’st thou, Master Luke? They paid no heed,
As I suspected they would not, the brutes!
LUKE
[ aside:] Now Force, come flow within, around, above.
Raise up the droid upon his wooden throne,
And let these creatures think he is their god,
A’raging in his anger. Let them shrink
And cower in their fear, and be so mov’d
That they shall do his every command.
C-3PO lifts up above the ground
And is quite terrified to be so high.
But frighten’d as they are, they do not see
Their god is yet more petrified than they.
They scatter to and fro and up and down,
For here’s a sight they ne’er have seen before:
A being flying sans the use of wings.
O work thy power, Force, be thou my aid
And constant strong companion in our need.
Success! The creatures now are quite convinc’d,
And move with haste to free us of our bounds.
C-3PO doth lower into place,
And now we all are free—O thank the Force,
That mov’d in me so I could move the droid,
And move these creatures to release us all.
[The Ewoks unbind Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca. An Ewok frees R2-D2 and R2-D2 shocks the Ewok. The Ewok runs away.
R2-D2
[ aside:] Now come ye back, ye scurvy, furry things,
I’ll shock ye all for your abuse of us.
HAN
O mistress mine, to see thee brings me joy!
Draw nigh and plant upon my lips a kiss.
LEIA
Luke hath secur’d your safety with his ploy—
No sweeter meeting can I wish than this!
[Han Solo and Princess Leia kiss. Wicket approaches R2-D2.
WICKET
W’goodo, goodo,
Whoosah yoodo,
Yoosah speccul,
Hoodo, hoodo.
LUKE
[ to C-3PO:] My gratitude profound, C-3PO.
C-3PO
Forsooth, I never knew ’twas in me, Sir.
LUKE
These little creatures may have value yet
If they our allies in this fight become.
I need thine aid now to convince them so—
I prithee, 3PO, make known to them
Our dire adventures ’gainst the Empire vile.
C-3PO
I know not, Master. I am not a bard
Who can with skillful tongue his story tell.
LEIA
But try, C-3PO—the tale relay
In their own language.
[The Ewoks gather and listen.
C-3PO
—All the world’s at war,
And all the rebels in it are the heroes;
They have their battles and their skirmishes,
And rebels in these scenes have play’d their parts,
Their story being seven ages. First,
Our princess that was captur’d was then sav’d,
But Alderaan did pay the costly price.
And then the Death Star battle, with its guns
And awful loss of life, like speeder bikes
We flew unto the final vict’ry. Then
To Hoth, so barren, with a woeful ballad
Compos’d for our lost comrades. Then to Bespin,
Full of strange imps and fearful twists of fate.
My master fac’d Darth Vader, quick in quarrel,
While Lando, Chewie, and the princess just
Escap’d the cannon’s mouth. But then our Han—
In fair trim belly with good humor lin’d,
With eyes severe and hair of scruffy cut,
Full of harsh tongue and modern instances—
Was plac’d in carbonite. The sixth age shift’d
To Tatooine, a lean and lonely place,
With Jabba there to give us all a fright.
The sarlacc vicious was a world too wide
For us to spend eternity within.
We turn’d again to Master Luke, who with
The Force did save our lives. Last scene of all,
That ends this brave eventful history,
Shall be the Empire’s fall t’oblivion,
Sans pow’r, sans hate, sans fear, sans ev’rything.
[The Ewoks discuss the story.
HAN
What do they say?
LEIA
—I do not know.
LUKE
[ aside:] —I sense
The keen nobility within their hearts;
These small but mighty creatures shall yet be
Our help as we make battle ’gainst our foes.
TEEBO
Na doonga doonga,
Tymee soonga,
Weesa hilpuh,
Loonga, loonga.
C-3PO
’Tis wonderful! A sign of deep respect
The group has given us, for we have been
Made members of their honorable tribe.
Moreover, they shall aid us in the fight
Against the Empire and its bunker here.
[All embrace, and an Ewok hugs Han Solo.
HAN
’Tis verily a dream come true for me.
[ Aside:] And now, unhand me, teddy, ere I scream.
R2-D2
Beep, whistle, squeak!
LUKE
[ aside:] —This joyous scene doth stir
My soul, for since my presence here is but
A danger to my friends, I must depart.
[Exit Luke Skywalker.
LEIA
But wherefore doth Luke flee when we should all
Be celebrating? I shall follow him.
[Exit Princess Leia.
CHEWBAC.
Egh.
HAN
—So the proverb says, Chewbacca: “Help
That is but short is better than no help
At all.” Though how the furry beasts will help
I cannot yet imagine or conceive.
C-3PO
The Ewok chief reports the scouts shall show
Us to the place that generates the shield
For the new Death Star. There we may fulfill
Our plan: deactivate the shield anon.
HAN
Well done, C-3PO, now quickly heed
Mine every command: first have them tell
Us how far distant is the place. Then be
Thou sure that, second, thou dost ask for fresh
Supplies. And fin’lly, get our weapons back.
But wherefore dost thou wait, thou simple droid?
Unto my tasks—I shall not wa
it for thee!
[Exeunt Han Solo and Chewbacca.
C-3PO
He cannot wait, but will not let me do’t!
[Exeunt.
Enter Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia on balcony.
LEIA
I prithee, say: what is the matter, Luke?
LUKE
Between who?
LEIA
—Nay, the matter on your heart.
LUKE
Say, dost thou of thy mother yet retain
A memory? I fain would hear thee tell.
LEIA
But little, Luke, for I was all too young
When she departed to her resting place.
LUKE
Yet what dost thou remember? Wilt thou share?
LEIA
’Tis mostly images I see within
My mind when I do think on her, just as
The reds and oranges that one doth see
When one hath look’d upon the shining sun.
She was a woman of great beauty who
Was kind, yet nurs’d some sadness deep within.
Now tell me, wherefore dost thou ask me this?
LUKE
No mem’ry have I of a mother’s touch,
Nor kindness, sadness, smile, or any speech.
’Twas not until but recently I thought
Upon my state of being motherless.
LEIA
What troubles thee, dear Luke?
LUKE
—Darth Vader’s here,
E’en now, upon this very forest moon.
LEIA
How dost thou know?
LUKE
—I felt his presence here.
He cometh seeking me, for he can feel
When I am near. This is why I must leave:
As long as I remain I do the group
And our good mission put at risk. Instead,
My destiny it is to face the man.
