by Luca Veste
‘You not having another one?’
‘No, I can’t. I’m not finished yet, remember? Got to keep myself on the straight and narrow. Don’t want to screw up like you might have.’
‘Cheers for that,’ I said, but smiled, sensing the attempt to lighten the mood. I wasn’t even sure I’d done all that badly in the exam, but it was enough to make me wonder if I’d just wasted three years of my life, only to fall at the last hurdle. It seemed wrong somehow, to make everything dependent on the last few weeks of a student’s career. Sadistic, if anything.
‘Anyway, him and Michelle, what’s going on?’
I looked back at Stuart, who was telling the women some kind of story. They were all around twenty, twenty-one, which surprised me. He usually went after first and second years now, as the older students had all heard his tall tales by now. ‘I don’t know. I think they’ve been off and on again more times than Ross and Rachel. Did you see that by the way? Apparently Joey accidentally proposes to Rachel after she has the baby . . . ’
‘Matt, you know I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Right, right,’ I said, chuckling to myself. ‘I forgot it’s all about the serious programmes for you. Honestly, you were much more interesting when we used to watch Power Rangers and wrestling. Anyway, as I said, I don’t know what’s going on with them two. It seems like they’re just back and forth all the time.’
‘They’ll work it out,’ Chris replied, handing over a note to the barman and lifting his glass of coke up. ‘Cheers to you, by the way.’
I lifted my own pint and clinked it against his soft drink. ‘I can’t believe that’s it. All done. Got to start thinking about the real world now. Getting a proper job.’
‘You’ll find something quicker than any of us.’
I began to disagree, when I noticed a couple of blokes entering and stopping in the doorway. They nudged each other and pointed towards Stuart. I rolled my eyes and poked Chris in the arm. ‘Look, here comes trouble.’
Chris tensed up and turned towards the two men walking straight to Stuart. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but judging from the pointed fingers and chests being puffed out, I didn’t think it was anything good.
We didn’t need to say anything. We placed our drinks back on the bar and walked over towards them.
‘. . . sniffing around something that doesn’t belong to you.’
‘I don’t belong to you,’ a woman from the group protested, as we reached them.
‘Listen, lads, there’s nothing going on,’ Stuart said, his hands up in defence. ‘I was just talking.’
‘What’s the problem?’ I said, standing next to Stuart and sensing Chris moving to my side. ‘Everything okay here?’
‘You his mate?’
‘I am.’
‘Same,’ Chris said, but his voice was quiet and even I could hear the fear within it. I glanced at him and he was already sweating. Still, two against two was still good odds, I thought.
‘Well, you need to get your mate out of here before I knock his teeth in,’ the smaller of the two men grunted. He was half a foot shorter than me, but his friend was about the same going the other way. I imagined they were called little and large by people behind their back.
‘No need for that,’ Stuart said under his breath, but he seemed to want to avoid anything further.
‘What did you say?’
‘I said, you’re welcome to her, lad,’ Stuart replied, a smile appearing on his face. It didn’t reach his eyes though. He reached down and picked up his jacket. ‘Got no interest in used goods. Come on, let’s go.’
I could have done without the jibe at the blameless woman, but I was just glad Stuart was backing down.
‘What did you say?’
‘You heard me,’ Stuart said, walking past the bar, grabbing his drink and downing half of his pint in one go. ‘Got more important things to do than stand around here and have a pissing contest with you.’
‘Yeah, run along little boy. Before you get your face smashed in.’
My shoulders fell as I felt Stuart bristle as we came close to him. He stopped in his tracks and began to face them. I looked at the door and wondered which one I’d end up fighting, while Stuart took the other and Chris rang the police or something.
I opened my mouth to speak, but Stuart was already moving.
Only, it wasn’t towards the two men. It was towards the door, as Chris gripped him by both shoulders and marched him out of the bar.
‘Come on,’ Chris was saying, not breaking stride and pushing the door open. I followed them out, not looking back. ‘They’re not worth it.’
‘We can’t back down from them . . . ’
‘I’m not joking, Stuart,’ Chris said, not letting up on the pace as we walked away from the pub and onto the university square. ‘We’ve got more to lose than those no-marks.’
‘They can’t get away with that,’ Stuart replied, his voice low and angry. He was red in the face, his body looking like it would explode at any moment. ‘No one talks to me like that.’
‘I know, I know,’ Chris said, trying to keep the peace as I fell into step with them. I patted Stuart on the back, but he didn’t seem to feel it.
‘I’m serious, Chris. They’re not going to get away with it.’
‘They won’t, I agree, but not now, okay? We need to think about our future right now.’
Stuart seemed to calm down as we continued to walk, Chris placating him the whole way, telling him what he needed to hear, while also making sure he was far enough away that it wouldn’t reach the ears of the idiots we’d left behind us.
I didn’t see that side of Stuart often – none of us did. Chris was the only one who could calm him down. All of us had tried over the previous three years, but he was the only one who had any success.
We didn’t see the two lads again. University was over within a week or so after that night.
Stuart would talk about them though. Every day after that, still unhappy that he hadn’t taught them a lesson.
I spent that week wondering if he would lead us into something we couldn’t handle.
Thirty
I ran upstairs, out of breath by the time I reached my phone. It stopped just as I reached it, the screen turning black. I checked the missed call.
A number that wasn’t stored in my phone. I checked the time and was about to dismiss it as a telemarketer, then rejected the idea. Even they tended to wait another hour or two before bothering me.
I took the phone downstairs, deciding to Google the number before calling it back. As I typed it in, the phone rang again. I answered instantly.
‘Hello?’
A woman’s voice I didn’t recognise came on the line, sounding tired and as if she had been crying. ‘Matthew?’
‘Yeah, who’s calling?’
‘Sorry for ringing you so early,’ she said, sniffing and seeming to compose herself. ‘It’s Val, Michelle’s mum.’
I was sitting down without realising, as my legs gave out beneath me. There was silence, but it took a few seconds before I realised she was waiting for me to talk. I cleared my throat. ‘Okay, erm, is something wrong?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Val said, clearly trying to keep herself calm. ‘Michelle was supposed to come here yesterday. She was in a right state when she called me and said she’d be coming over to visit. Tried to hide it of course, like she always does, but I could tell. Anyway, I was a little worried because she’s been a bit off for a couple of weeks now – well, even longer than that, but that’s not important. When she didn’t turn up, I tried ringing her back, but I haven’t had a reply at all. I’ve messaged her, so has her sister. And her aunty. No one has heard anything. Her sister has just driven up to her house and there’s no one there. I’m just a bit worried now. She called me the other day and said if anything happened to her to call you and she gave me your number.’
I tried to remember Val’s face, but it wouldn’t come to mind. We
had met a couple of times when we were younger, but I couldn’t see it now.
My mind was trying to drag me away from what was happening in that phone call.
‘Right, I see,’ I replied, scratching the back of my neck with my free hand and trying to keep my voice from cracking. ‘I spoke to her yesterday and she seemed okay. She mentioned about going over to yours as she’s been feeling a bit under the weather. Maybe she’s just sleeping it off?’
‘Her sister said her car wasn’t outside and she knocked loud enough to wake the neighbours but no answer.’
‘Right . . . ’
‘Do you know where she might be?’
I tried to come up with an answer that might give her some comfort, but struggled to think of anything. Tried to come up with a thought that might give comfort to me. Failed at that too. I went for platitude. ‘I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she’s stopped off at a friend’s and just crashed out. It’s only early – she’ll call you soon enough, I’m sure. I’ll try and ring her myself and see if I can get hold of her.’
‘I don’t really know any of her friends . . . ’
‘That’s okay, I know a few,’ I said quickly, wanting the phone call to be over. Wanting so much to tell her everything. Knowing what was at stake. Michelle, alone, out there somewhere. In danger. If I said something now, it could be over. I could save her. Only I knew it was too late. That this was it. I could stop it now, just by saying something, but I couldn’t. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t do it. Instead, I swallowed and tried to sound normal. ‘I’ll get in touch if I hear anything. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do.’
‘Okay, no problem. I’m sure you’re right. It’s just . . . you never stop worrying, you know. Even when your kids are older. I’m sure you know that.’
I murmured an agreement, then ended the call after saying goodbye. I stared at the phone for a few seconds, picturing Michelle as I’d left her.
I’d left her. Alone.
This was on me, if something had happened to her. And there wasn’t much that was dissuading me from the thought that it had.
I navigated to WhatsApp on my phone and sent a few messages. Chris, Nicola, Alexandra. Time was, we had a group chat going on the app, but that had ended a year earlier. No one posted anything on there, but I checked Michelle’s name on there and looked for when she had last been online.
Not since the previous afternoon. I checked the time on it – only thirty minutes after I’d spoken to her.
She was in trouble. Or she had been and I was far too late.
I had to resist the urge to throw my phone across the room. I gripped it tighter in my hand and heard a guttural sound in my throat. I scrunched my eyes shut and shouted in frustration.
I think I would have stayed in that position for a long time if my phone hadn’t started ringing again. The display blinked into focus and I saw Chris’s name on the screen.
‘Hey,’ he said, after I answered. ‘What’s . . . what’s wrong?’
I swallowed down the emotion and tried to talk. ‘It’s Michelle.’
I tried to ignore the rapidly forming lump at the back of my throat and faltered through an explanation of the phone call I’d just had from Michelle’s mum. There was no holding it back any longer and I let go.
‘We waited too long,’ I said when I was done. I was past sadness, past fear, now I was just angry. ‘If we had just gone to the police yesterday . . . ’
‘Hold up, we don’t even know if anything has happened to her yet,’ Chris replied, his voice raising, exasperation, worry, fear more apparent than ever. ‘Maybe it’s how you said it. She could have gone somewhere else, or just be sick or tired. Something like that.’
‘You really think that? Even after all this? She doesn’t have anyone else, Chris. She had us and we’ve let her down.’
There was silence for a few seconds and I could almost hear the cogs turning in Chris’s mind as he tried to come up with another reason. Anything that didn’t put the blame on our inaction.
‘We’ve got to do something,’ I said, the phone gripped tightly in my hand now. I could feel the anger and frustration threatening to boil over and tried to control it. ‘We can’t just sit here and do nothing. She’s our friend and she’s in trouble. We have to do something. Now.’
‘Mate . . . ’
‘It’s time, Chris,’ I said, as firmly and calmly as was possible. I didn’t think I quite managed it. I realised I had one hand in my hair, gripping it hard. I let go and forced myself to breathe in and out slowly. ‘Who’s going to be next? What if it’s you or Nicola? What if it’s Alexandra? There’s no time for this anymore.’
‘Listen, sit tight, I’ll be round in a minute.’
I opened my mouth to protest, but the phone had already gone dead. I stared at it for a few more seconds, then laid it on the arm of the sofa. I realised I must have sat down there at some point, but wasn’t sure when. Sat there as the TV in the corner played BBC Breakfast on a low volume. Waiting.
Chris arrived in fifteen minutes. Entered the house without the smell of expensive aftershave following him. ‘You look like you’ve not slept,’ I said, once we were in the living room. ‘What’s happened?’
‘I went home yesterday and spoke to Nicola,’ he replied with a sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, which was unkempt and the very definition of the term ‘bed-head’. ‘I was up most of the night trying to talk her out of coming round here and beating some sense into you, as she put it.’
I tried to remember a time when I had seen Chris in anything but a well-kept way. He always looked like he’d just stepped out of a shower and spent an hour getting ready. That morning, he looked as if he’d just had a night on the booze and slept in a doorway. There was no smell of alcohol, so I took him at his word. ‘She didn’t take it well then.’
‘Of course she bloody didn’t. She can’t understand why this has all been brought up again, so long after it happened.’
‘You know the answer to that,’ I said, feeling the anger bubble up again. ‘Did you tell her about Michelle before you came here? About her going missing?’
‘Are you kidding me? I left her getting ready for work. I didn’t want to make it any worse. Honestly, hours we were going over it all.’
Something dawned on me then. ‘You agree with me, right?’
Chris hesitated before he answered, then sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Yes. Yes, I do. You’re right. There’s no way Stuart or Michelle would have a red candle in their home. Stuart wouldn’t . . . you know. And now Michelle. I’m scared.’
I put a hand on his shoulder. ‘It’s gonna be okay. We can get through this.’
‘I just wish he would show himself. Instead of these . . . these games.’
‘We spent a year pretending that Mark Welsh’s body just disappeared of its own accord. I think we always knew this time would come. It’s the only way.’
‘But only if everyone agrees,’ Chris said, staring at me now. I could see the lasting effects of the previous night’s conversations with Nicola burning in his bloodshot eyes. ‘We do this together, or not at all.’
‘We need to find Michelle.’
Chris swallowed and then nodded his head. ‘I don’t even know where to start.’
‘Alexandra was here yesterday,’ I said, waiting for a reaction of surprise from Chris, but he didn’t show anything. ‘She’s been thinking about things a lot.’
‘About you and her?’
‘No. She’s been trying to find out who the man in the woods was.’
‘Right. And how has she got on?’
I talked him through what Alexandra had told me. Then, about my own investigation. About the online message boards that covered the Candle Man story and the possible murders. He didn’t interrupt until I told him about meeting someone at the services.
‘You met someone from the internet on your own?’
‘Yeah, in a public place, Dad.’
He smi
led at that, but it didn’t last long. I told him about the conversation, but it wasn’t until I mentioned the fact I thought he’d met with Stuart that he finally sat down.
‘Jesus . . . ’
‘I know,’ I said, sitting down in the chair opposite where he was sat on the sofa. ‘This guy was weird, Chris. Like, creepy weird.’
‘You don’t think he’s . . . you know?’
I shrugged. ‘I’m not sure what to think anymore. There’s something not right with that guy, but I could just be paranoid about everything right now. It’s not like I’ve been sleeping well and this is all just…’
‘Crazy,’ Chris finished for me. He sniffed and shook his head. ‘When did life get so complicated.’
‘Probably just after we killed a guy.’
He stared at me for a second or two and then nodded his head. ‘Right. Yeah, you’re right. I just . . . I just want things back to normal, you know?’
‘I do, but I don’t have any other idea how to get back there without trying to get help elsewhere. It just makes sense. But what should we do about Michelle?’
‘I don’t know. We can’t go to the police yet. Not until we convince Nicola and Alexandra that it’s time. Hopefully with what’s happened with Michelle, that’ll change. I’ve got no idea where we would even start in trying to track her down.’
‘It’s probably too late.’
I opened my mouth to argue with him, but I didn’t know what I could say that would change his mind. I knew it anyway.
We were too late. She hadn’t made it to her mum’s house. That meant she had either decided to hide somewhere else, or was already gone. Missing or . . . worse. Those were the only two options I could see. If it was the latter, nothing we did could save her now. If it was the former, by trying to look for her, we could simply be leading a killer to her hideout. I sighed and bit down on my lower lip hard enough to make me wince in pain. Ran my hands over my head and held them at the back of my neck. ‘We can’t do anything unless we’re all on the same page. Police-wise, I mean. We have to talk them into it.’
