by Addison Jane
“You expect me to just accept this, Kace?” I ask my bottom lip quivering as I take all of his words in.
He shakes his head, finally taking a step back and allowing me the space I need to take a breath.
I’m freaking out. “Please, just get out,” I plead, unable to fight any longer.
Kace scrubs over his head with his hand, and I catch a glimpse of the man I knew before. The darkness has released him for a moment. He looks up at me, his eyes softer now. I have to fight the urge to go to him.
“Lily, please. You can trust me. I promised I would tell you, and now you know.”
I push off the wall, walking on unsteady feet toward the door. My hand shakes as I reach out and grasp the handle.
“Now you can promise me one more thing,” I murmur as I turn it, stepping to the side as I pull it open and brace myself against the wall. “Stay the fuck away from me.”
“Lily…”
I shake my head. “Please, Kace.”
“If you talk about this to anyone it could get all of us killed.”
“Don’t worry, I plan to forget this even happened!”
We stare at each other for a moment, he studies me as if to check whether I’m going to crack and spill. The air between us that once seemed so clear is now clouded with fear. As upset as I am, I feel I need to give him the reassurance that he needs. “Your secret is safe, but you need to leave.”
He frowns and exhales, his nostrils flaring with a hint of anger? Remorse? I’m unsure, but he nods and I watch as he walks forward, each heavy step seeming to pound the stake further into my heart.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
I may not have known who this man was before, but now that I do, all I can think about is how badly I want him to take it back. I was right, Kace is dangerous. Even more dangerous than I’d first anticipated.
Darkness swirls around him like storm clouds.
And inside I ache to be the sun that will push them away and give him what he needs.
But I’m not sure if I can.
He looks over his shoulder at me as I close the door behind him, making sure the lock’s flicked securely before I allow myself to drop to my knees and shatter. The tears flow freely as I sob, gasping for air, but feeling like it’s just out of reach.
Because it left with him, leaving me broken and suffocating.
As the door closes behind me, my stomach sinks while my chest heaves. The guys look at me and shake their heads as the soft sobs of Lily echo through her door. The ache in my chest is almost crippling as I remember her face, and how hurt and confused she looked. I know what I do is crazy and well, an unbelievable occupation, but I told her the truth.
I’m an Operative, and I’m one of the good guys. I just hope in time she can see me for who I really am, and that my darkness doesn’t drown her. Because she’s the only good thing I have right now and losing her will mean I’ll sink back into the black abyss. I’ve got blood on my hands, and I can’t say honestly that I know that innocent people haven’t lost their lives in the crossfire. I can’t say that every mission we’ve been on was successful, that we hadn’t lost civilians, team members, friends, family. I can tell myself every day that what I’m doing is for the good of my country, for the people around me who continue to live their lives in peace because of our operation. I can try to justify what we’ve done, think about the lives we’ve altered, the ones we’ve saved. But the truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever escape the destruction and death I’ve seen. I’ll never be able to hide from images, the sounds, the smells. It’s too late for that.
But she was my glimpse of light, pulling me through the dark haze, and now that I’ve had a taste of what life with her could be like, I’m not sure I can give her up.
Especially now she’s in obvious danger.
Thank God I left Daisy with her tonight.
Lily’s sobs are increasing as she falls apart behind the closed door. My body slumps as I turn instinctively to head back in to ease her pain.
“Kace, we got shit to finish. I’m sorry, man,” Luca expresses placing his hand on my shoulder stopping me from breaking back into Lily’s apartment.
Clenching my eyes shut, I know he’s right. Dammit! I wish he wasn’t, but I need to find out what’s going on first.
“Kace, I know it’s got to be hard leaving her, but whoever it was in there is injured, and not coming back anytime soon. She’s going to be okay. We need to report in,” Axel states breaking me away from my thoughts, his tone more sympathetic. Where Luca is a free spirit, getting laid when needed and making jokes, Axel has a family away from business, people he cares about, so he’s a lot more understanding. I nod, knowing I’ll be able to return soon and watch out for her before I turn and walk away with the three members of my team who I know will always have my back.
Mrs. Henderson pops her head out of apartment four and looks at us as we walk past, her eyes turn to Eli and practically pop out of her head. I can understand why, he’s a mountain of a man.
“Oh Lord, you’re massive,” she calls out.
“Thank you, ma’am,” Eli says back to her. She giggles and her cheeks turn bright red, making her crow’s feet even more pronounced when he winks at her.
Luca chuckles and Axel rolls his eyes. I guess there’s humor in the situation, but I don’t find it funny. My thoughts are solely on Lily and how she’s alone and falling apart after what happened, and then me dropping the bomb to top it off about my job—her head must be spinning.
We walk to the end of the hall and file down the stairs toward the waiting van. “I’ll drive, you’re too on edge, and we all know how you drive when you’re like that,” Luca quips, and I huff.
“Whatever, just get me to the boss.”
He nods as we step into the van, and he drives at what seems like a fucking snail’s pace toward the National History Museum. It’s getting close to two in the morning, so I know the Museum will be closed. We’ll have to enter via the back way. Which is good considering how we’re all dressed tonight.
Luca finally arrives and drives down into the underground parking lot and pulls up in our designated parking space. We file out and walk over to the elevator. Axel pushes the button three times, waits for the light to turn green, then pushes it once more.
“I should check on her,” I say reaching for my cell.
“You should give her time to let it sink in.” Luca places his hand over mine stopping me from dialing her number.
Sighing, I grit my teeth as the ding of the elevator makes me look up to see the rusty doors open with a shudder and a loud squeak as we walk in. The doors close and Axel opens the box on the wall pressing his thumb to the pad.
“Welcome back to The Agency, Axel.” The digital voice echoes through the elevator, as we all turn around to watch the back doors slide open revealing a stainless steel, much cleaner and high-tech looking elevator. We all take turns stepping up to the retinal scanner which checks the unique patterns of our retina blood vessels, then we step inside. Once we’re all in the door closes, and we start our journey up inside The Agency.
“So you actually told her?” Eli asks in his deep tenor.
I tense up knowing that this is a huge issue for the Seven.
“She won’t be a problem,” I reply.
Eli and Axel both tense the muscles in their neck and grit their teeth.
“Kace, I know you like her. But this is strange. Especially for you. You’re the leader of SO7, and you, above all of us know the importance of keeping our work covert. This puts her and us in danger. You can see that from tonight. She’s obviously already on a hit list. You need to find out why,” Axel conveys, and I nod.
“Oh, I intend to.”
The elevator opens, and The Agency is brimming. Usually at two in the morning the offices would be a little quieter, but there seems to be more people on the floor tonight. We step out and into the main building, the expanse is large taking up the entire floor. There are
open plan desks and a level of raised offices to the left. Which is where the boss’s office is located. Her office is encased in wall to ceiling bullet proof glass with a ramp that leads up to her doorway with a black metal railing.
The four of us walk the floor and everyone nods at us as we pass. We’re well respected in The Agency. This is the second to top floor, there’s another five levels below this one, and one above. But even I don’t have access or clearance for upstairs. The Loft is for Agency officials—our superiors basically. And a boss I am not. I might run my unit, but I don’t run The Agency.
I glance over at boss’s office, and she’s outside talking to Blair, another member of SO7. Boss’s mahogany hair is pulled back into a tight bun as always, and her dress suit worn impeccably. She always looks the part of an Agency official. It’s difficult to believe she’s a ruthless killer under all the charming makeup and clothes. She too was an Operative and worked her way up through the ranks. Something I’m hoping to do too.
Her eyes drift, and she notices the four of us walking toward her. She raises an eyebrow and gestures for us to go to her. We quicken our pace because if there’s one thing you learn fast around here, it’s do what the boss says and do it now.
“Boys, I’m glad you’re here. Some more reporting has just hit my desk on the complete failure of the Roberto Cavaleri mission. The reports will be on your desks momentarily. What a monumental fuck up that was! But I will not get into that with all of you right now. Kace, my office!” she chides.
I exhale and roll my eyes as Luca winces and pats my back. My feet feel heavy as they step up the ramp toward her pristine office. There’s not a thing out of place. It always looks as though she does absolutely nothing. But, of course, I know she works harder than most of us. The office is decked out with a giant glass and metal desk, and all the furniture is modern with an almost warehouse-like feel to it. Everything is made from metal and iron, except for the sofa, which is a sleek white three seater. She closes the door behind me, and my shoulders slump feeling heavy knowing I have to talk to her, not only about Roberto but also about Lily.
“Kace, I know you’re struggling at the moment. Life has thrown you some curveballs. But you need to be better than this. Losing Roberto was a massive fail for The Agency. We can’t lose assets, Kace. How do you think our other assets are going to regard this? They’re going to believe that we can’t protect them, and they’re going to stop giving us the intel we desperately need. Then do you see what will happen? Do you?” She raises her voice, and I look down to the floor feeling utter remorse. I should have been protecting Roberto. Instead, I was protecting Lily. I know I fucked up, but I’m a torn man, and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing right now.
“I fucked up. I left my post for a moment. I know this is on me. I’ll take the punishment however you see fit, boss.”
She exhales and steps closer to me, her familiar perfume that I’ve known for so many years fills my senses and brings forth so many memories. She reaches out placing her hand on my shoulder. “Kace, stop! I’m not going to punish you. I should. I know I shouldn’t show favoritism, and I don’t really... you made a mistake. I realize that. But Kace… it can’t happen again. You can’t make choices in this life. You have a mission. You stick to it, no matter your thoughts regarding it. The mission is there for a reason, whether you understand it or not. You know that right?”
Sighing, I nod. “I know. I’m sorry.” I look up into her familiar eyes and a lump forms in my throat as I stare at her. So many memories flood my mind, and I swallow hard.
“I know why I’m here, and what I have to do. It’s for the good of the country, for the sake of the world. I won’t let you down again… I promise… Mom.”
She smiles and nods. “Good. I know you won’t. I know you did all you could to save Roberto, but you can do better. I didn’t train you to fail. Failure is not an option, Kace.”
Nodding, I grit my teeth. “No, you trained me to kill.”
I can’t help but think about Lily and what she must think of me right now.
Maybe… I am a monster.
Maybe… I should stay in the dark.
“I hate that this has brought so much blackness to your life, it was never meant to be that way. It was supposed to be about saving people, rescuing them. You’re a good man, Kace. Your father would be so proud of who you’ve become and how you’ve grown. You’re so much like him.”
Slumping my body, I sigh. “Thanks, Mom.” I lean in and pull her to me for a hug. I don’t care that everyone out on the floor can see us. They know she’s my mother so they won’t be bothered by this public show of affection.
She leans in kissing my cheek. “I only want what’s best for you. I hand-picked you for this team because you are the best. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re strong, stronger than you know. You just need to focus.”
She pulls back from the hug, and I nod. “I know.” I can’t help but think about how much I’ve allowed Lily to get inside of my head and distract me lately. I’ve lost my focus. It’s made me screw things up. It’s more than obvious Lily wants nothing more to do with me, so maybe I need to just let her go. For the sake of both of us. For my job, and for her safety. Sure, I’ll watch out for her still, but maybe I’ll leave her be. My chest hurts just thinking about letting Lily go, but maybe, just maybe, this is the best option for both of us right now.
Mom looks at me raising her eyebrow. “Is something on your mind, Kace?”
Exhaling, I think about telling her what happened with Lily—that I told her my secret, that I sold out the Seven—but what good would it do? It would only make Mom ridiculously angry and probably jeopardize my career.
I know the guys will keep it to themselves.
For now.
I’ll probably have to tell her at some stage, but right this second I don’t have the strength.
“Just thinking about Dad. It still hurts. I miss him.”
She swallows hard and frowns looking down to the ground. “I miss him, too.” She sniffs taking a deep breath then looks up like she isn’t fazed. She’s a tough woman, and she acts like nothing bothers her, but I know Dad’s death must have hit her hard. Even though to everyone else it looked like she coped well, I’m sure she must have been breaking apart on the inside. You don’t marry someone and stay with them for so many years only to be fine when they die tragically.
Sure Mom acts unyielding, even around me. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her cry, but surely she must… right? She’s never moved on since Dad’s passing. Although it’s only been three years, she could have started dating again I suppose, but I’ve never seen her look at another man.
She’s too busy with work, and the Director seems to take up most of her time these days.
Mark Luthendale.
We don’t see him much, but when we do, we know there’s a major crisis. He works in the Loft. The top level of The Agency. He basically runs everything and Mom reports directly to him, and I report to Mom.
That’s how things work around here. There’s structure, a ranking system, and you follow the rules.
Always.
Today I broke a cardinal rule. I know it, Luca, Axel, and Eli know it. It’s only a matter of time before Mom and Luthendale find out too—then shit will hit the proverbial fan.
Lily is in danger already.
When The Agency discovers that she knows about us, she may very well be in even more danger. I might have just fucked up, royally.
“You should think about having that weekend off, Kace. Go to the beach, spend time relaxing, you’re wound up so tight,” Mom says furrowing her brows at me.
I shake my head. “You know I don’t take time off, Mom. There’s way too much to do here. You need me.”
She sighs and half smiles tilting her head, a tendril of mahogany hair falls across her pale face. “So much like your father… it scares me sometimes.”
My brows crunch together at her odd choice of words, but I t
ry to take it as a compliment.
“Okay, go and get the others and bring them to the boardroom. I’ll be in there in a little while.”
Nodding, I turn and walk out of her office and down the ramp. My feet feel heavy with guilt as they thump on the carpet that I didn’t tell her about my indiscretion with Lily. But I couldn’t, not just for my sake, but for Lily’s as well.
Even though my head is down, I can feel eyes on me, so I glance up to see Luca leering with a look of utter disdain. Breathing harshly out of my nose, knowing he’s judging me, I turn and head for him.
“So, she looks pretty calm for someone who’s been told that our fucking secret is out of the bag?”
I can’t help the low groan that vibrates up through my chest as I walk past him. He moves to strut beside me, and I sneer at him sideways. “Don’t Luca… I feel shitty enough as it is.”
“So you did tell her?” he asks his tone high like he’s shocked.
I huff. “No.”
His body slumps as he rubs the back of his neck. “Okay… so, we’re friends, brothers even. But lying to the boss that’s a whole new level. That shit is punishable. Not just by losing our jobs, but treason and shit, you know? Now in saying that, you know me… I’m all for bending the rules. I’m okay with the ‘if she doesn’t ask, and I don’t tell, it’s not technically lying’ stuff. But Axel and Eli… I’m not sure how long they will hold onto the intel for?”
Exhaling, I grit my teeth. “They’re gonna talk?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know… Axel probably not. Eli, I’m fifty-fifty, could go either way. He’s a stickler for the rules. And Kace, you broke rule number one.”
“Plausible deniability,” I say.
He nods and tilts his head. “Exactly! If no one knows about us, they can’t deny we exist. Now if Lily is asked by anyone about the Seven, she doesn’t exactly have plausible deniability. She’s in now… she’s in deep. She knows you, me, Axel and Eli. That’s four members of the Seven… over half of us that could be compromised if an adversary gets hold of her.”
