Once she’d have thought she had enough love in her for Jake to sustain both of them, but lately she’d learned different. She couldn’t stand by as the faithful wife while he continued to flirt with and cajole other women, even if it was just for “business” reasons. Not if she didn’t know that alone, in bed, he was all hers, heart and soul.
She needed a man she’d believe when he said, “I love you.”
“Goodbye, Jake.” Her whispered words hovered in the night air of his dimly lit room. She pulled the big engagement ring from her finger and left it on the table.
He didn’t respond. Obviously she was worth nothing to him now that she’d scuppered his neat plans. No more protestations of love, or even of how useful their union would be to Ruthenia.
Nothing but his icy glare.
Andi let herself out of the room and hurried along the corridor, grim sensations of regret trickling over her like cold water. She half hoped—and feared—that she’d hear the door open and sense Jake’s powerful stride covering the carpet after her.
But nothing disturbed the small, nighttime noises of the palace.
She had to leave right now, even though there were no trains until morning. She didn’t want to see him ever again.
Tears streamed down her face as she shoved her clothes back into her two suitcases for the second time in a week. How had she let herself get sucked into such an insane situation? Something about Jake Mondragon undermined all her good sense and left her gasping and starry-eyed. She’d already spent years hoping he’d suddenly fall madly in love with her, which was no doubt why his ridiculous and unsuitable engagement idea had been so easy to put over on her.
Her face heated at the thought of how happy she’d been back when she had no idea that their whole engagement wasn’t genuine. He’d smiled at her and kissed her and held her like they were madly in love, knowing all along that the whole thing was a lie.
How humiliating.
She threw her hairbrush into her suitcase with a pleasant thud. Almost done with the packing. Her clothes would be really crumpled now after being shoved in so haphazardly, but she could iron them out again.
Shame she couldn’t do that with her heart. She suspected it would be crushed and creased for a long time. Possibly forever.
There was still one thing hanging in the closet. The long, floaty pale dress she’d been wearing the night she lost her memory. She let out a long breath as she remembered why she had it on. She’d brought it with her to Ruthenia thinking she’d need something smart and beautiful to wear at parties now that her boss was a king. She’d chosen it after much giggling deliberation with a girlfriend, because it made her feel like Cinderella at the ball.
She’d never worn it before that night. Since she was staff, she didn’t actually attend the parties. A crisp black suit had proved to be the most suitable evening attire as she hovered around the edges of the festivities, making sure everything was running smoothly and attending to Jake’s every need. Her Cinderella fantasies had remained locked in the closet, just like the dress.
She’d taken it out that one night, just to see what it would feel like to wear it. The whole palace was wrapped up in the party happening in the dining room and ballroom, so no one noticed when she walked down the stairs, tiptoeing carefully in the silver sandals she’d bought to match the dress and never worn before.
She’d walked to one of the narrow casement windows and looked out. Pale moonlight glanced off the mountains in the distance and bathed the green valley in its soft glow. She’d grown to love the rugged countryside and its fiercely independent and engaging people. The palace and its nearby town were her home now, after three years. Leaving felt like stepping out of her own life and into a big, scary unknown.
Inspired by her pretty dress, she’d wanted to take one last walk around the grounds in the moonlight, just to let her imagination run free and think about what might have been before she left for the last time. The weather was surprisingly warm for so early in the spring and the soft grass, silver with dew, begged her to walk across it.
She’d crossed the wide terrace and taken off her sandals, not wanting to get the soft leather wet or have the heels sink into the lawn. Had Livia really tripped her? That’s when her memory stopped. Sometimes the steps were slippery, the stone worn smooth by the passage of feet over two hundred or more years since they were built. She could see them from her window right now.
But she would never walk down them again. No detours this time. She had to get out of here and away from Jake.
She’d since worn far more fabulous and expensive dresses, tailored right on her body by Ruthenia’s finest seamstresses, and she knew that they felt like the world’s stiffest armor as she moved through her ceremonial duties next to a man who didn’t love her.
She turned and scanned the room to see if she’d missed anything.
Her belongings had fit so neatly into her two bags, almost as if they’d just been waiting to pack up and go. Her heart sank at the sight of her empty dressing table, the gaping closet with its almost vacant hangers. Soon someone else would live in the room, and she’d never see it again.
Now all she had to do was get out of here without being seen. She couldn’t bear to explain the situation to anyone. They’d be so shocked and disappointed. Disgusted even, at how she wouldn’t slot into Jake’s plans for the good of the nation.
Guilt snaked through her heart, or maybe it was just grief at what she was leaving behind. The memory of Jake’s face—hard and angry—would stay with her forever. She shivered and turned to pick up her bags.
Even though it was well after midnight, she’d need to sneak down the back stairs. The cleaners sometimes worked late into the night, especially after a major event. If she could make her way to the rear entrance without being seen, she could cut across the gardens to the old barnyard and take one of the runabout cars kept near the old stables for staff to share on errands.
She grabbed the handle of each bag and set off, pulse pounding. No looking back this time. The pretty dress could stay right there in the closet, along with all her romantic fantasies. They’d caused her nothing but pain.
From magical fairy-tale engagement to shocking scandal overnight. She’d have to keep her head down for, oh, the rest of her life.
She let herself into the old staircase, dimly lit by aging sconces, and hurried down the steep, winding steps, bags thumping unsteadily behind her like chasing ogres no matter how high she tried to life them.
She held her breath as she opened the heavy wood door at the bottom. It led out into the back kitchen, which was rarely used, only if they were catering a truly enormous feast—like the one today. Freshly scrubbed pots and baking trays covered the sideboard and big bowls of fruit stood on the scrubbed table ready to be sliced for breakfast, but the lights were low and she couldn’t see anyone about.
Lowering her bags onto their wheels, she crept across the flagstone floor.
One the far side of the old kitchen, she could see the door that led directly out into the kitchen garden. Before she took a step into the room, a burst of laughter made her jump. She froze, heart pounding, peering into the shadows. Voices reached her from the next room, the passage to the modern kitchen. She didn’t recognize them, but the palace often hired extra caterers for big events. Were they already up, making breakfast?
She shrank back into the stairwell, but after an anxious minute, no one had appeared, so they obviously hadn’t heard her. Bags lifted by her straining biceps, she crept across the floor. She lowered her bags for a moment and tried the handle—old, but well-oiled, the door slid quietly open, and cool night air rushed in.
She drew in a breath, then stepped out and closed the door quietly behind her. The click of the latch struck an ominous chord in her chest. She’d left the palace forever. She should feel happy that she’d escaped the building without being seen. Instead, she felt like a thief, leaving with stolen goods.
Which was ridiculous. She’d
given years of her life to this place. Was that why it hurt so much to leave? And she wasn’t gone yet. She still had to get across the grounds and past the sentries at the gatehouse.
She scanned the walled garden—a gloomy well of shadows in the cloudy moonlight—then hefted her bags past the menacing dark rectangles of the large herb beds. An arched doorway on the far side led to the stable yard, where the staff cars were parked. The ancient door creaked on its hinges as she pulled it open, and she shot a glance behind her. A lightbulb flicked on in one of the upper windows, and she held her breath for a moment. Was it Jake’s window? Would he come look for her?
She cursed herself when she realized that it was on the upper, staff-only floor. Why would Jake come looking for her? He’d told her to get lost. Which was exactly what she’d wanted.
Wasn’t it?
Heaviness lodged in her chest as she crept across the paved stable yard. She retrieved a key from the combination-locked box in the wall—they’d be sure to change the code tomorrow—climbed into the nearest car and started the engine.
Andi glanced up at the house to see if anyone would look outside, but no one did. Cars did come and go at all hours when the house was full of guests and there were meals to prepare. She didn’t turn the lights on right away.
A sharp pang of regret shot through her as she pulled onto the wide gravel drive for the last time. A ribbon of silver in the moonlight, it led through an allée of tall trees. It was hard to believe she’d never see this beautiful place again. She certainly wouldn’t be welcome back for return visits.
And she’d never see Jake again. She should be happy about that, considering what he’d done, but all the years they’d spent working side by side—and that she’d spent mooning over him and hoping for more—weighed on her mind. He was a good man at heart and she didn’t wish him ill.
Don’t think about him.
There was still one more gauntlet to run—the gatehouse. The guards didn’t usually pay too much attention to cars leaving the palace, especially familiar staff cars, so she hoped they’d simply wave her through. She cringed, though, when she saw a uniformed figure emerge from the stone gatehouse and approach.
She cleared her throat and rolled down the window. “Hi, Eli, it’s only me. Picking up a friend.” The lie was the first thing that sprang to mind.
Eli simply smiled and gave her a little salute. She raised her window and drove out the palace gates for the last time, blinking back tears. In the morning, Eli and everyone else would know she’d run off into the night.
The town was deserted as she drove through it. She parked on a quiet street so she could walk the last stretch to the station. No need to advertise where she’d gone, since it would probably be hours until the first train of the morning. The staff cars were all identical Mercedes wagons and easily recognizable, and she didn’t want to be too easy to find.
Not that anyone would come looking for her. She left the keys in the glove compartment. Petty crime was almost nonexistent in the town as everyone knew each other too well.
She groped in her bag for dark sunglasses. No need for strangers to see her red and puffy eyes. She wrapped a blue scarf around her head and neck. It wasn’t cold but she didn’t want anyone to recognize her if she could help it.
All she had to do was wait for the early-morning train to Munich, then book a flight to New York.
Her original plan had been to head to Manhattan and stay at the 92nd Street Y and temp until she could find an apartment and a job. She’d even had that promising interview set up. So, there’d been a hitch in her plans, involving all her lifelong dreams coming true and then turning into a nightmare, but she’d just have to get back on track and start rebuilding her life.
She glanced up and down the dark empty street before hurrying past the old stone buildings toward the ornate nineteenth-century train station at the edge of town.
She’d intended to leave Jake behind, and now she was doing it.
So why did it still hurt so much?
Eleven
Jake paced back and forth in his bedroom, anger and pain firing his muscles into action. His wounded pride sparked fury inside him. He’d been mad enough to lose his heart to a woman, and now she flung it back in his face.
No one had ever treated him so coldly. He’d offered her his life and she’d turned him down. He should despise her for being so heartless and cruel.
So why did the thought of facing even one day without her make his whole body ache?
He’d have to announce to the whole country—to the world—that their engagement was over. People would wonder why she left and gossip would echo around the villages for months.
But he didn’t care about any of that. It was the prospect of nights without Andi’s soft body in his bed. Of days lacking her bright smile. Long evenings without her thoughtful conversation.
He couldn’t force her to marry him against her will. Lord knows he’d come close enough by thrusting this whole engagement on her when she was indisposed by her lack of memory.
Shame trickled over him that he’d taken advantage of her so readily. She’d been so willing—in her lack of knowledge about their true past—and it had been so wonderful. A natural extension of their happy working relationship.
Idiot. Having sex with your assistant had nothing to do with work. Why had he tried to convince himself it was okay? If he really wanted to marry her he should have waited until she got her memory back, courted her like a gentleman—or at least a conventional boyfriend—then proposed to her.
Maybe he thought that as a king he was so special he didn’t have to follow any of the conventions of romantic love? He certainly put a lot of energy into following other conventions, so why had he veered so badly off course with Andi?
He halted his pacing at the window. He’d been keeping an eye out for lights from a car traveling up the driveway, but had seen none. She was probably still here in the palace.
But she’d already rejected him and it was too late to change her mind. She needed a man she could trust, and in taking advantage of her amnesia, he’d given her good reason to never trust him again.
He’d given up a lot to take on his role as king of Ruthenia. Now he’d just have to learn how to live without Andi, as well.
Andi flinched as the ticket agent looked at her. She’d removed her dark glasses because, well, it was still dark outside. But there was no flicker of recognition in his eyes. Without extravagant jewels and fancy dresses she just slipped right back into the regular population.
As the platform filled with people waiting for the first train, she shrank inside her raincoat, raising the collar. The occasional stare made her want to hide behind a column. Soon enough they’d all know who she was and what she was doing.
She climbed onto the train without incident. Had she thought Jake would send the cavalry after her? The Ruthenian hills were notably free of galloping horsemen and the roads almost empty of cars as the train pulled away from the town at 7:43 a.m.
Perhaps he was secretly relieved to see her go. He could blame her for breaking off the engagement and carry on with his merry life as an eligible royal bachelor, with gorgeous women kissing up to him at every opportunity.
Her heart still ached with jealousy at the thought of Jake with another woman. Which was totally ridiculous since she’d just rejected him.
The train picked up speed outside the town and flew through the open fields and villages with their tall steeples, clustered at the foot of the proud mountains. She’d never even heard of Ruthenia until she met Jake, but it had come to feel like home and she was going to miss it.
She pulled a book from her bag, but the words blurred before her eyes and she couldn’t concentrate. Tears threatened and she pushed them back. Was she making a terrible mistake? Would Jake have grown to love her?
She’d never know now, but it was too late to turn back.
It was midmorning by the time she reached the border crossing between Ruthenia an
d Austria. She held her breath while the border guards walked through the train checking passports.
The young, clear-faced guard looked at her passport, then pulled out his phone. He spoke rapidly in German and made a sign to another guard on the platform. The two elderly ladies seated on the bench opposite her glanced at each other. Andi felt her heart rate rise.
“I don’t have anything to declare.” She gestured to her two suitcases. “You can look through them.
“Will we be moving soon?” Her voice sounded shaky. Sitting here made her feel anxious, like she wanted to get up and run. Was Jake behind this? She cursed the pinch of hope that jangled her nerves.
Unlikely. She’d never seen him look so furious as he did last night. If only she could make that memory go away.
Jake’s car swerved on a gravel patch in the road and he righted it quickly, coming around another of those hairpin turns on the mountainside. He probably should have taken the train, like Andi. It was the most direct route as it cut right through one of the larger mountains.
But he didn’t want anything to hold him up. He also didn’t want other people around. This was between him and Andi.
His pride still hurt at her forthright rejection, but something inside him couldn’t let her leave like this. She’d said she didn’t trust him, and that hurt more than anything. He’d broken her trust. He’d tried to keep her at his side using seduction and bargaining.
When he told her he loved her, she simply didn’t believe him.
She thought his declaration was just more words. She didn’t understand that his feelings for her had transformed him.
Swinging around another tight corner, he felt a twinge of guilt about using the border guards to hold the train. Another aspect of royal privilege he’d abused. Still, it was an emergency situation. Once she got back to the U.S., she’d be gone from his world, and he knew in his heart that he’d never get her back.
At His Majesty's Convenience Page 15
