All in my ass.
Great.
Mark and Viper stopped by every day and only stayed long enough to make sure I didn’t need anything, and to check on Jax’s progress, or at this point lack thereof. I tried asking what happened, why was my man shot, but they wouldn’t say. No one told me anything other than they were working on it. When I tried to press Mark, his glare was enough to warn me away from doing that again. I’m talking way beyond if looks could kill.
This morning I tiptoed—well, I tried to tiptoe—into Jax’s room, and stood in the doorway watching his chest rise and fall, praying this would be the day he woke up and said something, anything, to me in that fabulous gravelly voice I so loved.
“Good morning,” I whispered to Doug, who was lying on the pullout cot.
“Well, it’s morning, but I’m not sure it’s all that good.”
“Did he have a rough night?” I frowned.
“No, pretty uneventful. I, however, didn’t sleep a wink. I’d have been better off in a chair, I think. This bed, cot, or whatever it is, is a piece of shit,” Doug growled. Ahh, that’s where my man gets his cantankerousness.
“How about I go get you a coffee?” I offered.
“Nah, I’ll go. You sit and put your feet up. You need to relax and work on keepin’ that granddaughter of mine in there ’til she’s ready.” Doug stood and stretched his long arms above his head. “Anything for you or the baby? Breakfast?”
“I’m okay. Thanks though.” It still rocked my world that Jaxon’s parents already accepted my daughter as their own.
“Did you eat breakfast yet?” I heard Ashley’s delicate voice from behind me at the door as she snuck in.
“No, but I’m not really too hungry,” I explained.
“Doug, can you grab some fresh fruit, eggs, some toast, and maybe some bacon?” Ashley requested, folding the blankets on the cot.
“No bacon, please. The smell…ugh.” I wrinkled my nose in disgust.
“Okay, you heard the girl, Doug, no bacon.” She turned to me. “How about sausage? You gotta eat some meat, honey.”
“Sausage is fine, if I must,” I pouted.
They spoke in unison. “You must.”
Doug disappeared and Ashley flipped the cot back into a chair and rolled it over to mirror my position at Jaxon’s side.
She sat her purse and overnight bag on the floor, and pulled out the small pink, brown and cream chenille blanket she has been crocheting over the last few days.
“I know it’s not my place to say so, but I’m a mother, so I’m gonna say it anyway. You have to eat, Leila. I know you’re stressin’ out ’bout Jaxon, but he’d want you takin’ care of yourself and that sweet little girl.”
“I’m trying, but the whole situation has me so nauseous, I’m scared to eat anything,” I said. “Besides, Barb’s been bringing food in the last few days and all but shoves it down my throat. Which in retrospect, that’s probably why I feel so sick.”
Ashley smiled as she weaved the soft, chunky yarn into a beautiful blanket. “I just worry, ya know. Even though we just met, I feel like we’ve known you forever.”
We sat and talked softly back and forth over Jaxon’s prone body. Ashley told me stories about Jaxon growing up, and I shared a few stories about Drew and myself, some funny and some really embarrassing. Like this one night when I spent the night at a friend’s house and her grandmother was visiting. Granny was on the spare mattress and us girls were on the daybed. Just as we all started to fall asleep the mechanism that held the spare level with the other mattress broke or something because all of a sudden with a loud crash Granny was gone. Her arms and legs went flying up in the air and she screamed really loud. For an eighty-year-old, Granny sure did have a colorful vocabulary.
Ashley laughed, and I was glad for a moment of levity. She picked up where I left off, sharing that Jaxon was really good at baseball and football. She glowed when she reminisced about his childhood, and described how devastated she was when he came home and told them he was enlisting in the Marines. But after she had time to adjust, she admitted how proud she felt to have such a brave son.
Doug returned with the coffee and food, which I picked at, strictly because I thought there was a real possibility Ashley would force-feed me if I didn’t eat. Doug joined our story time and shared an interesting story about coming home early one day during Jaxon’s junior year of high school. He was supposed to be at football practice, but much to Doug’s surprise, Jaxon was home, and he was not alone.
I burst out laughing. “Oh my God. Did you actually walk in on him with a girl?”
“Please…don’t…answer,” a rough, gritty voice said quietly.
My eyes whipped to Jaxon’s face and in that moment I saw my beloved tiny flecks of yellow, immersed in the most beautiful and vibrant emerald irises. I leapt from my chair and crushed my very pregnant self to him.
“Oh my God, Jaxon! You’re awake. Oh, thank God, you’re really awake!” I cried with relief.
“Oww, babe, easy,” he groaned in pain.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry, honey. Do you want a sip of water?” I hit the call bell as Ashley stood and reached for the cup and pitcher on the bedside tray.
“Hi there, baby boy. You really scared your dad and me.” Ashley wiped a tear from her face as she handed me the cup of ice water. She leaned down to place a soft kiss on his forehead.
Jax took a sip then turned to his parents. Doug had circled his arms around Ashley’s trim waist. “Mom, Dad, I’m sorry I worried you.”
A voice boomed over the speaker in the wall. “Can I help you?”
“Yes, can you page Drake Thomas and have him come up? Jaxon is awake,” I said.
“Of course, Leila,” the nurse on the other end answered jubilantly.
“See, you’ve got women fawning all over you and you weren’t even awake. Sheesh,” I teased.
“Babe.” He cocked his head to the side and just gave me that look. That look told me everything I needed to know. Damn, just minutes after waking up he can say one word and make every last one of my nerve endings spark to life.
“Okay, okay. Do you remember what happened?”
“I’ll explain later.” He glanced toward his parents. I guessed that was his way of telling me he didn’t want them knowing what was going on.
“Oh, I have to text Mark and Viper.” I whipped out my phone then had a better idea. I opened the camera app, sat next to Jax on the bed, and said, “Smile, baby.”
“Really, babe? Is that necessary?” He groaned.
“Jaxon. You better smile and be happy you’re alive,” his mother scolded him.
He placed his hand over my belly and gave me a weak, half-assed smirk. Quickly, I captured the moment and sent the picture out to Barb, Drew, Mark, Viper, and Jane. I added the caption “Sleeping Beauty’s awake. Get down here.”
Ashley and Doug huddled around Jaxon while I excused myself to use the restroom. When I came out Drake and a nurse were in the room talking with Jaxon.
My phone buzzed with several responding text messages. Jane said she’d be down in a few hours, and she’d be sure to let Brody know. Just seeing his name on the screen caused my heart to ache at the thought of the pain I had caused him.
Mark and Viper were handling “stuff” and would try to get by later today. Drew was on his way. I was sure he’d be accompanied by a detective or two.
I stood in the doorway of the restroom and just took in the sight of my gorgeous man. Relief washed over me. Everything I had been holding in for the last three days just came rushing out. Tears slipped from my eyes faster than I could wipe them away.
“Babe?” Jax looked over at me. “What’s wrong?” His voice laced with concern as he tried to sit up. I walked over and sat at his hip.
“Nothing, honey. I’m fine, just pregnancy hormones. It just really hit me, standing here, watching you. You’re really going to be okay. I was so scared,” I whispered.
“She’s right, ya know. You should make
a full recovery.” Drake placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Drake, haven’t you learned yet to never tell her she’s right?”
“Jaxon, you’re still recoverin’,” Drake warned with a grin and snicker. “I’d watch it, buddy.”
Drake stayed a few more minutes before he left to answer a page to the OR. Over the next several hours we had a train of visitors coming and going. Drew, amazingly enough, came alone. He didn’t ask any questions other than about how Jax was feeling.
Barb and Viper, er, Cole or whatever the hell he went by, stopped by around four. Mark came over just after them. Brody and Jane arrived after Mark and Cole left. I was unbelievably nervous to have Brody in the same room as Jaxon, but they were going to have to learn how to get along.
“I hope you like chicken noodle soup. I thought maybe you would like a break from the hospital food.” Jane sat the sealed container on Jaxon’s bedside tray.
“Oh… That was very kind of you. The food here definitely tastes like shit.” Jaxon pushed the button to bring the head of the bed up and looked over at Brody, who was standing in the doorway.
Turning his attention back to Jane, Jax said, “I want to thank you…both, for takin’ care of Leila while I was…unavailable.”
You could have heard a pin drop as I waited for Brody to take the opportunity to blast him for leaving me the way he did, but Jane spoke up first. “She is family. We are more than happy to help any way we can.”
“She’s more than welcome to stay with us anytime she needs. I’m glad you’re going to recover,” Brody said curtly. It was way more than I expected but it gave me hope.
Whether or not he meant it was another story. Brody’s parents had instilled and ingrained impeccable manners in him. It was a shame he forgot them from time to time. When his domineering side took over his manners were nonexistent.
Jaxon’s parents told him how Brody had made all of the arrangements for them to fly down and stay at a nearby hotel.
Looking up at Brody, Jax said, “Thanks, man. Means a lot.”
“It’s really not a big deal.” Brody shook his head, trying to play it off.
“Brody,” I tilted my head at him. “It was a big deal. It’s okay to let people know you’ve got a huge heart in there.”
“Really, man. Thank you. I mean that. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you did for my family.” Jaxon stuck his hand out. Brody stepped forward and shook the proffered hand, then looked over at me.
I mouthed “thank you.” Brody acknowledged me with a slight tip of his head.
“Lei, Jane and I are going be heading out shortly. Do you want to leave with us or should I come back a little later?”
Before I could answer Jax spoke up. “She’s gonna head out with y’all.”
“Actually, I’m going stay just here—” I started.
“No, you’re gonna go and get some rest. I know you. You’ve probably been here day and night and you’re not takin’ care of yourself like you should be. I’ll be here tomorrow. Go.” Jax’s tone was stern.
I looked to Ashley for some backup. Nope. She wasn’t saying a word. Doug was looking around the room, avoiding eye contact.
“Don’t look at them, babe. You need to rest and we all know you’re not.” Great, Jax was already back to playing caveman. Not even twelve hours awake. “What? You’re going to tell me you haven’t been having contractions all afternoon?”
Well, damn. He was more observant than I gave him credit for.
“Lei, have you been having contractions all day?” Brody asked crossly.
“I’m fine. It’s not like I haven’t been having them for weeks now.”
“How far apart?” Brody demanded.
“I don’t know. I’m not timing them and they aren’t bad, Brody. It’s fine.”
“The fuck it is, Leila,” Jaxon scolded, shaking his head as he looked to Brody and Jane. “Please take her back to your place, man.”
“Jax, you just woke up,” I implored, an octave higher.
“Babe, I’ll be here tomorrow when you come back. Besides, I’m pretty tired myself, I’m gonna crash as soon as you leave,” he reasoned.
“Fine, but will you call me later when you wake up?” I asked as I sat down on the bed next to him, forgetting momentarily that we weren’t alone. Just as I leaned down to kiss him I saw Jane, in the periphery, turn to Brody.
“We’ll wait out here for you, dear,” Jane said as she pulled Brody out the door into the corridor of the ICU. She would always try to shield him from pain.
“’Kay, I’ll be right out.” I turned back to Jaxon. “I hate leaving you here.”
“My parents are here. I’ll be okay.” He wove his fingers with mine and pulled me closer. “Go lie down and take care of our daughter.”
He gave me a long, soft kiss then put the back of my hand to his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
I sighed and nodded. I turned to see Ashley had already picked up my stuff. She walked me out, hugged me, and told me she’d call if anything changed.
Meeting Brody and Jane out front, I climbed into the front seat of his car, ready for the earful I was sure was coming.
“I thought you were going to be honest with me.”
“Brody, I—”
“Don’t lie to me, Lei. You’ve been having contractions and you didn’t call me or text me. Jesus Christ, I had to hear about it from him.”
“Brody—”
“No, God damn it. You should have told me. She’s my daughter too and just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean you can withhold vital information. You should be taking better care of yourself, not pushing yourself so much that you go into labor.” He sighed. “I’ve already lost so much, I can’t afford to lose her too.” His words were barely a whisper.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I promise to relax tonight, and from here on out I will tell you if I have any contractions. She’s going be just fine,” I said, forcing a smile.
*****
Brody
My cell buzzed again, waking me. Picking it up, I looked at the time, 3:22 a.m. It was yet another text from Leila.
Leila: Contraction
Maybe I needed to rethink this whole “tell me every time you have a contraction.” This was the third time she had woken me up tonight. My phone vibrated in my hand.
Leila: r u awake?
Me: no, why?
Leila: if I’m awake w/these damn things u shld b 2 since this IS your fault
She’s got to be fucking kidding. It was almost 3:30 in the morning. I had to work tomorrow. Rolling my eyes, I dropped the cell back onto the nightstand, punched the pillow a few times then buried my face in the fluffy down comfort.
Buzz, buzz.
Really?
I snatched up the phone.
Leila: seriously B, can u get me Tums? Heartburn is bad
With a deep sigh, I threw the covers back, swung my legs around, grabbed my boxers, and pulled them on. Trekking downstairs to the kitchen, I retrieved the antacids, bleary eyed and grumpy. I climbed the stairs and knocked on the door to my own room. “I’m coming in, Lei.”
Opening the door, I found the television on and Leila propped up in a sea of pillows on what used to be my side of the bed. “Here are the Tums.” No answer. “Lei?”
I walk around to the side of the bed. “You’ve got to be shitting me. You would be asleep, huh?”
Shaking my head, I set the bottle down on the bedside table and returned to the guest room where I’d taken up occupancy while Leila stayed with me. Climbing back into bed, I tossed and turned for another hour before I was able to find sleep again.
Chapter Six
Leila
By Sunday afternoon I had been bouncing back and forth between Brody’s house and the hospital like a ping pong ball for days. On Friday morning, Brody had left for NYC and had returned this morning. When I asked him if we could talk, he agreed. He knew what I was going to say before I said it. It was pa
infully apparent. He sulked through the house all day, but he agreed to sit down and figure everything out with Jaxon and me once Jaxon was released later that day.
We all needed to be on the same page if we were going to co-parent our daughter. The two bullheaded men needed to come to an understanding, and that understanding would be they were not going to fight around the baby. I didn’t need them being stubborn jackasses for the next twenty years. Hell, I’m not sure it’s even possible for them to be civil to each other for more than ten minutes.
Jane helped me pack my things, which Brody said he would have delivered later that afternoon to Jaxon’s—well, our house. Brody was so quiet and withdrawn. It broke my heart to see the despair in his cobalt eyes. The drive from his place to the hospital seemed longer than any other of the hundreds of rides we’d taken there. I swore he drove the speed limit for the first time in his life to put off saying goodbye.
When we arrived in front of the hospital, he jumped out, ever the gentleman, opened the passenger door, and helped me down. He didn’t let go of my hand though. He pulled me against his chest and looked at me, leaned down and rested his forehead to mine.
“I know I’ve said it before, but I really am sorry. I wish I could go back,” he whispered against my brow.
“Stop, please.” I closed my eyes. “We have to move forward. I have forgiven you and you’re going be such a great dad, Brody. Please, let’s just focus on that.” Tears threatened as I hugged him.
“You’re right.” He stiffened and pulled away. “I’ll call you later. And if—”
“And if I need you or anything happens with the baby, I will call you. Promise. Now go on, get out of here. I can get myself inside.” I tipped my head to his car. He nodded then turned to leave. Watching him walk around the SUV and drive away, my heart sank. I hated hurting him.
Once I entered Jaxon’s room, Ashley and Doug stood and mumbled something about going to get a bite to eat. The room was tension-filled and I sat down near the bedside feeling uneasy.
“We need to talk, Lei.” Jax’s tone was grim and cold.
“We’ll talk once you’re home. Why don’t you let me help you get dressed?”
Torn Page 4
