Scott shook his head to clear it. No, he wasn’t a soldier anymore. “A long ass time ago.”
“And then again it feels like yesterday.”
“Yeah. There is that.”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“Do what?” Scott had a real bad feeling he already knew what Wallace was going to tell him, and it was going to take everything in him not to haul off and slug his big brother.
“You know. It’s not your fault. I know you think it is, but Jake was hurting, and he didn’t get the help he needed.”
Scott’s eyes burned. He wanted to hit something. “This shouldn’t have happened. It’s such a waste. I should have had his back.”
“For how long? Forever?”
“I don’t know. As long as it took.”
“Look, I get it. This is who you are. Growing up without a father, we all took on our roles. I tried to be the leader, Billy was our cheering section, and you were the rescuer. You were always saving everything and everyone you could because you thought that was your job. I’m telling you right now it’s not your job to save everyone. Just like it’s not my job to be your father, I get it now. You’re a grown man and I can’t tell you what to do. So go ahead and keep on carrying that weight around if you want, but it’s eventually going to wear you down. I should know.”
Scott didn’t say another word, just nodded and slipped inside his truck. He started it up and pulled out on to the quiet residential street. Not sure where he was going or why, he headed out into the dark night.
16
After her shift on Thursday, Diana had taken Gran grocery shopping. While the whole event took no less than two hours (Gran inspected every label and price-compared until Diana developed an eye-twitch) it had been more chance for Gran to venture out.
But Diana had almost lost her temper when Gran decided that though tomato sauce was on sale, she didn’t actually need twelve cans of the stuff. She was taking them out of the cart in the check-out line when Diana stopped her.
“My treat.”
“Don’t be silly. I won’t need twelve cans. I refuse to let my tomato sauce outlive me, no matter how cheap it is.”
Diana went for zany. “But what about the zombie apocalypse?”
“The what?”
“I mean, what if the Russians attack? Or we have a terrible earthquake? Don’t you want enough tomato sauce to live through it?” Diana set each one of the cans on the conveyor belt with a loud thunk.
“You’re in a mood today.” Gran sniffed.
This was unfortunately true. It had started that morning with Scott and had proceeded steadily downhill from there. She’d messed up an entire batch of garlic bagels which set her considerably behind. And of course, it seemed every other order was for a garlic bagel. Next, she’d ruined a dozen donuts. At this rate she was going to turn out to be a liability to poor Gen.
Her issue had all been with concentration, because all of the mishaps occurred after her talk with Scott. Not so much a talk as an argument.
“Sorry. It’s been a rough day so far.” She wasn’t sure it could possibly get any better since she assumed she wouldn’t be seeing Scott.
Not when she’d been such a bitch, accusing him of trying to frighten her. He’d done nothing of the sort, but only tried to be a considerate friend and let her know where he’d be in case she needed him. But the fact remained, he had unnerved her. Badly. She hated to admit it. On one level she understood firefighters had to go to the fires, put their lives in danger every time, but she’d much rather picture Scott rescuing puppies. Climbing up a tree to rescue a kitten. Giving a little boy a breathing treatment. She wasn’t sure what that said about her other than that she was an idiot.
A man like him would never be satisfied with careful and cautious. He was alpha all the way and she’d been aware of it from the first moment she’d laid eyes on him. She wished like hell it didn’t bother her at all, but she’d also never anticipated that her feelings would grow so…deep. Too fast.
Hadn’t she been the one to say that this whole thing between them was no strings? No fuss?
Good one, her Heart seemed to say. Nice try, anyway.
Diana drove Gran home, and helped unload her groceries. This took another hour because Gran had a ‘system’ and Diana kept ‘messing with it.’
Finally, Gran shooed Diana out of her kitchen, and straight to the front door. “Go home and take a nap. You’re cranky.”
Relenting, Diana kissed Gran on the cheek and said she’d check in later. It was lunch time, and back at her apartment Diana heated up the spaghetti leftovers and had those. She was sleepy, but not going to ruin her eight o’clock bedtime by taking an afternoon nap. Instead, she took another look at her article, which was shaping up well if she did say so herself. Scott was right about her writing. She couldn’t give up, even if it was agonizing at times. Instead, she cut another five hundred words and closed her eyes for a second to check the inside of her eyelids.
The loud buzzing in her jeans woke her up. Diana shifted one eye open and reached for her phone. Crap. She’d been asleep for hours! The caller ID showed Mandy had woken her up. “What do you want?”
“You finally answered!”
“I’m tired. Let me call you back.”
“No! This is serious.”
“I don’t want to hear about your latest bridezilla.”
“Diana, we have a real problem.”
The urgent tone in Mandy’s voice made Diana stiffen and sit up straight. Her heart sped up. Was Mom sick? Did someone die?
“W-what is it? Tell me!”
“Remember I told you I was going to do an audit when I got back?”
“Yeah?”
“I did. And that Florina woman Mom hired has been embezzling from us. Tens of thousands of dollars!”
“Oh my God.”
“As soon as I figured it out, I confronted the woman myself. I figured she’d just give Mom some lame excuse about using the money to buy from her private designer or something and Mom would accept it. It was going to be harder to answer my specific questions since I do the books.”
“So what happened?”
Mandy sounded out of breath. “I shouldn’t have confronted her. I messed up.”
Diana couldn’t draw in a steady breath through her petrified lungs. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I am. But she’s gone.”
“Who’s gone?”
“Florina, or whatever the hell her real name is! She ran for the hills, which is what criminals do. I don’t watch enough Dateline or I would know that. I should have called the police first. But don’t worry, I have now.”
Diana had a hundred questions running through her mind at once. The one that came first surprised her. “How’s Mom doing?”
Mandy whispered. “Not good. She trusted that woman. When I explained everything, she stood and stared at the last of her inventory. She didn’t move for thirty minutes until I moved her. Now she’s lying down with a migraine. We’re going to have to sell off all the inventory and even that won’t save us. Worse, some of the brides won’t get the dresses they ordered and we might not be able to pay back their deposits.
A bride without her wedding dress? Mom and Mandy should run, and run fast. Worse, this would kill her mom even before the brides got to her. Diana realized all too well what her brides meant to Mom. It was personal.
Diana swallowed hard. “What should I do? Should I come home?”
“Absolutely not. We’ll probably have to come up there with you and Gran! When those brides find out, we’ll be in mortal danger. We’re bankrupt, Diana. Done.”
Diana groaned and did a face plant into her thrift store special couch. This day kept getting better and better.
Scott had been driving around for hours after leaving his mother’s house, thinking about Jake, turning it all over and over in his mind. It felt like a wound had been reopened and he didn’t know why. He hadn’t taken it quite this hard every anniver
sary. Usually he went off camping to be alone at this time of the year if he could work it out. To be far from the email onslaught. But the drought and the wildfires had kept him nearby this year, ready and waiting to pounce.
Usually, he tried not to think about any of it. Worked every day to push it out of his mind and focus on the positives in his life. Had it really been four years? Something had caused him to lose his focus. Maybe it had been Sophia’s problem, or maybe it was the wildfires raging out of control, or maybe it had been the emails reminding him of how he’d failed Jake. In each case, he was unable to help, no matter how badly he wanted to.
When Jake had moved back home to Oregon to be closer to his family, Scott’s contact with him had become occasional weekend trips and visits. Scott had realized something was horribly wrong the last time he’d seen his buddy. The dark circles under his eyes and shaking trigger fingers were a dead giveaway.
“You been to the VA?” Scott had asked him.
“Many times.” Jake snuffed out his third cigarette.
“Go again.”
For reasons Scott didn’t understand, some soldiers readjusted into civilian life better than others. Wallace’s best friend Joe Hannigan had done all right, and Scott had managed too. But Jake did not. Even so, Scott didn’t see it coming. Later on, he’d learned more of the facts. The appalling statistics. Twenty-two men every day. That weekend in August, Jake had asked him to come up and go fishing at Diamond Lake. Scott hadn’t because he’d had a job with Wallace and needed the money.
If he’d gone up when Jake had asked him to … maybe things would have worked out in a different way. Watch my six Scott could almost still hear Jake say. Long story short, Scott hadn’t watched Jake’s back. And he’d never again have another chance.
When he pulled up to Diana’s place around ten, her lights were still on. He’d have kept driving otherwise, but now he sat in his truck and considered his options. He probably shouldn’t bother her, because she’d know something was wrong. But maybe she’d want to go for a run. Might be a good way to blow off some steam. He could run by himself, and certainly didn’t need her to do it.
Despite all of that, a few minutes later he knocked on her front door. He didn’t know what he’d say if and when she opened the door, but it didn’t matter because she took one look at him and pulled him inside.
“I’m sorry.” She squeezed his hand.
“For what? Giving it to me straight?”
“No, for getting it wrong,” she said quietly.
He pulled her into his arms. “Maybe you didn’t get it wrong.”
She looked up at him, and those deep brown eyes confirmed her regret. “Didn’t I? You care, Scott, and that’s the only reason you want to help. Not because you want to be a hero.”
“Tell me. Are you with me because you’re running away from something else?”
“No. I’m with you because I want to be.” She kissed the palm of his hand. “Scott, what’s wrong?”
He didn’t say a word, mostly because he suddenly didn’t trust his own voice to remain steady. Or maybe because when her eyes were filled with such worry for him, he fooled himself into believing that he was worth it. In another swift moment, he hauled her up off her feet. He kissed her over and over again because all he wanted was her. Right here, right now. On this floor if necessary. He wanted her soft and unassuming beauty, and the way she fit perfectly in his arms. It didn’t matter anymore whether she needed him or not because God help him, he needed her. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, and when he’d switched from liking her, from enjoying her, to needing her.
She pulled back, sounding a little breathless. “Wait. Talk to me, babe.”
“Later.” He kissed her again, then tore away to search her eyes for confirmation.
Her lips were already pink and lightly bruised, but she nodded slightly. “Later.”
Two hours later, Diana lay spent and barely able to move.
Apparently, Scott used sex as a way to avoid talking about his feelings. A nice diversion, to be sure, but a technique he’d perfected to the point where she was no match for him. Every time she’d try to ask him what was wrong, he’d find some other spot on her to kiss, touch and explore. And he did have quite a gift for exploring.
Now he kissed her neck, rolled off of her, then tucked one arm under his head and stared up at the ceiling. “Who lives up there?”
They both watched the ceiling move as someone upstairs walked across their floor. “Why?”
“Heavy footed. Either that or a piece of shit floor. My money’s on the piece of shit floor.”
“Um, yeah.” She propped up on one elbow. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“What makes you think something’s wrong?”
Oh hell no, he wasn’t getting away with that. Not that she was complaining, but tonight felt distinctly different from their previous encounters of raw hurried passion and lust. Tonight had been tender and achingly slow. She couldn’t get over the thought that he needed her tonight, in a much bigger way than he ever had before.
But if he’d showed her, he could also tell her. “Give me something, pal.”
“That’s funny, you calling me pal.”
“That’s what we said we were going to be. No strings. Friends with benefits.”
He stopped staring at the defective ceiling to study her for several uncomfortable minutes. “Yeah.”
A lump of fear lodged itself in her throat. She didn’t want to get hurt again, not so soon. Scott clearly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. He wanted to chase danger, and might never settle down. No. He was simply the first guy she’d been with other than Bradley in six years. Her rebound guy, so he couldn’t be the guy. Anyway, she couldn’t ask for more from someone who wasn’t ready to give it. And she was supposed to be cleansing her palate or some such thing.
You’re an idiot.
He pulled her close. “Tonight at dinner, Sophia told her dad that she’s dropping out of Berkeley.”
“Oh, no. Really?” That had to be what was wrong. He’d taken it hard because he cared so much about Sophia. The same way he cared for everyone, because he was such a good man.
“Yeah, poor kid is miserable. I told her she should tell her dad and he’d understand. Be supportive. I was wrong.”
Diana almost didn’t want to ask. “What happened? He didn’t take it well?”
“Not at all. Her timing could have been better. She announced it just before dinner, as we were all seated around the table. Pretty much ruined the night for everyone.”
She considered what she’d told Sophia, realizing that she’d probably taken Diana’s ill-timed advice. “It might have been a little bit my fault.”
“Yours?”
It was time for her to choose her words carefully. Would Scott blame her or be pissed? Diana couldn’t have known Sophia would take her advice the way she obviously had. Unless it was maybe what had been in her heart all along and Diana had just confirmed it for her.
“I may have told her that I didn’t let anyone else choose my major. Or my life. Otherwise I would be a lawyer today.”
“A lawyer.”
“I studied journalism instead. I told her I figured it was better than flunking out of law school. And I would have. I would make a terrible lawyer.”
“Sophia’s flunking.”
Diana’s hand flew over her mouth. Somehow Sophia was living through what Diana might have, if she’d chosen to do what her father wanted her to do. “No wonder it hit her so hard.”
Far from being upset, Scott reached for her and tenderly stroked her hair. “Thanks for talking to her.”
“I really didn’t know that I was saying anything that would be of help.”
“But you did.” His thumb traced the outline of her lips. “What about you? Any regrets?”
None came to mind when he had his eyes pinned on her this way. This was about the time she stopped thinking. “None. I had to follow my heart.”
&nb
sp; “Some people have an easier time doing that than others.”
Was he talking about himself? “Are you still going to drive up to the wildfires and see what you can do to help?”
“Why? You worried?” He teased.
“Okay, you got me. I care! I’m worried about you.”
“How worried?” He gave her a wicked grin.
“What do you mean?” she smiled back, then squealed when he flipped her and she was suddenly under that big strong body.
“You worried you can’t go four days without an orgasm?”
“Scott!” She found a laugh.
“Have I spoiled you that much? What if I give you four right now to make up for it?”
She could feel his hardness pressing against her thigh now, ready again. “Do you know what I’m thinking right now? I’m thinking you’re a master at redirection.”
“That too. But hey, I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“You don’t get a say in it.”
“If I die, I’ll die doing what I love and hopefully helping someone. So it won’t be a waste.”
At those words, tears stung the inside of her eyelids. “Don’t talk that way.”
“It almost never happens.”
“‘Almost’ being the key word.” She put both hands on his chest and pushed him off her. He allowed it, and moved easily. She rose from the bed. “So you are going to the wildfires.”
“Probably not, at least not yet. Sophia might need some support.”
Of course he would stay for Sophia, and not for her. Diana tried not to let it bother her, because they’d plunged into this—whatever one wanted to call it—without giving it much thought. He was what she’d needed at the time, a rest from all the thinking and planning she’d done most of her life. She’d only been with one man her entire life, and that man was supposed to be her husband right up until the moment he’d decided he couldn’t marry her.
But for all she knew, Scott had gone into this with his eyes wide open knowing it was all he wanted from her.
Starlight Hill: Complete collection 1-8 Page 80
