Mom only smiled innocently, and took another sip of her coffee.
Diana and Mandy both spoke at once.
“Definitely going there.”
“Pick me up at seven.”
Later, Diana went home and showered, had a quick dinner while she wondered what Scott would be doing tonight, and whether or not he’d find his way to her house again. He’d been a little distant this morning, but she attributed that to the job.
She understood how much the job meant to him. The work and his family. That left third place for anyone else in his life and she could admit that she didn’t particularly like the placement. And she’d already been with one man who’d strung her along for years only to dump her when it mattered.
She didn’t know how to dress tonight. Mandy would kill Diana if she downplayed too much but she also didn’t want her newly acquired approval stamp to be taken away. Once she’d decided that this was America and she’d dressed however she wanted to, Diana chose her white halter sundress and new sexy half boots ordered through her nemesis, the Internet. With any luck she might see Scott around tonight, and found herself hoping she might. If they happened to run into each other at the Tavern where she assumed he might occasionally go to grab a beer, what would be the harm?
She drove back to Gran’s just before seven, and Mandy met her at the door. “Let’s get out of here. It’s like The Way We Were in there.”
“Sad and sappy?” Diana asked as she opened up the driver’s side door.
“Exactly. But between all the deep sighs and memories, I got the scoop.”
On the way to the bar, Mandy filled Diana in on the latest. “Did you know this guy Arnie was a football player with the Niners back in the day? And now he’s some kind of a mime?”
“A mime?” Interesting, and yes, she had to meet this guy.
“Have you been out at all since you’ve been in town?” Mandy pointed the air conditioning vents in her direction.
“No I’ve been too busy helping Gran and working.”
“And—?” Mandy pressed, as if Diana was leaving something important out.
Fooling around with Scott, or fooling herself?
“Listen, you have that I-just-got-laid smirk on you and I’m jealous. Okay?”
“I do?” At one of the three stoplights in town, Diana brought down the visor mirror and took a good look at her face. Damn, she looked—happy. Satisfied. For the first time in months.
Scott had done that for her, but even now she reminded herself that she had to keep expectations low. She’d told him they were friends and it was ‘only’ sex. What an idiot she’d been.
Far be it for me to say, said Stupid Heart, but we could have told you so.
“Well?” Mandy pressed.
“Okay, it’s Scott. We’ve been just having some fun. No strings.”
Mandy snorted. “Sure. Like you can do that.”
“I am so doing it.” Wow, lying to her sister was getting easier.
“Puhleeze. You’re the girl who dated her college boyfriend up until six months ago. You don’t do casual.”
She went through the green traffic stoplight. “Maybe I do now.”
Given time, maybe she could—no way. She wouldn’t be doing this again. Ever. Who was she kidding?
She’d failed to keep her heart out of it. “He was supposed to be my rebound guy.”
“You actually did that?”
“It was your idea!”
“It was only a suggestion. I didn’t think you’d actually take my advice.”
“What?”
“I mean, I’ve never done it.”
“Wait. You’ve never cleansed your palate?”
“Please. I’m not nearly as wild as everyone seems to think.” She lifted a shoulder. “But it seemed like a good idea for you at the time.”
“Great! Do you ever have a thought you keep to yourself?” Diana parked in the only available parking spot. “Do me a favor and remind me never to listen to you again!”
Everything in Starlight Hill was so close they should have walked, but Diana didn’t have on walking shoes. She had on her FMP ankle boots. In fire engine red, which had somehow overnight become her favorite color.
Mandy, who wore an extremely short denim skirt with strappy sandals, opened the door to the bar. “Don’t let me do anything stupid tonight.”
“Ditto,” Diana said and walked into the Tavern behind Mandy.
The long dark wood bar dominated the area in a classic L shape, and though hip-hop music streamed through speakers, there was no discernible dance floor. A pool table was in the back of the room in the dark corner.
“Not exactly a nightclub.” Mandy stated the obvious. “More like a pub.”
“What did you expect?” Diana hadn’t known quite to expect, either, but now that she’d walked through the door she wasn’t completely shocked.
She did, however, nervously scan the crowd for any other women. The place was ripe with waves of testosterone bouncing off the wood paneled walls. Finally catching sight of the blonde hairdresser she’d seen at the Curl up and Dye performing mouth-to-mouth on a tall, studly-looking man, she let out an uneven breath. Then sucked it back in when she noticed Scott at one end of the bar surrounded by his brother Wallace, Ty, and some other guys she didn’t recognize. It didn’t take two seconds for Scott to lock eyes with her. He didn’t smile, but only quirked an eyebrow in her direction. Someone clapped him on the back at that point, and he turned away from her.
“It’s like a Hunk Convention.” Mandy scanned the room, then whispered in Diana’s ear. “Don’t forget what I said. Nothing stupid.”
“Define stupid.”
“Me at Jessica’s wedding two years ago.”
“Got it.” Considering that Mandy had made out with the best man in a supply room closet, Diana guessed that she wouldn’t even get close to that level of stupid tonight. But then again with Mandy one could never be too sure.
“Hello ladies,” the man behind the bar said when he’d noticed them. “What can I get ya?”
Diana ordered two drafts, then asked if he could tell her where to find Arnie.
“Right here.” He pointed at himself, drawing their beers. “Who’s asking?”
Diana hadn’t expected to come up this close and personal with the owner and she didn’t have words for a minute. “Diana.”
“Hey, you’re the girl in the video!”
No need to ask what he meant. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“So you’re Arnie?” Mandy asked. “How old are you, anyway?”
“Stupid alert.” Diana elbowed Mandy.
“I mean, it’s nice to meet you.” Mandy smiled.
“I’m ancient, that’s how old I am.” Arnie answered. He had a full head of white hair with a Fu Manchu beard, and was clearly still a big and husky football type judging by the ham hock hands that served their beers on tap.
“Arnie’s a former Niner,” came a husky voice. Diana turned to see Ty walking straight towards Mandy.
“Stupid alert, stupid alert.” Diana leaned in and whispered.
“I haven’t done anything yet.” Mandy pushed away from Diana. “Give me a chance.”
“You have been warned.” Diana watched as Mandy headed straight toward Ty.
It gave her an opportunity to take her draft and walk towards Scott. He’d still made no attempt to say hello, unless she wanted to count the lusty looks in her direction. Scott had locked eyes with her again across the room, and this time she caught the hint of a smile on his lips.
Diana made it halfway across the room when a guy she recognized from the construction site intercepted her progress. “Hey. Diana, is it?” he asked, blocking her sight of Scott.
She had visions of this man watching the videos and checking out her momentarily exposed nipple. Probably a long sermon on how she was not ‘that kind of girl’ might not be in order, especially since she’d recently become ‘that kind of girl.’
“Uh, yeah.”
“I’m Kyle. I work with Scott.”
“Yeah, I remember you.” She walked back to the bar and set her draft down.
Unfortunately he followed her. He then shocked her by leaning in, and whispering close to her neck, “What’s Scott doing right now?”
Not the question she’d expected. Her gaze naturally flicked back to Scott, who was still staring in her direction.
“Nothing?”
“Except staring laser holes into my back?”
“He’s just looking this way.”
“Yeah, I bet.” Kyle leaned in closer, reached out and lightly touched her shoulder. “And now? Are his eyes about to bug out of their sockets? Jaw tight? Scowl on his face?”
Kyle had nailed Scott’s expression, which had switched from lustful to slightly homicidal. “How did you know?”
“Ha! Thought so. You two are a thing, aren’t you?”
She didn’t know how to answer the simplest of questions. Yes, they were and no, they weren’t. They were supposed to be casual, temporary, and no strings.
Because she’d been an idiot. Her rebound guy was fast turning into ‘the’ guy. Except he didn’t quite feel the same. He wanted her body, no doubt. But the rest of it was a blur.
“We…we…I mean, we’re just good friends.”
He let out a loud laugh. “So it’s okay if I kiss you?”
“No! But I would say that even if I didn’t have a thing with—” she slapped her hand over her mouth.
Kyle grinned. “Called it.”
“Can’t anything be private around here?”
“No, actually. But it’s cool if you two want to keep it on the down low. You just might have to understand when people hit on either one of you.” He leaned back and rocked on his heels.
She wondered how many women hit on Scott on a daily basis, and found she didn’t want to hear the answer. “Point taken. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
She headed straight to Scott, ready to be the one to seek him out first. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to touch him, to hear his deep throaty laugh. But when she got to the rear of the bar and closer to the Hunk convention, she only saw Scott’s back as he slipped out the door. It couldn’t be work because a quick glance in Mandy’s direction showed that Ty was still commanding every second of her attention. There was no other explanation than the fact that Scott had run from her. Diana swallowed hard, her heart squeezing in her chest.
No strings, no pain. What a farce.
Wallace stepped into her line of sight. “Hi.”
“Hi Wallace,” Diana said.
He gestured towards the back door. “Don’t let it bother you. He always gets pissy and withdrawn this time of year.”
“I know. The fires.”
“Right,” Wallace stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Look, he likes you. A lot. Whatever you two have going on is none of my business. Just… cut him a break. Okay?”
Hard not to when she was afraid that she already loved him. She’d tried hard not to care, but he wasn’t the young, wild and selfish kid she’d thought. He cared about everyone, even her. She reminded herself of what he’d done for her and how he’d made her feel. After months of believing no man would ever touch her again, he alone made her feel like she was worth something.
He might have been an asshole tonight and walked out on her, but for the first time in a long while she couldn’t even consider giving up. Not on him.
After Diana dropped off Mandy at Gran’s, she went back home to grab the cookies she’d baked for Scott this morning. They were to be a surprise. The snickerdoodles were her first real experiment in Gen’s bakery and according to the expert herself they weren’t half bad. High praise indeed. Gen had mentioned to Diana that they happened to be Scott’s favorites, and Diana had gone ahead and pretended she didn’t already know that. She had intended them for him all along. Now, as she pulled up to his house and noticed his truck was not in the driveway she had a decision to make. Drop them off for him on the porch or be back tomorrow? Leave a note or don’t leave a note? If so, what should the note say? Should she sign it “love, Diana” or would that freak him out? So many decisions.
While she was composing the third draft of her note, the headlights of a truck shined in her direction and Scott pulled into his driveway next to her.
Her heart quaking and palms clammy, Diana met him at the front door. “Hey.”
“I’m not much company tonight.” He opened the front door and walked inside.
She followed, not clear on whether the door he’d left ajar was an invitation or not. He looked tired and a bit disheveled— his eyes strained, a day’s beard growth dusting his chin and jawline.
“For you.” She handed him the box of cookies and he accepted it.
He placed the box on his counter. “Thanks.”
“They’re my recipe. I played around with it a little bit and I hope you like them. Your favorite.” She smiled, feeling like an idiot. Something was wrong. Too wrong.
“I’m sure I’ll like them.” He didn’t smile back and that hit her harder than she wanted it to.
“What’s wrong? Because you can’t seriously believe—”
“You and Kyle? That’s up to you, isn’t it?”
Why did those words feel almost like he’d slapped her? “Scott—”
He moved away from her touch and then she did feel slapped. “Maybe he’d be better for you than me. Hell, anybody would be.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She hit his shoulder, wanting to scream and shout that no one was better for her than him.
“I screwed up on the job, Diana. And it’s definitely not the first time. Not even close.”
“You’re not a screw-up.”
“Aren’t I? I ignored safety protocol and now I’m suspended for two days. Maybe you were right about me all along. You should have stayed away. I’m toxic to everyone I try to help.”
“I really don’t understand, Scott. What did you do that was so horrible? What are you trying so hard to make up for?”
He stalked away from her. “You really want to know? Snipers travel in pairs. And my former partner is dead because of me.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Believe it.” He raked a hand through his thick head of hair.
“Did it happen in that explosion where you got all the scarring?”
He made a gruff sound which sounded like something between a grunt and a moan. “The battlefield at home. That’s where it happened. Jake killed himself.”
“Oh, Scott.” She almost couldn’t breathe at the agony written all over his face and in his raw, tense eyes. “When did this happen?”
“Four years ago.”
“You have to know that it’s not your fault.”
“The hell it isn’t. I’m not the only one who thinks so, either. Jake’s sister does, too. Every year at this time she sends me emails reminding me. As if I could ever forget.”
There was so much agony in those green eyes that Diana felt it blaze a trail straight to her heart. “She has no right to do that.”
Her breath hitched and her throat felt tight with tears. Her tiny problems paled in comparison to his. She’d been worried about Gran, her writing, being dumped and starting over and he’d been dealing with this? The personal loss of a friend. The deep responsibility for all of it.
“She’s right. If I’d come up to see him that weekend when he needed me, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“He probably needed help, the kind of help you couldn’t give him and he didn’t get it.”
“I should have had his back.”
The ragged pain in his eyes stole her breath. “And who has your back?”
He didn’t answer, only studied her and just as suddenly grabbed his keys and went for the door. “I’ve got to go.”
“Wait, Scott. Where are you going?”
“Look, this is not your problem.”
“Why won’t you let me help you? You’ve don
e so much for me.”
“I didn’t do anything, babe. You helped yourself. You’re stronger than you know and you don’t need me. Maybe all we’ve been to each other is a good and satisfying lay.”
With that last stab to her heart, he walked out the door.
Diana watched the door for several minutes, waiting, hoping he’d come back in so she could scream and curse at him. This was his house and if anything she should be the one to leave. It wasn’t until she heard his truck start up outside that she walked to the window and watched him drive away. What had just happened here?
What happened is that he just told you how he felt. You’re nothing more than sex to him. She’d managed to fool herself that sex was all she’d wanted from him. Even if she’d changed her mind, he obviously never had. And so she’d done it again. Wrapped herself up in a fairy tale. A lovely bedtime story. But in the same way she’d lived in denial with Bradley, refusing to see how wrong they were for each other from the beginning, she’d failed to see that Scott didn’t feel the same way about her that she did about him.
She loved him, but he didn’t love her back.
The ache was deep enough that she could only think of one thing to do. Go to the last place she’d felt joy.
21
Scott drove because he didn’t know what else to do. He only knew that he had to keep moving, and he couldn’t stay with Diana a moment longer. Couldn’t take those deep brown eyes washing over him with a kindness and compassion he didn’t deserve. She cared about him. That much was clear. Probably nearly as much as he’d come to care about her. Because she was the most loving and selfless woman he’d ever met, putting aside her own dreams and rearranging her life to take care of her aging grandmother.
He’d probably loved her from the moment he’d first seen her in the hospital, eyes squinting at him before he’d handed over her glasses. Those eyes had shifted and switched into protection mode the moment she’d placed him. But rather than let it go, and let her keep the previous, possibly more accurate memory of the kid who’d forgotten all about her because of the chance at a ride in a sweet fast car, he’d gone out of his way to change her mind about him. She was worried about him, because that was the kind of woman she was. Loving. Amazing. She’d easily forgiven him and let him back in her life.
Starlight Hill: Complete collection 1-8 Page 86
