Leaving The Pieces Behind

by R. M. Demeester

  “Is everything all right?” Mom asked.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I just have a lot on my mind from work.”

  “You were always a hard worker,” Mom responded.

  “Thanks. I’m going to go shower real quick. Text me when you’re here.”

  “Okay, see you soon. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t need to shower. It was a lie. A little white lie. The little ones I had always used when I was on the brink of being overwhelmed.

  What are you doing? I texted William.

  I’m doing some paperwork for work on Monday. It’s been a busy week, he responded a few minutes later.

  I’ll message you later. I have to get ready to meet my Mom soon anyway.

  I put my phone down and strolled over to my dresser. Last Christmas Mom knitted me a sweater. Mom had a real knack for knitting. She had a lot of talent — wasted talent, but talent nonetheless. It was sad. I hoped that today was a good day for her.

  I waited for ten minutes and expected Mom to show up. Then another ten minutes went by. Then another. An hour passed before her text came. I left through the door into the living room. Sophia had her nose in a book when I approached.

  “Some car is outside. Is that for you?” she asked.

  “Yeah, just my mom.”

  “Oh! Why don’t you invite her in?” Sophia asked.

  “She wants to take me out to eat.”

  Sophia shrugged and went back to her book.

  Mom’s old rusted car sat out front. I remembered that car back when we were returned to her the first time. I didn’t know she still had it. All of the other times we had met up, she was driving a different car. I thought this red car was long gone.

  Mom got out of the passenger seat. She was wearing a black silk blouse and a navy pair of slacks. She had makeup on, and her curly red hair was tamed. She smiled, radiating warmth. I smiled back. For the first time, I felt maybe this meeting would turn out okay.

  She strolled toward me with open arms. I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

  “I missed you,” she said.

  “I missed you too, Mom.”

  When we pulled away, she glanced at me and smiled. “Is that the sweater I made you?”

  “Yes.” I smiled back. She recognized my efforts.

  “We better get going. Mike is starving.”

  I got into the back seat.

  “Hello, Serenity,” Mike said. My vague memories of Mike came rushing back. I met Mike a few weeks before I turned ten. It was the first weekend back living with Mom. She told me things were going to be different starting with a new car. Ironically the same car I was sitting in now. The new house, new beds, and even new toys. Mom had gone all out when Dayton, Harmony, and I came home. She was happy then.

  “Hi,” I responded sheepishly. I swore at myself. Don’t screw up today, Serenity. Mom was happy, and I didn’t want to ruin things.

  “So where are we heading to eat?” Mike responded, rubbing his big belly.

  “There is a little diner a few blocks away,” I suggested.

  “Okay.”

  I shot him the address, and he punched it into his phone and drove away from the curb.

  “How have you been?” Mom asked.

  “Working a lot. Dealing with annoying roommates and…” Did I want to tell her about William?

  “And?” Mom prompted. “Is something wrong?”

  “No!” My face grew hot. Little butterflies invaded my thoughts.

  The car came to an abrupt stop. “I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m starving.”

  “Me too,” Mom said.

  I got out of the car and a sudden relief washed over me. Right now wasn’t the time to bring up William. Mom would want to meet him, and I wasn’t ready to spring my Mom onto William yet.

  Mom followed me into the diner.

  Mike found a seat by the window and Mom sat beside him while I sat on the other side of the table.

  A perky waitress approached us with a few menus. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “Water,” I said.

  Mom ordered the same. Mike ordered an extra-large milkshake. If I remembered Mike from when I was a child, I think he was the type of person who just had to order the biggest of everything. We’d see if my memory served me well and I hadn’t mixed him up with any of the other “special friends” Mom had.

  “It’s so nice to see you, sweetie,” Mom interrupted my musings. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you for a while.”

  “Me too. It’s been way too long. So, what have you been up to you?”

  “Mike might have a new job in the next town over. Wouldn’t that be nice?” she asked him.

  Mike nodded. “Yup, and good pay too. And don’t forget to mention the houses we’re going to look at. That little sum of money you received will sure help.”

  His comment rubbed me the wrong way. I couldn’t pinpoint why. “That’s nice to hear.”

  “It’ll be a new beginning,” Mom said.

  I tried so hard not to roll my eyes. Mom’s new beginnings never lasted. I wondered what happened this time that caused her to uproot what life she had and move out here.

  “Is everything all right?” I asked.

  Mom sighed. “There are no jobs back home. Mike was laid off, and I lost the job I did have. You know how it is.”

  I reached over and touched Mom’s hand. She flinched. “You look great, Mom. I’m glad for your new beginning. Things will get better. They always do.”

  She grinned as the waitress returned with our drinks.

  “Are you ready to order?” she asked.

  “I am,” Mike chimed in. “Not sure about these ladies. Too busy chitchatting.”

  The waitress didn’t say anything.

  “I’m ready,” Mom said.

  I glared at her for a moment. She had never been here before and didn’t even so much as glanced at the menu.

  “What can I get for you?” the waitress prompted.

  Mike spoke first. “Two double cheeseburgers with a lot of mayo. I mean a lot of mayo.”

  “And you?” The waitress turned to me.

  “Chicken Caesar wrap, with french fries.” It was a staple item at this café and the only thing I’d order.

  The waitress stared at my mother who sat there silently. Mom’s face reddened. She hastily said she wasn’t ready from the pressure.

  I saw Mike roll his eyes. “Hurry up and order, Melody,” he said.

  Mom glanced down at her lap.

  “They have great Denver sandwiches here,” I suggested.

  “I— I’ll get that,” Mom stammered.

  I glared at Mike who simply shrugged and slurped down more of his milkshake. At that moment, I wanted to reach over the table and dump it on him. But I didn’t. I wouldn’t embarrass Mom further. She’d probably just end up defending him anyway. It was obvious he had no problem making her feel small. I didn’t remember him ever being this mean, this callous. But I didn’t really remember a lot about him anyway because they broke up shortly before they took us from her again.

  Mom frowned, and what little positive glow she had before disappeared completely.

  “I can’t believe you still have that car.” I said, trying to change the subject. A trip down memory lane would either cheer her up or make her more depressed. It was a risk worth taking with nothing to lose really.

  Mom smiled. “I was afraid you wouldn’t remember.”

  Mike rolled his eyes yet again. “She would’ve been better off spending the money on a new car than fixing up that rust bucket.”

  “It runs doesn’t it?” I snapped. I was seething. The negativity dripping from him was nauseating, and it took every ounce of my being not to tell him to screw off. I turned my focus back to Mom. “So where was it stored all this time?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said quietly.

  “It matters
to me. I remember that car, and I remember the first drive-in movie in that car. I remember when Harmony nearly gave you a heart attack when she stuck half her body out the window.”

  “Yeah, that girl would never sit down.” A small smile formed across her face. If Mike would shut up with the comments, then maybe I could still salvage this meeting.

  “It’s nice to see it running again,” I said, attempting to lighten my tone and forget about Mike being there.

  Mom’s tone changed too. She seemed to become more comfortable and confident. “I had looked at other cars, but I decided to pay a friend to put a new transmission in. It runs like a dream. I hoped you’d recognize it. You and Harmony always fought over who got the front seat.”

  I bit my lip. Harmony usually got her way when we were kids.

  “Have you talked to Harmony lately?” Mom asked.

  I shook my head. “Not really. She isn’t online anymore, and I haven’t talked to her since she called me.”

  Mom sighed. “I was hoping you had heard from her. Her phone got disconnected a few weeks ago, and I haven’t had much luck getting a hold of her.”

  The waitress brought us our food, and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

  “I do hope she is doing all right,” Mom finally said.

  Mike scoffed. “I’m sure she is doing fine, Melody. Give her some time. You worry too much.”

  I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms. I had to keep telling myself to chill and not let him get to me. Mom chose to be with him, and that also meant that she was choosing to let him treat her with disrespect.

  “I’m sure she is,” she said quietly. “You’re right.”

  Mike’s chin jutted out like a snake as he shoved the greasy burger into his mouth. He wiped his face with his sleeve. He was so gross. He squinted at me with a dismissive glance. I returned an equally intense stare. How much I wished he’d just go away and let Mom and me be.

  “Melody,” he said, not bothering to cover his mouth or finish chewing before speaking.

  “Yes, hun.”

  “On our way back, we should look at other cities for rentals. You know, keep our options open.”

  I tapped my foot. It was taking every ounce of restraint for me to not react. If Mom was the one to be spending her money on this move, then she should have the last say.

  “I’ll be right back, Mom. I need to use the washroom.”

  I stood and strolled toward the bathroom. Suppressing my feelings was something I always had to do, so I was used to it now. Inside the bathroom stall, I sat on the toilet seat and sighed.

  I checked my phone messages. There was a text from William: I hope you’re having a great time with your mom.

  I wish she didn’t bring her ‘boyfriend.’ He’s an ass. I threw a few angry face emoticons in there before sending.

  Oh? he responded a few moments later.

  He’s just so rude. I’d hate to see how he treats her when I’m not around. I’m just in the bathroom taking a few moments before I join them again. Thanks for listening and I’ll text you tonight.

  I held the phone to my chest and took a deep breath. Just don’t overreact, I told myself. I didn’t want to make things worse for Mom when she did leave. Whether or not she did move here, I wanted to make the best of this visit because it may be my last with her for a long while.

  Call me if you need a ride, William replied.

  I will.

  Without waiting for a response from him, I returned to the table.

  Mom and Mike stopped talking when I sat back down.

  “Are you almost done eating?” Mom asked me. “I really need to go back to our motel.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  She looked away. “Mike’s tired.”

  “Then he can go sleep, and we can go to the mall or something,” I suggested. I didn’t even care about how rude I was being. All I knew is that some much-needed time with my mom without him would be wonderful.

  “I don’t know…” Her voice trailed off. Mike didn’t seem to be bothered by where this conversation was heading.

  “How often do you spend time with me?”

  “I know.” She turned to look at Mike. “What do you think?”

  I kept my mouth shut. Why was she asking him for permission to hang out with her daughter? Better yet, why was she putting me second again and again?

  “Do what you want, Melody, but you might have to find your ride back if I don’t wake up.”

  Mom looked downward.

  “I can make sure you get back to the motel,” I offered. I’d personally take the bus with her to wherever she was staying if I had to. I just wanted her to choose me. I wanted her to want to spend time with me. I just really wanted to know how she was doing without him. Deep down, I had this overwhelming feeling that this would be the last time I’d see Mom for a long time.

  “Well,” Mike interjected. “I’m done eating, so I’m going to go. Call me later, and maybe I’ll come to pick you up.” He reached over and kissed my mom on the forehead before heading out the café door.

  When he was out of sight, Mom let out a sigh of relief.

  “How are you doing really?” I asked.

  Mom smiled. “He is a great guy.”

  “I didn’t say he wasn’t, Mom.”

  Mom frowned. “I could tell you didn’t like him.”

  “I think the feelings were mutual. But it doesn’t matter. If you love him, Mom, then that is all that matters.”

  Mom’s eyes darted around the large room. “It’d be nice to have all you kids together in the same room.”

  “One day soon, Mom. Try not to think about it.”

  “It would be a miracle. I can’t even get Dayton to return any of my emails. He doesn’t want to see me. I wonder how he is…”

  I gulped, hoping and praying she didn’t ask me about him.

  “Have you heard from him lately?” she finally asked.

  Shit!

  “It’s been a while,” I said sadly.

  “Why? Is he okay? Please be honest with me if you know anything.”

  “He’s in jail.” I frowned. “I had bailed him out of jail, then he went on the run and got arrested again.”

  Mom wrapped her arms around herself. “What did he do?”

  “This last time he stole a car. I only found out from a news article.”

  Tears emerged in Mom’s eyes. “It’s all my fault. He always blamed me for everything. He is right. I was a shitty mother.”

  “It’s not your fault, Mom.” That familiar bitter taste in my mouth returned. “He made his own choices, and he has to face the consequences. He’s an adult now.”

  Mom didn’t say anything.

  “You are a good mom,” I said. “None of what happened… none of what is happening is your fault. Please, stop blaming yourself.”

  I had my share of resentment and issues with Mom, but now wasn’t the time to bring them up. She felt bad enough. She didn’t need me to kick her when she was already feeling down.

  “I couldn’t keep it together for you kids.” Her self-doubt talk was seeping out.

  I reached over and held her hand. “It’s a new beginning. You said you wanted to move here for a new start. It can be better. Whatever happened in the past is in the past. Right?”

  “You’re right.” She lifted her head. “You were always so insightful. Such a smart, beautiful person. You know that, Serenity?”

  I smiled. “I got it from you.”

  I never knew my father, so someone had to get the credit. Mom had terrific qualities underneath all the layers of problems, but depression was a severe thing.

  “At least you didn’t inherit the negative qualities,” she joked.

  I chuckled. “I’m well-balanced.”

  We both laughed at my lame joke.

  “What else is new with you, sweetie?” she asked again. “Besides work. Anyone special?”

  I hesitated, which was all the evidence she needed.

  “
Who is he?” Mom said.

  “I started seeing this guy, William. It’s not too serious.”

  “What do you mean ‘not too serious’? Do you mean not-living-together-serious?”

  “I mean not serious.” I was unsure if I wanted to give her more information. “We only just became official. And kissed a handful of times. It’s pretty innocent.”

  “At least you are taking things slow. Harmony seems like she has a new boyfriend every week. I can’t keep track.”

  I shrugged. “I’m not Harmony.”

  “If things get serious, you’ll introduce me to this William?”

  “Of course.”

  It wasn’t a complete lie. I didn’t want to introduce William to anyone until I was sure he was the real deal. Our relationship was already complicated enough without presenting him to Mom.

  Mom took the last bite of her sandwich. “How about we head out,” she suggested.

  She paid for our meal and we exited the restaurant, walking toward the center of downtown. “There is a mall a few blocks down,” I began. “You can see it from here. It’s the tall brick building.”

  Mom nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

  We crossed the street to the corner where I was robbed that fateful night. The bakery was just a block over from the usual way to the mall. “Do you want to see where I work, Mom?” I asked.

  “Sure. I like to know what is happening in your life.”

  As we walked closer to the exact point where I was jumped, my heart sped up, anxiety naturally propelling me forward at a break-neck pace. Mom had to jog to keep up, but I couldn’t help it. Every time I approached that spot since that night, I get goosebumps and feel uncontrollable fear. What if they came back? I couldn’t afford to lose any more of my stuff. While I had a job, it still wasn’t enough to save much. Here I was hoping for a raise or promotion soon. One day I’d hopefully get my own place and with it total freedom from Sophia and Crystal and all the juvenile drama that followed. Maybe then William would come over. But it was wishful thinking. Every single dream I formulated was out of reach. A shitty reality.

  Mom stopped to catch her breath. “What was that?” she asked.