“Fine!” Sophie clapped again, grating on my nerves. She started jumping like a giddy little kid. Great. “Once Sarah is feeling better we can discuss the details!” She turned and ran back to her room, mumbling to herself, “I wonder if my little black dress is clean… With those heels…”
“Well, right now I’m going to go have a nap,” I shouted to her, but she didn’t seem to hear me.
I moseyed past her room and into my own, closing the door and locking it. I lay face-first on my bed to check my messages.
A text came across the screen from a number I didn’t recognize. How does this Friday work for you?
Claire? I texted back.
Who else? came the rude as usual response.
Sorry, yes. Friday is perfect, I quickly replied.
It was official. It was finally official that in less than a week, I’d finally meet my father. I couldn’t wait. I did a little dance out of pure excitement, much like I had when William got me a job. When the warm tingly feelings subsided, I texted William the news. I owed all of this to him.
Chapter 14
I woke and sat unsteadily on the edge of the bed. I was meeting Samuel for the first time today. Last night I insisted that William drop me off at home so I could prepare mentally. He would be picking me up to drive me to the meeting place. I wondered if I should tell Mom about meeting Samuel. Since I had talked with her last, contact with her had been intermittent. I knew she was angry. Hurt perhaps, and I wished I could talk to her about it.
A lump formed in my throat. Mom used to tell me I had toads in my throat whenever I got nervous. She liked the play on words even if the analogy wasn’t quite right.
I don’t appreciate you pulling a fast one. That was the last text I received from Mom just three days ago after I tried to make light of me reaching out to Samuel. I wanted so badly to tell her that if she didn’t keep secrets from me, I wouldn’t have to lie to get what I needed out of her. For the umpteenth time, I circled my thumb over the screen, trying to formulate a response, but my brain came up short. Anything I’d say to her would likely just piss her off her more. Any reply that wasn’t telling her I was giving up on my search or that she was right, she’d take as an insult. She took everything personally.
I swallowed hard and tossed the phone beside me. I needed to get dressed and ready to go. I was nervous and it was clear; William told me last night to just be myself. But what if being myself scared Samuel away? I was a walking disaster. Maybe I’d say the wrong thing and he’d never want to see me again. Maybe he’d live up to Mom’s comments, Aunt Jane’s comments. Everyone in my family hated the guy. But why?
I quickly changed into some comfy casual clothes and threw my hair back into a ponytail. Be me. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. It’s unfulfilling, and it’s so hard to maintain those appearances. William’s words rang true in my mind. Even Zina had provided me with some reassurance when I texted her last night voicing my concerns.
I retrieved my phone, left my room, locked the door behind me, and headed for the living room. Even though I’d spent a night out with her, I still hadn’t gotten a good read on Sarah, the new roomie, which meant I still hadn’t developed enough trust to take the lock off my door. While Sophia and Crystal were pains in my butts, they never were untrustworthy.
I walked into the living room. Every light was on, the television was on full blast, and a few empty beer cans and cartons of takeout food were strewn among the coffee table. Sarah liked to party. Sophia even began to drink more now that Sarah was living here. It was a shame. The only time I went to hang out with her and Sarah for that “girls’ night,” they both tried to shove alcohol down my throat. Maybe it was because Sarah had just turned 21 and Sophia wasn’t much older. But I wasn’t a drinker. I never really enjoyed getting smashed. William and I enjoyed the occasional glass of wine, but not much beyond that.
I moved some clutter over and propped my feet on the coffee table as I sat down. At least I had some peace. I scrolled through my messages and waited patiently for the text from William telling me he was here.
Not even a few minutes went by before I heard the bathroom door open and someone stumble out. I groaned. Sophia walked into the living room, hair disheveled and shirt inside-out and on backwards.
“You have fun last night?” I asked.
Sophia shook her head. “Not really.” She faked a smile as she slumped into the couch beside me. “How come you’re never home anymore?”
She was right. I have been spending more time with William these past few weeks. If no one knew better, they’d think I lived there.
“Well?” she prompted.
I shrugged. “I’ve just been spending a lot of time with William.”
Sophia sighed. “I missed when it was just you, Crystal, and me.”
I opened my mouth slightly. I was taken back. I always thought that Sophia saw me as a nuisance and vice versa. “Really?”
She took a deep breath and whispered, “You were right about Sarah.”
I held my breath to avoid having to breathe in too much of the strong scent of stale booze. “Oh?” I didn’t know how else to respond. Just a few days ago, Sophia was telling me that Sarah wasn’t that bad, but now Sophia was all nostalgic and not that crazy about our new roommate.
“My mom is threatening to stop paying my rent,” she confided. “She came here yesterday and told me I had let myself go. It all started after she came to live here.”
I nodded. Crystal didn’t exactly tell us who would be our new roommate. All she said was that she was a girl from school who was looking for a place to live. Which I found really ironic, considering she stayed up all night, and spent all morning in bed.
“Of course, you don’t notice,” she added.
“I notice,” I replied. “You can say no to the drinking, you know.”
Sophia was barking up the wrong tree if she was looking for sympathy. I had already tried to warn her about drinking, but she didn’t want to listen.
“It’s so hard when she is the only one to talk to around here,” Sophia said.
“Maybe get out of the house and find some hobbies,” I added, but it came out harsher than I intended.
Sophia looked away.
Then my phone pinged, rescuing me from the increasingly awkward situation. “I’d love to talk to you further, but I have to go.”
“Will you be back tonight?”
I paused for a moment then simply replied, “Maybe.” I knew I’d probably spend the night with William again, but a part of me felt a twinge of guilt. It seemed like Sophia needed a friend.
“Well, if you do decide to come home, maybe we can rent a movie.”
I was a little surprised at that. “Sounds good. I’ll text you later,” I said as I opened the front door to leave.
“Okay, bye, Serenity.”
I closed the door behind me. What was that? When did Sophia become so needy? I shook away the thoughts as quickly as they entered my mind. I couldn’t be distracted by other things right now. My main objective was to meet my father.
Once inside the car, William reached over and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. “Good morning, hun.”
“Good morning.” I smiled.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
I stared at my cell phone. Samuel had sent a text to me for the first time last night confirming the location and time. I’ll be at the coffee shop on Miller and Third at 11. It was a very direct, professional response.
“It’ll be fine,” he reassured me.
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
William pulled away from the curb. The drive was quiet. William had the uncanny ability to know when to give me some much-needed space to think.
The closer we came to the coffee shop where we agreed to meet, the more my mind raced. What would my father be like? What did he look like? I had thought about the possible answers to these questions over and over again. Would he be like Mike? An asshole? A slob? The
re were so many words to describe that man, and not one was positive. I wanted to believe that Samuel would be decent. Maybe there was an explanation or a misunderstanding to explain why Mom kept him away, or why everyone else in my family also hated him. The little comments about him were ingrained; it might be hard for me to see past them and really see who this Samuel was.
William pulled up to the building. “Here we are,” he said softly.
I smiled but my hands trembled.
“Do you want me to come in with you?”
I shook my head. “This is something I need to do on my own.”
He nodded. “I’ll be out here in case you need to escape. Take as long as you need.”
I reached over, pulled him close, and kissed him. We pulled apart, gazing at one another. “I’ll see you soon.”
I opened the car door and got out. For a moment, I just stood there, taking in deep breaths.
Here goes nothing.
I entered the coffee shop and looked around. There were a few couples spread around. But my eyes stopped at a man sitting alone in the corner. The man was at least in his forties with short, dark brown hair. He shifted uncomfortably when our eyes met. We stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before he stood. I was surprised to find that he was shorter than I thought he’d be. Maybe a good few inches shorter than I had imagined and lanky. He wore a button-up blue, jean jacket and dark navy jeans. I did notice a remarkable resemblance. I had his big brown eyes, same pointy nose, and broad lips.
He had to be my father. There was no way he wasn’t.
“Serenity?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “I— It’s nice to meet you.”
He held out his hand, and we awkwardly shook. “Samuel, but you can call me Sam.”
I faked a smile, but I felt a pang of melancholy. I guess I half-expected him to hug me after not seeing me my entire life. But he shook my hand. He treated me like a business prospect. But I couldn’t let him see my disappointment.
“Should we sit down?” he asked.
“Yes.”
I followed him to the booth where he had been sitting. I glanced out the window at William’s car. I flashed him a smile when he looked up from his lap.
I sat down across from Samuel. He sat up straight and his shoulders rose.
“Claire told me you wished to meet me.”
“Yes.”
“Did Melody put you up to this?” he asked curtly.
My stomach twisted in a million directions. “No!” Suddenly, I was second-guessing myself and why I was here. “She was against it. Why do you ask?”
He grimaced. “No reason.”
I tapped my hand on the table. “I wanted to find you all on my own. It just took a bit of searching and lying to my mother to get to that point,” I tried to explain, hoping that letting him know it was one hundred percent my idea would loosen him up a bit.
A waitress approached and took our order. The disruption was freeing while I tried to wrap my mind around the first impression of him, of my father. So far, he was apathetic if not a little exasperated by my presence. But I couldn’t discount him yet. He might just be nervous.
When the waitress brought our beverages, he took a sip. “So what do you do for a living?” he asked.
“I work at a bakery.”
He sneered. “So you followed in your mother’s footsteps.”
“Excuse me? Why do you hate my mother so much?” I asked bluntly. “Better yet, why do you two hate each other in general?”
Samuel clenched his fist and said nothing.
Annoyed, I prodded further. “Here’s your chance to tell me your side of the story. Because the things I’ve heard about you haven’t been good.”
He softened his posture. “I had no idea you even existed until I heard from Claire. I have to admit, I pretended you gave me the wrong number because I wasn’t sure about meeting you. I was afraid of the lies that would be told about me. But since you did reach out, Here’s the truth.” He took a deep breath. “I know your mother was bitter after our fling ended, but to not tell me she was pregnant...” His voice trailed off, and he mumbled something about being deceived.
Pain blossomed in my chest; the pressure was so intense I struggled to breathe as I shifted in my seat. All this time, Mom told me he was bad news. But she had lied; she had never even given him a chance to be there for me. My hands shook at how angry I was at her.
How dare she? Maybe my life could have been different. Maybe I wouldn’t have been tossed from home to home to home.
Samuel looked away as I boiled with rage. “She was jealous,” he said finally. He wasn’t looking directly at me, and I sensed he wasn’t even talking to me directly.
“Jealous?” I gaped at him. No doubt she probably felt rejected, but jealous? Did he replace her with another girlfriend and this was her way to say, “fuck you” to the guy? Surely Mom couldn’t have been that bitter. There had to be something more.
“Jane is your aunt, correct?” he asked.
I eyed him prudently. “Yeah? She’s my mother’s sister. Why?”
He looked away. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, Serenity. Forget I mentioned her name.”
“No, tell me. Please.” I hated secrets. I was so sick of everyone hiding something from me.
“Your Aunt Jane told me that Melody— I mean, told me your mother was cheating on me. So I broke up with her. I didn’t hear from her for a few years. Then I started a relationship with Jane.” He paused. “I’m sorry, Serenity. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I need you to know the truth. I’m not sure what she’s told you, but anyway, I started a relationship with Jane. Melody confronted me.” The muscles in his face tightened. “Your mother and I got into it. She was screaming in my face. So I pushed her away. She tripped and hit her head. She had me arrested for assault. She even got a restraining order against me. I spent so much on legal bills only to have the charges dropped. Apparently her story on what happened kept changing, and they eventually just dropped the charges because of the lack of evidence. Either way, I haven’t seen her since. I broke up with Jane right after. I couldn’t deal with those two.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, especially since he made it sound like they were both angry and both at fault.
“So now you know the truth,” he said. “I’m not innocent, and I am not proud of the person I was back then.”
It made sense. Jane was bitter over him dumping her, and Mom was angry over the double betrayal from her sister and my father. No wonder she was so bitter and didn’t trust anyone. I don’t know how I’d react if Harmony tried to break up William and I.
I tried to move past all this information. I wanted to know more about my father. “So tell me about yourself.”
He smiled. “Well, I joined the Marines where I then met my late wife, Charlotte. We had a great few years before she got sick.” His voice filled with dread and he looked away for a moment. When he looked back, his eyes were glossy. “I was left to raise our two sons.”
“Two sons?” I clarified. I had two brothers I’d never met. A whole other family I never got to encounter. “I have brothers? How old are they?” I couldn’t contain my excitement. I realized too late that maybe my excitement was inappropriate given that he had just told me that his wife had died.
He grinned at that. “Yes, Chance is nineteen and Robbie is sixteen.”
I smiled back. “I’d love to meet them sometime.”
“Maybe someday. First I need to tell them about you.” His grin faltered and dropped as he said it.
My smile turned upside-down. “Oh?”
Samuel fumbled with the handle of the coffee cup. “I just wanted to meet you first before I told them anything.”
I nodded. “It makes sense.” It kind of hurt that I was still a secret, but I understood.
“You seem a little sad. Why?” he asked.
“I guess I’m a bit jealous,” I admitted. Chance and Rob
bie got to live with our dad, but I never got the chance. I had only ever lived with Mom and a bunch of random strangers.
“Why?”
“Well, I never got the opportunity to get to know you. I didn’t get much of anything.” I cracked my knuckles anxiously. Mom prevented me from having a father purely because of her jealousy. She knowingly let me go into foster care when she had the means to give me a father, someone to take care of me, but she didn’t.
Tears threatened to emerge.
“What’s wrong?” Samuel shuffled in his seat. “Are you okay?”
“Foster care does that to you.”
Here I was telling my father — a stranger — all about my life. Was I trying to make him feel guilty? I didn’t know what I expected him to do about it. But I wanted someone, anyone to feel how I felt. Mom got her fair share of my guilt. But I couldn’t help it; I had to let him know.
He slumped his shoulders. “I’m sorry to hear.”
I crossed my arms. “It isn’t your fault. You had no idea I even existed.”
“Damn Melody,” he swore under his breath. “Charlotte and I could have given you a better life. A stable life.”
My insides twisted. I was truly in a lose-lose scenario; I could have had a good life with Samuel, Charlotte, and my brothers, but I wouldn’t have had a relationship with Dayton and Harmony. Even though we weren’t close, they were the closest confidants I had growing up. But Mom took away my right to know my two other brothers. She could have shared me, but she chose not to.
Samuel looked over at me. “I know this is a lot to cover in one day. But maybe we should wrap things up. Process everything, and then if you’d like, we can set up another meeting.”
I bit my lip. “Okay.” I didn’t want to end our meeting, not just yet. It was emotional, how could it not be? He had been honest with me and didn’t sugarcoat the truth. Maybe Mom knew about Charlotte and was jealous. Jealous that Samuel had found true love while she was stuck being a single mother. But that didn’t explain why Dayton and Harmony also didn’t know their fathers.
Leaving The Pieces Behind Page 15
