by Anne O'Brien
“I dare not,” I managed.
“You would refuse your King?” He was amused again.
“I would when it would be to his detriment.”
“Then we must do our poor best, sweet Alice, and count the broken toes at the end of the evening.”
Sweet Alice? Was he flirting with me? But no. That was not possible. I exasperated him more often than I entertained him. As was quickly proved, if I had had any doubts.
“By God, Mistress Alice. You did not lie,” he stated ruefully as the procession wound to its end. “You should issue a warning to any man who invites you.”
“No one will! Not every man is as brave as you, Sire.”
“Then I’ll remember not to risk it again,” he said as he handed me back to sit at Philippa’s side.
But he did. Even though I still fell over his feet.
The Queen did not forbid me to dance with the King, but she appeared to find little enjoyment in the occasion.
The Queen has given the King a lion. Ah, yes! The affair of the lion. Observing the damsels with scorn where they huddled, hiding their faces, retreating from its roars in mock fear, and keen to find a comforting arm from one of the King’s gallant knights, I walked toward the huge cage, where I might inspect the beast at close quarters. I was not afraid. I would not pretend to be so. How could it harm me when it was imprisoned behind bars and locks? Its rough, tawny mane, its vast array of teeth fascinated me. I stepped closer as it settled on its haunches, tail twitching in impotent warning.
“You’re not afraid, Mistress Alice?” Soft-footed, the King stood behind me.
“No, Sire. What need?” We had returned to formality, and I was not sorry. Was he not the King? “The girls are foolish, not really afraid. They just wish to…”
“They wish to attract attention?”
“Yes, Sire.”
We looked across to where the fluttering damsels received assurance and flattery.
“And you do not, Mistress Alice? Does not some young knight take your extremely critical eye? Is there no one you admire?”
I thought about this, giving his question more consideration than perhaps was intended, appraising the wealth of strength and beauty and high blood around me.
“No, Sire.” It was the truth.
“But you admire my lion.”
“Oh, I do.”
The lion watched us with impassive hatred. Were we not the cause of its imprisonment? I considered its state, and my own past experience. Both kept under duress, without freedom. Both existing on the whim of another. But I had escaped by miraculous means. There would be no miracle for this lion. This poor beast would remain in captivity until the day of its death.
“Does nothing fill you with terror? Other than horses, of course.”
There! He had unnerved me again. “Yes,” I replied. “But it’s a fear you’ll never know, Sire.”
“Tell me, then.”
Before I could collect my wits, I found myself explaining, because he was regarding me as if he really cared about my fears. “I am afraid of the future, Sire, where nothing is permanent; nothing is certain. Of a life without stability, without friends or family, without a home. Where I am nobody, without name or status. I don’t want to be dependent on the pity or charity of others. I had enough of that from Sister Goda. And at the hands of my sister-in-law, Signora Damiata. It is a lonely existence and I fear it. I want to make something of myself, for myself. I don’t want to die in penury.”
Holy Mother! I looked fixedly at the lion, horrified. Had I really admitted to all that? To the King?
“It’s a lot to ask,” he replied simply. “For a young woman in your situation.”
Countess Joan had observed as much, if with less courtesy. “Is it impossible?”
“No. That was not my meaning. But it’s a hard road for a woman alone to travel.”
“Must I then accept my fate, like this poor imprisoned beast?”
“Are we not all governed by fate, mistress?” I was aware that his attention was turned from the lion to me and, with just as much speculation, that the conversation had taken a very personal turn, and I sought for an innocuous reply.
“I don’t intend ingratitude, Sire. I’m aware of how much I owe the Queen.”
“I didn’t know that you saw your future in so bleak a light.”
“Why would you, Sire? You are the King. It is not necessary that you either know or care.” For that was how I saw it.
“So you think I don’t care? Am I so selfish?” He was clearly startled; his fine brows met over the bridge of his nose, and I wondered whether I had displeased him. “Or is it that you have a low opinion of all men?”
“I’ve no reason not to. My father, whoever he was, gave me no reason to think highly of them. Nor did my husband, who took me into a sham of a marriage to ward off his sister’s nagging. I did not matter overmuch to either of them.”
For a moment the King looked astounded as my bitterness overflowed, as I thought he might if one of his hounds dared to bite him on the calf.
“You don’t hold back with the truth, do you, mistress? It seems I must make amends for my sex.”
“You owe me nothing, Sire.”
“Perhaps it is not a matter of owing, Alice. Perhaps it is more of what I find I wish to do.”
The lion roared, lashing out with its claws against the metal, interrupting whatever the King, or I, might have said next. He led me away as attendants from his menagerie came to transport the beast, and I thanked God for the timely intervention. I had said quite enough to damn myself.
But the King was not finished with me quite yet. “You are not justified in your reading of my character, Mistress Alice,” he said as we came to the door, a wry twist of his lips. “I know exactly what you fear. I lived through a period of my life when my future hung on a thread, when I did not know friend from enemy, and my authority as King was under attack. I know about rising every morning from my bed not knowing what fate would dish out for me that day—whether good or evil.”
I must have shown my disbelief that a King should ever know such insecurity.
“And one day I will tell you.”
He walked away, leaving me dumbfounded.
I have a gift. From Edward himself. I frowned at my gift, all spirit with a mane and tail of silk, as neat as an illustration from a Book of Hours, as she fussed and tossed her head in the stable yard.
“You don’t like her?”
“I don’t know why you should give her to me, Sire.”
“Why should I not?”
“And why do you always ask me questions that I find difficult to answer?”
Edward laughed, not at all disturbed by my retort. “You always seem to find one!”
“She’s never short of a pert comment, that’s for sure.” Isabella had arrived to stroke the pretty dappled creature. “When did you last give me a new horse, sir?”
“When you last asked me for one, as I recall. Two months ago.”
“So you did. I must think of something else, since you’re generous today.”
“You have never had need to question my generosity to you, Isabella,” the King replied dryly.
“True!” she declared, giving a final pat to the mare. “Get what you can, little Alice, since His Majesty is in the mood for giving! Here’s your chance to make your fortune from the royal coffers.” And she wandered off, restless as ever.
“My daughter is free with her opinions.” He watched her go. “I apologize for her lack of grace.”
It had been an unnerving little interlude, leaving the King with less of his good humor, but still I asked: “You have not told me why you have given me the mare, Sire.”
“I have given you the mare because you need a mount to take care of you when my son cannot. She will treat you very well. If you will be so good as to accept her.”
His reply was curt, giving me a taste of his latent power, his dislike of being thwarted or questioned, his very mas
culine pride. I would not be ungrateful and would accept with more elegance than Isabella had shown. I set myself to charm. King or not, he did not deserve to have his openhanded magnanimity to a servant thrown in his face.
“I am not ungracious, Sire. It is just that no one has ever given me a gift before. Except for the Queen. And once I was given a monkey.” He began to smile. “It was a detestable creature.”
Edward laughed. “What happened to it? Do you still have it?”
“Fortunately not. I fear its fate was sealed at St. Mary’s. Repentance—or some dire punishment—as I know to my cost.”
His laughter became a low growl. “Then if you are so short of gifts, I must do what I can to remedy it.”
I considered this, conscious of how singular this must seem. “The King does not give gifts to girls of no family.”
“This one does. He gives what he wishes, to whom he wishes. Or at least, he gives a palfrey to you, Mistress Alice.”
“I can’t, Sire.…” I was not lacking in good sense. It would be indiscreet. The mare was far too valuable.
“What a prickly creature you are! It is nothing, you know.”
“Not to you…”
“I want you to enjoy her. Will you allow me to do that? If for no other reason than that you serve the Queen well.”
How could I refuse? When the mare pushed against my shoulder with her soft nose, I fell in love with her—just a little—because she was beautiful and she was the King’s gift.
The Queen is ill. She cannot move from her bed and begs me to read to her. When Edward visited, I stood to curtsy, already closing the book and putting it aside, expecting to be dismissed. Edward’s time with his wife was precious, but he waved for me to read on and sat with us until I had finished the tale.
It was a dolorous one in which the Queen found particular enjoyment. She wept for the tragedy of the ill-fated lovers Tristan and Isolde. The King stroked her hand, chiding her gently for her foolishness, telling her that his love for her was far greater than that of Tristan for his lady, and that he had no intention of doing anything so spineless as turning his face to the wall to die. Only a sword in the gut would bring him to his knees. And was his dear Philippa intending to cast herself over his body and die too without cause but a broken heart? Were they not—after so many years of marriage—made of sterner stuff than that? For shame!
It made the Queen laugh through her tears. “A foolish tale,” she said, with a watery smile.
“But it was well read. With much feeling,” Edward observed.
He touched my shoulder as he left us, the softest of pressures. There was no need for it—and yet he had chosen to do it. Did the Queen notice? I thought not, but she dismissed me brusquely, pleading a need for solitude. She covered her face with her hands.
Her voice stopped me as I reached the door.
“Forgive me, Alice. It is a grievous burden I have given myself, and sometimes it is beyond me to bear it well.”
I did not understand her.
Edward has had his clock placed in a new tower. I stood and watched in awe. Edward’s shout of laughter was powerful, a thing of joy, for at last his precious clock had come to the final steps of its installation, the tower to house it complete and the pieces of the mechanism assembled to the Italian’s finicky satisfaction. Here was the day that it would be set into working order, and the Queen had expressed a desire to witness it. Had Edward not had it made for her, modeled on that belonging to the Abbot of St. Albans, with its miraculous shifting panels of sun and stars?
“I can’t!” Philippa admitted. “I really can’t!” when she could not push her swollen feet into soft shoes. “Go and watch for me, Alice. The King needs an audience.”
“Thank God!” Isabella remarked.
“For what precisely?” Philippa was peevish. “I fail to see any need to thank Him this morning.”
“Because you didn’t ask me to go to look at the monstrosity.”
“Well, I wouldn’t. Alice will enjoy it. Alice can ask the King the right questions, and then tell us all about it. Can’t you?”
“Yes, Majesty,” I replied, not truly understanding why I had been singled out.
“But not in great detail,” Isabella called after me as I left the room. “We’re not all fixated with ropes and pulleys and…wheels!”
So I went alone. I was interested in ropes and pulleys and cogs with wooden teeth that locked as they revolved. I wanted to see what the Italian had achieved. Was that all I wanted?
Ah, no!
I wanted to watch and understand what fascinated Edward when he didn’t have a sword in his hand or a celebration to organize. I had no excuse. I wanted to see what beguiled this complex man of action. So I watched the final preparations.
We were not alone. The King had his audience with or without my presence, the Italian and his assistant as well as a cluster of servants and a handful of men-at-arms to give the necessary strength. And there was Thomas, who could not be kept away from such a spectacle.
“We need to lift this into position, Sire.” The Italian gestured, arms flung wide. “And then attach the weights and the ropes for the bell.”
The ropes were apportioned to the men-at-arms, the instructions issued to hoist the weights for the winding mechanism. Thomas was given the task of watching for the moment when all was in place. I was waved ignominiously to one side.
“Pull!” the Italian bellowed. And they did. “Pull!”
With each repetition, the pieces of the clock rose into position.
“Almost there!” Thomas capered in excitement.
“Pull!” ordered the Italian.
They pulled, and with a creak and a snap one of the ropes broke. The weight to which it was attached, now without the tension, crashed down to the floor, sending up a shower of dust and stone chippings. And before I could react, the loose remnants of the rope flew in an arc, like a whiplash, snaking out across the stone paving, to strike my ankles with such force that my feet were taken out from under me.
I fell in an inelegant heap of skirts and frayed rope and dust.
“Signorina!” The Italian leaped to my side with horror.
“Alice!” The King was there too.
I sat up slowly, breathless from shock and surprise, my ankles sore, as the Italian proceeded to wipe dust from my face before discreetly arranging my disordered skirts.
“Signorina! Mille pardons!”
It all seemed to be happening at a distance. The cloud of dust settling, the soldiers lowering the still-unfixed pieces of the clock, now forgotten in the chaos. Thomas staring at me with a mixture of fright and ghoulish fascination.
My eyes settled on the King’s anxious face. “Sire…” I said. I was not discreet.
“You are quite safe now.” He enclosed my hands within his and lifted them to his lips.
And my senses returned.
“I am not hurt,” I stated.
Ignoring this, Edward sent Thomas at a run: “Fetch my physician!”
“I am not hurt!” I repeated.
“I’ll decide whether you are hurt or not,” Edward snapped back, and then to his Master of Clocks, who still fussed and wrung his hands: “See to the mechanism. It’s not your fault, man! I’ll deal with Mistress Alice.”
Never had I been so aware of his presence, the proud flare of nostrils that gave him a hawkish air even when he was not. Even when rank fear was imprinted in his face.
“Can you stand?” he asked abruptly.
“Yes.”
Gently, he lifted me and stood me on my feet. To my surprise I staggered and was forced to clutch at his arm—no artifice on my part, but a momentary dizziness. Without a second thought Edward swept me up into his arms and carried me away from the dust and debris.
For the first time in my short existence I was enclosed in the arms of a man. All the feelings I had imagined but never experienced flooded through me. The heat of his body against mine, the steady beat of his heart. The fine
grain of his skin beneath the weathering, the firmness of his hands holding me close. The pungency of sweat and dust and sudden panic when life came under threat. My throat was dry with an inexplicable need, my palms slick with it. Every inch of my skin seemed to be alive, shimmering in the bars of sunlight through the glazed and painted windows. I was alight, on fire, my heart thundering against the lacing of my gown.…
Until I was brought back to reality.
“Put me down, Sire!” I ordered, horrified. “You must not worry the Queen with this. She is ill today. Where are you taking me?”
He came to a sudden halt. “I don’t know.” He looked down at me, as jolted as I. How close his eyes were to mine, his breath warm against my temple. “In faith, Alice, you frightened me beyond reason. Are you in pain?”
“No!” I was too aware, far too aware. “Put me down. Why are you carrying me when I can walk very well on my own?”
“It seemed the right thing to do at the time.” The lines that bracketed his mouth began to ease at last. “Allow me to be gallant, if you will, and carry you to safety.”
I could hear the Italian tending lovingly to his mechanism, and the voices of the soldiers, the proximity of the servants. “Put me down, Sire. We shall be seen.”
“Why would that matter?” His brows winged upward as if he had not considered it.
But I knew it would matter. I knew all the Court would know of this altercation within the hour. “Put me down!” I abandoned any good manners.
Edward turned abruptly into the chancel, marched along its length, and set me down in one of the choir stalls, allowing me some degree of privacy.
“Since you insist…”
And, kneeling beside me, he kissed me. Not a gracious salute to my fingers. Not a brotherly caress to my cheek as I imagined such a one to be. Not a chaste, husbandly peck on the lips such as Janyn Perrers would have employed if he had ever come so close to me. Edward gripped my arms, hauled me against him, and his mouth descended on mine in a firm possession that lasted as long as a heartbeat, and more.
He lifted his head and I looked at him, stunned. My blood hummed; my thoughts scattered. “You should not have done that,” I managed in a whisper. “That is not the right thing to do.”
