“No, thanks, beautiful,” Caitlin said, slumped back in the chair like a rag doll. “I just can’t face it right now.” She sighed. “I should have tried harder, been more like Mom said…fitter, slimmer, quieter, more feminine…”
“Caity, no way!” I protested. “None of that stuff matters to the right guy.” I said it with such confidence, I almost believed it myself.
Caitlin didn’t reply. When I glanced over at her, I saw a fat tear rolling down her cheek. Her bottom lip was quivering and her eyes were dark and sad.
“Oh, sweetie,” I said, hugging her. “I’m so sorry. Should I not have told you?”
“No, it’s okay,” she said, sniffling. “I’d rather know now.”
As I stood there, gently stroking her hair, I realised that my problems with Cooper had been thrust almost completely out of my mind. Normally I’d have been obsessing and fretting and pouring out the whole story so that Caitlin and I could pick everything to bits, but at the moment Caitlin’s problems far eclipsed mine.
Caitlin and I sat up for a while longer talking, but the conversation kept going in circles. I finally tucked Caitlin into bed, and while I didn’t at all begrudge sitting up with her, I was grateful to be able to crawl into bed myself. Unfortunately for me, without Caitlin’s cheating boyfriend to focus on, my mind went right back to Cooper. I tossed and turned most of the night, replaying the day in my head, second-guessing everything I’d said and done and re-examining everything he’d said and done. I came to no conclusions other than that I’d probably been needy and suspicious, and finally drifted off.
When morning came, I needed a bit of air. Caitlin had the morning off, so I left her curled up in the bottom bunk, a cup of tea beside her in case she woke up.
I grabbed my phone and headed out for a stroll along the top deck until I had to open the Pic Stop before docking in Martinique. It was early enough that there weren’t many people around; it was just me, my music, and a beautiful sunrise. I leaned against the rail and stared out across the ocean; it was going to be another gorgeous day.
The promise of another perfect day in paradise didn’t lighten my mood much, though. Yesterday had really taken it out of me; first everything had gone wrong with Cooper, and then Jock had walked out on me, and then poor Caitlin… I paused the music and pulled out my headphones to take in the moment. As I closed my eyes, the salt-heavy breeze washed across my face and I felt a moment of peace. I breathed in, and out, and in again, and slowly I began to feel a bit better, like I might be able to go below again and face the day.
“Ellie!” called a voice behind me. “What are you doing?”
I turned in time to see Cooper bolting across the deck towards me. He grabbed me around the waist and hauled me away from the railing.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demanded. “You should never lean over a ship’s railing!”
Well, he sounded worried. It was nice to be the object of concern instead of the concerned party for once. “I wasn’t about to jump or anything,” I said, laughing a little. “How did you know I was here?”
“Didn’t you hear me calling you when you left the cabin?” he asked, still looking worried.
I waved my phone at him. “Sorry about that,” I said, shrugging. I wrapped my headphones around my phone and stuffed it in my pocket, waiting for him to continue.
“I’m really sorry about the last couple of nights,” he said apologetically. “I’m just really sensitive about being questioned, you know? And no one likes being accused of something they haven’t done.”
I didn’t really feel as though I’d actually accused him of anything so much as wanted an explanation, but seeing as he clearly wanted to smooth things over, I didn’t really want to make a big deal of it. “That’s okay,” I said, smiling. “I understand. I’m sorry I chased you around like a crazy person.”
He caught my hand in his and pressed his lips to my palm, sending tingles along my fingers. He was so sweet, and it was lovely to make up so easily. I wanted to stay topside and just enjoy Cooper’s company, but duty called. My morning passed much more quickly and calmly knowing Cooper and I were okay again, though, and it was easy to keep a smile on my face. Everything was once again right in the world; I was determined to curb my daft, paranoid behaviour and never let it be a problem again.
After the shop closed at lunchtime, I sauntered down to the crew internet room. Cooper was working in the lab all afternoon, and in any case I’d promised Nick I’d help him plan ‘Operation Straight Boy’. First things first, though. I sent off a quick email to Mum and Dad to let them know I was still alive and promised a lengthy email later—I’d get to it eventually. I pulled up the news with good intentions, but gave up after the first three headlines were incredibly depressing.
I’d reached that age where it seemed like every time I checked Facebook, someone else had got engaged or married or had a baby. When I’d been engaged to Dan, it hadn’t been a problem; I’d been secure in the knowledge that one day it would be my wedding plastered all over everyone’s newsfeeds. In the aftermath of Dan, and then Seth and Luciano, I’d hated checking Facebook as it reminded me of my own romantic failures. Now, however, I happily liked photos of my school friends’ children, knowing I had Cooper. Not that I was thinking about having children with him, of course… Maybe just a bit of practising.
I’d just about run out of things to like and share when a notification popped up. Luiz Martinez had added me as a friend. I checked out his profile, and realised pretty quickly that he was Maria’s Luiz.
I wasn’t one of those people who friended every person I met, so I hesitated before accepting Luiz’s request. As soon as I did, a new chat window popped up. We exchanged pleasantries, and then he asked me how his beautiful girl was doing. Maria. I’d been hoping he wouldn’t want to talk about her.
I was really glad he couldn’t see my face as I typed a response telling him that Maria was great. I didn’t feel like it was my responsibility to tell him that Maria was so great that she was probably still wrapped in the arms of another man. I got the feeling he’d have liked to talk for a while, but as I didn’t really feel like dodging Maria-related questions, I soon apologised and logged out.
I found Caitlin awake and staring into her empty teacup when I returned to the cabin.
“Hey, roomie,” she said, sounding as miserable as she looked. She hesitated, and then said, “I just wanna say something, and I don’t want you to get upset.”
“Mmmmmmm?” I hoped she wasn’t upset I had blabbed about Gabriel and the Brazilian Bitch.
She ran her finger around the edge of the mug. “Look,” she said, sounding less confident than I’d ever heard her, “you just need to be really careful of Cooper.” I stared at her. That hadn’t been what I was expecting. She caught my eye and added, “I don’t want you to get your heart broken, too. Take a good look at what happened to me. I never thought I’d want to get serious, and as soon as I did… BAM!”
“But you said he was this awesome, trustworthy guy and I should go for it!” I said, my voice squeaky.
Caitlin winced. “I know, but, you know…” She sighed and drew patterns on the carpet with her toe. “Look, anyone who’s that genuine, experienced, charming, and perfect usually isn’t. At least in my experience.” She looked up at me and then added, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you—I’m just trying to look out for you, you know?”
My emotions felt like they were in a tumble dryer, spinning around and around and around without making any sense. Okay, so Cooper and I had been through a couple of misunderstandings, but that was hardly enough to warrant concern. It was just my insecurity getting the better of me. I’d never been so clingy before, certainly not with Dan and never before that, either. My confidence had just been damaged, that was all. Now I was like cling film fresh out of the microwave, but I was sure that that would go away in time.
A tiny voice in my head asked me why, if everything was as perfect as I thought it was a
nd the blame was all on my side, both Caitlin and Jock were concerned about my relationship with Cooper. I briefly considered the tiny voice, and then shoved it into the back of my mind and concentrated on ignoring it.
Caitlin hopped up and set her empty cup on the desk. “I’ll be here for you no matter what, roomie,” she said, and then hugged me, snuggling into my side. “And thanks for last night. And for the tea.”
I had wanted to catch up with Jock, to try to talk about what had happened, but Nick wanted me to meet him in his cabin for our afternoon of planning, and by the time Caitlin was ready to go, I’d run out of time to find Jock. I should have gone to see him instead of checking Facebook. Oh well, I’d find him later.
Once comfortably ensconced in Nick’s cabin, Caitlin and I filled him in on everything that had been happening with our respective boyfriends. He didn’t say much about Cooper, but when we got to Gabriel’s betrayal, Nick behaved as any good friend should.
“Oh, my God, what a fucking tart,” he said, flipping his feather boa over his shoulder. “I bet he’s come crawling back with a grovelling apology.”
“Actually, I haven’t spoken to him,” Caitlin replied, sounding flat. “He knocked at the door this morning and begged for me to let him in, but I’m not interested.”
“Good,” Nick said firmly. “He can just go fuck himself. He doesn’t deserve you, gorgeous.” He hugged Caitlin and gave her a loud, sloppy kiss on the cheek. Caitlin managed a smile, but she still looked far from her usual cheerful self.
I waited for the moment to pass and then said, “Okay, guys, so what’s the plan for the parents’ arrival?”
Nick sat down, smoothed his hair and flipped his boa over the other shoulder. He reached over to grab his iPad and said, “I’ve been thinking about how to approach things with Mom and Dad when they arrive on Sunday.” He pulled up what looked like notes on the iPad and continued, “It’s not going to be easy. They don’t miss a thing and can sometimes be quite judgemental. I think the best plan is to have Caitlin pose as my girlfriend. We can tell Mom and Dad that she’s planning on moving with me to New York, and if we happened to mention something about getting married, they’d probably be pretty pleased.”
I looked at Nick and then at Caitlin. He was a platinum blonde Filipino bloke who wore a feather boa. She was a spunky, loud-mouthed Canadian. This was never going to work.
Nick wasn’t finished. “We just need to convince them we’re mad about each other.” He reached over and squeezed Caitlin’s boob. She shrieked and jumped off the bed, into his lap. Nick tilted her backwards, leant down, and kissed her. In fact, he nearly swallowed her whole. Caitlin responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and letting out a heartfelt moan.
Well, this was uncomfortable. They were actually quite convincing in their faux-passion. Perhaps this crazy plan had a chance after all.
I cleared my throat. “Were you planning on snogging her to death in front of your parents? Because I’m not sure they’re going to want to see that.”
As quickly as the moment started, it ended. Caitlin slid off Nick’s lap and wiped her mouth. “Okay!” she yelped. “I get the picture!” Then she smiled and playfully punched him in the arm. “Count me in, motherfucker.”
We spent another hour working out where he ought to take his parents during the cruise and smoothing out all of the little wrinkles in the plan. Caitlin was excited—having a project would keep her mind off Gabriel, at least temporarily.
“Well, girls, I need to get to a rehearsal,” Nick piped up. “Thanks so much for this. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but my whole future depends on how this turns out. A straight son who is settling down with a serious girlfriend is a much better investment for their money than a feather boa-wearing fairy.” He smiled wryly. “It means a lot you’re willing to help me out with this.”
On my way out, I glanced around the cabin. With the promotion to dance captain, Nick’s cabin mate had been relocated, leaving the whole cabin subject to Nick’s bright and campy interior decorating skills.
“Can I make a suggestion?” I asked, halfway out the door. “You might want to pare things down a little.” I gestured around the room. “Just, you know, to make things more convincing…”
Nick threw a pillow at me. “Out!”
I laughed and trotted down the hall to catch up with Caitlin. Next cruise certainly wouldn’t be boring.
Cooper was amazing the whole week. When we were in the staff mess at the same time, he played footsie with me under the table. He held my hand when I visited him in the lab, and he kissed me in our hallway, despite the fact anybody could have seen us.
Now that Caitlin was single again, she was back in our cabin every night; I no longer had the luxury of spending my nights alone, or indeed, sharing them with someone else. Luckily, Cooper did have his own cabin, and I was able to pop in for a couple of quickies. He even let me sleep over one night, when we were sure Justin wouldn’t find out.
Then Sunday came—the day Nick’s parents arrived. Caitlin had somehow convinced Justin to take embarkation photos in her place so she could do her best girlfriend impersonation. She got all dressed up in a feminine pink skirt suit, and Nick donned a bland pair of khaki pants and a Ralph Lauren t-shirt he’d borrowed for the occasion. A more natural hair colour would have helped, but Nick was determined not to let himself go completely.
“I can’t change my hair colour mid-contract,” he protested. “I’ll just tell them it was needed for the show.”
His parents were a diminutive, well-dressed couple; they held hands as they walked the passenger gangplank onto the ship. Nick enveloped them both in a big hug. His dad wiped away a tear as he held onto his son, and his mum clung to his arm and kept asking if he was getting enough to eat. “Your hair!” were the first words out of her mouth. “I am grateful your grandfather is no longer alive to see this. You look like an albino cockatiel!”
Instead of responding, Nick grabbed Caitlin by the wrist and shoved her in front of his parents. “This is Caitlin,” he said, a smile plastered on his face. “The beautiful girl who has captured my heart.” He turned the smile on Caitlin and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “These are my parents, Maricel and Teodoro—but you can call him Teo.”
“Oh, so nice to meet you,” Caitlin said, bestowing her sweetest smile on the two of them. I’d seen the half-second where she’d thought about going in for a kiss and hug, and thought it was probably a good idea that she hadn’t. I’d done that the first time I’d met Dan’s parents, and his mother had ended up never liking me. There might have been other reasons, but I’d always figured that it had started with that first meeting. Much better to let the parents decide how much physical contact they wanted.
Nick’s mother took Caitlin’s hands in her own and held her at arm’s distance, her eyes searching the younger woman’s face. “You are certainly very pretty,” she said at last. “I am so happy that Nicholas has found a nice girl at last. We had hoped perhaps he might one day meet a nice Filipina and settle down, but now I am just so happy he has found someone who makes him happy.”
Caitlin stood for a moment without saying anything, and from the look on her face I was guessing that she wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. If she’d actually been Nick’s girlfriend, I suspected she’d have been rather offended.
“Well,” she said at last. “I’m very glad I make your son so happy.”
I stifled a laugh, glad I wasn’t the one playing girlfriend. Caitlin was a much better actor than I was.
Nick had asked me to be there, even though I had no connections, real or contrived, to the family, and thus far I’d been standing off to the side, trying to stay out of the way. Eager to turn his mother’s scrutiny away from Caitlin, Nick turned and beckoned to me.
“This is our best friend, Ellie,” he said. “She’s Caitlin’s roommate.”
Nick’s mum looked me up and down and then smiled. Apparently I didn’t warrant the same kind of scruti
ny as Caitlin, for which I was grateful.
“I imagine you know all the things about these two that they do not want to tell us,” said Nick’s father, but from his tone I was guessing he was teasing rather than interrogating.
“Oh, Teo,” said his wife, knitting her brows at him in disapproval. “Let’s not talk about that. I’m sure they are very well behaved and respectful.”
I agreed. The situation was weird enough without thinking about the kinds of things that kids don’t like to tell their parents. And while, as it happened, I did know quite a lot about both Caitlin and Nick’s sex lives, it felt oddly wrong to think about them having a sex life together. Ew.
Nick, on the other hand, looked pleased. His parents hadn’t started an argument and they seemed willing to like Caitlin, so all in all, it was a great start to his plan.
We showed them Nick’s cabin, which had been carefully stripped of its campy splendour, and then did a quick tour of the ship. They oohed and aahed at the ship and asked questions constantly about everything from eating, to friends, to the islands we would visit.
“Mom, Dad, you haven’t asked me anything about my show yet,” Nick said, sounding hurt. “I’m performing tonight, you know.”
“Well, we’re both a bit tired after the trip,” said his dad, looking away. “I don’t know if we’ll make it.”
Nick opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He closed it again. The resigned look on his face told me this was not the first time he’d had such a brush-off.
“Oh, do come,” Caitlin piped up. “Nick has so been looking forward to showing you how talented he is. I promise, you won’t be disappointed.”
“Mom, it would really mean a lot to me if you could make it,” Nick said, pressing home the advantage. He turned to his mum and blinked with small boy sadness. She seemed torn between following her husband’s lead and pleasing her only son. “Please, Mommy?”
Sex, Lies, and Cruising Page 23
