by Lily Freeman
While all the reasons they couldn’t be together filled her head, PJ got dressed. It wasn’t much, but not being naked made her feel a lot more confident when she headed downstairs to find him in the kitchen making breakfast.
“Coffee?”
“Yes, please.”
As Luke moved around the bench still only wearing those pants, she tried not to watch. He knew she was looking though, his smile was charming yet arrogant as he handed her a cup, some toast and a paper like this happened every morning.
He left her to eat in peace and while she did, she gazed around his kitchen, taking in all the little things that might give her a better insight to him. Not that she cared, she was just curious.
Like her, he clearly appreciated a good coffee. The chrome machine sitting at the end of the gleaming granite bench looked expensive, but well used, as did the range. Several cast-iron skillets hung above it with accompanying utensils. It was obvious that he cooked a lot. She liked that in a man, and he was clean, meticulously so. That could be a problem if he was obsessive about it, or if—PJ stopped right there. Why was she even doing this to herself? He was a sadist, someone who gained pleasure from inflicting pain, i.e. not for her.
She was still trying to convince herself of that when he returned dressed in another navy pinstripe suit. The splash of pink down the front of his crisp white shirt was a striking statement not to mention his hair, all blond and brown, swished back off his forehead. It was just begging to be stroked, but not by her. When he moved closer, she had to fight the urge not to pull away.
“I’ve put my number in your phone and I have yours in mine if you need me.”
Need him? No, she didn’t need him.
“When I get out of court this afternoon, I can come and pick you up if you like and we can go and visit Vader together.”
There was such longing in his tone, such want, but for both of their sakes this thing between them needed to end.
“It’s fine, Luke, I’ll find my own way, but thank you for taking care of me last night.” She honestly meant that. The fleeting memories of waking to find herself wrapped in his arms, hers draped over his chest, her fingers buried in his hair; she’d felt safe, but more importantly, she hadn’t felt alone. “You were really sweet.”
He raised a brow at that. “Sweet, huh? I can work with that.”
Oh no, she hadn’t been trying to encourage him, if anything she assumed the word ‘sweet’ would be taken as more of an insult to a man like Luke, yet when he bent down to kiss her playfully on the cheek, she quickly realised her mistake. Anything she gave him, no matter how small or insignificant, he would use against her just like he had now, and that worried her because she had a feeling that walking out of Luke Monroe’s life was going to be a hell of a lot harder than walking into it had been.
Chapter 14
With a sense of apprehension that was foreign to Luke, he sat waiting beside the bridge where he’d arranged to meet PJ. He’d called her twice during the day and both times after a few moments of uneasiness, he’d had her laughing. Even his own problems had waned at the sound, although they’d come right back as soon as he hung up. She’d refused him again when he’d mentioned the visit the first time, the second time, for whatever reason, she changed her mind.
PJ appeared then, at the top of the staircase with her hands wedged in the pockets of her long black coat. He quickly leaned over, opening the car door before she changed her mind. But there was no outward hesitation as she climbed in, the soft interior light illuminating her beautifully wild curls. Tonight she had them hauled up into a ponytail, although that wasn’t what had his pulse skipping a beat. Woven between the thick golden strands were the braids he’d put in her hair while she slept last night. She’d obviously discovered them and chosen to leave them in.
“Hello, Luke.”
Her smile was shy, her uncertainty obvious, yet she’d willingly come to him and it was a starting point if nothing else. “Hello, Darling. You well?”
When he kissed her goodbye this morning, she hadn’t seen it coming, but she did now as he leaned down to do it again. Her lips parted ever so slightly as he pressed her back into the seat. He hadn’t meant to be so openly dominant with her, but when his hands instinctively caged her in and she didn’t push him away or flinch, he kept them there. His kiss was lazy and tender, coaxing her to play with him, her tongue tentatively lapping at his before he pulled away.
“Let’s go see your little boy shall we, then I’m taking you out for dinner.”
“Are you now?”
There was an edge to her voice like she wanted to fight him, yet didn’t know how. She’d probably spent all day mentally fortifying herself against the attraction he knew flowed both ways and he’d just proven that with a kiss. She was going to lose this battle, but he’d make it such an exquisite experience for her that she’d love every second of it, and he would too.
“Yes, I am.”
It was completely dark and starting to drizzle when PJ once again, found herself sitting in Luke’s car as he drove her home to Southwark. The decision to let him accompany her to visit Vader had left her in knots earlier, her stomach churning every time she thought about being alone with him, which was stupid really, he wasn’t a psychopath or a drug addict, he just had some slightly extreme tastes in the bedroom/dungeon.
But he’d been the perfect gentleman on their trip to the clinic, keeping the conversation light and the touches even more so. She hadn’t missed the fact that his hands were always in contact with her; on the small of her back when she’d walked through a door, on her shoulder when she’d bent down to stroke Vader, when he’d stroked Vader too. PJ had been utterly fascinated by the tentative way Luke had run his hands over her little dog, his eyes never leaving Vader’s face. He’d been so attentive and considerate that she’d found her thoughts wandering back to the club because he’d watched her exactly the same way. She really was completely bewildered by the man. To care so much about the consequences of his actions when they could sometimes best be described as brutal, was a mindset that PJ would never understand. Luckily for both of them, she didn’t need to.
Dragging herself back from that little detour, she watched as he turned by the bridge, heading down a series of streets she hadn’t explored yet before he emerged right beside the Thames. Again, like the perfect gentleman, he was at her door before she had a chance to open it, helping her out then escorting her across the car park. They entered what appeared to be a derelict dockyard building. The dimly lit interior took a moment to take shape in front of her. Thick ropes hung from the rafters with glass lanterns dangling from numerous points. Wine barrels were clustered in small groups, all of them surrounded by businessmen. Once more he led her to the furthest corner, seating her before a waitress approached.
“Shall we have a drink to celebrate, Darling?”
Not sure what he was referring to and afraid to ask in case it was them—together, she smiled. “Gin and tonic please.”
“And I’ll have whiskey, straight up thank you.”
After the waitress left, Luke stood up. “Come, I want to show you something before we eat.”
He led her into a dark room with nothing in it but a million twinkling fairy lights, a dance floor and a three-piece band. As a slow salutary blues song started with the careless strum of a guitar, he took her hand, drawing her into his arms and again she let him. His scent was intoxicating when he pulled her close, one arm around her back, his fingers splayed wide. His other hand meandered up her spine until he cupped her nape then he tilted her back until all she could see was him. His husky whisper was so sensual, so compelling she was instantly lost.
“Tell me again, why can’t we be together?”
There were so many reasons, just none she could think of. “Luke, it’s not—”
He kissed her, stealing her words and her breath. With every sweep of his tongue, every nip of his teeth, he had her panting, desperate for more, for less? She honestl
y didn’t know, but as she quivered against him, she knew he felt it too because he moaned and hauled her closer, his erection gently grinding along her stomach. Even though he’d seen her naked more times than she cared to remember, she hadn’t seen him naked at all, but as he pressed against her, she got the distinct impression that what was under those perfectly creased pants was long, thick and hard as steel.
“You—you know why, Luke. I’m not what you want, what you need.”
As she gazed up at him, all she could see was pure, unadulterated desire. She wanted to turn away, but he held her, forcing her to acknowledge him.
“You are. You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.”
His fingers pressed into her flesh, keeping her still as he lowered his head back over hers, but she couldn’t let him continue.
“I’m not. I’ll never be enough for you and that’s not going to change.”
How many times had she stood in this exact spot, in front of a man who wanted something from her that she just didn’t have to give? Sam, Derrick, her father. At least this time she could save herself the heartache.
“You’re wrong. You’re exactly what I want and I know you’re not ready to admit it, but I’m exactly what you need.”
Thrusting his hand into her hair, he held her tight, his beautiful blue eyes blazing with passion. He kissed her again and he wasn’t gentle, but neither was she, meeting him thrust for thrust, nipping him back, digging her nails into his ass.
“Please, will you try? I know you feel something for me. You can’t deny that surely?”
How could she when her heart was beating a million miles a minute and her head was spinning? “I do but—”
“No buts, not tonight. Let’s just be Luke and PJ.”
He couldn’t be so blind, not to see the gaping big hole in his happily ever after plan. “And then what, when it’s not enough and you want something more?”
“I won’t lie to you. I’ll want your submission. But you gave it to me so freely. You came alive when I dominated you.”
She had then, just as she was now while his hands caressed her back, his leg nudging between her thighs. “But—”
“Uh uh. I said no buts or else—”
“Or else you’ll punish me?” PJ laughed, caught up in his charm.
“And you’ll love it, just like you did the last time. Tell me, PJ, please tell me you’ll try.”
One by one her hands were shackled behind her back, his thigh pressing hard against her clit. Despite everything she’d learned about Luke, she wanted him so fucking much. He’d been like a dream come true that first night, fulfilling one fantasy while creating another, but she wasn’t about to be seduced into something she wasn’t ready for either. If he wanted to be with her, he was going to have to prove she could trust him, first with her body and then with her heart. She’d never put those two stipulations on a potential partner before and it saddened her that she felt that way, but she just had too much to lose.
“I … I’m not saying no, but I need some time and …” How did she say what was going through her head without hurting him? She’d said she wouldn’t judge yet that’s exactly what she was doing. “I need you to talk to me, help me understand why you do, what you do—”
“Did, Darling.”
“Did, Luke. If we have any chance of building something between us, I need to know.”
His arms tightened, pulling her closer as they danced. “Take all the time you need and when you’re ready, I’ll tell you everything.”
She could feel his smile, taste his joy as he kissed her with such cataclysmic skill that she unravelled in his arms. His fingers dug into her shoulders dragging her closer, deeper, further into his kiss. She was breathless and flushed when he stopped, but so was he as he took her hand and led her back to the restaurant.
Over dinner they talked and it was so easy between them with no awkward silences, no moments where she wondered what the hell she was doing. Luke was intelligent, courteous, funny and attentive; hanging off every word she said. Sam had always made her feel like she was an accessory, something that went well with his suit. He was far more interested in what his friends had to say, and even when they were alone he tended to talk over her, smothering her comments with his much louder ones. After a while she’d gotten used to it, keeping quiet instead. He’d seemed to like that better, but not Luke. He wanted to know everything, so she told him, subtly avoiding details like money and the sudden decision to move halfway around the world. When it felt right, she’d tell him the rest. It didn’t change who she was or what she had to offer, which at this point she doubted was much anyway.
But as the hours passed and the urge to distance herself from him faded, so too did the significance of all those other little details.
After an amazing meal and some more dancing, Luke returned PJ to the bridge. She wasn’t quite ready for him to know where she lived and he didn’t push her, not for anything more. He did kiss her though, with a skill that left her giddy, his hands twisted in her hair, his body pressing her hard against the seat.
She could barely speak when she said goodbye, could barely walk as she made her way home through the alleys, but by the time she reached the warehouse, she could at least think again, which was a good thing because someone was waiting for her.
Chapter 15
“Where have you been?”
Elliot’s abrupt question registered about a second before his hands landed on PJ’s shoulders. “Mika’s been worried.”
PJ didn’t miss the fact that only Mika had been worried, nor the fact that Elliot was still touching her. “I’m sorry, Vader almost died, then he didn’t and—”
“You should have told us. We would’ve stayed with you.”
Memories of Elliot’s heartfelt concern at the clinic and then later on the drive home had PJ flinching, but she wasn’t in the mood to argue with him so she smiled instead. “You two have done enough and I was with a … friend.”
“Hmmm.”
That was all he said before he stood back and glared at her, but it was enough to confirm what she already knew. The man was a wanker. What Mika saw in him other than his harsh good looks and phenomenal body, which to be fair would be enough for some people, she’d never know. He was cold and antagonistic, and right now she wasn’t interested.
“Good night, Elliot.” Walking right past him she headed up the hallway, not needing to turn around to know that he was still watching her.
It wasn’t until she stepped through her door, for the first time knowing that the beautiful space around her was her home, that PJ finally felt a sense of peace. Regardless of what else was happening in her life, good or bad, she would always have this to return to, and her little dog.
With a smile that felt absurd considering all the chaos surrounding her, PJ headed upstairs to run a bath.
For a decadently long time she soaked in it before finally climbing out and heading to bed. As soon as she closed her eyes, Luke came back to her, but she wasn’t in his arms dancing like she had been earlier that evening, nor was she curled up against him in his bed like she had been the night before, they were back in the room at Bond Street.
Deep blue eyes and strong hands held her prisoner as Luke’s fingers wrapped tightly around her arms. She couldn’t breathe, but she didn’t care as long as he kissed her again. “Please, Master … oh God, please.”
Sitting straight up in bed PJ pulled back the sheets, feeling suddenly all hot and flustered. Just as she lay back down, her phone rang. Her first thought was Vader, but it wasn’t Christopher on the line.
“Are you naked yet, Baby?”
Luke’s voice was a husky purr, evoking all kinds of wicked thoughts. She could be wicked too. “Oh yes, I’m naked, Luke.”
“Put your phone on speaker.”
She could just imagine his smile, his lips parting, those little dimples of his flashing, making him look so much younger and innocent—almost.
“Why?”
“Cause you’re going to need both hands.”
“Really?” She did as he asked and then sat her phone on her pillow.
“Is it done?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
PJ could hear the edge creeping into his voice, and the passion as his words floated around her. She also knew that if she did this and started playing his games, he’d never let her stop. He was right though; submitting to him had been instinctive, like breathing. Just the thought of it had a surge of desire rushing through her that was so fucking intense, she swallowed before she threw caution to the wind and spoke. “Yes, Master.”
“Good girl, now I want you to get your toys out.”
What! How did he—? “How did you—?”
“You’re an incredibly sensual woman, I’d be surprised if you didn’t have a drawer full of them. You’ve got five seconds, then I want you to describe them to me.”
Her heartbeat was hammering so loudly, PJ was sure he could hear it as she clambered out of bed. She’d never done anything like this, but Luke’s voice was so alluring and seductive that she wanted to please him.
Rummaging around her drawer she found her vibrators, grabbing them both before she climbed back in her bed.
“Tell me, Darling, what do you have in your hand?”
Sucking in a deep breath she thanked the Lord that she was in a dark room alone, though she didn’t feel like it. “I have a small, smooth, cream vibrator and a pink one.”
“What’s the pink one like? I want you to tell me exactly how it feels inside you.”
It felt amazing, the perfect combination of too much and not enough, all at the same time, but he didn’t need to know that. “It’s bright pink and ribbed,” her fingers slid over the glossy latex as her body clenched in anticipation, “and it’s big.”
“How big? Does it stretch you wide? Does it slide inside you easily or do you have to work it into that tight, gorgeous little pussy?”
Thoughts of the crop’s handle being worked inside her had PJ trembling and wet. She’d known that night something was happening to her body that had never happened before, just like now.
