by Lily Freeman
“This, this is what you do to me.”
When he hit the spot deep inside her, she groaned, undulating against him.
“Ohh, God.”
Finding her clit, Luke began to stroke it slowly, round and round while he continued to fuck her. “That’s it, forgive me, please forgive me.”
“Ahh, Luke, ahh.”
Tilting his hand, he held her face, her lips right there for him to taste and he did, plunging his tongue into her mouth while he thrust into her body.
“Yes, ohh yes.”
He didn’t care if she was referring to the orgasm that was a heartbeat away. In his mind she was referring to him, saying yes again and again, forgiving him, just like needed her to.
“You’re mine, mine …” Mine, mine, mine. The chant in his head increased with every stroke until he was fucking her to his own rhythm, hard and fast. Somewhere in the process they’d moved, so she was now face down, ass up and he was buried to the balls inside her. As he stroked her clit, she began to quiver and he was right there with her, so close to bliss. One more thrust, two—her moan filled the room, his a second later, then they were both coming, together; him inside her and her inside him as she kissed him while he whispered words that were now so much more than a promise.
“Just mine.”
Chapter 23
One bright ray of sunshine slowly crept across the rug inch by inch as PJ lay curled in front of the fire watching it. She should move, get up off the floor, but she didn’t or more accurately, couldn’t, because Luke’s arm was wrapped around her chest, his thigh wedged hard between her legs.
Tiredness was a heavy weight against her eyes and after minutes of staring at her little beam of light, she gave up and went back to sleep.
When she was woken again it was to breakfast and a bath, then a massage. Luke was so gentle with her, like she was fragile and if she were honest, she was. There were bruises on her body, and chafe marks around her wrists and stomach where she’d pulled too hard against the ropes. Luke had tried to talk to her about it, but she hadn’t been able to face the conversation, so she’d been evasive, fussing over Vader instead. It had almost been a relief when he’d had to leave after receiving another call from the office.
PJ had never felt so stripped bare and vulnerable as she did now, standing in the window, watching the spot where he’d just disappeared under the archway. She’d lost him last night. The gap between their needs was too wide for either of them to bridge and it hurt so much because she adored him, she really did. But if the time she spent bound to the chair was a snapshot of their future, with her constantly falling short of his expectations and requirements and with him forever trying to make it right, then they were doomed to fail, and she just didn’t have the strength to drag it out. She was going to have to tell him, make him understand, and that thought made her cry all over again.
By lunchtime she managed to drag on some clothes and take Vader out. For an hour they walked aimlessly along the river, finally making it back to Rene and his triple shot latte. She texted India and called Rusty, just needing to hear a comforting voice. Luke texted her twice, but she hadn’t replied yet.
Two coffees later, she headed back to the warehouse. The front door swung open before she had a chance to punch in the code. Her heart stopped for the briefest second, expecting to see tall, dark and broody, but that wasn’t who greeted her.
“Ciao, Bella, how are you?”
Mika hauled her into his arms as Vader seized his chance to escape, bolting up the hallway. She needed a hug so bad that she pressed closer, burying her face against his chest. “I’m good.” She followed that blatant lie with a smile, but she could tell Mika wasn’t buying it.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry.” Mika had her through their door before PJ could answer.
“You don’t want to hear about any more of my problems, Mika.”
Behind them a chair scraped then Elliot appeared. It was too late to run. Mika led her to the couch, sitting her right in the middle of it. He sat beside her and she expected Elliot to follow, but he didn’t, instead he pulled up the ottoman, sitting directly in front of her.
“What problems?”
Elliot’s tone was harsh, cutting, and he must have realised it because when she leaned away from him, his whole demeanour softened.
“I’m sorry, PJ.”
He fidgeted, his hands twisting together then falling apart. Clearly he was as uncomfortable as she was.
“It’s nothing—really.”
“Did Luke fucking hurt you?”
Beside her Mika tensed, his arm locking tight around her shoulders.
“Dolcezza?”
“Well, did he?”
Elliot leaned closer, his massive body towering over her. She didn’t know what to do, so she did nothing, just glanced between them as her lips started to tremble and another tear fell.
“Yes … no. Well, sort of, but—it’s … okay.”
It was Mika’s turn to get serious, something PJ had never seen before, but her sweet, charismatic Italian wasn’t smiling when he reached for her shoulders, gently turning her so that she was forced to look him directly in the eye.
“What do you mean by ‘sort of’ and ‘it’s okay’.”
Heat flushed PJ’s cheeks, her skin burning with a combination of embarrassment and shame. “It’s complicated.” So fucking complicated that she wanted to curl up with Vader and forget every glorious touch, every agonizing strike and all the sensations in between. They were starting to drive her mind crazy and her heart wild. But maybe the crazy was her? Maybe she just needed to talk about it to someone who wasn’t Luke because he’d say anything to keep her. The irony was, he wasn’t lying. In his heart he believed every seductive word he told her. He was so honest, brutally so at times, and that’s why she still had a tiny slither of hope. He was after all, as new to this as she was, just for different reasons.
Could he learn to change? Could she learn to accept what he wanted to do to her? Was there a chance?
“PJ.”
Glancing up, she found Elliot’s stormy grey eyes locked on her.
“Complicated, how?”
She recognized the look. There was no way short of a natural disaster that she was getting out of this conversation, so she sucked in a breath and began. “I met Luke in a bondage club a few weeks ago.”
Mika smiled, kind of. “Well, that wasn’t the answer I was expecting.”
Great now he thought she was a kinky slut. “My friend India talked me into it. I’m not hiding a crazy, sordid sex life. It sounded like a bit of fun and something new, that’s all.” She shrugged, glancing around the room to avoid both of them. “My previous sex life certainly hadn’t taken me anywhere noteworthy so it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
The slight curl of Mika’s lips hinted at his amusement yet his eyes remained serious. “So you two were drawn together in the murky underworld of a sex club?”
“Not quite, like I told Elliot, I spilt a drink on him and he …” She couldn’t say it; not in front of these two men, it was far too humiliating.
“He what?”
Elliot was so close that his warm, minty breath brushed across her cheek.
“He—oh Christ, he punished me.” Quickly before either of them could see her complete and utter humiliation, PJ turned away.
“How?”
“It doesn’t matter, Elliot, he just did.”
“I disagree, it does matter, so why don’t you explain it to us.”
She actually might hate Elliot right now.
“Please, Tesorino, talk to us. I can’t sit back and watch you getting hurt and neither can Elliot, so help us understand what’s going on.”
Christ this fucking day just got better and better; arguing with Elliot while Mika pleaded. They were killing her!
“Fine. The club I went to have this coding system for what you’re into, and I got given the wrong one, a red one, and Luke, well r
ed’s his color. He’s a sadist, but I’m no masochist, but the first night he was more …” Oh God, she felt like such a trollop saying it out loud, “playful, but then I found out afterwards from some of the members exactly what he was into. So I left without giving him a chance to explain. I won’t bore you with the details, but the night Vader had the stroke, I saw him again. We talked and he explained who he was now, what he wanted and why he wanted it with me. The problem is, he’s convinced I’m a masochist and he keeps pushing every time we’re together. Last night he went too far and now I don’t know what to do.”
Mika’s hand cupped her chin, turning her back to him. “Did you tell him? Did he stop?”
Great, now she was going to sound like a dumb trollop. “No. I was a bit stunned by what was happening and by time he figured it out, it was far too late. I got scared and panicked.”
Glancing down, PJ spotted Elliot’s hand. He was so close to touching her, his fingers right by her knee, but that’s where they stayed.
“What are you going to do, PJ?”
“I’m going to go home and get to know my dog. Luke’s going away for Christmas so I’ll have the time and the space to work out what I’m going to do.”
Mika was smooth the way he pulled her into his arms, cuddling her like he had so many other times over the last few weeks.
“If you think for one minute we’re going to let you hide away alone and cry over your sadistic boyfriend, you’re wrong, very wrong. You’ll spend Christmas with us.”
There was no way she was intruding on their day. “No, I can’t.”
It was Elliot who answered, his tone every bit as dominating as Luke’s. “Yes, you can.”
PJ was about to argue when her phone rang, Indy’s name flashing across the screen. She answered it quickly, anything to avoid both Mika and Elliot’s attention.
“Hello.”
“I’m outside and it’s pissing down. Come and let me in.”
“What? Why? Don’t you have a thing on with your family?”
“Not anymore. They booted me out, something about my unladylike vocabulary at the dinner table. I have absolutely no mother-fucking idea what they mean. So I thought I’d come and stay the night with you. Come and let me in”
PJ sniggered, just couldn’t hold it in. “Wait right there.” Wedging her phone back in her pocket she stood up. “That’s my friend Indy, she’s outside.”
Elliot raised a brow. “The one who got you into this mess?”
“Yep, that’s the one.”
“Is she here to get you out?”
He meant well, but Elliot’s sarcastic tone had her tensing again. He couldn’t be nice for more than five minutes.
“No, Elliot. I don’t think she is.” With a smile that felt very fake, PJ left, walking down the hall to the sound of the pouring rain. Indy wasn’t kidding; she was soaked, grinning and still looked unbelievably stunning.
“Am I the best friend in the world or what?”
Before PJ could stop her, Indy was wrapped around her, her wet crop of hair sticking to PJ’s face.
“Because it’s almost Christmas and I’m feeling generous, I’m going to give you an hour to just enjoy me, feel the love and all that, then you and I are going to sit down with this,” she pulled out a bottle of Vodka, “and this,” from somewhere, a massive block of Toblerone, “and we’re gonna talk because I’m starting to get very concerned about you. Got it?”
Without doubt, that sounded like the best plan ever. PJ grabbed her friend, utterly delighted with her. “Come on then, wouldn’t want to waste a minute. You want to meet my new man?”
“Oh, I want to meet all your men, Babe, especially the hot, gay ones. I take it you live up here somewhere?”
While PJ stood mouth open, India headed up the hall, round the corner and hopefully through the second door, not the first. She followed, making it to Mika and Elliot’s before hearing the shriek.
“Are you fucking kidding me? This is your home?”
It was the moment she had dreaded, the ‘how did you afford this?’ question, the ‘what are you hiding?’ looks. PJ wandered through the door, taking in India’s stunned expression.
“It’s beautiful, Babe, so beautiful. This is what you’ve been doing, building this?”
All PJ could muster was a nod.
“How did you do this? It must have cost millions.”
Indy was quiet as she climbed off the platform and headed for the kitchen. Cupboard doors opened, the fridge, lights turned off and on.
“It did.”
When Indy stepped back out of the pantry she was grinning and just like that, PJ’s anxiety about her unexpected windfall disappeared. “I’ll tell you what, when we’re snuggled in my sexy new bed tonight wearing our best flannel jarmies, I’ll fill you in on the last few months of my life, then all this will make sense. Deal?”
“Deal, except that I sleep naked, but don’t let it stop you, I like to cuddle flannel. Now where are the hotties and the pooch?”
“Follow me young lady and try to be polite. They already think I’m a freak thanks to you, so let’s not make it any worse.”
India instantly reverted to a teenage girl; giggling and grabbing PJ’s hand as they walked back down the hallway. Knocking quietly, she waited, not wanting to interrupt anything intimate, but not much had changed; Mika and Elliot were still sitting exactly where she’d left them, except Vader was now sitting beside Elliot on the ottoman.
“Mika, Elliot, this is my friend India Ross. Indy, this is Mika de la Croze and Elliot ….” PJ hesitated, a big black void appearing in her mind where Elliot’s surname should be. She had no recollection of seeing it on the sales agreement for the warehouse and now she regretted not looking closer. “I’m sorry, Elliot, but I don’t know your surname.” She was mortified, embarrassed for her and for him.
“Ah, Tesorino, don’t panic. It’s one of those complicated European names that’s hard to remember and even harder to pronounce.” Mika nudged his partner, but Elliot didn’t move, his gaze still very much fixed on her.
“It’s Savchenko, PJ.”
For what felt like an uncomfortably long time, he stared at her before his attention finally shifted to India.
“Nice to meet you, India. We’ve ah … heard all about you.”
Indy blushed a bright scarlet and said nothing; no sassy comeback, no flirty remark, she just stood with her mouth open staring at Elliot. It was Master Trey all over again, that same look of awestruck wonder, the same shadow of regret that this man was so close yet so very far away. Mika must have seen it too because that’s when he stepped up, flashed a devastating smile and averted one train wreck while starting Indy on course for another.
“Ciao, India, it’s great to finally meet you. PJ’s been telling us about all your adventures.”
Indy turned puce, which made PJ laugh, that was until Mika grabbed her, his fingers digging into her ribs.
“Stop, stop, I’m going to pee myself.”
“Really? I’d like to see that.”
Mika didn’t stop; he just stepped her back against the kitchen bench and tickled her harder before he caught first one wrist and then the other. Holding her tight, his face was triumphant as he looked down at her.
“Surrender to me and I’ll stop.”
His fingers danced over her ribs again and she actually had to clench her thighs together. “I do, I do, just stop, please.”
“Oh no, use your manners and say it nicely.”
“Mika?” When the tips of his fingers dug in again she caved, just needing the torture to stop. “I surrender,” and just because he deserved to squirm, “Master.”
“That’s my girl.”
No, not his girl, she was Luke’s girl … or was she? Once again her head was spinning—yes, no, his, not his. But even as PJ thought it, the idea of not having Luke in her life made her ache. Whether it was enough to outweigh all the other issues, she really didn’t know.
When she retur
ned from her little internal debate, it was to find all eyes on her. Mika was still smiling, Elliot definitely was not and India, well PJ could literally see the cogs in her friend’s very astute mind turning. Clearly they’d be talking about her blossoming friendship with her sexy homosexual neighbors later, as well as her other dysfunctional relationship.
Peeking out from behind Elliot, Vader was watching too. The new stranger in his world getting the full once over. Slowly PJ moved over to the couch, her hand stretched out as she crouched down.
“Indy, this is Vader.”
Everyone else could’ve been on fire, including big sexy Elliot. India was on her hands and knees in front of him in less than a heartbeat. Her voice was low and oh so gentle as she introduced herself, got sniffed, licked and then to everyone’s surprise including Vader’s, she just picked him up.
“I want one, PJ. Did you get me one for Christmas?” Kisses were pressed to his head. “Oh and he smells so good, I could …” she buried her nose in his fur. “I love you already little boy.”
For the next two hours they stayed with Mika and Elliot, watching old reruns of Friends. Not once did Indy give up her new dog, which PJ was fine with, but she could tell Elliot wasn’t. By the time they stood to leave, PJ was actually feeling bad for him.
“If you want, Elliot, I’ll leave my door open and if you leave yours open too, Vader can come and visit.”
He smiled. “Do you have a lead? I can take him out.”
She had several leads now, all still attached to her headboard. “Yeah, I’ll grab you one.”
After they headed home, PJ sent Indy on a tour of the downstairs rooms while she disconnected the intricate set up behind her bed. It was tempting to show Indy, but she didn’t want to have to go into detail about some of the things Luke had done to her yet. If she focused on all the highs, all the intense sensations he’d forced from her, she’d be a quivering wreck because there was no denying he was without doubt, the most incredible lover she’d ever had. Rough, potent and devastating in his ability to drive her wild, but it was the other side of the man she needed to talk about, the side that took pleasure from her pain, his black to her white. She headed downstairs to find Indy with the vodka poured and the chocolate unwrapped.
