“I needed to make sure you’re not neglecting those curves while hard at work. I hate to think of you wasting away.” I hold up the bag. “I brought you some lunch.” I pause. “Are you going to let me in your office, or should I spread out the food here in the hallway?”
“Uh, sorry.” She steps back and shuts the door behind me when I walk in. “It’s been a crazy day. I didn’t realize it was this late already.”
I glance at the clock on her wall. “It’s only 12:13.”
“I came in early to get a head start. If I’d known it was this bad, I’d have come in last night. I probably should have, anyway.” She gestures toward the small, round table in the corner of her office, and I set the bag there.
“Burning out isn’t going to help anyone.”
“I’m not going to burn out. I can handle things, Blake. I’m good at my job.”
“I know that. I didn’t mean for it to come out like I don’t think you’re competent.”
“Sorry, I’m hangry. Where you go past hungry to angry.” Her posture relaxes. “You brought me food?”
“Any guesses?”
She sits on one of the chairs. “Sandwiches?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Give me more credit than that.” I set paper plates on the table for both of us and hand her a napkin. I open the bag and set a slice of pizza in front of her before taking one for myself and sitting down.
“Pizza. Real New York pizza.” She bites her lip. “I’m sorry I’m being a jerk. It’s been a long day, and it’s barely half over.”
I take a bite and swallow before answering. “It’s fine. I’m used to dealing with Shawn.”
That earns me a genuine laugh. She folds her slice in half and takes a big bite, closing her eyes and savoring the pie. “Now, this is pizza.”
“Unlike the crap we had in Florida.”
She dabs her lips with a napkin. “Unlike the crap we made in Florida. That was your idea. I take no responsibility for the results of that edible experiment.”
“Barely edible experiment.” I hand her a soda can and open one for myself. “This place is gorgeous. I’ve never been here before.”
She nods. “The owners care about appearances, but I think it’s because they also genuinely care about this place. They’re proud of the business they’ve built.”
She’s nearing the crust of her slice, so I set another on her paper plate.
“So, should I stop by tomorrow and take you out for a bite to eat? There’s this amazing Mongolian barbecue place that opened up. Well, I’ve heard it’s amazing. I was saving it for when you were free, but I got reservations. It’s quieter there at lunchtime. One of my clients said I should try the—”
Her phone rings and she glances at it. “I can’t.”
“Do you need to get that?”
“It’s probably not an emergency.”
“Oh. Maybe tomorrow night? I can see if they can move the reservation.” Unlikely, but I’ll call.
She sets her crust on the plate and tears open a wet nap, cleaning her hands before moving back behind her desk. She sits and pulls a stack of papers toward her. “Tomorrow’s really not good. In fact, I probably should stop at one slice or I’ll spend the rest of the afternoon fighting off a food coma.”
The paper stack is pretty big. No wonder she’s tense. I clean my hands as well, moving behind her and laying my hands on her shoulders. “Holy shit. Your shoulders are like rocks.”
The door flings open. “Melanie, you need to deal with the… Oh.” A fortysomething guy with a put-out expression stops when he sees me standing behind Mel. “I’ll come back later, since you’re obviously…taking a long lunch.”
Who the hell is this asshole?
“Thaddeus, wait!”
But he’s already closed the door.
“That’s the prick who’s been giving you a hard time?”
“That’s Thaddeus, yes. Ugh, this is a disaster.”
I’m glad he’s gone. Her shoulders tightened even more the second he arrived, if that’s possible.
She shrugs away from me when I start kneading them. “Stop. I can’t do this right now.”
“Sorry.” I step back around the desk and sit in the seat facing her. “Now we’ve got a big, professional desk between us in case the chaperones come to check up on us. Why do you care what that asshole thinks anyway?”
“I’ve worked really hard to be seen as a professional around here. I want to be taken seriously.”
I hold up my hands. “I get it. You’re right. I shouldn’t have surprised you at your workplace like this, but screw that guy. He’s the unprofessional one who was hassling you on your vacation.”
She picks up her pen and scans the paper on top of the pile. “This job’s everything to me.”
Maybe plans will bring some levity back. “Well, if the Mongolian grill doesn’t tempt you, I also made reservations on Friday night for this edgy little wine bar—”
“You can’t just go making plans for me without asking. It’s presumptuous and oppressive.” Her jaw tightens so much that part of me worries about her teeth.
“Hey, they’re not set in stone.” Clearly Thaddeus has rattled her. Swear to Christ, if I see that guy in the hallway… “If you want to do something else, I’m all ears. The point wasn’t what we were doing. The point was that we were doing something together.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“Shouldn’t what?”
“Do anything together anymore.” Her voice is mild, like she hasn’t just kicked my legs out from under me.
I stare hard at her, but she doesn’t return my gaze. She just shuffles papers around, sorting them like I’m not here. “Are you fucking kidding me, Mel?”
“Please keep your voice down,” she hisses, closing her eyes. “The picnic was bad enough, and then he came in and saw you behind my desk.”
“You’re focusing on some asshole getting the wrong idea? Who gives a fuck what he thinks. This is more important than a misunderstanding.”
She signs the bottom of a form with a flourish. “Have you talked to Shawn today?”
“He hasn’t returned my texts since we told everyone. He’ll cool off. What does that have to do with anything?”
She finally looks me in the eyes. “I am not that person in Florida, but I faked it so hard you believe that’s who I am. The only person I didn’t fool was myself.” She grabs another sheet of paper and signs the bottom. “Now, you’ll have to excuse me. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on, and people are going to think I’ve been slacking off all day.”
Is it really this easy for her? Did she never give a shit, or is she too scared? “Are you kidding me?”
“Don’t make this harder than it already is.” Her voice is bland. “We should have ended this in Florida instead of pretending it’s something it was never meant to be. I’m sorry.” The woman in front of me is a stranger, a weak shell of the woman I know her to be. An uncaring, all-business version of the woman I fell in love with.
“What the hell is this? Yesterday we had dinner with your family. Last night I was inside you. Christ, not even twelve hours ago you were ordering me to fuck you.”
She cringes and her eyes close. “That’s just it, Blake. When I’m with you, everything else disappears. But seeing you with my family? They’re your family too. I mean, Christ, Shawn’s already freaked out and stopped talking to you. He’s sent me some texts about you. You’re his best friend, and because of me, you guys aren’t talking. My family is already yours. And I can’t take them away from you.”
“By doing this, you are.”
She shakes her head, emotion finally cracking her veneer of composure. “No. You need them.”
Anger tightens my stomach. “Because I’m the poor little orphan? Thanks, but I’ve had enough people deciding my life for
me. This isn’t your decision to make. I can’t believe you actually think you’re breaking up with me for my own good.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Not as sorry as I am. Maybe that’s not even it, but if you didn’t want to be with me as anything other than a fling, you should have just said it. I’m a big boy.”
“Blake—”
“I hope you and your spreadsheets are happy together.”
It takes every ounce of self-restraint I have not to slam the door on my way out.
Chapter 33
Melanie
I have no idea what I signed. I haven’t seen a word, blinded by the tears I refuse to let fall. I manage to hold them back until Blake closes the door softly behind him.
Then hot bitterness pours over my heart and leaks down my cheeks.
What the fuck are you doing? Go after him!
I force my ass to remain in the chair and reason with my stupid heart. It’s pounding in my chest so hard and fast it hurts.
I’m doing the right thing for both of us. Ending it before it gets messy and he loses the one good family he’s ever had.
It’s already messy.
He needed to see what I’m really like.
This may be who you were, but it’s not who you are—or who you want to be.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I pull my cell out, but my work phone rings.
For the first time in my career, I let it go to voice mail.
I heard the words coming out of my mouth, the hurtful bullshit I said to push Blake away, but I didn’t mean any of it. All I wanted was for him not to lose anything. From the moment I walked in here this morning, I’ve been hardening back into the rigid person I was before I left. Blake doesn’t deserve that—hell, that’s not who he fell for in Florida—so I know things are doomed between us. His relationship with Shawn has already suffered.
He looked so hurt. Is he right? Am I just another asshole trying to dictate his life? Growing up, he never had a say over whose house he’d be moved to, stay at, or get taken from and moved again.
I’ve already tainted things by thinking I know what’s best for him.
I want to call him, but what the hell would I say?
I snivel into a tissue, trying to pull myself together enough to leave my office. I can’t let people see me like this. I can’t let my coworkers see me like this. It’s completely unprofessional.
Chatting about my vacation is one thing, but running after a guy while sobbing my heart out? No way. My job is all I have.
It is now.
The job I don’t even really want. I focus on a memo, thoroughly hating myself, and grab for my phone instead. I need to get him back, need to talk to him. But what do I say? I don’t trust myself not to freak out when I hear his voice. I snivel and cough. Freak out more when I hear his voice—no, I can’t call him.
I try to text Blake instead, but my thumbs hover over the keyboard, and I’m unsure what to type. I close the window and absentmindedly scroll through my texts, stopping when I see one from Bailey.
Hope you’re not busy, because I’m coming up.
It was sent five minutes ago. Shit. I sniff hard, a snotty sound that makes me gag, and frantically type a response telling her now’s not a good time. But it’s too late. The door swings open.
I forgot to lock it behind Blake. At least it’s not Thaddeus.
I scrub a hand down my face to blot the tears and try to give a smile to my best friend.
Bailey’s smile dies on her lips. “What’s happening? You’re crying? You never cry. Oh God, who died?”
“Shut the door.”
She locks it behind her and rushes forward. “Well?”
“Blake just left.” My voice cracks, making the admonition come out weak.
She sits in the chair Blake vacated a few moments ago. “I haven’t pushed, but what’s happening with you?”
“In what area?”
“Melanie, you swapped houses with a complete stranger out of nowhere. You don’t even lend your shoes to me, never mind letting a stranger sleep in your bed or touch all your things.”
“I get it. I’m a control freak!”
Bailey doesn’t even blink. “No. I think you were, but it’s not fitting anymore. Otherwise you’d have gone nuts on this Switch.”
“I might as well have. I did all kinds of weird shit.”
“Good! You were due to let your hair down. Now tell me the truth. What made you go?”
I trace meaningless patterns on the desktop with one of my tears. “I had a day from hell just before leaving. It’s what made me want to go.”
She uncrosses her legs and sits forward. “Go on.”
“You know Thaddeus and I haven’t been best friends since he started here.”
Bailey wrinkles her nose. “He’s such a bastard. The other day he was ranting about food banks, saying they shouldn’t exist because people need to help themselves instead of getting a handout. I wanted to wave a hand in front of his face and congratulate him on the magnificent privilege of never needing to use one.”
Bailey grew up extremely poor, but she’s proud of her family. “And you didn’t punch him in the throat?” I ask.
“Nah. I’ve got a venomous cartoon series brewing, though, planted the idea with Paulina. He won’t ever read it, but I’ll know it’s there burning people like him.”
Paulina does a cartoon series as well as illustrations for some of the articles. “Smart. Don’t give him an excuse to come after you.”
Her smug expression fades. “What’s he doing to you? Melanie, if he’s touched you—”
“No, he hasn’t. He’s too smart for that, and it isn’t sexual. It’s like he knows I’m not impressed with his wealth or connections, and it gets under his skin. He does things to try to intimidate me.”
“You need to report him.”
“To HR?” I wave at her. “Yeah, the thing is, he hasn’t technically crossed the line from obnoxious to harassing. He’s—”
“Too smart for that. Shit. We need to do something. No wonder you wanted to get the hell out of this place for a break.”
“Yeah. He’d been shadowing me nearly all day and did enough tiny awful things that I’d had enough.” I bite my lip hard, bracing myself against the truth I haven’t even allowed myself to think while I’ve been gone. “And then on my way home, I got mugged.”
“What? That’s awful!”
“Obviously I’m OK. I convinced them to only take the cash from my wallet, not my wallet itself or any of the cards.” She snorts, and I look up, shocked. “Bailey, it’s not funny. I was scared out of my mind. He had a knife.”
“Are you listening to yourself? You argued with a mugger. You’re such a stubborn asshole! You could have been stabbed, and you told him no because it would have inconvenienced you to have to get new cards and identification.”
My lips twitch. She’s absolutely right. “I’m worse than I thought. The mugger didn’t even argue. He was probably rolling his eyes under his mask, eager to get the hell away from me.”
She laughs. “But you’re OK, and that’s the main thing. Did you tell the police?”
“I filed a report, but there wasn’t much for a description.”
“And that made you leave?” She narrows her eyes. “You don’t think Thaddeus had something to do with the mugging, do you? Maybe he wants your job, or you’re stopping him from getting what he wants, so he hired one of his goons to take you out.”
I laugh. Bailey’s always had a vivid imagination. “Bailey, come on. It’s not a bad TV movie. He’s not a villain. He’s just an asshole. Besides, he’s not that imaginative. He just hates that I’m not throwing myself at his feet.”
“But you’ve stayed quiet about his treatment—and the freaking mugging. I’d have called yo
u right after—maybe during—to snivel about being robbed! I think you should say something about Thaddeus.”
“To Valerie? Who hired him? Yeah right. Their families have probably summered in the Hamptons together for three generations. And today he came in during lunch and saw Blake giving me a massage.”
Bailey twists her tawny hair into a rope and trails it over her top lip, unaware that it makes her look like she has a fabulous mustache. “Were you naked?”
“No!”
“Darn. I mean that’s good, but darn. I wish there was something we could do.”
“Until Thaddeus steps over the line, my hands are tied. Being a dick isn’t a fireable offense.”
“Unfortunately.” Bailey sighs. “You still haven’t explained the whole Blake situation.”
“I fired myself from that relationship for being a dick.”
“What?”
“He brought me a picnic lunch.”
She grins. “Awww. That’s so… What’s with your face? It wasn’t romantic?”
I blow my nose and toss the tissue into the trash. “No, it was. Everything he does is fucking perfect. But it was more what it meant.”
“It didn’t mean he thought you would want something to eat at lunchtime?”
“No. It’s like he’s copying and pasting what we were in Florida to here, and he expects me to be able to roll with that as though nothing’s different.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I’m not that person.”
“Aren’t you?” Bailey crosses her arms. “Seems to me that you’re whoever the hell you want to be. You’re the strongest woman I know, Melanie. If you want to be with Blake, be with Blake. The only thing stopping you is yourself.”
It’s not quite that simple. “Maybe. But I don’t know how to change back into that person I was on vacation.”
“Who says you have to? Change is a process, not an instantaneous reveal like some reality TV makeover. That kind of drastic difference isn’t lasting. Don’t change for him. Don’t change for anyone but yourself. But don’t push him away because you think you’re not good enough or you think he won’t like you. That’s not fair to him.”
Summer Indiscretions Page 21
