by Melody Adams
"Come again for me, Julia," I demanded and increased the pressure. “Come on my cock!”
It didn't take long and her narrow channel contracted rhythmically around my shaft and she screamed my name.
"Good girl,” I praised harshly and thrust a few more times, until I exploded and filled her with my cum. Suddenly it became clear to me, that we hadn’t used protection and I hadn’t asked her if she was on the pill. I had suppressed the possibility that I could get her pregnant, and now I was recalling the memory of my son. My loss. My decision, not to have another child, which in turn led to the death of my son. Guilt and pain chased away all the good feelings I’d had seconds before, and I cussed, pulling out my cock. Julia looked at me confused, not knowing what kind of conflict I was in.
"Are you on the pill'?” I asked, harsher than I actually wanted.
"I ... I have an implant."
Relief flooded me. At least my actions would have no consequences. I got out of bed and began to get dressed. I avoided looking in her direction. I knew what I would see there. I had hurt her, I was aware of that, but I couldn’t change what I had done. There was only one thing I could do: To stay away from her!
Chapter 3
Julia
I slept terribly. After Pain had stormed away head over heels, I had cried for a long time. I knew he would hurt me, but I hadn't imagined it that bad. I didn't even know what exactly had happened. I had expected it to remain a one-night stand, but Pains behavior was inexplicable to me. He almost seemed angry, as if I had forced him to do something he didn't want. At one moment we had both experienced something wonderful – at least it had felt that way to me – and at the next moment he had jumped up, dressed wordlessly and left without looking at me, or talking to me again.
Sad, I sat up and shuffled into the bathroom. My sight in the mirror was shocking. My eyes were red and puffed, my hair a disaster.
"You really can't win a flowerpot with your looks," I muttered to myself. Sighing, I picked up my hairbrush and started to work on my hair. I didn't exactly go about my work carefully and tore the brush angrily through the mess of burrs and knots. I welcomed the pain because it distracted me – at least for a short while – from the pain in my heart.
After I was showered and dressed, I made myself a coffee. I didn't feel like having breakfast – heartache always robbed me of my appetite. I would throw myself into my work and hopefully not run into Pain again. How I could ever face him after this was a mystery to me.
"What exactly are you doing with all this green stuff?" Diamond wanted to know. The Alien Breed woman had been assigned to accompany me because I refused to accept a man as my escort. I had actually wanted to do my job alone, but Freedom insisted that I at least have an Alien Breed with me when I left the village. Diamond had agreed and I was very happy with the arrangement. Diamond was entertaining and distracted me from Pain, which was very welcome.
"I press and catalog them. Then I examine them for their uses and properties. On earth many plants have healing effects or can be used as food. I try to find out which of the native plants are of interest to us, and which we must avoid. These, for example, are poisonous," I explained, pointing to a low plant with tiny yellow flowers. "But if I make it in very low potency, it helps stop bleeding."
"And you found all that out?" Diamond asked, impressed.
I nodded and put the plant I had just dug up in my bag. It had small bell-shaped flowers of a deep blue color and long, leathery leaves covered with small hairs. I wore gloves because I didn't know which plants might cause allergic reactions or, in the worst case, even death if touched. In the early days of colonization here on Eden there had been two deaths from a poisonous swamp plant whose leaves were so poisonous that mere contact could lead to cardiac arrest. This led to the decision to hire a biologist to study the plant and animal world here. I was happy to get the job, despite the heartache with Pain. I just had to learn how to deal with it and forget him.
Pain
I pounded on Steel like obsessed. My level of aggression today was higher than it has been for a long time. I had a broken nose and a cut over my left eye, but I didn't notice it. The adrenaline numbed every pain. Later I would regret this, but at the moment I was only anxious to have an outlet for my anger and frustration. How could I have given in to my craving for Julia? What made me go to her house and attack her like a damn animal that had no control over its instincts? I was ashamed of the way I had treated her, but I couldn't undo it. The only thing I could do was stay the fuck away from her. It shouldn’t be that hard, dammit!
Steel made a turn and kicked me in the shoulder. I staggered back, but was able to steady myself again. But that didn't save me from the set of short powerful blows hailing at me. I shook my head and turned to the side to escape Steel's blows and ram my elbow into his shoulder. I sent a few hard blows to his kidney and Steel groaned, going down on his knees.
"That's enough," Rage shouted and jumped between us.
Breathing heavily, and with a racing heartbeat, I stood there, and stared at him. Steel got up behind Rage and held his side.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rage yelled, and punched me in the chest, that I was staggering backwards. "Do you call this training? Either you get a grip on yourself or the training gym is taboo for you!"
I had no idea what was going on with me how I had gotten so worked up. Rage was right. This hadn't been training – it was a fight – without any control. Steel was one of my best friends, one who, despite my moods and problems, always stood behind me and was always there for me.
"Sorry," I mumbled shamefacedly. I avoided looking at Steel. What did he have to think of me now? It wouldn't be surprising if he quit me the friendship after this incident.
"You really should talk to Holly sometime," Rage continued to scold. "You must finally face your problems if you want to live here with us. We have closed our eyes for too long, because everyone here feels sorry for you because of your past, but if you are a danger to peace in the colony, I will see to it that you come under lock and key. Get your ass up to the infirmary and see a doctor, and then make an appointment with Holly. You can't deal with this shit alone anymore. I’ve had enough of your episodes."
Steel stepped out behind Rage and put his arm around my shoulder.
"Come on! Let's go to Jessie's and get patched up."
I nodded and saw Rage and Steel sharing a look, before Steel led me out of the training gym.
Jessie looked at us critically as we entered the room and shook her head.
"Sit down Pain," she said and put on a pair of rubber gloves, before sitting on a stool opposite me, and carefully examining my nose. "With you guys I'll really never be unemployed around here," she said, sighing.
"Rage says ... I should make an appointment with Holly," I pressed out when Jessie treated my nose.
"Hold still and don't talk when I fix your damn nose," she scolded.
"Did Rage say that, huh?" She asked when she was done with me.
I nodded.
"I'm sure that's a good idea. And it's not as bad as you might imagine. It helps to talk about your problems. Holly is really good. Look at the progress she's made with Player."
I was silent. I didn't want a psychiatrist! I didn't want to talk to anyone about my past. But I knew I had to do something. I had been having more nightmares lately and my aggression was taking on dimensions that were unacceptable. Then the thing with Julia. I had to get a grip on myself. I knew that Rage would make good on his threat. He worked hard to keep the community together and provide security for everyone, and I was a loose canon. I saw that now. But that didn't make it any easier to talk to a shrink – even though Holly was a friendly and likeable female. She had only recently come to Eden with her mate Player. If there was an Alien Breed that was even more fucked up than I was, then Player – and yet his mate had really worked wonders for him.
"I can fit you in this afternoon," Holly said and looked up from her diary to me
et my gaze. "Three o'clock. Is that all right with you?"
I nodded silently. I felt uncomfortable and looked forward to the appointment with horror. I had hoped that I would have a little more time.
"Good! Then I'll see you at three. Now, I have another patient."
She got up and I also jumped up from my chair.
"I know it's a hard step for you, Pain, but I'm sure you won't regret it. You don't have to be afraid. I don't play mind games with you. You have control over everything that is said here in this room. But if you're willing to cooperate, I can help you lead a better life."
I cleared my throat.
"Thank you, hmm ... Holly."
Holly gave me her hand. She had an amazingly firm handshake.
"See you later, Pain."
"Yes, ... Yes, see you then," I replied and fled the room. Cookie sat in the waiting room and looked up from a magazine.
"Is it my turn now?" He asked.
Holly stuck his head out the door.
"Come in, Cookie!" She said, and Cookie rose from his seat to disappear with Holly in the treatment room. I stood there a while, hesitating, and then shook my head. Cookie was the last person I would have suspected here. Why did he need a psychiatrist? He was always balanced and in a good mood. – Well, obviously he had more problems than I had thought.
Julia
I had collected a nice yield of new plants and was on my way to my laboratory. I would be working overtime today. The longer I could keep busy, the less I had to think about Pain. With my thoughts already in the lab, I turned into the left hallway and ran into an obstacle.
"Hey! Be care..." sounded an annoying voice and broke off abruptly, when our looks met. "You!?"
I paled. Pain was the last person I expected to meet here, and I had to recover from my shock.
"What ... what are you doing here?" I asked and pressed the bag of plants protectively against my chest.
"That is none of your business," he grumbled.
My gaze fell on the plaster that adorned his nose and a second one above his left eye. It looked as if he had been involved in a fight. I wanted to walk past him, but he blocked the way and my heart did an excited hop.
"Excuse me, please – I have to go to my lab!"
I had tried to give my voice a firm sound, but all I got was a miserable squawk.
"I'm sorry for what happened between us," he said, avoiding my gaze. "It ... it will not happen again!"
With these words he pushed himself past me and hurried away.
I stood there frozen and tried to understand what had just happened. So he was sorry! But not how he had treated me, but that we had had sex with each other. Could it have been any worse? Probably, he had been too drunk to realize that I wasn’t his type and now, in a sober state, he regretted that we had slept together. I felt really miserable, and my heart cramped painfully.
"Damn son of a bitch," I cursed quietly and fought against the rising tears.
"Who is a damn son of a bitch?" Steel asked, who had suddenly appeared next to me. Then his eyes fell on Pain, who just disappeared through the door into the open and he frowned. "Pain? Did something happen between you?"
I shook my head hastily, but couldn't prevent my face from turning red. Steel grabbed me gently but determined by the arm.
"What did he do?" He wanted to know. "I know that something has confused him quite a bit. He was in such an aggressive mood today, like I have never seen him before. – What happened between the two of you?"
"Nothing," I replied and tore myself away from him. My heart was beating wildly, but I managed to look firmly at Steel.
"There is nothing between us. And now excuse me. I have to work!"
With these words I turned away and fled down the hallway, uncomfortably aware of the scrutinizing look at my back. As I turned around the corner and out of sight, I stopped and leaned against the wall. My knees were like jelly and my heart was racing.
Get a grip on yourself, girl! You are better than that! A little one-night stand won't upset you. Done and dusted! – Forget him! It's that simple!
Hell, whom was I trying to kid? As if I could ever forget that night. I hated to admit it, but it had been the best sex of my life. Even, if it ended in a disaster.
Pain
I had clenched my hands to fists as I walked down the street to my house. Why did I have to run into Julia of all people? I was really starting to consider moving to the East-Colony. I would also do her a favor. It seemed more than clear that I was hurting her again and again, although I didn't really want to. I had wanted to apologize for my behavior and only afterwards I noticed how it must have sounded in her ears. No! I didn’t regret the sex with her. It had been unbelievable. It had made me want to make her MINE and yet that was exactly what I had sworn to avoid. Never again did I want to take a mate! Never again to feel for a female, to be responsible for her!
"Damn," I grumbled discontentedly. Holly Westham would regret that she had accepted me as her patient. I was probably much more fucked up than I had feared. Maybe even worse than Player. The guy seemed quite balanced to me, although a little too dominant perhaps. But at least he seemed to have his life under control – which one really couldn't say about me.
"Pain! Wait a minute," Steel shouted and I stopped to wait for him.
"What is?" I asked in a bad mood.
"What did you do to Julia?"
"Who says I did anything to her? Julia maybe?" I snarled at him.
"No! She claims stiffly and firmly that there was nothing there, but..."
"There you go. – Nothing happened! And now please leave me alone. I have enough shit behind me for today and want to go home!"
"I warn you, Pain! If you hurt Julia – or any other female – I'll smash your skull in! – Understood?"
"I have no intention of seeing her or any other female, talking to her or anything else! It's not my fault that the little one ran into me in the hallway. She should open her fucking eyes when she comes around the corner!"
"Is that all that happened between you? – She bumped into you?"
I nodded and turned away. The guilty conscience gnawed at me, but I pushed it resolutely aside. As I had already said to Steel: it wasn't my fault if she didn't have eyes in her head!
But it was your fault that you attacked her, fucked her and then let her down, argued a voice in my head. You treated her like a fucking whore!
Time seemed to be racing and before I knew it, it was time for my appointment with Holly. I set off with mixed feelings. Fortunately, I didn't cross anyone's path this time. It was shortly before three when I sat down in the waiting room. Shortly afterwards the door of Holly's office opened and Rage came out. His eyes fell on me.
"Good! I see you took my advice," he said and nodded to me.
"Pain! Come in," greeted Holly, who had appeared behind Rage. "See you next week, Rage."
"So long," Rage replied and gave me another look before he disappeared.
A little reluctantly, I rose from my seat and met Holly's friendly smile. I sighed quietly and crossed the waiting room to enter the room. Holly closed the door behind us and took a seat behind her desk.
"Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right with you, I just need to take a few notes," she said, pointing to a sitting area.
I took a seat in one of the armchairs and waited.
"Would you like a cup of coffee or something else to drink?
"Water would be good," I replied harshly.
Holly fetched a small bottle of water from a fridge behind her desk and then joined me. I took the water and opened the bottle to take a few sips.
"Thank you."
"You’re welcome," she waved off and smiled. "Let's get started."
"Hmm."
"You don't have to be nervous. I don't intend to drill you about your past; we'll get there eventually. First tell me how you feel at the moment, here on Eden. Do you like it?"
I didn't expect this question and I looked at her hes
itantly for a while. I was afraid that she would ask me about my time at DMI and was relieved that she really didn't seem to be drilling.
"It ... it is ... good here," I started and took another sip out of the water bottle. "I'm sure my people are happy here."
"And what about you, Pain? Are you happy here?"
"It's better than a cell," I replied lame.
"Do you have trouble sleeping?"
I nodded.
"Nightmares?"
"Yes."
"Has it gotten worse lately?"
Again I nodded.
"I ... During the day I often ... think about things. Things I want to forget."
"Forgetting is not the answer to your problems, Pain. You have suppressed your experiences and therefore they manifest in your subconscious and reappear as nightmares or flashbacks."
I slowly began to relax in Holly’s presence. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I expected.
Chapter 4
Julia
It had been almost a week since Pain had been in my house. Since the incident I slept on the couch every night, just couldn't bring myself to get into bed where Pain had given me the most beautiful and then horrible moment of my life. After the collision in the health clinic, I hadn't seen him again. I should be relieved about that, but a part of me was always looking for him everywhere. Sometimes my thoughts drifted away and I thought of the way he had looked at me, so full of desire. I remembered the touches, the kisses. It had felt as if he really wanted me. Had I been so wrong? Was I so naive that I had interpreted something into it that hadn’t existed at all? How else could I understand his behavior? His abrupt departure? His hard words when I had run into him in the hallway? The fact that he was obviously avoiding me?
