by Lori Holmes
“Juaan,” she struggled to get the words out, the effort almost too much.
He came, moving cautiously through the shadows, his gangling frame bowed. He knelt at her side, his green eyes filled with untold pain and unshed tears.
Rebaa’s failing heart fluttered as tears started in her eyes. Her precious son. She had given so much, fought for so long and here he stood, a beautiful young man. She reached out and touched his cheek. Who was going to look after him now? She was going to leave him unprotected at the mercy of her tribe. She couldn’t give in to the darkness that pulled at her knowing that. She fought against it.
The deathbed promise she had given on the day of his birth still resounded in her head as if it were yesterday. Protect baby…
I tried, Nen! She cried silently to the long absent presence. I’ve done all I can… How could she protect her son now? He had only lived through eight Furies. He was not old enough to fend for himself in the world beyond the trees. She had prepared for that day but she had not planned on it being this one. Not so soon.
She looked up into his steady green eyes. So like his father… His father who had always been so strong. A warrior without peer. She felt a stirring of hope. Perhaps his son could survive the impossible. She had to believe it for there was no hope that the Elders would allow Juaan to remain under the protection of the trees once she was gone.
With a shaking hand, Rebaa reached under the leaves and pulled forth the object she had kept hidden for so long. Nen’s spear. She ignored her son as he pulled back in surprise, savouring the texture of the wood under her fingers, worn smooth by the most mighty and yet the most gentle of hands. A sad smile tugged at her pale lips. This weapon had saved its creator’s life once. It had saved her life and now she hoped its protection would extend to her son.
When she had returned to her people all those Furies ago, she had been forced to leave the spear embedded in the belly of her enemy out on the plain. But the idea of abandoning it there, this last connection to her old life, had been too much of a torment and when she had regained enough strength, she had crept out of the shelter of the trees to retrieve it. As Juaan had grown, she had kept it hidden, knowing that one day, he would need it. She hoped that wherever Nen was, she could see what she was about to do. She had a feeling she would be pleased.
“Here.” She held the weapon out to her son. He flinched away and his eyes were suddenly wide with a blank terror she could not understand, the Great Spirit whispered about them. “Do not worry,” she soothed quickly. As the seasons had passed she had grown successful in keeping his frightening power buried and hidden. “It won’t hurt you. It is here to protect you.”
The swirls of energy faded away and the blank look receded from his eyes. He paused, mastering his fear and then reached out to take the long spear in his hands. He ran his fingers over it, studying it solemnly. “What are these markings?”
Rebaa struggled to keep her eyes open. Her breath rattled in her chest. Not long now. “It-it was made by your tarhe. Those are her symbols of protection.”
“Tarhe?” Juaan asked, tearing his eyes away from the weapon in his hand, face full of questions.
“Your protector mother,” Rebaa breathed, “you will not remember her. You were only just born when she died.”
“Who was my mother protector?” His voice was hushed.
Rebaa smiled as her thoughts swirled together with her memories. Nen… The name still had the power to sting her heart even after all this time. “I was alone, so alone,” she mumbled. “The world is not kind to one who travels alone. She loved you even before you were born and vowed to be your tarhe, to protect you with her own life.”
“S-she loved me?” Juaan blinked.
Rebaa’s lips pressed together as his words shook her from her memories. Her son was so accustomed to living with the fear and hate of the people who surrounded him, it was impossible for him to believe that anyone besides her could look at him with anything other than disgust. The thought grieved her deeply. He deserved so much more. He deserved somebody to love him with all of their soul.
“Yes, she loved you. She knew even before she saw you that you were going to be special. She lost her own baby, you see. He too was Forbidden and he was taken from her.” Rebaa’s eyes drifted closed. “I can still remember the exact shade of her hair… red… so red… Take the spear of your tarhe, Juaan. The weapon that was made by her hand will keep you safe.”
Juaan was looking at the weapon again and a strange light came into his eyes, a farcry from the fear of before. He hefted it in his hands as though his body was responding to some previously unknown instinct. He swung the weapon in an arc then struck a strong pose, the deadly tip braced out before him as if facing down an enemy.
Rebaa’s throat closed. “So like your father…” With shaking hands she withdrew another object from the concealment of her bedding. The leaf leather pouch was soft against her fingers as she spilled the spearhead on its leather thong onto her waiting palm. The spearhead Juran had given her, the symbol of his leadership and power. The wolf carving was still stained dark by his blood. “This was his,” she said, offering it to Juaan. “He wanted you to have it. Your father was a great and fair chief to his people. He hoped that you would grow to be the same. He gave his life so that you might live.” She put the spearhead back into the leather pouch and pulled Juaan to her, tying it firmly onto the thong that held the leaves around his waist. “Keep it with you and remember. Remember the people who have loved you and sacrificed themselves for you. Live, do you hear me, and know that you were loved. You must survive no matter what. For me. Do you understand?” The darkness was calling. Fear thrilled through her limbs. She wasn’t ready.
“Yes, mama.” Juaan’s tears were dripping down his face now. “I-I promise.”
Rebaa’s heart struggled against the wasting that was claiming her life. He was so young. The spear that he held towered over him, his hand barely fitting around the haft. Too soon. She needed more time! He needed more time before he faced the wilderness alone. There would be no one left to protect him.
She pulled her son to her and held him close. Her heart fluttered unevenly in her chest. Her vision hazed. Too soon.
“Rebaa,” a soft voice called from far below at the base of the tree.
Rebaa flinched and beckoned quickly for Juaan to return the spear to her. “It must stay hidden until you need it,” she hissed and buried it in the leaves once more.
“Rebaa.” It was Sefaan calling. Moments later, the Kamaali’s face appeared in the entranceway to her home. Her face was somber. She could feel it, too; the end was close. The ancient face took in Juaan as he stood protectively at Rebaa’s side. “You have grown, boy,” the Kamaali whispered. “But not enough, I fear. Not enough.”
Rebaa closed her eyes as the Kamaali’s words sealed his doom.
“Jaai,” the cracked voice beckoned. “Come here. You do no good lurking outside.”
Jaai? Rebaa’s eyes blinked open and she fought to focus her eyes. Jaai was here? Her friend climbed reluctantly into her tree and Rebaa felt Juaan stiffen at once. Even her old childhood friend could not look upon her son without mistrust and Juaan knew it. He usually did his best to hide his loathing of Rebaa’s kin from her but he could not contain himself this time. Despite her best efforts to hold on to him, Juaan broke away from her with a low hiss and disappeared out of the tree.
No! She wanted to cry. Come back. There was so little time left. So little time… Rebaa’s eyes drifted shut.
Now Juaan had gone, Jaai was at her side in an instant. “Rebaa?” Her friend’s voice shook. “Please, hang on, perhaps Baarias…”
Sefaan grunted.
Rebaa’s cold hands sought Jaai’s and pressed them weakly. “He wouldn’t come, Jaai… and it is too late now…” Please leave me so that I can be with my son…
“No.” Her erstwhile friend denied her words vehemently.
“Jaai.” Sefaan’s voice was sharp. “
It is too late. Only you can help Rebaa now. You must give her what she needs. Time is running out. She must hear it to know peace.”
“Anything,” Jaai promised quickly, sniffing through her tears. “What do you need? Please tell me what I can do.”
“You must promise that you will take care of Juaan until he can fend for himself.”
Rebaa’s eyes shot open as Jaai gave an audible gasp and pulled away from her grip.
“No!”
“Jaai…” Rebaa croaked.
“No, that is impossible, you cannot ask that of me!” Jaai was beside herself. “I’ll do anything, anything else, but he is Forbidden! Ninmah will curse my family. How can you ask this of me?”
Each word was a blow to Rebaa’s heart. She groaned softly.
“Because it is right,” Sefaan said evenly. “He is just a boy.”
Jaai was shaking her head back and forth, such was the enormity of what Sefaan was asking.
“Jaai,” Rebaa reached for her, reached for the only hope that was being offered, “Jaai please, I love him, h-he w-will die if there is nobody to keep him. The Elders will cast him out. W-what would you do if-if it was… Nyriaana…”
Jaai’s expression constricted at the mention of her tiny daughter, “Nyriaana…”
“Jaai,” Sefaan pressed. “As your Kamaali, I am guiding you in this. You must protect the boy now, for all our sakes. For Rebaa.”
Jaai dropped her head into her hands. “No. I can’t, I can’t. I can’t put my family at risk. My little Nyriaana…”
Sefaan gave a little laugh. “Nyriaana won’t mind, I can assure you. Their meeting has been ordained by the Great Spirit for a long time now, perhaps from the first day that Ninmah created our race. It is meant to be.”
Jaai barked a short incredulous laugh in return. “The Great Spirit wants my daughter to meet this monster? You can’t mean that, Sefaan.”
Rebaa could see that the Kamaali had had enough. With a soft, impatient growl, Sefaan stepped forward and placed her hand on Jaai’s head. Jaai moved to pull away but then the power of the Great Spirit was all around them. Rebaa felt it prickle against her skin as Jaai’s face grew blank; seeing things that were yet far away.
“Oh!” her friend gasped as the vision the Kamaali was showing her saturated her mind. “Oh.”
“Now you see.” Sefaan withdrew her hand, allowing Jaai to come back to herself. The younger woman crumpled and dropped to her knees as tears spilled from her eyes.
“Yes.” Her voice was no more than a whisper.
“Will you swear to take care of him?” Sefaan pressed.
Jaai’s lips trembled, her eyes bright with dread.
Rebaa reached out to her. “Jaai.” Her voice was now no more than a breath.
Jaai came to her side.
“Jaai… please… he is just a boy… I need to know that someone w-will care for him… as one would care for your daughter.”
Jaai dropped her head with a helpless sob, ghosts of the vision still dancing before her eyes. “But my Nyriaana, my poor little Nyriaana…”
“Jaai,” Sefaan’s voice was soft but firm.
“Yes,” Jaai spoke, defeated. “I promise. I promise before the Great Spirit and Ninmah that I will take care of this… boy as my own. No matter how I feel, I cannot fight what is right. I promise you, Rebaa, I will keep him safe until he is ready.”
And Rebaa breathed a deep sigh, a great, invisible weight lifting from her chest. “Thank you…” Her vision hazed away again. “Thank you…”
She did not hear Jaai leave, she was only just aware of Sefaan’s hand on her brow. “Go in peace, Daughter of Ninmah, beloved of the Great Spirit, your task is done and you have done well. Be at peace.”
And then the Kamaali was gone.
Alone in the darkness Rebaa rested, counting her breaths. She could feel herself slipping but for the first time in a long time, her heart was light.
There was a soft rustle beside her and then her son was there. He had come back just in time. With the last of her strength she reached out and pulled him to her. She wanted him to be the last thing she saw.
“Mama?”
“It is alright, my precious one. You are safe now… I have made you safe…”
“Mama, don’t go.” His voice was filled with panic.
Rebaa could barely make him out. “Do not be a-afraid. Remember… remember everything I have told you… everything you p-promised. Y-you must live.”
He nodded, clutching at her.
The darkness was rushing up fast now but this time she felt no fear, she did not fight. Her son would be safe and her task was complete. Peace was hers at last.
“Remember…”
“Mama?”
Juaan’s voice was the last thing she heard as she let go completely and walked willingly into the Great Spirit’s embrace. Juran was waiting and Rebaa was finally home.
“Mama.”
* * *
Epilogue
His mother was dead. The knowledge of that crushed Juaan’s heart in an unforgiving fist. He collapsed to his knees on the ground at the base of the crumbling tree where he had lived with his mother for eight Furies. They had already taken her emaciated body away to Cast it to the river. They could not afford to attract sickness.
He had not been permitted to attend. He was an outcast. Forbidden. An object to be feared and mistrusted. He did not belong. Juaan gasped, clutching at his chest as another wave of grief and despair tore at him. His mother was the only one who had ever looked upon him without fear or contempt. She had been the very center of his belonging. Now she was gone and he did not belong anywhere anymore. The ties that had bound him had been severed and he was adrift. Lost. A Forbidden child amidst those who would prefer to see him dead.
They were the reason his mother was dead. They had not helped her. They had abandoned her. Anger burned hot beside his grief. He felt an uncontrollable energy building up inside him such as he’d never felt before. His fists clenched. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? Ninmah’s Gift? He had always struggled to call upon it before and his mother had always discouraged it. He had seen the fear in her eyes and that had been something he could not stand, he could not bear for her to be frightened of him, too. And so it had become habit to bury the whisperings within, to bury them deep. He bared his teeth, uncaring as he gathered the energy to him now.
“Juaan?” A soft voice called tentatively.
He snarled. It was not the voice he wanted to hear. His mother was dead and it was all because of them. All because of their hatred. It was their fault. All his fault for existing! It was everybody’s fault! The world was a cruel, awful place.
With a cry, he lashed out with the energy that had been gathering within him. It exploded forth like an unstoppable gale, powerful and completely uncontrolled. A wave of pure destruction. Trees creaked and the younger ones shrivelled, leaving a ring of blackened foliage and barren ground around him. A great commotion broke out as birds took to the air, shrieking in alarm. Somewhere in the distance, the wolves started to howl, made uneasy by the disruption he had caused. Spent, Juaan finally broke down and cried.
“Juaan?” Now the voice was wary, afraid.
He turned to glare at the speaker. What did they want now? Had they come to throw him to the elements? Finally strip him of what little protection they had offered?
It was Jaai who stood there. She waited just a few strides away. Her weight was shifted in a way that told him she was deliberating whether or not to flee from him - the abomination.
He snorted and turned his reddened eyes away from her. Let her run. Of all the tribe, Jaai had been the most supportive of his mother. She had helped as much as the Elders’ constraints had allowed her. She had avoided him as much as she could, of course, but she had been sympathetic to Rebaa’s plight.
A fresh sob shook Juaan’s body. Maybe if he just knelt here long enough, the Great Spirit would come and take him, too, and he could be reunited with
his mother. Dimly, he was aware of a soft gasp and he realised Jaai was still standing there. When he met her eyes again, he saw that her fear had been overcome with pity. She had been reading his emotions. He did not think anyone had ever done so before.
“You are just a boy, aren’t you?” she whispered.
Juaan did not really know how to respond to that so he just stared at her helplessly. All the fight had gone out of him. Her eyes softened for a brief moment then hardened with determination. It seemed to Juaan that Jaai had come to a decision. She stepped forward, cringing, into the ring of destruction he had caused and stretched out her hand. Instinctively, Juaan flinched away.
“Don’t be afraid, young one,” Jaai spoke soothingly. “I won’t hurt you. I made a promise to your mother. I am going to take care of you now.”
Her words broadsided him. His thoughts buzzed without focus as Jaai’s hand closed around his arm and pulled him to his feet. Young as he was, he was already as tall as Jaai. Juaan did not miss the flash of unease that crept back into the Ninkuraa woman’s eyes.
“Ninmah, forgive me.” He heard her murmur softly to herself. Her mouth was set in a grim line, however, and she continued to pull him firmly through the massive trees without hesitation.
“Jaai!” A male voice snapped from nearby. It was filled with consternation. “What are you doing with that? Get away from it.”
Juaan supposed he should feel angry or hurt by the words but he felt nothing. He did not care. He was beyond feeling now. Beside him, Jaai sighed in resignation but straightened her back, preparing to face her mate.
“We have got to take care of him now, Talaan.”
Silence. Talaan stood as though waiting for his Joined One to admit her bad joke and reveal her true purpose. She did not. Jaai’s firm gaze did not so much as flicker.
“Have you lost your mind?” Talaan spat, recovering his senses enough to speak. Even Juaan could feel his outrage as it rolled out in waves. “He is Forbidden! His existence goes against the very will of Ninmah. Would you so curse our family?”
