by Heller, JB
“Jesus,” he swears under his breath. But I hear it. His nose is against the shell of my ear, and I can feel the way my words are affecting his body. A hard ridge has formed against my butt, and I relish in the knowledge that my words alone can do that to him.
“Why don’t you want to fuck me, Hux?” I ask.
He chokes. “What?”
“You heard me. Why don’t you want to fuck me?” I repeat.
His hands have stopped moving, and his fingertips dig into the soft flesh of my thighs. “Jesus, El, you’re killing me here.”
“Answer the question, Hux.”
“Fuck, I want to. But we can’t. I can’t, El. I’ll be gone in a matter of weeks. I can’t stay, and I can’t take you with me. If I let myself feel you … all of you … fuck. I can’t, princess.” He pauses and takes a deep, ragged breath. “I already feel way too much for you. It’s already hard enough to control myself. If I let go, I won’t be able to stop.”
That’s exactly what I want to hear. To know he feels the same way about me as I do about him. It’s exhilarating. Tilting my head back, I look up at him, his gray eyes swirling with heat, lust, and restraint.
“If you say so,” I whisper and start to trace patterns on the top of his hands that are still gripping my thighs. I know there’s no point in arguing with him. In his head, we can’t be together.
I understand his reasoning. It would be smart to avoid any unnecessary hurt where we can, I guess. I mean, being a teen is hard enough, trying to figure out what we want out of life, and who we are, without dealing with heartbreak as well. And it looks like that’s the only possible outcome of this relationship.
But despite my understanding, I still want him. I still want this—us.
Chapter Ten
She’s trying to kill me. I’m sure of it. If not with her driving, then definitely with her dirty words.
I don’t know how I kept things PG at the rest stop earlier this week. She’s been taunting me with her mischievous smiles and kinky texts ever since I said I can’t fuck her.
She knows exactly what she’s doing, too. And I’ll be damned, but I think it’s starting to work. It gets a little harder each day to keep my hands to myself.
She tempts me in the worst possible way. She makes me want to forget my plan, to stay here with her.
But I can’t.
I won’t.
This need I have for her sears itself deeper into my soul with each breath I take, making my chest burn with exertion when I’m around her.
I never thought I could feel this much for another person. And it damn well feels like she’s in as deep as I am. But I don’t deserve it, deserve her. How she can possibly want someone as worthless as me to begin with blows my mind, but it doesn’t matter.
There’s no possible way I can stay in Shiloh Springs.
* * *
I can’t count the number of times Eliza has pushed my control to its limit in the last two weeks. It’s like since I admitted that this isn’t going to go beyond heavy petting, she’s more determined to bring me to my knees.
We’ve been this—whatever we are—for over a month now, and I’m pretty sure Wayne suspects. I’ve noticed him watching her more closely recently. I know he’s into her. Everyone knows. But she’s been shutting him down for longer than I’ve been around.
I’m sitting under my tree, leaning against the trunk, eating an apple, when I see him approach her and pull her away from their group of friends. She humors him and supplies a coy smile just for him. I know she’s aware of me watching them when she turns her back on him to lead the way and throws me a little wink before spinning back around to face Wayne.
He crowds her against the side of the auditorium, leaning in with one arm propped above her head on the wall. I don’t like the way he’s towering over her, almost like he’s trying to intimidate her. Then, he turns his face and looks directly at me.
It’s right then that I know what he’s doing, and I get to my feet, ready to make my approach. But Eliza reaches up and pulls his face back around to her and says something to him. I pause, waiting to see how this will go and if I need to intervene. A moment later, Wayne lowers his head, and as he does, Eliza slides out from beneath him and struts away.
Wayne spins around, glaring at her as she goes back toward her friends. Then, he turns his attention to me again, and I don’t back down. He’s trying to fuck with her because he knows we have a thing. I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t like being rejected, especially if a nobody like me is the one getting what he wants.
The rest of the day seems to go by unusually slow as I wait in the foyer outside the principal’s office and wonder what Wayne’s going to do next. Will he start targeting me now? Or is he going to keep going after her?
“Mr. Haynes,” Principal Robson calls.
I shake my head, bringing myself back to the present. “Yes, sir?”
“Are you with us now?” he asks with a raised brow.
I scratch my temple. “Uh, yes, sir.”
“You ready to discuss your upcoming exams?”
“Yes, sir.” I get to my feet and follow him into his office. We spend the next half hour scheduling times for me to take my exams at end of the month now that all my assessment pieces have been completed.
“Are you sure you don’t want to finish out the year Huxley? You’re only in high school once. The friendships you form here can be lifelong,” Mr. Robson says, lacing his hands behind his head as he kicks back in his chair.
He and I have always gotten along pretty well. He’s a chill guy in his early forties, but he’s a little too perceptive.
I arch a brow. “You and I both know I don’t have any friends here.”
He shrugs. “You’ve still got time to change that.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
“Okay then. Well, if all goes well with these exams, you’ll be out of here in as little as three weeks.”
Instead of the relief I’d expected to feel from the news, I feel empty. I should be glad. I should be freaking ecstatic that everything is falling into place so easily. But I’m not. And I know why.
Eliza.
* * *
I decide telling Eliza as soon as possible will be the best. Otherwise, I might chicken out. And I can’t do that to her. I send her a text with the address of the job site I am working on today so she can pick me up when I knock off and we can talk.
Not surprisingly, she shows up early. I lift my chin in acknowledgment when she pulls up out front but keep on working.
“Who’s that?” Johnno asks.
I scratch my temple. “Eliza Quinn.”
“She your girl?” he asks with a smirk on his face.
“Uh, kinda,” I tell him.
Johnno shakes his head. “I don’t get you, Hux. You’ve got a fine piece like that, and I bet you’re still planning on leaving. Am I right?”
I nod once. “Got my final exam dates today.”
“She know?” he asks with a flick of his chin in Eliza’s direction.
“Yeah, she knows.” Guilt eats at me as I look over and see her dancing away in her car while messing with her cell, completely oblivious to our conversation—to what I’m going to tell her this afternoon. I can’t imagine she’s going to take it well.
Eliza meets my gaze and graces me with one of her smiles and a small wave. I close my eyes and hope I’m doing the right thing.
Johnno’s big hand clasps over my shoulder. “Go to your girl. You’ve done enough here today. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I nod then get my pack out of the back of his truck before walking over to Eliza’s Rover. “Hey, princess,” I greet her as I climb onto the towel-covered passenger seat.
She beams. “Hey, you. So, where to? Stream or rest stop?”
“Stream,” I tell her. It seems fitting that the place where this all started be the place it ends.
Eliza pulls her car off to the side of the road a few minutes later
, and we make our way through the trees to the clearing. As soon as we step into the small open area, I drop my pack on the ground and start kicking my shoes off.
“Why’d you get your bag out of the car?” she asks.
I answer her honestly. “Because you might not want to give me a ride home after we talk.”
The expression on her face says it all. “Okay, well let’s get it over with then. Whatever it is you have to say, just say it.”
I finish taking my shoes off and sit down before putting my feet in the cold water. “Sit with me?”
She stands there, shifting her weight from one sandal-clad foot to the other. “If you’re going to tell me we’re done right here, right now, I’d rather not.”
I sigh heavily and look out at the sparkling water flowing effortlessly over the boulders in its path and wish I could overcome the obstacles in front of me as smoothly. “Today I was given the date for my final exams—end of the month,” I say without looking back to her, and I can’t hear her shifting around behind me anymore.
“As soon as they’re done, I’ll—” I pause, taking a shuddering breath. It’s so much harder to tell her than it should be. “When they’re done, I’ll leave.”
Silence.
Turning my head, I glance behind me to make sure she’s still there. “El?”
She’s sitting with her legs crossed in front of her, running a piece of grass through her fingertips repeatedly. She slowly begins nodding to herself, and I wait for her to say something, anything, to put me out of my misery. When she finally lifts her eyes to mine, I wish she hadn’t. Unshed tears shine back at me, and I know I could have saved her this hurt had I just stayed away.
Dropping my gaze, I refocus on the water until I feel the heat of her against my back as she nuzzles her face between my shoulder blades and wraps her arms around my middle. “So, I still have time?” she asks.
Her question doesn’t make sense. “Time for what?”
“To be with you.”
I slide my hands over hers. “If that’s what you want.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She sniffles.
“It means, if it would be easier for you to start distancing yourself now, that would make sense.”
With an outraged growl, she releases her grip on me, pushes to her feet, and stands. “Are you serious? Why would you say that to me? Is it not clear enough to you how much I want this? How much I want to be with you, no matter how long we have?” She glares down at me.
I get to my feet, too. “It is. But I just wanted to give you an out. The sooner we end this, the better off you’ll be.”
Her glare intensifies. “How do you figure that? I’ll get to see you around school and town for the next three weeks but not be able to talk to you, to touch you? How would that be easier?”
Her glare is fierce, and I can’t take it much longer, so I look down at my bare feet instead. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.” I rub my temples with my thumb and forefinger. “I’m just trying to make this as painless as possible for both of us.”
Eliza closes the space between us and wraps her fingers around my wrist, pulling my hand away from my face. “It’s going to hurt when you leave. I know that. But until then, I’m going to spend as much time as I possibly can with you. I’m going to fill the next three weeks with memories of you to keep me going when you’re not around anymore. Do you hear me? I’m not going anywhere until you do.”
I drop my forehead to rest against hers. “Okay,” I murmur. But inside, I’m wondering what’s going to happen when those memories begin to fade. Because I’m not coming back here—ever.
Chapter Eleven
Time is passing way too quickly. I’m already a week closer to my final exams and a week closer to leaving Eliza.
She’s rarely left my side outside of school and work hours, going as far as to pick me up from job sites every afternoon. From there, we go to the stream and sit around talking and making out.
I know I’m going to miss her when I go. She’s become a part of me that I can’t and don’t want to forget. From the minute she drives away in the evening until the moment I see her again in the morning, she’s all I think about, which makes studying for my upcoming exams extremely difficult.
A big part of me wants to tell her how strongly I feel about her, but I know, in the long run, that would only make it worse. Vocalizing things always has a way of making them that much more real.
I’ve given up wishing I didn’t want her so badly. It doesn’t help anything. Accepting it doesn’t help either because, at the end of the day, I’m still leaving. I have to.
“Where’d you go just now?” El asks.
I turn my attention back to her and shake my head. “Nowhere.”
“Yeah, you did. You’ve been quietly staring off into space for the last half hour.”
“I have?” I ask, scratching my neck.
She nods. “Yep.”
“Sorry, must have gotten lost in my thoughts,” I say, hoping it’s enough of an explanation for her.
She chews on the corner of her bottom lip. “You’re not going to tell me what you were thinking about, are you?”
With a heavy sigh, I answer her, “I’d rather not.”
“You’re thinking about when you go then.”
I look out over the water instead of her sad face. “Yeah, something like that.” Then, she snuggles up against my side and lays her head on my shoulder. I can’t help it. I press my lips to her forehead. I’m going to miss her so much. She can read me like a book. I bet she knows exactly how I feel about her without me having to say a word.
When she looks up into my eyes, something inside me breaks a little more.
I don’t want to leave her.
Dropping my head closer to hers, I sweep my hand into her hair, grip it in my fingers, and press my lips to hers. “I’m done thinking,” I murmur against her soft mouth, and she responds by climbing across my lap.
With her legs wrapped around me and her arms looped at my neck, I forget my worries and focus on the gorgeous girl in my arms. Sliding my palm up her spine until my fingers knot in the hair at the base of her skull, I tug her head back and pepper her sweet throat with nips and licks.
“Hux,” she moans, and just like that, she begins rocking her hips against mine.
I know she wants me to lay her down and fuck her in the grass, and I won’t lie, I’ve fantasized about it at least a hundred times. But I can’t.
I move my hands to her hips and still her movements. “El,” I warn.
Her eyes are bright, and she grins at me. “Yes?” she asks, innocence dripping from her tone.
My fingers dig deeper into her hips when she tries to move against me again, and I growl, “Don’t.”
Her eyes brighten further. “Why?” she asks with a devious smirk. “Don’t you like it?”
She knows damn well I like the way she feels rubbing against me. Hell, my dick has already started to pay attention, and she’s barely touched me. I don’t answer her. Instead, I glare at her smiling face.
“Hux, why do you keep putting on the brakes? I can’t stop thinking about the moment you finally slide inside me.” A slight shiver runs through her body as she teases me with her words. “I can imagine how good you’ll feel, filling me, thrusting inside my tight—”
I can’t take it anymore and cover her dirty mouth with my hand. I close my eyes and try thinking of something else, anything at all that doesn’t involve Eliza and her sweet little body with my dick buried inside of it.
As if she can sense how close I am to losing my shit, her tongue slides past her lips, against my palm, and my eyes flash open. I only have so much self-control, and her words, combined with the look in her eyes, just snapped it.
“Fuck it,” I mumble and flip our positions around so she’s beneath me on the ground as I hover over her. My eyes flick back and forth between hers, and they’re shining with happiness. I want to see that look every fucking day for the r
est of my life.
Sliding my hands under the hem of her sundress, I caress her thighs gently, teasing her with my feather-light touch. She squirms, trying to make me move faster. But I just grin at her, taking in her flushed cheeks, rosy lips, and bright eyes.
“You’re so fucking perfect. What do you want with a reject like me?” I murmur against her bent knee.
“You are not a reject, Hux. Not to me. I will never cast you aside. You are the sweetest, most intense, and mysterious person I’ve ever met. I love that about you.” Her breath hitches as my hands slide farther up her thighs to her hips.
I move myself between her legs, forcing them open, and she grins wickedly up at me. When my fingertips touch something soft and lacy, I glance down and see the sexiest pair of mint-green, lace, boy-short panties. “Jesus,” I groan at the same time as I grab her knees and shove them up her body.
Eliza squeals. “Hux, what are yo—oh my God!” she moans.
My mouth is pressed against the thin fabric covering her pretty pussy. I blow a warm breath over her then lick over her sensitive flesh as she shivers beneath me. Shit, I can taste her through the material separating heaven from my lips.
Before I know what I’m doing, my body takes over and pulls her panties to the side so I can suck on her clit. Her back bows up off the ground, and her small fists grip the grass beside her hips.
“You taste so fucking good,” I growl and begin licking her from her clit to her entrance and back in smooth strokes. She moans again as my tongue travels back to her opening and pushes inside.
El’s hands knot in my hair as she holds my face to her sweet pussy while moaning my name. And I love it. My dick is hard as a fucking rock inside my shorts, and I want nothing more than her hot little mouth wrapped around it. In fact, that thought alone makes it throb with the need to come as her juices coat my tongue.
I pull slightly away from her and look up into her glazed eyes.
