I need him too. It's not just the sex and the fun. It's more. When I'm around him I feel my heart binding to his in a way it never did with Tad or any man I've ever dated. This is more. This is real and I'm terrified that if it ends, I'll never get over him.
"I want you to make love to me," I whisper into the still air between us. "I've never had that. I want you to show me what it's like."
He bites his bottom lip as his throat works on a deep swallow. "I've never had that either. I never wanted it until now."
I watch in silence as he rips open the condom package he brought with him. He sheathes himself before he leans down to kiss me tenderly. "Let me fall for you, Ellie. Let me show you what you mean to me."
Chapter 42
Nolan
"I think I fell in love last night."
Eda stops in place right in front of my desk, the cup of coffee in her hand shaking. "You what, sir?"
"Sit." I point at the chairs in front of my desk. "Have a sip of that coffee. You look like you could use it."
She lowers herself into one of the chairs. "This is your coffee. I bring you coffee every morning."
"Why?" I rest my elbows on my desk. "It's not part of your job description."
"I bring you coffee because you send me flowers every second Friday." She takes a sip of the steaming liquid. "You think I don't know it's you, but I do."
"Before Harold died he asked me to arrange a flower delivery for you every second Friday of the month for a year. It was important to him, so I continued the tradition."
She absorbs that, her eyes a clear window into her emotion. "He started doing it when we first married. Back then, it was a bouquet made up of flowers he'd pick from other people's gardens on his way home from work. The professional arrangements came years later, but it was always every second Friday, no matter the season."
"I'll stop when you tell me to stop," I half lie. I'll tone it back to one delivery a month if she asks me to stop but I'll never give it up completely. I see her gazing at the elevator when she knows a delivery is coming. She waits and as soon as it arrives, she packs up her desk, takes the flowers and leaves for the day.
"I won't tell you that." She rests the coffee mug on the corner of my desk. "Did you say you fell in love last night, sir?"
"I think I did, yes."
"You think you did?" She tilts her head to the side, her eyes scanning my face. "You're not sure if you did?"
"No." I exhale sharply. "I don't know if I fell or not."
"It's not typically like a cliff, Mr. Black." She teeters on the edge of the chair. "It's not often that one just falls in love in an instant and is completely aware of it. It takes time."
"How much time?"
She scratches her nose, her finger pushing on the frame of her glasses. "It depends. How long did it take the last time you fell in love?"
"There isn't a last time," I respond quickly. "I'm a novice at this, Eda. This is my first time at the rodeo."
"Miss Madden is a lovely first love."
"She is." I scrub my hand over the back of my neck.
She studies me. "The first time she came to the office and you sent me to marketing I knew there was something special about her."
That doesn't surprise me. Eda anticipates everything before it happens. She's the one who told me darker shades of lipstick would be the big ticket items last fall. She was right. She's also the person who warned me that Shelby was trouble when she showed up at my office unannounced. That's how we met. She marched into my life because she wanted to be the face of the summer line. I took her to bed instead, not heeding any of Eda's words.
"Don't try and make sense of falling in love, sir." She picks up the mug and stands. "Just enjoy it. Let your heart feel what it wants to and trust that Miss Madden feels the same about you."
I do trust it. I saw it last night when I made love to Ellie and she clung to me for an hour after. It was there in her eyes when she kissed me goodnight and held my face in her hands. She's falling in love with me too and I'll do everything in my power to make certain that doesn't change.
***
"The background check brought up nothing on a sibling." Crew keeps his eyes trained on where Ellie is standing next to the entrance of the store. "The information Kristof pulled listed Ellie's mother's name and her date of death. He found nothing about her father or a sibling."
"I had no idea her father was dead or that she even knew him." I stiffen as I survey the area near the skin care creams. "I wasn't surprised when she told me about her mother's passing. I wasn't prepared when she brought up her nieces."
"I'll call Kristof right now and get a new file on Ellie." He taps my forearm. "I'll get him to dig deeper. Any questions you still have will be answered."
"I don't want that." I look at him. "If I have a question, I'll ask Ellie myself."
"Ask me what?"
I turn at the sound of Ellie's voice. Her eyes dart between Crew and I before she finally settles on me. I wait a beat before I say anything. "Ask if you're free for dinner tonight."
"Not tonight." She shakes off the question with a two-word reply and a shrug of her shoulder. "I keep forgetting to ask if you've seen a necklace. I lost one. I usually keep it in my shoebox but I thought it might be in yours."
"Shoebox?" Crew huffs out a laugh. "You two are already at the cute code talk stage which means I'm out of here."
Ellie watches as he walks away. "The necklace isn't expensive, but it does mean something to me. I'm pissed that I didn't get the clasp fixed before it broke."
"It's being fixed as we speak." I tuck her hair behind her ear. "I found it at the shoebox yesterday. I was going to give it to you last night but it slipped my mind. I noticed the broken clasp this morning so I sent it to a jeweler in Chelsea. She does excellent work."
"You're kind of perfect." She tosses me a smile. "I'm sorry about tonight but I promised Adley we'd go to a movie."
Her devotion to her best friend is admirable. It's also annoying, but I'm learning that Ellie isn't the type of woman to alter her life for anyone.
"I'll hang out with May." I lean in to kiss her forehead. "Shoot me a text before you go to sleep."
"So I can talk dirty to you?"
"So you can text dirty to me," I correct her with a smug smile.
"Deal." She reaches for my hand and brings it to her mouth. She closes her eyes before she brushes her lips across my fingertips. "Keep your phone close, Nolan. You never know when I'll get the urge to message you."
I watch as she walks away, the swell of her ass under the tight red pencil skirt she's wearing moves with every step she takes.
My phone chimes. I look down at the screen and the message from Ellie.
You're so busy staring at my ass that you haven't noticed the woman standing behind you staring at your ass. I can't say I blame her.
I look up to see Ellie disappear into the stock room, her back straight, her focus forward.
I debate whether to turn but I do. I pivot on my heel and face the woman who apparently is checking me out.
"Nolan Black," she says my name before I register that I've never seen her before. She's petite with long dark hair and a tailored white suit. "I'm Thea Morgan. I'm representing Shelby Leon. We can do this the easy way or you can make it hard. I'm open to either approach."
Somewhere in there is a reference to my cock. I can tell by the way she's checking out the outline of my erection through my pants. I have Ellie's ass to thank for that, which I will do, personally as soon as possible.
"My eyes are up here." I tap my nose. "My lawyer is across town. He's the one you should be speaking with."
She slides her gaze up my frame until her eyes are locked with mine. "My office is half way between here and there and I have a press conference scheduled there in an hour with Shelby by my side. I thought you might want to discuss terms before that happens."
"The only thing I want to discuss is how misinformed you are." I tense. "My lawyer
has undeniable proof that I am not the father of Ms. Leon's baby. If my name is brought into this in a public manner, there will be repercussions."
"I'll postpone until I review what your attorney has." Her gaze darts quickly around the store. "I use Matiz products. I have to tell you I've never used anything better."
I nod. I'm not opening my mouth to acknowledge the compliment. I don't trust her.
"This is completely off the record, but I'm available." She wiggles her bare left hand in the air. "My divorce was finalized last month and Shelby mentioned that you helped her forget about her ex. If you're interested, I'm free tonight. Say at seven? No strings. Unless you're into that because I'm open to trying anything."
It's been awhile since a woman threw herself at me this way, but I'm not catching. I'm not even in the fucking ballpark anymore.
"I'm not interested."
"I should mention that I'm double jointed and I was a backup for the Olympic Gymnastics Team eight years ago."
It's impressive but not for the reasons she's going for. "I'm involved with someone. I have no interest in continuing this discussion with you. If you have anything else to say to me, bring it up with my lawyer."
Her cheeks flush as she bows her head. "Fine but the offer is still open. I can do things on a set of uneven bars that will make your head spin."
I arch a brow. "There isn't a man alive who is worth this. Don't beg for it. Never beg for it."
"I'm not begging," she huffs out a laugh. "I was offering."
"I declined." I glance at Ellie. She's back from the stock room and now in deep conversation with another security guard. "Twice. There is nothing you can say that will make me change my mind."
"I guess it's my loss and her gain."
"Who?" I turn back to look at her.
"The woman you can't take your eyes off of." She gazes at Ellie. "You look at her the way my husband used to look at me. Ex…my ex-husband."
"I'll let my lawyer know that he should expect your call and I expect never to see you again." I take a step toward the door. "Tell Shelby I wish her well but she needs to let go. I'll never be a part of her life."
Chapter 43
Ellie
"I have an interview with the NYPD next Friday." I lick the ice cream that's dripping down my finger. "I wanted to give you a heads-up since technically you're sort of my boss."
"No sort of about it, Ellie." Nolan leans forward to run his tongue over the path mine just took. "I'm your boss, and I want you to get that job."
"It's not for the academy." I hand him the cone and the last bit of melting cookie dough ice cream that's left in it. "I'll be working an administrative job, but it's still an in. It would be a big deal to me to get my foot in the door like that."
"I admire you." He places the cone into a glass decorative bowl on the coffee table. "You go after what you want."
"You do the same." I grin at him. "I don't think that bowl is meant for ice cream. It looks like a piece of art."
He glances to the side, his eyes skimming the bowl. "It looks like a piece of art that's holding a melting ice cream cone now."
I survey the space around us. I've never been to the shoebox when there's been sunlight filtering through the windows. It's Saturday afternoon and when he called to tell me that May had a playdate with a friend and he was free, I jumped at the chance to see him.
We shared a sandwich on the patio of an upscale restaurant on the Upper East Side. Then we rode the subway to Cremza and finally we raced back here to the shoebox, trying desperately to eat our shared cone before it all melted under the sweltering heat of late summer.
"The paintings in here are originals, aren't they?"
His eyes stay focused on my face. "Both are originals, yes. They belong to my mom."
"Your mom trusts you with those?"
He furrows his brow. "What's that supposed to mean? My mom thinks I'm very trustworthy."
"What's she like?" I pop my feet up to the couch, wrapping my arms around my bare knees. "What's your dad like? I've seen pictures of them online but I'd like to know what they're like."
"Let's see." He crosses his long legs as he leans back against the leather. "My mom is an angel. She's as smart as a whip and beautiful. She loves my sister and me unconditionally. We can't do wrong in her eyes."
"She sounds amazing," I mutter. "What about him? Your dad?"
"Ernest Black is what you imagine every grandpa should be." His brows rise. "He's kind but tough. He'll take you to task if you cross him but he'll give you a hug with his next breath. He's the best businessman I've ever known. He has insight that I'll never possess. He taught me everything I know about Matiz before he retired and fucked off to Europe with my mom."
"They come back here, though, right?" I question. I read an article about Nolan's parents online. It said that they own homes on several continents but make a point of coming back to New York a few times a year.
"They show up when they want." He chuckles. "Usually at my place in the middle of the night. I have a bedroom for them there."
"It sounds like you're close to them."
"They're the best people I know." He taps his chest. "They've always stood by me. They love May fiercely. I couldn't ask for better parents."
It's what I always imagined a family should be. What I always wanted for myself.
"You'll meet them when they come home." He reaches for my hand. "I want you to meet them."
I don't point out the obvious elephant in the room. I haven't even met his daughter yet and every time we're together I think about that.
"I have a picture of my folks in the office." He drops my hand and stands. "You mentioned seeing a photograph of them, but I have one of when they first met. I'm going to get it framed for their anniversary. I'll grab it and show you. You'll get a kick out of the clothes they're wearing."
I can only nod as he takes off down the hallway. With every piece of himself that he exposes to me, I feel the weight of the imbalance between us. He's taking a risk by sharing his life with me. I need to start taking risks too.
***
Ten minutes pass before I finally get up to see where he is. I hear his voice just as I round the corner into the home office. His back is to me. The chair behind the desk swiveled so he can look out at the city.
"May, you know that monkeys don't live in apartments," he says with a sigh into his phone. "When I said we would think about a new pet, I didn't mean a monkey."
I smile to myself. His voice is softer as he speaks to his daughter, the tone less abrasive. There's patience in his words as well as hints of happiness.
"I don't know what a monkey eats. I doubt that it's banana pancakes though."
I stifle a laugh with a swallow. My gaze falls to the open drawer of a filing cabinet. Dozens of pictures sit atop the cabinet and in the drawer. I pick up one. It's of two small children, a boy, and a girl. I study their faces, trying to find Nolan in the boy but his hair is a few shades lighter and longer. The girl is pretty. There's a ribbon tied into her long blonde hair.
"No, May. Bunk beds are not made for girls and their monkeys. Whoever told you that was pulling your leg."
I pick up one of the photographs. It's a small print of a man and a teenage boy with sun-streaked hair standing next to a docked sailboat. The boy is clinging tightly to the man's hand, the smiles on both their faces a testament to their love of each other. This had to be Nolan. The man is old enough to be his grandfather. This is his family. The pictures and memories and the phone call he's engrossed in are all parts of a life that I want a place in.
"I didn't mean that they grabbed your leg and pulled on it. It's a saying, sweetheart. I'll explain it to you when I get home," he murmurs. The amusement in his words is clear. "I'm visiting with my friend right now. I'll be home in a couple of hours."
I place the picture back with the others, my eyes lingering on the young boy's face while I finger the necklace around my neck. It's the one Nolan had fixed for me.
He gave it back to me earlier and smiled when I told him it had been a Christmas gift from Adley.
"Yes, I'll make you pancakes for dinner. I need to go, sweetheart. I love you."
He waits for a breath before he ends the call.
I shuffle my sandals against the hardwood floor hoping the sound will be enough to turn his chair. It does.
"Ellie?" His smile is as warm as his tone. "I was gone for so long you must have wondered if I fell off a cliff."
"A cliff?" I lean toward him, my hands resting on the wall behind him. "Is that what happened?"
"Yes, that's exactly what happened."
I look for some understanding in his eyes, but there's nothing but calmness and contentment.
"If you heard any of that you know that my daughter wants a monkey." He pushes the chair back from the desk and stands. "She's persuasive but she can't win this battle."
"You sound so sure of that."
He scratches the light growth of beard on his jaw. "I'm good with another dog. A cat is fine. I'll get her an enormous aquarium for an entire school of goldfish but a monkey isn't moving in."
"A monkey who sleeps in a bunk bed and eats pancakes is pretty special," I say through a laugh. "I'd pay money to see that."
"I'll take you to the circus." He stalks toward me. "Only if you promise you'll stay away from the clowns."
"That's the second time you've brought up clowns," I point out as I gaze up into his face. "Are you as scared of them as you are of spiders?"
"Not scared." He leans down until his eyes are level with mine. "I don't like clowns. I don't want you to like clowns either."
"You can't tell me what I can like, Nolan." I feign a frown that quickly turns into a grin. "I might really like clowns."
"You might." He narrows his gaze. "You like me more though."
I like him more than most things. "Maybe."
"No maybes." He pushes his hands on the wall, so his arms bracket me. "Tell me what else you like, Ellie."
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