MOURNING RITUALS
What followed was the inevitable déjà vu: tears, guilt, anger, sadness. Oh girlfriend! Been there! Done that. Burned the Kubler-Ross T-shirt! Nothing heals a wound but time, which surely must have seemed eternal as you danced your way to the end of love.
Angel was running amok. What could you do but let yourself flow down the only waterway that made any sense, the River Styx. The guy became history in the making. Everything you loved about him seemed to have vanished like a mist burned away by the sun, leaving a killing machine, hell-bent on revenge, and determined to cause you grief at every turn. The worst for you was the emotional coldness, as though the love never happened. What’s left but out-with-the-old, in-with-the-new? You had to try to erase him from your psyche. Never shunning the tough decisions, that’s what you did, Slayer girl, and yes, it was heartbreaking to watch your internal struggle.
Sometimes people understand, sometimes they don’t. It’s hard if they don’t, especially when it’s those we’re close to. Sometimes the only way to cope with all this is to just leave town. Get away for a while. Find a new place. Make a fresh start. Even a temporary change is as good as a rest. Sow the seeds in a virgin field, and see if the love flower can blossom again. And hey! Maybe in your time of grief you could even meet somebody who offers a bit of comfort, if you know what I mean.
DESTINED TO DIE
Let’s see . . . season three brought the possibility of change in the boyfriend arena. Scott, but that didn’t go anywhere. None of us thought it would; he was a wimp. How could he compete with Angelus?
But old loves never really die, they just alter form. Angel’s resurrection left you between a rock and a hard place. It’s tough being friends after shared intimacy; all the old pulls are there, and it’s so easy to end up melding. But embedded deep in your awareness was the vibrating pain of knowing just how ugly it could, would, turn out. We’re all two-legged Pavlovian dogs when it comes to associating pain and pleasure from the past with the present. Anything more than a kiss with Angel would bring out his Demon Within. You settled for a working relationship. Or so you tried to tell yourself. But love never dies, apparently, even when we know it is in the terminal ward, and picking at old wounds keeps those protective scars from forming. The dead-end relationship just keeps going, and going, and going… Nowhere. You’re his girl. Always. But gee, isn’t that impossible? One of you had to make the break. And between you and me, honey, there’s nobody out here who does not hold to the belief that Angel truly loves you, enough to leave you, or something like that. It’s confusing. One of those paradoxes no woman ever really is completely sure of.
REBOUND “R” US!
So, onward. And you did battle on, romance-wise. But face it, Buffster, Parker was only a distraction. He was not the guy for you. Oh sure, you bumped into him at the right place, and the perfect time, and indeed he helped you, if not to forget at least to gain a bit of perspective on Angel, and maybe a touch of your slinkster confidence back. But Parker was high maintenance. Basically, another wimp.
Riley. Well, I think we were all amazed when you got involved with soldier boy. Especially with Angel still lurking. Still, Riley was no normal guy. And frankly, despite your love affair with the conventional, it’s obvious to most of us who know you better than you know yourself that you’ll never be able to maintain a relationship with someone who isn’t strange. At least the guy could keep up with you!
Somehow, though, Riley never seemed like “Mr. Right.” Okay, he had that long-term potential, even though he was way reluctant at first, and not really accepting of your career choice. But ultimately, you worked well together. Here at last was a guy you could actually talk with, who understood you, and vice versa. Your own species, even. Yet underneath it all was this sense of something missing. He just did not inspire the great passion in you that Angel did, that was obvious. So nobody was truly surprised when you let comfort zone get away. Think of him as a good starter marriage, although it sure must have grated when he committed conceptual bigamy by showing up with a wife!
And then there was Ben. Enough said.
Then finally, Spike, and what was with that? Aren’t you a bit young for Alzheimer’s? You made it with one vampire, and look what happened! Spike appeared to be a reform waiting to happen but to my mind he was always more of a full-blown catastrophe. No matter how much he might have wanted you, and vice versa, this would never have worked. He didn’t have the integrity, the substance, even if he did possess a soul he could feel in the end, or so they say.
Spike gave his life for you, for all of us, and for that we thank him. But a hero does not a good husband make, and fate, it seems, saved you from what would have been a huge mistake. Do not be fooled by a guy addicted to peroxide again!
No, girl, I’m afraid to tell you that it seems you are destined to be alone. A Boadicea of your time, warrior queen, too strong for any potential mate. The only one who can meet you is Angel. He’s still there. He came to your mom’s funeral. He’s always been there for you, helping you, listening to you, working things out with you, loving you, rescuing you on occasion. And yet a relationship with him that involves actualized physical love and all that it entails is a treacherous maze with no way out. What’s a vampire hunter to do?
SLAYERS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
Dismal as it seems, you’ve got to look at the half-full glass. Consider yourself lucky. I mean, at least you didn’t end up preggers by some sexy vampire dude. Now that would be a conundrum!
Want some advice? Even if you don’t, here it is: Get over yourself, girl! Release yourself from that tragic notion of normalcy, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. It’s a myth anyway. Who do you know who is normal? Accept the fact that you will always have a hard time finding a guy in his right mind who will pair up with a girl who kills vampires and other assorted supernatural entities every night of the week. I mean, lesser girls than you can’t find a decent boyfriend!
You’re in that same grim boat as every female throughout history who has been strong of mind, firm of body, and more or less pure of spirit. She Who Knows Herself. Who line dances to her own rockabilly band. And now that you’ve dispersed your power to any girl who wants it, well, things can only get tougher for all of us. You don’t seem to have lesbo tendencies, so for you there’s pretty well only one real option: Wait for the guy who can live with you being the way you are. It’s the only road to happiness. Admittedly, those guys are few and far between. Rarer than a vampire who doesn’t drink blood. But they’re out there, just not lingering at every cemetery gate.
In the meantime, don’t take any of the dudes sniffing their way across your path too seriously. Just play the proverbial field. And while you do, don’t expend one freckle’s worth of energy worrying about what people say, because most of them are sheep anyway, hardly worthy of saving, but you seem compelled. Look, girlfriend, we on the bleachers have your best interests at heart. Just because a girl is cheerleader-cute, and WWF sexy doesn’t mean she has to shag every pimply nerd who passes her door, with or without blood running through his veins, in the hopes that he is The One. Maintain your standards! Like the virgin goddesses of old, only give yourself to He Who Is Worthy Of You!
Remember, Buffy, you are not alone. You come from a long line of chicks with a mission, whose agenda is first and foremost to rid the world of malevolence. Xena and Wonder Woman are role models. But honey, you’ve got to ease up a little. And now’s the perfect time, what with Hellmouth having been cleaned out, and all your new sister-slayers the world over working overtime on evil, and now that you’re not fighting monsters 24/7, give a nod toward partying. Have some fun. Let the universe provide you with a bit of lighthearted meaning. That’s the Zen approach, which is part of your training, or do I stand corrected? Don’t worry about the future, just live your life, and as you’re doing that, that’s when the impossible not only becomes possible, but probable. As Angel said, he’s not getting any older. And to quote Mr. J. Lennon, “L
ife is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Party on, Buffy!
Award-winning author Nancy Kilpatrick has published 14 novels, 150-plus short stories, five collections of stories, and has edited seven anthologies.
She has also penned three comic books, co-scripted a bilingual stageplay, and written a slew of nonfiction. Much of her work involves vampires; for example, her popular Power of the Blood series, which will be reprinted this year (Mosaic Press), and her newest title Eternal City (Five Star Books/Gale Publishing).
In 2004 she will publish The Goth Bible, a nonfiction profile of the modern gothic culture (St. Martin’s Press), and Goth Gurrls & Boiz, an anthology she is co-editing with Nancy Holder (Roc/NAL). Nancy is currently writing the screenplay for one of her books, Near Death, being produced by C3 Productions.
Check her website for the latest news: nancykilpatrick.com
Sherrilyn Kenyon
THE SEARCH FOR
SPIKE’S BALLS
Best-selling author Sherrilyn Kenyon is perhaps most famous for her steamy Dark-Hunters series, described as “Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Sex and the City.” It’s hard to think of anyone better suited to discuss this critical and long-neglected topic.
I HAVE BEEN A HUGE FAN of Buffy since the moment the first episode aired where she was lying in bed, dreaming of the evil baddies coming to town. I was with her in the car as Joyce Summers drove her to Sunnydale High where Buffy met the people who would one day form the nucleus of the Scoobies. And I knew then that this was going to be one of those shows that went down into television history.
For all the beauty and wonder of Buffy the Vampire Slayer though, branding itself into our culture and collective hearts, I have noticed one disturbing trend in the series: the emasculation of the male characters. I have a theory about this. My belief is that Buffy is, in fact, her own special breed of vampire. Whereas traditional vampires suck the blood from their victims, Buffy drains the testosterone from the characters she is involved with—this appears to be the true source of the Slayer’s power.
Nowhere is this better illustrated than with the Spike character.
Spike is now a veteran of the series, but he wasn’t one of the first to fall victim to Buffy’s gonad vampirism. He is simply her most recent victim.
The first victim was Angel. Angel is a mysterious character during the early episodes. We know very little about him other than he’s debonair and a master of the one-liners; meanwhile, Buffy at this time is a soft ingénue who is just learning her powers and skills. She has yet to discover her own vampirism.
Yet as Angel becomes more involved with Buffy, we see in him a dramatic change where he becomes weaker while she grows stronger. When he finally succumbs to her and they sleep together, I believe it isn’t so much his soul leaving him that turns him into Angelus as it is Angel seeing the writing on the wall and knowing that if something doesn’t change instantly, he will be as dead from her testosterone-drainage as a vampire victim is from blood loss.
Enter the evil vampire Angelus. Now anyone who knows me knows I have a fondness for truly evil characters. Something about the baddest of the bad makes me rub my hands together in glee and sit up straight to watch them go.
But notice: While Angelus grew in viciousness, Buffy became a kinder, gentler Slayer. She lost a great deal of her humor and lightheartedness during this season and became (I really hate to use this word) whiney.
Ultimately, her backbone isn’t returned to her until the end of the season when she kills Angelus and then runs away from home, never to be the same again.
It is at this point that our cycle really begins.
Angel is resurrected by The First, or at least we are led to believe this. The First is that ambiguous evil that has birthed all evil.
Instead of the strong Angel who captivated us during the earlier years, the new Angel incarnation is a shadow of his former self; meanwhile, Buffy is stronger and better than ever. She has commenced her testosterone-feeding.
No one is immune to this. Think about it. Xander, though often nothing more than comic relief, had his moments of heroism early on. Remember Xander the Hyena, or the Lover, or my personal fave, Apocalypse Now Xander who was all testosterone in the one Halloween episode where Buffy reverted to being a helpless Southern belle? Buffy got her Slayerdom back—and poof, Xander was emasculated again.
Sad, but true.
Even Riley Finn succumbed to her gonad-feeding frenzy. In the early Initiative episodes he was Mr. Bad-Ass-Take-Charge-and-Get Out-of-My-Way. He was the epitome of Soldier (note the capital S) until he became involved with Buffy.
Our GI commando was transformed from SEAL potential to amoeba in one short season as Buffy sucked the masculinity right out of him. We watched him slide down to the darkest pits where he paid vampires to suck his blood so that he at least had some form of control over his drainage. Finally he could stand no more of it and had to leave Sunnydale because he knew he could never be a man so long as Buffy was sucking the testosterone out of him.
In fact, as we all know, he rediscovered his manhood down in South America without her. Remember when he came back season before last as a special guest? He was our beloved commando all over again—scarred and everything. He kicked butts and took names; meanwhile, the Buffy character reverted back to being whiney. Once he’s gone, she’s strong again.
But I think the most tragic example of Buffy’s feeding comes from the character of Spike.
Ahhh, Spike. The mere mention of his name makes me smile and at the same time makes me sad. Now here was a truly great villain. From the moment he walked in and toasted the Master’s protégé to the episode where he went to blow the Slayer away even while he had a chip in his head, he was BAD.
Before he allowed Buffy to drain him, he was the Dirty Harry of the vampire world. Even with his wings clipped by the Initiative, he was still his nasty barbarous self, pitting Scooby against Scooby and letting fly stinging comebacks and one-liners.
Until the day he discovers his Slayer obsession. He loves Buffy. From there it is a slippery slope that leads him down to the sad shape he’s in now.
Here we really see the fact that, much like the Stygian Witch’s Eye, there can only be one set of balls per episode and it must be handed back and forth between the characters. Since the show is named Buffy, by default the balls will always revert to Buffy.
Whenever Spike is strong, Buffy is weak. Case in point, when Buffy dies, Spike takes care of the Scoobies and Dawn; when Buffy returns, he becomes submissive to her and allows her to run roughshod over him even when she’s clearly wrong.
This culminates into Spike deciding that he can’t stand handing his balls over to her anymore. Becoming the vampire we remember from the beginning, he journeys to the ends of the earth where he can battle it out to become what he was before. Of course both Spike and the viewers believe he will become his former evil self.
But since he is now involved with Buffy and she has him under control, like Dracula with his Renfield, Spike doesn’t revert to his former vampire self. He, just like Angel, gets his soul back and is now nothing more than Buffy’s punching bag.
Gone is the Spike of legend, the Spike who once slew two Slayers without hesitation, and in his place is a tragic shell that is often abused by not just Buffy, but all the cast.
It appears that in the Battle of the Balls, Buffy has finally won the ultimate victory. Poor Spike wasn’t as lucky as Angel or Riley, who were able to leave before they became Buffy’s Renfield. Spike is now on the level of Xander, who once put into words the feelings of every male character on the show: “As of this moment, it is over. I’m finished being everyone’s butt monkey.” But as we have seen, he didn’t leave and he hasn’t regained his manhood.
Now that Spike no longer has balls, it begs the question: who will be next? I thought for a minute Willow might have them, but, as we saw, Buffy the Testosterone-Sucking Vampire, with the help of her emasculated Xander, defeated her.
Enter Faith. Why else would we bring Faith back? Not to mention the fact that poor Faith also fell victim to Buffy’s gonad suckage. At one point, they even had to knock her unconscious so that Buffy could suck her dry.
I will never forget sitting down to view the final show. I like to call this the Symphony of the Balls. It was truly spectacular to behold. Like some legendary football game, we watched the great ball handoff between the characters.
It’s in Faith’s hands, no wait, she’s injured, handoff to Buffy. No, Buffy can’t handle the testosterone charge, quickly pass to Willow. Wait no, give to Xander, oh wait, Anya has them. Ultimately, it came down to Buffy and Spike. Spike, though he was fighting off to the side, was the vampire we knew him to be. The man who defeated the demon to get his soul back. The one who took his punches and then demanded arrogantly, “Is that all you’ve got?”
This Spike was worried because his medallion wasn’t working. I kept waiting for him to proclaim to all, “I don’t need no stinking medallion. I’m here to kick them back into oblivion.” He never did. It’s not until Buffy goes down with a vicious wound that drains her testosterone that it is immediately transferred to Spike.
Finally, in the end, through the medallion, Spike receives his balls again, only to die holding down the fort while Buffy and the rest of testosterone-slayer potentials run for it.
Seven Seasons of Buffy: Science Fiction and Fantasy Authors Discuss Their Favorite Television Show (Smart Pop series) Page 4
