“I don’t even know. I left before all of that was decided. They haven’t called me, I haven’t called them. I’ve only spoken to the old First Vice President—”
“Penelope?” My mom asked, interrupting me.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Oh, I’ve always liked that girl.”
“You really know her?”
“Yeah, when she was pledging a couple years back, I was working with the line. She just had such character.”
“Well, she came over and talked to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about what she said, but I don’t know how to make it better. If Founders’ Day is on our campus, I can’t be there, I can’t show up. I just don’t want to deal with any craziness.”
“Well sweetheart, that is one of the reasons I didn’t want you to pledge because you would get to see some of the ugliness that goes on. Trust me, I am not saying you did everything right, they may even be justified in telling you to hit the road.”
“Mom!” I said, needing her to be on my side.
“Nor was I saying they were right, but despite all that there is a way you work things out with your sorority sisters. You pledged not because you wanted to be Chapter President but because you wanted to be a part of the organization. You vowed to help make it better. Sitting on the sidelines, Hayden, will not accomplish that goal. You’ve got to face your sorority sisters. You can’t back down from what you signed up to be a part of. Get dressed. I will be over there in thirty minutes. I’m on my way.”
“Mom, I didn’t buy a ticket,” I said, hoping she’d leave me alone.
“Hayden, you know my chapter doesn’t ask you girls to buy tickets.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” I said, completely not thinking, wanting an excuse.
“One day you will know how it felt to run for regional office and get defeated. I had support going in, major support, but there was a big scandal thrown from the other candidate and I got ousted. Though I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, I knew I couldn’t. The only way to get better, the only way to give what I said I was going to give to the organization, the only way to make it change for the positive was to stay involved. That was my number one reason for signing up and that was the number one thing that kept me in when I wanted to quit. Keep that at the forefront of your mind and no one can make you turn away. I’ll see you in a sec. Love you.”
Before I could plead with my mom to let me stay home, she’d already hung up. I knew she was on her way. I had to find a black outfit to wear in honor of our founders and get dressed quickly because when she honked she would be expecting me to head out the door. I loved her persistence, her stamina, her care for me. I just needed her to lighten up sometimes and I really felt this was one of those times. Though she made a great argument about why I needed to get myself out of hibernation, this was hard.
When my mom got there, Chandra ran out to the car first. She always had my back when it came to that. She knew my mom could be a little high maintenance, and she occupied her by saying hello and catching her up on all that had been going on in our apartment. A couple of minutes later, I came out of the door, lipstick bag in hand.
My mom said, “Oh Chandra, I wish you would’ve pledged. You would have been excellent. A girl with a heart for good—gosh, we missed a good one by not getting you.”
“Yeah, but I would’ve been going through all the drama your daughter is facing.”
“Say no more,” my mom said, laughing. “Alright honey, we’ll see you later.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Chandra motioned with her finger underneath her chin and lifted it toward the sky. I gave her a thumbs-up. I knew my newfound enemies were still my line sisters, and as I rode in the car with my mom, my stomach dropped with every mile.
“Sweetheart, you’re turning blue over there,” my mom said, looking at my light-skinned face as we arrived on campus, parked, and made our way to the ceremony at the theatre.
It wasn’t that I was scared of Sharon, Dena, Bea and Audria, but I guess collectively all of them hating me wasn’t something I was ready to walk into. Being in my apartment was what I wanted desperately.
“Come on girl, the Remembrance Ceremony is about to start,” my mom said, as I lagged behind her.
When we got to the door, I cased the place over her shoulder, looking for my line sisters. I had no idea where I was going to sit. Certainly my mom was going to sit with her alumnae friends. However, she surprised me when she told the woman at the door that she needed two seats.
“Hey, is that your daughter? She’s beautiful,” the woman said to my mom, obviously knowing her.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” she asked me. “I came to your house a few years back. I was on one of your mom’s committees. I got the two little girls you helped babysit that night.”
“Yeah, your baby’s name is Rose. Every time I plaited her hair she pulled out all the barrettes and undid it.”
“That’s her,” she laughed. “How ya doing?”
“She’s not doing too great,” my mom cut in, ready to tell all my business. “She’s in this chapter here and girl, they got all kind of issues going on.”
“I know.”
“Mom!” I said, wanting to hit her.
“That’s okay, she knows I understand. Sorority life can be extremely hard and stressful. After your mom served as committee chair, I took over the position, and the ladies on my committee started planning stuff without me, didn’t show up to the things that I planned and asked me not to serve in that role anymore.”
“Wow,” I said, truly able to identify. “What did you do?”
“I prayed about it. Here I was, a grown woman in an alumnae chapter, trying to work toward change, and I had tears in my eyes over some petty foolishness, ’cause some lady on the committee didn’t like the fact that I moved on if they didn’t do what they said they were going to do. But after praying and really doing a lot of soul searching there was another committee the president needed me to chair. I started working with those ladies and everything has been fine. Sometimes it’s personalities and insecurities from others you have to deal with.”
“What happened with the ladies you used to be on the committee with?”
“We are actually fine now too. You can’t run from the sisterhood. The good in those sorors—what made you love them in the first place—find that. They still have it in them, even if they lose their minds sometimes,” she said, comforting me. “Here are some purple penlights for the ceremony,” she said. “I hope everything works out for you.”
I sat down with my mom and quickly spotted my crew across the room. They were giving me looks that could cut steel. This was so hard. I hated being estranged from those I cared for so much.
As water welled up in my eyes, my mom said, “Hold it together, girl. I would go talk to them myself, but I know that’s not what you want.”
“No, it’s not.”
“So hold it together. You will find a way to deal with all this. A leader is strong.”
“I’m not their leader. I shouldn’t have come.”
“Shhh, the program is starting, and no one can take the leadership traits away from you.”
The state director went to the mic and began the ceremony. “Every five years there’s a new rotation started in remembrance of one of our five founders.”
The lights dimmed and everyone turned on their purple pen lights.
“Miss Cleo Armstrong, from the great state of Virginia,” the state director announced. “The first generation from her family to go to college. She never met a stranger and loved every soror. She was the first president of Beta Gamma Pi and when you told her you liked something, she ended up leaving it to you in her will.”
Another soror said, “Soror Armstrong loved God. She loved her family, and she served this sorority. This entire year we will remember her by focusing on being the best leaders we can be. We might not make the best decisions, but as long as you lead from the soul everything
will be okay.”
When I looked over at my sorority sisters, a couple of them had tears in their eyes. I didn’t know what all that was about, but the moment had certainly touched me as well. I wasn’t a perfect president, but I certainly gave it all I had. I think Soror Armstrong is smiling at me from Heaven and that thought made me feel a bit of warmth in my cold situation.
It was now spring break and it felt great great to be heading with my roommates down to Gulfport, Mississippi, to relax on the beach and play a few slot machines. Our first priority was to spend time together to get reacquainted. All four of us had been going in such different directions we needed this time to reconnect again. After we checked into our luxurious hotel, we hit the beach.
As we lay there, all in our own worlds, thinking about whatever was on our minds, Chandra said, “You know what, guys, I just want to be honest.”
“What, talk to us,” Myra said.
“I guess I gave y’all a hard time about pledging your sororities and stuff because I felt like it pulled you away from what we had. We weren’t first anymore, our sisterhood, our bond thing that made us the tightest freshmen around, is no more—and that is hard for me.”
Bridget sat up and rubbed Chandra’s back. “I’m sort of mad at my own sorority for making that happen. We used to have dinner at the house at least once a week and now that’s sorority night for me, so I can’t go.”
Myra said, “Every time I want to do something, we’re either studying or planning some kind of event, so you’re right, I allowed my sorority duties and ego to pull me away from our friendship too.”
They looked at me, and I just had to keep it real and be honest with them. “It’s not even like I’m all involved with my sorority anymore. After being kicked out, I guess I’ve been wallowing in my own self pity and I haven’t opened up to you guys. But Bridget, I can’t thank you enough for bringing Tammy and Penelope over to try and help. I don’t think I ever thanked you properly. I guess what I’m saying is although it seems like we are going in different directions, we are still here for one another. Chandra, I don’t think that will ever go away.”
“But Chandra, you can pledge MEM and we can be even tighter,” Bridget said.
“She knows she wants to wear brown and peach if she wears anything,” Myra said.
“I can’t even front and ask you to pledge Beta, we are so messed up,” I said, as they laughed.
“I think I’m just fine being a G.D.I.”
“What’s that?” Bridget asked.
“Girl, you know that’s a Got D ... Independent,” Chandra chimed out loudly.
“Oh, that’s right,” Bridget said, laughing.
“You know we love you right? And any time you want us to be better, just hit us in the head. You always been good at that,” I teased.
“Hit them in the head,” Bridget said. “You can just come and tell me.”
“I hear y’all, thanks,” Chandra said, feeling better as we shared a group hug.
Later on we played a few games in the casino. Myra and Chandra won fifty dollars apiece, but Bridget and I were losing money, so we decided to walk to the resort part of the hotel. I couldn’t believe it when we came across two guys that were so fine neither one of us knew which one we wanted to talk to.
“Okay, they are gorgeous,” I said.
“Chandra would approve, non-Greeks. If they were Greeks they would be sporting paraphernalia,” Bridget said.
“Oh my gosh, they are coming this way,” I told her.
One of the guys went over to Bridget and said something. The other one, who was a little taller and stockier, came over to me. All of my pearly whites were showing.
“I’m sorry, I know it must have seemed as if we were staring, but you two are gorgeous. Let me introduce myself. I’m Taylor Black, from Louisiana. The two of us should have dinner tonight.”
“Well, I’m with my girls and I am sure they won’t mind coming with us later tonight,” I said, letting him know I wasn’t going to be alone with him.
“Hey Hayden! I’ll be right over here,” Bridget said, as she walked with Taylor’s friend around the corner.
“Looks like one of your girls is going to be occupied. You said you got two more. I got two friends too—maybe all eight of us could go to dinner.”
“Yea, that works,” I replied.
Later that evening, I was sipping on a glass of wine in Taylor’s hotel room. I couldn’t remember how I got there. Taylor’s lips were going up and down my neck but I was so confused. I could swear I was looking at Creed. I felt funny.
Trying to move away from him, I said, “Stop.”
“What, you got a boyfriend or something?” Taylor asked, extremely irritated.
“I don’t know you,” I said boldly.
“Well, I’m trying to change that and make it a little bit better. Let my hands do some magic over your body. You’ll get to know me just fine.”
“We aren’t even alone. Your friends are right in the other room,” I said, as he slithered his hands up my shirt.
“And your friends are there too, so nothing can happen to you that you don’t want to,” he said, as he started feeling all over me.
“No!”
“I want to take this to the next level. Let me,” he said, as he tried to unfasten my bra.
At that moment it was clear to me that I needed to find a way out of there. I don’t know if it was the girls kicking me out of the sorority, or my breakup with Creed, but some way, some how, I was going to have to get a hold of my life and stop doing absolutely idiotic things. Yeah, this guy was fine, but I didn’t know him. I was drinking with him, when I didn’t even drink. What was I doing?
“Chandra, help me,” I shouted out.
I moved to the corner of the bed. I was wobbly, but I needed him off me. I called out for Chandra again, this time louder and she quickly came into the room.
“You got to help me. I have to get out of here, I feel sick.”
“Wait, don’t take her anywhere, I got ya girl,” Taylor said to Chandra.
“Naw partner, you don’t know how deep our friendship is. Let’s go, Hayden,” she said.
She called out to Bridget and Myra. I felt so woozy. Then all three of them helped me out of Taylor’s hotel room.
“Partner, she’s just getting started. Bring her back,” Taylor said, trying to convince my girls to leave me there.
Chandra snarled at him like a mama grizzly bear protecting her cub and said, “I am not your partner. Thanks for dinner. Maybe we’ll see you guys around before we head back, but I’m going to take care of my girl. She’s my priority.”
16
BOLDLY
As soon as we got into our hotel room, Chandra threw me on the bed and hit me upside my head. “Okay, so do you think that was just the stupidest thing you ever did or what, girl?”
“What? What do you mean?” I said, groggy and disoriented.
“You don’t drink and you had four glasses of wine. You don’t even know that fool. He could’ve raped you!”
“I know, you’re right. All I kept thinking about was Creed. When I realized this other guy’s lips were all over me, I knew I was in over my head. Do you think Creed will forgive me?” I said, leaning my head on Chandra’s lap.
“Girl, I’m going off on you right now, trying to make you understand that you have to become responsible and you talkin’ about some other boy. Whatever, get this. You’ve got too much going on to be so careless,” Chandra scolded.
“Well, the smartest thing she did was bring us with her,” Myra said.
“You gotta admit though,” Bridget interjected, “all those guys were cute!”
Chandra said, “Yeah, until they proved to be scum buckets.”
“That’s not-not-not nice to talk-talk about people,” I said, slurring my words.
“You just hush,” Chandra said to me, as she helped me get into bed.
“I’m feeling a little woozy too,” Bridget said, leaning
over.
Myra said, “See, I told you, Chandra! We saw those guys slip something into our drinks. I’m so glad we declined everything and we didn’t leave with the two guys we were with.”
“Yeah, we stood our ground and told them we weren’t going nowhere,” Chandra added.
“Thank you for not leaving me, thank you,” I uttered, still feeling really bad. “You think they put something in our drinks? Oh my gosh, this is horrible. I’m gonna die!”
“Girl, you are not gonna die,” Chandra said, taking off my shoes.
Finally, Bridget and I fell out.
The next morning, I had a headache. It felt like a ton of bricks was pressed up against my head.
“Come on, we got to get out of here. Let’s go home,” Chandra said. “Get up, you two!”
She tried getting me and Bridget up, but neither of us moved a muscle. I didn’t have a lot of experience with being with guys that I didn’t know. But obviously, I could see I’d made a mistake I didn’t need to make again. How fortunate I was that my girls had my back.
“As soon as we got you home, you guys passed out! It’s clear that those guys were up to no good for sure,” Chandra said, reminding us of what transpired the night before.
Though I hated that I didn’t have that kind of bond with my line sisters anymore, it was a serious blessing that I still had my roommates. We had all chosen different paths, but we still had a connection that showed up in the nick of time.
On the drive back home, Myra uttered, “So you know you were talking about Creed last night. I guess you haven’t forgotten him, huh?”
“I hear he’s still not dating anyone,” Bridget uttered, throwing the hint that Tammy, her chapter president, had definitely left him alone.
“I was not talking about Creed. You guys are making that up,” I said, knowing all the while that I truly did miss that man.
“Well, I know him,” Chandra said, “and he’d be so mad that you threw yourself at the first guy that came along on a vacation.”
“You got to admit, he was cute,” Bridget said.
Work What You Got Page 15
