by Julie Cannon
After two weeks, Matt kicked her friends out of the house. She had to move on, however painful and overwhelmingly lonely it was. Jordan kept Matt busy, but Andrea’s side of the bed was cold and empty. The days were busy, but the nights were unbearably long as Matt lay awake, reliving Andrea’s smile, the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand. She was lucky. The company she worked for had just been sold, and she was waiting for a large check of her share of the sale. At least she didn’t have to worry about money at the moment.
On a rainy Sunday afternoon, Jordan was playing in his room when Matt suddenly realized that he was way too quiet, which was never a good sign with a toddler. She steadied herself for whatever she might find he’d gotten into. Just before she stepped into his room she froze at the sound of his voice.
“Hi, Mama. What cha doing? I’m playing in my room. I went to GMa’s and Pop Pop’s yesterday. We went to McDonalds and played on the playground.” Matt’s parents lived seven miles away, and Jordan visited often. They adored their first-born grandson.
Matt’s legs threatened to buckle, and she stepped into his room. Jordan was sitting in front of a toy computer pretending he was talking to Andrea. Her heart lurched, and she had to grab the doorjamb to steady herself. A sob escaped from the hand that was covering her mouth. Jordan turned to look at her.
“Mommy, I’m talking to Mama. Come talk to her.”
Her son’s request was so genuine and heartfelt, she fell to her knees. Jordan scampered over to her.
“Mommy?” he asked, clearly upset.
Not wanting to upset him further, Matt pulled herself together. She gave him a quick hug when she wanted to grab him up and hug him forever.
“Of course, I’ll talk to Mama with you.” She scooted to the toy, and Jordan climbed into her lap. This was their standard seating chart when Andrea called.
“Mama, Mommy’s here.” He turned to Matt.” Say hi to Mama.”
Matt could barely get the words out, the knot in her throat choking her.
“I’ll just sit here and listen. You talk to Mama.” Matt stifled a sob on the last word.
Jordan looked at her, clearly understanding something was terribly wrong. Matt managed a smile when she wanted to rail at the injustice of the world taking away Jordan’s mother.
Matt shook her head, blinked a few times, and shook her arms to erase the images that hadn’t made an appearance in years. Reminiscing about the past was not helpful, and she forced her attention to her earlier conversation with Sandra.
Was Sandra right when she said that Kelly was definitely into her and had offered more than Matt had been offered in years? If so, why had she hesitated when she’d had the perfect opportunity to follow Kelly into her room and close the door behind them? She’d kissed Kelly on the boardwalk without a second thought. She certainly hadn’t forgotten how to do that. Was she afraid to have sex? No. That was absurd. You never forget how.
You always remember the texture of warm, soft skin. The ease with which steady fingers slide effortlessly through wetness. How certain words whispered in the dark night can light up the sky around you. How an orgasm can start at the tip of your toes and explode out of the top of your head. How the world ceases to exist, and your entire center of focus is on one woman and one little spot.
She ought to knock on Kelly’s door, right now. Wake her up and silence her doubts and fears with heated, passionate kisses. Pull her close, inhale her scent, caress her with her hands and mouth inside and out, until she begged for release. Taste her. She yearned to get lost in the once-dormant sensations that were now active. She needed to be carried away in the primal need of woman and woman. She wanted Kelly to make her forget about everything.
What was wrong with her?
✥ ✥ ✥
Matt knew she was dreaming. She was in the twilight, somewhere between sleeping and waking. That place where you were looking down on the scene below you. Was this what God saw every day or the view a loved one had while keeping watch over those left behind? She hoped it was neither, because the view was definitely X-rated.
She and Kelly lay in the same cabana they’d been in earlier in the evening, but this time it was on the shoreline, water quietly lapping around them. The canopy was fully open, the stars winking at them. They lay, limbs entwined, with nothing but the warm night air between them. Their kisses were slow and deep, while their hands deliberately explored. They moved together, legs shifted, and firm, strong thighs pressed against warm, wet desire. Their movements became quicker, need overtaking leisurely exploration. Someone cried out. Someone moaned, a combination of pleasure and blissful pain. Limbs, once pale in the moonlight, became flushed from arousal. Lips explored; bodies arched with longing.
Dominance transformed into submission, control into surrender, restraint into freedom until finally, for a split second, a sharp intake of breath, a heartbeat, both women teetered on the precipice of a magic cliff. A place where you enjoyed the journey almost as much as the destination. A scene so incredible you wanted to stay there forever yet wanted to take that last step to the end. That instant when two people became one, and the entire universe ceased to exist as the world exploded around you.
Matt woke with a start, heart racing, breath coming in gasps. Frightened at the clarity of her dream, she opened her eyes, expecting to see stars overhead and Kelly’s warm body covering hers. But she lay in her room, in her bed, sheets twisted, the ceiling fan slowly turning. In her dream, strong arms held her; a soft voice encouraging her to the next level of desire. In reality, her arms were empty, a void where heat, passion, and life had once been. Matt curled onto her side. She had never felt this alone.
Chapter Sixteen
Kelly opened her eyes and immediately closed them again and rolled over. “Ugh.” The sun had snaked its way through a small space between the curtains and landed in the middle of her face. She risked opening them again, rising out of bed just enough to see the clock. Her stomach roiled, threatening to toss up the remains of her dinner and the half-empty bottle of Crown Royal she’d left on the living-room table.
“Ugh. Why did I do that?” The empty room didn’t answer, but the dizziness in her head reminded her in fuzzy detail. She’d tried to find answers in the cocktail she’d fixed shortly after she’d closed the door on Matt. When she didn’t find them in the bottom of the first one, she realized she wouldn’t in the third or fourth but kept looking anyway.
Why had she turned Matt away? All the signs were there that Matt just needed a little nudge. A little something to put the decision in the palm of her hand. Normally Kelly would have jumped all over such an opportunity, but something about Matt, she wasn’t quite sure what, held her back. Vulnerable was the first word that came to mind, yet that didn’t quite fit either. It wasn’t fright or shyness or anything else that would have led Kelly to believe Matt wasn’t up for a little vacation sex. The kiss on the boardwalk certainly screamed yes.
Her stomach turned. She had to get some food into her, quick. She gingerly took a shower, careful not to move her head too fast, lest she fall and break something. Feeling slightly better, she walked past the café and toward the pool bar. What she needed was some good old-fashioned greasy junk food. Can’t go wrong with a burger and fries to cure a hangover.
Three large lizards stretched out on the sidewalk, taking advantage of the warm sun. They didn’t move as Kelly approached and only scampered away when she was almost on top of them. One was missing its tail, and she guessed that someone might have tried to catch him before he disappeared with his friends into the shrubs that lined the walk.
The same friendly staff members she’d seen yesterday were on duty at the bar, and she motioned to one of them for coffee as she sat on one of the open seats. To her left was a couple in their thirties and, judging by the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, obviously very much in love or lust. She wasn’t sure which. Neither wore a ring, but she would never wear one to the beach unless she wanted to lose i
t. On her other side, past an empty seat, was a woman in her sixties, oversized sunglasses on her face and a large pale-green floppy hat shading her. Her legs were tan, and she either walked a lot or spent some time in the gym. She was reading a copy of the Wall Street Journal. The WSJ? On vacation? Staying current on business and the stock market made her able to pay for this expensive place, Kelly thought.
The bartender slid her coffee in front of her, and she lifted it to her lips. Steam rose under her nose, and before taking a sip, she inhaled the strong brew and began to feel a little more human. After three or four cups, she’d be right as rain, as her dad would say.
Her parents would love it here. They loved exploring new places, and a lesbian resort wouldn’t have stopped them in the slightest. Over fifteen years ago, when Kelly informed them she wanted to take Shelley Holland to the senior prom, her mother made a trip to the principal’s office to make it happen. Her father had gone with her to make sure the guy at the tuxedo shop didn’t give his daughter “any shit,” and he’d even let Kelly drive his new truck that night. She couldn’t have asked for better, more understanding and accepting parents.
Shrieks from the pool behind her stabbed her in the back of her left eye, and she closed both of them to shut out the noise. That was impossible, but she did, nonetheless. Yet having them closed didn’t affect the stabbing in her head, though it did shut out some of the piercing-bright midday sun.
After placing her order, she pulled out her phone and scanned her email. She had two accounts—one for work, the other personal. She’d left strict instructions to her staff not to send her anything that didn’t need her immediate attention and was relieved to see the only senders were requests for quotes, which she forwarded to her office manager. She quickly turned the device back off and stowed it in her bag.
“Good morning.”
Kelly turned a little too fast, and her head spun. She put both hands on the bar to steady herself.
“Are you okay? You look a little green,” Becca said, concern on her face. She’d taken off her sunglasses and was scrutinizing Kelly.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she added when Becca raised an eyebrow. “Just need some coffee and something to eat.”
“How are you this morning?” she asked, changing the subject. She didn’t want to tell Becca that she’d polished of quite a bit of alcohol last night trying to get Matt off her mind. And, if truth be told, her body to shut down.
“Good,” Becca replied. “Three strawberry daiquiris, please,” she said to the bartender.
Kelly had the urge to throw up. She took a few deep breaths and willed her nausea to go away, feeling Becca’s eyes on her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” Kelly doubted she’d go to hell for a little fib.
Becca looked at her for several moments, as if she expected Kelly to slide off the bar stool any second. Kelly kept a grip on the edge of the bar to prevent just that. “Thanks again for inviting me last night. It was a lot of fun.”
“You’re welcome. We’re glad you came. What are your plans for today?”
Kelly didn’t have any and told Becca as much.
“We’re headed out on a catamaran this afternoon. Would you like to come along? Nothing special, just sailing around the islands. Mattie and Sandra might do some snorkeling.”
The idea of spending more time with Matt was tempting. The vision of her in a swimsuit again was mouthwatering. But spending it on a boat bobbing up and down in the water made her stomach queasy.
“And don’t say you don’t want to intrude.” Becca said what Kelly was thinking. “If you’d be intruding, I wouldn’t have asked.”
“What about Sandra and Matt? It’s their vacation too.”
“Sandra’s always open to having a pretty girl around, and Mattie…” She paused as if thinking of the right words to say. “I know Mattie, and trust me.” Becca winked at her. “She’s all in.”
“What time?” Kelly asked. She needed time to find some Dramamine—a lot of Dramamine.
They met in the lobby at one, and Matt seemed surprised to see Kelly. She gave Becca a “what the hell?” look, and Becca just smiled.
“Hey, Kelly. Glad you could join us,” Sandra said, winking at Becca.
Kelly looked at Matt, who blushed when their eyes met.
“Yeah, hi. What a surprise.” Matt glared at Becca.
Other than it was pretty obvious Becca hadn’t told Matt she’d been invited, Kelly wondered why Matt looked so uncomfortable. Had she misread her interest? Not by the way she’d kissed her, she hadn’t, but Kelly wasn’t interested in playing these hot-and-cold games.
“I just came down to tell you that I’m not feeling well, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be out on a boat in the sun all afternoon.” The excuse was more than a little true.
“No, really, it’s okay.” Matt jumped in, stepping closer to her. Her eyes were questioning as they searched Kelly’s face for any sign of illness. “It’ll be fun.”
Kelly put her hand on her stomach as if she were feeling sick. “No, but thanks again for the invite. Maybe some other time. Have fun.” She couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
“What the fuck was that?” Matt clenched her teeth. “Because you sprung her on me, I was caught off guard, and you embarrassed the hell out of her.”
“Hey. Don’t blame us for your social inadequacies,” Becca said, rolling her eyes
“Us?” Sandra asked. “What’s with the us? I didn’t know she was coming either.”
“Social inadequacies? I am not socially inadequate,” Matt said. She felt awkward at seeing Kelly again, especially after her very vivid dream last night.
“You could have fooled me,” Becca commented. “Obviously there’s something between you two, and I was just trying to help. You can’t get together if you’re not together.”
“Trying to help?” Matt asked, flabbergasted. “I don’t need any help.”
“It doesn’t look that way where we’re sitting.”
“Becca, for God’s sake, stop including me in your matchmaking,” Sandra said. She turned to Matt, holding her hands up. “Mattie, believe me, I had nothing to do with this.”
Matt took a deep breath and started laughing, and Becca and Sandra looked at her like she’d had too much sun. Her friends loved her and just wanted to see her happy. But she could take care of herself.
“Look, guys. Stop. I’m a big girl, and I know how to ask a girl out and how to get one into bed. I don’t need your help.”
“But you have only twelve days left,” Sandra reminded her.
“I know, and I appreciate what you’re doing.” Matt gave each woman a kiss on the cheek. “Now go.” She pushed them toward the waiting taxi. “Go have fun. I’m going to find Kelly and…” Matt didn’t know what she was going to do if she found her. Beg, plead for another chance. Offer to kiss whatever was ailing her and make it better? “Just get out of here.”
Matt doubted she’d find Kelly. If she were in her shoes, she’d hole up in her room, nurse her wounds, and plot her revenge. But then again, if she thought they were gone for the afternoon, and she wasn’t really sick, why wouldn’t she be out enjoying the sun and the water? Matt turned toward the beach.
✥ ✥ ✥
“May I sit down?”
Kelly opened her eyes and lifted her hand to block the sun. “I thought you were going snorkeling.”
“And I thought you weren’t feeling well,” Matt said.
“Miraculous recovery.”
“Look, I’m sorry for the way I reacted. I had no idea Becca had invited you.”
“And if you had known? You would have, what, stayed in your room, pleaded illness, or maybe said you’d changed your mind?”
Kelly was obviously peeved.
“No. I would have spent a little more time getting ready. I would have put on my new suit, made sure I’d shaved really close, brushed my teeth again, and brought breath mints.”
“Breath mints?”
“So that when I snuck a kiss, my breath would be minty fresh.”
“After last night I thought you’d know you don’t need to sneak anything.”
The more they talked about kisses, the more Matt couldn’t take her eyes off Kelly’s lips. “But it’s more fun that way,” she said, the tension of the last fifteen minutes dissipating.
Kelly’s eyes traveled slowly up Matt’s body, lingering in all the places that tingled whenever Kelly looked at her. Her nipples hardened when Kelly’s gaze halted at her breasts. Kelly licked her lips, and it was all Matt could do not to sway into her. Kelly raised her eyes and pinned Matt with raw, hot need.
“Have a seat.”
Lying next to Kelly, Matt lost all track of time. They talked about this and that and nothing at all, just enjoying each other’s company. Kelly closed the book she was reading and turned to her.
“I’m going in to cool off. Want to join me?” Kelly asked, indicating the water.
“Absolutely,” Matt tossed her sunglasses onto the table between them. She’d cast surreptitious glances at Kelly and, on more than one occasion, got caught looking. She definitely needed to cool off.
The water was perfect, a mix of refreshing and crystal clear. There were no rocks or shells to trip over, and her toes sank into the soft sand as she walked farther in.
“Race you to the buoy,” Kelly challenged her, an instant before she dove into the water and started to swim. Not one to be left behind, Matt took off after her.
