“We probably should get up,” Anna said, nudging her from her thoughts. “I hear them outside.”
“Vicki told me she was making breakfast burritos.”
“Now I know we should get up.”
Lily resisted the urge to cop a feel when Anna pulled the sweat suit off and changed back into her clothes. They emerged from the tent to find Carolyn sitting at the picnic table with a cup of coffee, intently studying a map of the park. Vicki had four plates lined up beside her camp stove awaiting a scoop of scrambled eggs.
Zack began to bounce in place as soon as he saw Anna. She obliged him with a friendly scratch before peering over Carolyn’s shoulder. “Have you figured out where we’re going?”
“It’s about two and a half hours from here to the valley. We’ll have a great view of the falls from there.”
“Sounds like a good place for a picnic.”
Lily poured their coffee before stooping to pet Zack, who never took his eyes off Anna. “I’ll camp with you anytime, Vicki. I like a woman who cooks.”
“We’re a two-fer,” she answered. “Carolyn loves to clean up.”
Carolyn frowned. “I think it’s possible I left Washington with the wrong woman. This one just doesn’t seem to know me at all.”
“I’ll help you with the dishes, you whiner,” Anna said, offering a hand to Vicki as she set the plates on the table.
“Oh, Lily,” Carolyn moaned. “Will you pass me the hot sauce?”
Lily recognized immediately the teasing reference to last night’s intimate exchange, and in mere seconds, Anna’s face turned a deep red. Lily patted her thigh beneath the table and shot her most lascivious grin at Carolyn. “We’re happy campers this morning. How about you?”
“If Carolyn doesn’t behave herself, it’s going to be quite a while before she’s happy again,” Vicki said.
Once again, Carolyn’s face morphed to a frown.
Anna snorted, her blush dissipating. “And you said I was whipped.”
Lily was sorry she had missed that conversation. It would have been interesting to hear what Anna had told Carolyn to warrant such an impression. At any rate, she was glad to see Anna get past her initial embarrassment about being overheard last night.
As Anna helped Carolyn clean up, Lily readied their daypacks, packing only water and trail mix in Anna’s. In her own, she loaded her basic provisions, plus their camera, binoculars and a few things to share at lunch. She saved room for their jackets, which they would surely shed as the temperature climbed.
After breakfast, they set out on the four-mile hike to the meadow beneath Yosemite Falls, the majestic centerpiece of the national park. Lily fell in step with Carolyn on the point, while Anna and Vicki brought up the rear, where Zack was faithfully at Anna’s heels. “Do you and Vicki hike a lot?”
“We used to, but we haven’t been in a couple of years. As you can probably tell, Vicki works out about four times a week. She’s in great shape. I’ve been so busy at work, this is the first time I’ve gotten off my butt since January.”
Lily slowed her pace, curbing her energy to accommodate Carolyn and Anna. Eight miles was a long hike for anyone, but especially for those who weren’t used to it. She had coaxed Anna out for a four-mile hike a couple of weeks ago at Escondido Canyon near Malibu, their longest ever. If she was lucky, Anna would get the hiking bug from this trip and make it a part of their regular routine.
“Anna told me all about going up to Seattle last year. I’m glad I finally get a chance to thank you guys for steering her my way.”
Carolyn laughed. “You should have seen her. She was a mess. She was so crazy about you and she didn’t have a clue what to do about it.”
“Whatever you said was perfect. She came home and swept me right off my feet.”
“Anna can do that without even trying.” Carolyn looked over her shoulder to see Anna and Vicki deep in conversation. “Did she happen to tell you I used to be in love with her too?”
“She mentioned it. And she also said you were always one of her favorite people.” In fact, her relationship with Carolyn had been the catalyst for Anna to open up and talk about her earlier sexual experiences. She said she might have discovered her sexuality much sooner if Carolyn had offered her that option back in college. Instead, she had explored her sexual side with a casual boyfriend, a disappointing episode that had left her wary of intimacy.
“I’ll probably always think of her as the one that got away, but I’m a big believer in destiny.” Carolyn looked again over her shoulder. “And that other woman back there was my destiny. There isn’t one thing I’d change about my life if it meant not finding her.”
“I know what you mean. Some nights I lie awake thinking about how we both just happened to be in that mall during the earthquake.”
“That really was an amazing story. And then Anna said you ran into each other out of the blue after that. So you two probably know a little about destiny too. You were meant to be together.”
Lily toyed often with such thoughts, but she was careful not to read as far into her future with Anna as Carolyn hinted. The invitation a year ago to move into Anna’s home was proof they were serious, but there was no lifetime promise implied. She sometimes wondered if Anna could make another vow like the one she had made with Scott.
Lily had a thing about commitment, something she figured was a remnant of bouncing around in foster homes before finally being adopted. It wasn’t just two people staying together day after day, even if that implied permanence. For Lily, it was a spoken vow to always be there, a mutual understanding that this was the life you wanted forever. That’s what she had asked of Beverly, her last lover, who had been so spooked by the prospect that she bolted. Lily wouldn’t repeat that mistake with Anna. No matter how much she wanted to hear the words, she accepted that their relationship would have to be on Anna’s timeline.
“Those were weird times back in college,” Carolyn said, snapping Lily’s train of thought. “I had to face the fact I was a lesbian because I couldn’t deny the feelings that I had for her anymore. I wish I had just told her.”
“I don’t think coming out is easy for anyone.”
“What about you? When did you figure things out about yourself?”
“I was a freshman in high school. My friends were drooling over Tom Cruise, but I was hung up on Jodie Foster. And not just her movies—I wondered about how she took her coffee, how she kissed . . . that kind of stuff. That’s where my teenage fantasies started to go.”
“So what was it like being gay in high school?”
“Not a picnic, I have to say.” Though the sting was long gone, Lily still remembered the painful betrayal of people she thought were her friends. “In high school you have to be like everyone else. When you’re gay, you don’t really fit in anywhere.”
“What about your family? How did they deal with it?”
“It’s just my mom and me, and she’s always been supportive.
One of our family friends was a lesbian.”
“You’re lucky. My parents didn’t speak to me for about four years after I told them. We talk now, but only because Vicki made me reach out to them again.”
“Anna still gets a hard time from her dad, but I think he’s coming around.” Over the past year, Lily had made a good bit of progress with George, joking with him openly about his misgivings in hopes he would begin to take it all in stride. Though Anna had never said as much, Lily knew his approval was important to her, and she never wanted to give George any reason to feel his daughter had made a poor choice.
“George? He’s a piece of work,” Carolyn said. “But I think there’s a nice guy under there if you can get through.”
“I think so too. I need to win him over for Anna’s sake.”
“Let me tell you something about Anna.” She lowered her voice. “She studies on things a lot before she makes up her mind, and she took her time with you. She knew her dad wouldn’t be crazy about this, but she didn’
t give him a vote. Whatever grief she expected from him, her relationship with you was worth it.”
Lily barely heard the last part. She was stuck on the part about Anna taking her time. If they were to move from what they currently had to a committed relationship—assuming Anna could even do that again—it might be years before it ever happened. The only thing that was certain was that it would have to come from Anna, because Lily wouldn’t risk ruining things again.
“I officially like her,” Carolyn announced as she fell back to walk with Anna. Vicki and Lily had forged ahead with Zack, who had energy to burn.
“I knew you would. She’s really something. Did she tell you about how she grew up?”
“She said she came out in high school. That was about it.”
Anna related Lily’s tale of abuse and neglect at the hand of her biological mother, her grueling time spent in foster homes, and her eventual adoption by her teacher. “A lot of people would have been screwed up for life after that, but Lily turned it into a source of strength. Now she works with people like that in a legal aid clinic. She’s an incredible person.”
“I can sure see that. And I can see why you’d be thinking about what comes next.”
Anna sighed. “Except my track record on commitment sucks. Why would anyone believe Lily was any different from Scott?” She asked her question quietly, not only because she didn’t want Lily to overhear, but also because the subject unnerved her.
“It doesn’t matter what anyone else believes. You and Lily will make your promises to each other.”
“Maybe that’s my real question. How do I convince myself it’s different this time?”
Carolyn clapped her hand on Anna’s shoulder. “If you’re looking for some magic sign, forget it. Cupid isn’t real.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“It’s all on faith, Anna. You’re just going to have to throw yourself back out there and make up your mind it’s worth working for—because that’s what relationships are. It takes a lot of work to overlook someone’s flaws when you know you’re going to be dealing with them forever. And if you’re too chicken to promise you’ll do that, then maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Lily’s biggest flaw is she forgets to change her oil when she’s supposed to. She has way more to overlook about me than I do about her.”
“That’s the whole idea. You put yourself out there for each other. Then you both promise to accept all of it and to hold together no matter what.”
“I did that already, remember?” Anna said, her frustration evident. They were talking in circles.
“But did you do it with someone you truly loved? I don’t think so, because you would never have given up on Scott if you had really loved him.”
Anna considered Carolyn’s words. Yes, she had given up on Scott, admitting to herself she didn’t want their marriage badly enough to work as hard as she would have had to in order to get past their problems.
“But if what you feel for Lily is something you never want to lose, maybe you’re ready to try again. The thing I don’t understand”—Carolyn stopped to catch her breath—“is how we both ended up with women who can’t sit still. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned sloth?”
When they reached the meadow shortly after noon, Anna collapsed in the grass, eagerly accepting Lily’s offer of bread and cheese. Beneath the towering magnificence and thunderous roar of Yosemite Falls, Anna had to admit Lily’s love of nature was a worthwhile pastime. If she could hand off some of her duties at the dealership to her sales manager, she could take off on Saturdays and join Lily on her hikes.
“Hey, you two. How about a smile?” Carolyn clicked her camera. “That’s going to be a great picture.”
Lily fixed chicken stir-fry on the camp stove for dinner, one of Anna’s favorites. As she cooked, the others took advantage of the time to rest, lounging in low-slung chairs with their feet next to the fire. Anna and Carolyn were exhausted when they got back to their campsite, and would probably be sore tomorrow. It was hard not to feel sorry for them.
“Should I set the table, or do you want to just fix a plate and sit by the fire?”
“I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you’ll fix my plate and bring it to me,” Anna said. She sounded serious.
“Keep your money, Amazon. I’ll fix your plate. In fact, why don’t you all stay put and I’ll serve you?” No one argued, but Vicki did jump up to help her clean the dishes afterward.
“Can someone tell me why this dog thinks I’m his mother?” Anna asked. Zack was stretched out beside her, his head nestled on her feet.
Carolyn nudged the dog with her foot, but he didn’t move. “It’s very cute, Anna. If you want to take him home, I guess we could get another one.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Vicki said. “She’d cry all the way home.” She leaned over and whispered something into Carolyn’s ear.
“Vicki and I are going to let you guys in on a little secret, something we haven’t told anyone.” Carolyn took Vicki’s hand and smiled. “Zack isn’t the only one joining our family. My lovely wife here has been paying regular visits to her fertility clinic—”
“So many that we’d started calling it the futility clinic,” Vicki interjected.
“But we finally got some good news last week. We’re going to be mommies.”
“That’s fabulous!” Lily exclaimed.
“You sneaky things. I can’t believe you didn’t tell us the second we got here.” Anna hauled herself up gingerly to give both women a congratulatory hug.
“And I can’t believe you hiked eight miles today,” Lily said.
Carolyn chuckled. “It’s nothing compared to what she usually does.”
“Would it be too personal to ask . . . ?” Anna looked from Carolyn to Vicki and back.
“We did in vitro,” Carolyn said. “You fertilize the eggs in a Petri dish and plant them in the uterus. And get this . . . they’re my eggs.” She buffed her nails on her vest.
“That is so cool,” Lily said. “She’s having your baby.”
“I know. I’ll get to pass out cigars.”
“Another little Carolyn running around . . . who would ever have guessed it?” Anna said, still beaming at the news.
Lily loved sharing in their excitement, especially since she and Anna were the first friends to know. For the next hour, they heard all about plans for the nursery, day care after Vicki went back to work, and an exhaustive list of baby names.
The night air grew chilly as the fire died down. Carolyn stood and stretched, pulling Vicki to her feet. “I guess we should turn in. I don’t know about you guys, but that hike today kicked my butt.”
“I think this one would agree.” Lily helped Anna from her chair. “Oh, by the way . . .”
Carolyn and Vicki stopped and turned back.
“I promised Anna a massage tonight. She sometimes moans when I do that.” She shot Carolyn a wink and guided Anna toward their tent.
Wriggling into the cramped space, they changed into their sweats for the night.
“I think it’s your turn to moan tonight,” Anna whispered.
“I told you this morning. We’re not keeping score.” She eased Anna down on the mattress. “I was serious about that massage. You need to let me rub the soreness out of your legs or you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”
“I can hardly walk now.” Anna rolled onto her stomach as Lily knelt between her feet.
“This is probably going to hurt a little.” She gripped the calf muscles through the sweatpants and started to squeeze, gently at first, then with more pressure. Her hands traveled to the soft tissue at the back of the knee, where she tenderly caressed the spot on the side that was injured in the earthquake over two years ago. Next, she kneaded the tightened hamstrings until she felt them relax, finishing with the firm buttocks . . . which was very possibly Lily’s favorite feature of Anna’s beautiful body. “Is that better?” The silence told her that Anna had fallen asleep. “Sweet dreams
, Amazon.”
Anna stared out the window on the drive home, lost in thought about her future with Lily. So much had changed inside her in the past two years, but looking back, it was undeniable the seeds of love had been planted when they were trapped together in the Endicott Mall after the earthquake. How else could she explain the longing she felt to find Lily again and be with her?
She had discovered so much about herself in their brief time together, especially since they moved into their Brentwood home last summer. She had learned the give and take of everyday life with a partner, no longer needing as much of the private time she used to crave when she lived with Scott. And now she understood the value of talking about things openly and the senselessness of keeping feelings inside. But mostly, she knew real love—how to express it in words, in actions and with her body, how to receive it without doubt or obligation, and how to nurture it to make it grow.
Carolyn and Vicki’s big news had pushed the question of commitment even closer to her heart. The only time she and Lily had ever spoken about children, Lily had seemed adamant she didn’t want any of her own. Granted, that was before they had become lovers. But the question was different now—would Lily want children with her? And if not, was that something Anna was willing to give up?
Yes, she realized with clarity. The life she wanted forever was the one she had with Lily, no matter what else it brought, or didn’t bring.
“You’re staring at me, Amazon.”
Anna laughed, her face warming from having been caught. “Give me a break. This is Bakersfield. What else is there to look at?”
“Now there’s a compliment. I’m cuter than Bakersfield. Be still my heart.”
“You’re cuter than everything. How’s that?”
“What good is a compliment when I have to beg for it?” Lily reached over and took her hand. “Did you have a good time this weekend?”
“Yes, I did. I have a confession to make.”
“What?”
Aftershock Page 2
