by Zoë Archer
“I’m afraid you can blame most of it on me,” Angie piped up.
“You? How’d you get into this?” Brian’s anger and humiliation rose by the minute.
“Okay, let me explain,” Angie pleaded. “There I was in the office this morning and in walks this…well, look at her. Beautiful, sexy, poised—well, discounting a minute ago—woman, with an air of self-sufficiency emanating from every pore. And when I asked if I could help her, she asks to see Deputy Parsons. Then I asked concerning what, and with a sly wink she tells me it’s personal. Well, you know I can have a little bit of a temper—”
“A little?” Skip interjected with a snicker.
The waiter brought a new round of drinks to the table and doled them out.
“Hush!” Angie snapped, then softened with a smile. “The point is, I got a little…okay…a lot bent out of shape and just jumped to the wrong conclusion.”
“And I blackmailed him,” the object of his affection added.
“Wow. You blackmailed Skip? So it was a tour de force, huh, buddy? Blackmailed, how?” Now Brian’s curiosity was piqued. “You gonna be all right without that shoe on?” he asked.
Skip and Angie sat in their chairs.
“I’ll be fine.” Lisa picked up her merlot and took a sip.
Brian pulled his chair up next to her and sat, taking a long pull on his beer. “So continue with this charade,” he said, looking at Skip.
“She was going to tell Sheriff Atwood if I didn’t go along.”
“Oooohhh, nasty lady,” Brian locked eyes with Lisa for a moment. “Go along with what?” Brian asked, softening as he continued to gaze upon the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on.
Then he turned to Skip. “Yeah. Go along with what and why were you arresting me?”
Angie leaned forward in her chair and spoke for Skip, her eyes crinkled in amusement. “Lisa found this website on silly laws…the same one you used. Only the law she found stated that ‘men are prohibited from turning around on any street and looking “at a woman in that way.”’ Whatever ‘that way’ is. Like you just did.” She laughed, flicking her fingers at Brian. “It carries a $25 fine, by the way,” she added.
“Actually, when we were sitting in the restaurant,” Skip said, “it dawned on me that inside might not be considered on the street, so I rushed us out here,”—he looked at Lisa—“hoping you’d take this route out.”
“I wondered what that was all about,” Brian said. Then addressing Lisa, “I guess I won’t be calling you in—” he glanced at his watch—“fifteen minutes.”
“No,” Lisa said, melting him with a brilliant smile. “I guess you won’t.”
~~~
But Brian did call the next day.
“Hi, gorgeous. How about dinner and a movie tonight?”
“Hmm. I guess I can work it into my schedule.” She laughed.
He picked her up at her house. After she gave him the grand tour—taking all of two minutes upstairs, a little longer opening and showing the basement—she told him of her plans for remodeling.
Then he surprised her.
“I do remodeling on the side. Used to work with my dad full time, and after I joined the fire department, continued it on my days off. Maybe I can help.”
“Yeah, maybe,” was all she could think to say, but inside her mind was running a mile a minute.
He interrupted her thoughts. “We better get going if we’re going to keep the reservations I made.”
“Yes, of course,” she replied.
They drove into the City. Dinner was the usual for New York City. Terrific! Restaurateurs knew if you didn’t serve a fantastic meal in this city, you didn’t stay in business for long.
Between courses, they talked about families, jobs, things they liked and disliked. He’d grown up on Long Island and had always dreamed of being a fireman. Had never traveled any further than the Hamptons where he went every summer. Oh wait, one year in his teens he’d visited the Outer Banks of North Carolina with his family.
She hadn’t been to the Hamptons yet, but had traveled the world. After graduating from a university in Virginia, she’d been hired as a cruise director for a famous shipping line. A life at sea and the travel had been nice for a year or two, but it wasn’t what she wanted to do the rest of her life. So she’d come to New York and looked up a woman she’d met aboard ship, who had been traveling with her husband. She’d given Lisa her card and told her if she were ever interested in finding another line of work, to give her a call. And here she was.
The movie was what had impressed Lisa the most. She hated ‘action flicks’ as much as he said he hated ‘chick flicks,’ but they’d decided to see ‘Batman Begins’ and she’d loved it. When had they started producing tender-hearted superheroes?
After the movie, they stopped at a Starbucks.
“Is that the kind of movie you usually like?” she asked as she sipped her low-fat latte. Not a usual ‘guy’ drink, when he’d also ordered one she’d been surprised.
“Yeah,” Brian said. “And anything Tarantino.”
“What’s that?”
“Not a what, a who. He’s an actor and producer. ‘Pulp Fiction,’ the ‘Kill Bill’ series?”
“Never heard of him,” Lisa said. “But I don’t have time to watch a lot of movies. And I’m usually so tired at night if I start one…I fall asleep.”
He laughed. “You wouldn’t fall asleep in Tarantino. Might give you nightmares afterward, but you won’t fall asleep during.”
When she invited him over for dinner the next weekend, she made him sit through one of her favorites—‘Beaches.’ That’s when he really impressed her—he cried, as did she. And she thought she should have been inured to it by now. After all, she’d watched it about five times.
~~~
Over the next several months, Lisa spent every available moment with Brian. They biked, hiked, and went to the City. She introduced him to Renee, who she didn’t think would ever quit gushing over him.
“Ohmygod, Lisa, what a dream,” she’d said to her later. “You two are perfect for each other.”
Were they? Lisa was beginning to think so, too. And his good looks had nothing whatsoever to do with finally being convinced she loved him. He was the first man she’d ever connected with emotionally. While he was ‘all man,’ he showed such tenderness and concern for her. If she was exceptionally tired in the evening, he removed her shoes and massaged her feet. When she’d had it up to her eyeballs with her clients and candidates and sometimes with her boss and coworkers, he’d listen attentively while she poured her heart out. He never told her she was wrong, but she recalled one particular conversation about a candidate.
It occurred one evening while she was preparing dinner for him. He was helping in the kitchen.
“I can’t believe how many hours I spent with her.” Lisa had stormed around the kitchen, taking ingredients from the cabinets and the refrigerator. Banging them on the counter. “I got her all set up to take this job. The client loved her. She was going to get a twenty-five percent salary increase, she wouldn’t have to commute as far—it was here on the Island where she lives, not in the City—and the benefits were better.” She slammed a pan on the burner. “And after I’d spent almost two weeks getting her set up, she calls me whining. ‘Lisa, I just don’t think I can take this job. It might be a little more than I can handle. I’m sorry.’ Then she hung up on me. Sheesh, Brian! Can you believe that?”
Brian took the dishtowel out of her hand and gathered her into his arms. “You know, honey, there’s probably a whole lot more to her story than she didn’t think she could do the job. Don’t I remember you saying she told you she had a pretty controlling, overbearing husband?”
Lisa thought for a minute. “Yeah. It was my summation of the jerk, but the things she said led me to that conclusion.” She was astounded Brian had remembered. He really listened to her.
She watched as he turned off the burner, and poured merlot into tw
o wine glasses. He took them over and set them on the coffee table. Then he pulled her to the couch, pushing her into a corner. He sat and pulled her feet up, propping them on his lap. One by one, he started massaging her toes just the way she liked. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment. Sitting a little straighter, she sipped the merlot and he continued to massage.
“So, it’s possible,” he said—and she had to remember they were talking about her client—“that she just couldn’t bring herself to say to you, after you’d spent so much time with her, that her arrogant, self-centered husband wouldn’t let her take the job.”
Lisa placed her glass on the coffee table, got on her knees and brought her arms around him. Caressing the nape of his neck, she gently smoothed her fingers through his short hair.
“Thank you, my love. For really hearing the things I share with you. And for helping me see another side. You’re really good for me, Brian.” She took his face in her hands and stared deeply into his eyes.
“How would you like to make that a permanent ‘good’?” he asked.
She felt her eyes widen as he leaned back and reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of folded up, royal blue tissue paper. He sat up and handed it to her.
Fascinated, she peeled the layers back to reveal a huge diamond, almost two carats it looked to her.
“Oh my, Brian! It’s beautiful.” A tear escaped and her throat caught a threatened sob. “But—”
“Why not a ring? I can choose a diamond, but I’m leaving the setting up to you. We’ll take it to the jeweler tomorrow. That is, of course, if you accept.”
She started to throw her arms around him, when he grabbed the tissue, quickly stood and rewrapped the diamond. “No need to lose it before we get it set,” he cautioned with a smile.
“Stop being so sensible.” Lisa jumped, throwing her legs around him in a state of ecstasy, almost knocking him backward. “I’ll accept your proposal with this caveat. There was a part of the law I neglected to tell you.”
“Yeah?” Brian’s eyes narrowed. He set her on the floor.
Lisa bent double, in uncontrollable laughter.
“Come on. Calm down,” he coaxed. “Tell me.”
“Okay,” she said through intermittent soft snorts and giggles. “If you commit the same ‘crime’ a second time, you’d be issued horse blinders by the police and have to wear them whenever you went out for a stroll.”
“Oh, cute,” he said. “I guess that’s not something you’d have to worry about.”
“No?”
“With you as my wife, why would I ever want to look at another female?”
She wiggled her brows. “Ah…guess you have a point there.”
“And so modest, she is! No, I’m serious, you’re the only woman for me,” he said, as he pulled her toward him gazing into her eyes. “Have I told you that I could absolutely drown in your spectacular blue orbs?”
“Only about a thousand times.”
~~~
They eloped, not wanting to take the time or go to the expense of a huge wedding. Their wedding night she looked at him and became serious.
“Did I ever tell you,” she whispered, purposefully pitching the timbre of her voice low and sexy, “I knew you’d ask me to marry you after our first kiss?”
Taking her by the shoulders, he pushed her back. “What do you mean…you knew?”
“My mom always told me you can taste your future in a kiss.”
“Well, I know your mom is a really insightful woman, so I shan’t dare dispute her,” he exaggerated. “So what did you taste?” he asked, becoming more practical.
She circled her fingers on the back of his neck, then raked her hands through his hair. “Oh… sincerity, devotion, sensitivity, hunger, passion, and eternal love… Need I go on?”
“No. Really? You sensed all those things in a kiss?” He brushed the backs of his hands across her lovely face, bringing his fingers to rest on her chin. He smoothed the pad of a thumb across her lips. “I do love you, Lisa. Now, let’s see if you can taste what else I have in store for you!” He covered her delectable mouth with his, exploring every millimeter of her lips with his tongue. Parting them, he delved deeper, tasting every bud and mingling his nectar with hers until they were no longer uniquely distinguishable.
“Hmm…” she sighed. “I do.”
Their bodies fused in a dance as old as time itself.
~~~
New York • It’s illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing ‘clingy or body-hugging clothing’
New York • Men are prohibited from turning around on any city street and looking ‘at a woman in that way’
That’s a Croc
Kimberly Ivey
Jumpin’ Jehosephat!” Deputy Bubba Smith hollered as he sidestepped Lancelot, who was making his way to the front door of Eden Summers’ storm-damaged pet shop. “What in tarnation is that freaky lookin’ lizard?”
Eden started to explain that the reptile was a Pogona vitticeps, or bearded dragon, but stopped short once she realized Bubba’s attention had refocused on her breasts for the umpteenth time today. Some of his rude behaviors hadn’t changed since high school.
With an exasperated sigh, she turned and skirted a collapsed shelf unit, carefully stepping over a broken aquarium to survey yet another corner of her shop. When she’d arrived that morning, scurrying creatures and uprooted pots of tropical bromeliads and orchids greeted her. The store looked as if a circus train had derailed and all the freaks had escaped. Thankfully none of the animals in her shop had been injured from broken window glass or falling debris.
She peered over the side of a deep, galvanized tub—a makeshift home for her newest arrival—half a dozen adorable baby alligators slated for relocation to a wildlife sanctuary.
A flash of gray caught her eye and she turned to find Bubba in a standoff with Harry, a red Chilean tarantula. Blast it! Harry was loose again?
Bubba taunted the spider, blowing at him and making silly faces. Eden shook her head in disgust. She’d think a twenty-eight year old man would have better things to do than pick on a helpless spider.
The ringing telephone pulled her attention away. Hoping it was one of the contractors returning her earlier message, she answered. “Garden of Eden, Exotic Pets and Plants. Eden Summers speaking. How may I help you?”
Bubba’s evil taunts jerked her attention from the caller back to Harry. She dropped the receiver and lunged to rescue Harry who was about to become shoe goo.
“No! Don’t hurt him!” she hollered, then wedged her body like a shield between spider and man. “Harry’s harmless—extremely tame.”
Bubba lifted a dark, wooly brow over one bug eye. “Darlin’ I don’t like spiders, okay?”
“He probably doesn’t like you either,” she shot back, annoyed he’d called her darlin’ again.
“Give me a moment to find something to contain him in.”
He grinned. “Oh, I got somethin’ that’ll contain ol’ spidey,” he said, pointing to his shiny black boots. “One snap—” he punctuated the word—“and that critter will be smashed to Kingdom Come.”
Aghast, Eden grabbed the first thing in sight—a cardboard hamster box used to transport small creatures. Flimsy, but perhaps Harry wouldn’t escape before she could find safer accommodations. She tore off one end and turned it down over Harry, then faced Bubba.
“Why are you still here?”
He winked. “I think you know why, sugar.”
Oh, she certainly did—and it wasn’t for his protection.
He scratched his head. “Aw, come on Eden. I just wanna make sure no looters come in and haul off the merchandise while your store front is all torn up.”
“Right, Bubba. I hear that goldfish are fetching quite a price on today’s black market.” Annoyed, she hurried back to the phone.
“Miss Summers?” came a deep male voice from the other end. “This is Zach Barron from Barron’s Construction in Rockville. My receptionist, Judy,
gave me your message. You’re in Mayhaw where the storm hit last night?”
Eden’s breath caught in her throat. What a scrumptious sounding man. Why did his voice seem so familiar? “Thank you for returning my call, Mr. Barron. I realize your company is a good distance away from Mayhaw, but you came highly recommended. Would it be possible for you to make the drive down as soon as possible and give an estimate for repairs? I’ll reimburse you for travel expenses, even if you decide not to take the job.”
Bubba strolled closer to Eden, his thumbs hooked in the waistband of his uniform pants. His gaze wasn’t on her breasts this time, but on her legs. Although her simple black skirt came to her knees, she wished she’d worn thick pants and an overcoat. At least his lecherous, penetrating stares wouldn’t unnerve her.
“Yep, only one of them weirdoes dressed in all black would keep a spider for a pet,” Bubba commented as he leaned casually on the counter next to her and looked up at her with moony cow eyes.
She almost asked him what type of pet a weirdo in all gray would pick, but refrained. From the size of Bubba’s midsection, probably something round with jelly filling for a brain. He winked at her, then licked his lips seductively. Ewww! Double ewww! He was flirting! This was even worse than their senior trip in high school when he’d followed her everywhere. For heaven’s sake, couldn’t he come up with something more original in the ten years since graduation?
“Miss Summers, is everything all right?” came Mr. Barron’s voice on the other end of the phone.
“Um, yes, of course, but I should warn you. The store is a disaster.” She placed her back to Bubba. “A cleaning crew is coming later this morning to clear the muck away, and a moving van might be on the way to transport the rest of the animals out tomorrow but I can’t wait that long. You wouldn’t happen to have a van or full-sized truck we might transport them in, would you?”
“Actually, I do have a truck. I’ll be there in an hour.”
~~~
Zach Barron loaded his carpentry tool boxes into the bed of the company truck along with a few sheets of plywood, sheetrock, and tarps and drove to The Garden of Eden Pet Shop in Mayhaw. He’d found carpentry work vastly different than his regular job as a reptile handler at the amphibian zoo in South Florida where he’d worked for the past eight years. Thankfully, he and his older brother Joe learned carpentry skills fresh out of college during summers spent working for their late father. When Joe needed someone to take over the family business for a few months while he recovered from back surgery, Zach took a leave of absence from the zoo to pitch in.
