She twisted, trying to get up, but he wouldn’t let go. “It doesn’t make my actions any better. Or change the fact that I didn’t take that pill for ulterior motives.”
“Who cares?”
She snapped back. “I care.”
“You’re twisting that morning in your head to suit what you want to believe. We wanted the same thing, and we made the decision together. If I’d wanted you to take that pill, you would have, even though it upset you.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. “If you wanted to take that pill, I wouldn’t have stopped you even though it upset me. And do you know why we want that tie so badly, Pen?”
She bit her lower lip.
“Because we wanted something that would make it impossible for us to be torn apart. What you don’t seem to be able to get through your thick skull is that I want the same thing.”
She stared out the window, looking lost and confused, so he went on.
“I know you want some sort of proof, but I don’t know how to convince you of something so intangible. But you’re not wrong for never wanting to leave us. Because deep down you’re just a girl who loves her family and wants to be close to them. We’re your family. Not by blood, and thank God for that, but because we love you and you’re important to us. Because you make our lives better. You just have to believe. The way Maddie believes you can solve any problem. Or how Shane thinks you’re the smartest person on the planet and is so possessive of you it actually kind of annoys me. And the way I believed the night my dad died that you were the only person on this earth who could make the pain go away. The way I believe you are the only woman I will ever love. You just have to believe in return.”
Her expression twisted, and her eyes brightened as she stood in a sudden whoosh. “I—I need to think. Please, just leave me alone.”
He rose from the floor, met her eyes and nodded. There was nothing else he could say. No words that would make her believe. “All right. I’m not going to chase after you, no matter how much I want to. If we get through this, I will knock down, drag out, never-go-to-bed-angry fight with you, but I can’t do this for you, Penelope. I can’t tackle you to the ground and force you to believe in me. In us. You know what I want, the rest is up to you.”
* * *
For the first time in Penelope’s life she put her needs before the needs of others. Her whole life she’d kept quiet, stayed in the background, never causing a scene or any drama, but today she couldn’t do it. She could not put on a happy face for one more second, so she left. She just slipped from the house, leaving everything behind, and started walking. She didn’t know where she was going, or why, but she walked down the drive, and when she got to the highway she picked a direction and kept on going.
And true to his word, Evan didn’t follow her. Only this time, instead of it being because he’d given up on her, it was because she’d given up on herself.
Evan was right.
Every single thing he’d said had been dead-on. She kept waiting for some magical moment that would convince her he loved her like he said. That all her worry would disappear, her heart would open, and she could depend on him. But it never came. No matter what he said, no matter what he did, she kept waiting. Waiting for the boy who had ignored her in the hallways while he walked hand in hand with his real girlfriend. The boy who had said those horrible things to her so long ago. She kept waiting for the guy he’d been all these years ago to show back up. The man she despised but still wanted, despite her best intentions.
That was the man she believed in.
But there’d been no trace of the frat boy persona that had taunted her all those years as she’d watched him from afar. Not so long ago she’d asked him to man up, and by God, he had listened to her. Now he was all man. Mature, emotionally astute, and so damn certain it made her want to scream. They’d switched roles. He had it all together and she was the mess.
She hated it. But the harder she tried to keep it together, to hold it all in, the more out of control she spun.
She was the rational one, not him. That’s what she depended on. It defined her worldview. She was not emotional. She was the one who held it together and calmed everything down while everyone else freaked out. That’s what made her comfortable. And that’s where she knew she fit.
In her mind, even though she’d never allowed herself to realize it, she was the sidekick.
She was the bridesmaid.
The aunt.
The hand of the king.
The best friend.
The designated driver.
She was the glue that held all the pieces together, who disappeared into the background.
She was not the heroine.
He kept thrusting her into that role, but that’s just not who she was.
She started to cry, and just kept on walking.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Evan sat with his brothers on Shane’s back porch, trying his best to hold it together. He hadn’t said anything to anyone, because he honestly didn’t know what to say, and sure as hell didn’t need one more person telling him how he screwed up.
All he could do was wait it out and hope Penelope came to her senses.
And even though everyone would blame him, deep down he knew he’d done the right thing. It about killed him, but he couldn’t force her to believe. He’d fight to the ends of the earth for her, but it meant nothing if she kept waiting for him to bail.
All he wanted to do was drown his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey, but he’d stuck to iced tea, wanting a clear head if she came back to talk.
The back door banged open and Maddie flew out, her red hair flying, her cheeks flushed. When she saw him she came to a crashing halt and pointed at him. “What did you do?”
James and Shane both shifted their attention to him, their expressions filled with questions.
Well, so much for keeping this quiet.
He gave his sister a level stare. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Then where is Penelope?” Maddie demanded, her voice loud.
For one sickening moment Evan thought she’d somehow packed up and left for good, but that was impossible. He’d made sure he’d taken the keys. If she left, she’d be forced to confront him. He dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, Mads.”
“Did you hurt her? I swear to God, Evan, if you hurt her I will tear you limb from limb,” Maddie yelled.
Cecilia came out from the house, a frown on her face. “What’s going on?”
Shane shook his head and turned to Evan.
Evan held his breath, waiting for the accusations to start, and felt that old stirring of defensiveness.
Maddie’s eyes welled with tears. “Where is Penelope? She wouldn’t just leave. That’s not like her at all. What did you do to her?”
Evan opened his mouth to speak but Shane said, “Geez, Maddie, give the guy a chance to explain before you jump all over him.”
Shane coming to his defense startled him so much he lost track of what he was going to say.
Maddie planted her hands on her hips. “Did you cheat on her?”
Anger spiked hot in his blood. “Christ, Maddie, of course I didn’t cheat on her.”
Shane’s brow furrowed. “He wouldn’t do that.”
James’s gaze narrowed behind his glasses at their baby sister, who was clearly in a temper. “You’re overreacting.”
The support disoriented him, throwing him off his game. He’d been prepared to stand alone, but here his brothers appeared to be on his side.
“I am not!” Maddie screamed. “I want to know what my brother did to my best friend. I knew this was a mistake. I should have stopped you the night of the benefit.”
Evan blew out a breath and tried to remember that his sister was pregnant, and that this outburst was probably hormone-related. “If you wanted to stop Penelope from falling into my evil clutches, you’d have to go back a lot longer than the benefit.”
“Don’t be logical with me!�
�� She stomped her foot.
Mitch came into the porch, followed by Sophie. He gave his wife a wary glance. “Maddie, what are you doing?”
“Trying to find out where Penelope went,” she said with a little sniff.
Mitch sighed. “I told you this was none of your business.”
“You stay out of it.” She whirled on him. “You . . . you . . . jerk. You don’t know anything about it.”
Mitch pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know enough to know the guy is head over heels and would probably cut off his own limbs before he’d hurt her.”
“You don’t know that,” Maddie said. She turned to Evan. “I love you, but you have a horrible track record.”
“Madeline, that’s enough,” Mitch said. “You’re not even giving him a chance to talk.”
Sophie glanced at Evan and then bit her lip. “I’ve got to side with Mitch here. It’s pretty obvious he loves her.”
Maddie’s brow furrowed. “Why do you think that?”
Sophie waved a hand over in Evan’s direction. “Because it’s written all over him. Hell, Maddie, he can barely take his eyes off her. You’re just not paying attention.”
Maddie frowned and turned to him. “Then where is she?”
“I don’t know,” Evan admitted. “Yes, she’s upset, but I can’t help her, Maddie, even though I want to.”
“What does that mean?” Maddie hugged herself and Mitch came behind her and gathered her up.
All eyes turned to Evan and he sighed. “You do know this is none of your business.”
They all just stared at him.
This was family. They meddled and fought, but in the end they stood by each other.
He shrugged and looked away. “Unfortunately, Maddie isn’t the only one who doesn’t believe. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t convince her otherwise. You know how she is. She wants some sort of proof and I don’t know how to give her evidence of something intangible.”
“You can’t,” Cecilia said, coming up and patting him on the shoulder before going to Shane.
“I know that.” He gazed out into the yard. “She has to believe on her own. I can’t do it for her. She wanted to be by herself, and I let her go, not because I don’t love her, but because I do.”
The tension seemed to seep from Maddie and she said, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” His chest squeezed. “If you have another suggestion, I’m open, but right now she’s determined to break away from me, and honestly, I don’t know what else to do. Unfortunately, I tend to screw up grand gestures, so I’m out of ideas.”
James looked down at his phone and said, “She’s at Sam’s.”
Evan frowned. How had she made her way to Gracie’s brother’s dive bar? She had to have walked at least five miles on the highway. He clenched his glass of iced tea. “His bar?”
James nodded and held up his phone. “Gracie texted.”
He moved to stand. “I’ll go get her.”
Sophie held up a hand. “Let me. That girl needs some tough love and you Donovans are way too soft on her. I’ll get her.”
Maddie pulled from Mitch’s arms. “I’ll come too.”
Sophie shook her head. “No, let me talk to her.” She turned to Evan. “Keep the faith. I’ll bring her back.”
Evan could only hope. He’d always thought football was the one thing he couldn’t live without, but he knew now that was wrong. It was Penelope.
* * *
Penelope watched with deep suspicion as Sam poured her a shot from a bottle of Scotch. She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like Scotch.”
Sam smiled. His blue eyes, which matched his sister’s, twinkled. “Trust me. I keep this on hand for you Donovans.”
She scowled. “Don’t you have any champagne?”
He laughed. “Honey, this is Revival.”
“So, no?” Now that she’d decided to give herself permission to give in to her emotions, she was in full disgruntled mode.
“No.”
Penelope took the glass. “I’m not a Donovan.”
Sam shrugged. “You couldn’t tell it by me.”
She eyed the brown liquid, already knowing she wouldn’t like it, but since Sam insisted, she picked it up and downed it in one fast gulp. It burned going down and hit her stomach at warp speed, sending a pleasant warmth through her belly. She coughed. “That’s horrible.”
Sam held up the bottle. “Another?”
She nodded.
He poured.
She downed another.
He filled the glass again. “You want to talk about it?”
“I’m not much of a talker.”
Sam put the bottle down on the bar and rested his hands on the counter. “So, do you want to talk about it?”
Between the sun and her empty stomach, the alcohol went straight to her head. She gave Sam a long once-over. Blond, with high cheekbones, a strong jaw, and a lean, long body, the man was quite nice to look at. She put her chin on her hand. “You’re really good-looking.”
He grinned. “You’re evading.”
“Where’s your girlfriend?”
“Where’s your boyfriend?” Sam shot back.
At the thought of Evan her heart gave a little lurch and she picked up the glass and downed the shot. She didn’t want to think about her own stupid problems. She needed another life to focus on and it might as well be Sam’s. There wasn’t anyone else around. “Do you like anyone?”
Sam chuckled and poured her another shot. “Why? You want to pass her a note for me?”
Penelope waved a hand between the two of them. “We never talk. I think we should.”
He scrubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw. “See, that’s the problem with us. We both want to listen, kind of makes for a hard conversation.”
Her head swam and she nodded with utter seriousness. “That’s true. I leave the drama to them.” She swept a hand toward the door. “They like it and they’re so much better at it than I am.”
Sam narrowed his gaze. “Makes sense.”
She pointed to her chest. “I’m the logical one, you know.”
“I’ve heard,” he said, his voice full of amusement.
“You must know what I mean, you grew up with Gracie. Now there’s a woman who knows how to cause a scene.”
Sam held up the bottle. “Should I give you another one?”
“Yes, please.” Penelope tilted her head. “Do you ever get tired of it?”
“Of letting them take center stage?”
She nodded, somehow not surprised Sam knew exactly what she was talking about. She’d heard a rumor from Cecilia once that he had some sort of sixth sense. Ridiculous, really, but right now she believed it.
See, she could believe in ESP, so why couldn’t she believe in Evan?
He shrugged. “Not particularly. I’ve never been one who likes attention. And too much drama grates on my nerves. But more important, somebody has to be the calm one, and I like to be that person.”
Penelope sipped the drink this time, and somewhere along the way, it had switched from horrible to delicious. “James used to be on our side, but Gracie converted him.”
Sam’s lips quirked in the beginnings of a smile. “Oh, I don’t know about that. He supports her, and understands her, and he sure as hell loves her, and I’d never tell anyone this but—” He cut off, grimacing and darting a quick glance around the bar as though someone might be lurking in the shadows.
Penelope looked around too, then leaned in. She liked secrets. As long as they weren’t hers.
He leaned in conspiratorially. “Gracie would kill me if she ever heard me say this, but I know you’re the kind of person who keeps her mouth shut.”
With vigor, she nodded, and her head about floated off her body. “I am.”
“James indulges her because he understands what she needs, but make no mistake, he has her firmly under control, and he’s the only person I know who settles my sister.”
Penelope nibbled on h
er bottom lip. “I guess I never thought of it like that.”
“People like them, they need people like us. It’s a balance.”
“But what do we get in return?”
“Don’t you know?”
Did she? Her mind was fuzzy, but somewhere the answer to that question niggled in the corners of her brain, but it wouldn’t quite crystallize. She shook her head.
He grabbed a towel and started wiping down the bar. “You can’t think of one thing you get from Evan?”
Evan. She sighed. “I’ve been in love with him since I was six years old. I worshipped him, you know? He was everything a boy should be, totally out of my reach.”
“Apparently not that far, from what I understand.”
She shook her head. “But that’s just the thing, I’ve always been in the background and Evan’s not a background kind of guy. We don’t match. He’s supposed to be with someone fantastic and otherworldly.”
Sam smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. I think he’s ended up with someone pretty fantastic.”
Penelope rolled her eyes. “Okay, dad. Forget the pep talk, you know what I mean. Guys like Evan don’t end up with the librarian.”
He shrugged. “Apparently they do.”
“Does this sound totally stupid?” Her brain wasn’t functioning properly.
“Nope, not at all.”
“It feels stupid. Cowardly. I’ve wanted him for almost my whole life, but I’ve always seen him as some impossible, unrealistic desire, and now I’m scared. I tell myself I want to believe him, seize the day and all that nonsense, but that’s just not in my nature.”
Sam nodded as though all this made perfect sense, and she was glad it did to him because it was a muddled mess to her. He threw the towel back onto the workspace below the bar. “You’re a businesswoman; in the end, it all comes down to risk versus reward, doesn’t it?”
“True.”
“So, ask yourself the question. Is Evan worth it? Does the reward outweigh the risk?”
As Good as New Page 29
