I let him draw me closer. His lips traveled up my throat to my jaw, searing along my cheek toward my lips. He paused before them, inches away. I longed for him with everything inside me and started to rise onto my toes to close the distance between our lips when Lucas pulled back.
“I can’t do this,” he breathed.
“What are you talking about?”
“You smell like him.”
My stomach plunged to the floor, vision spinning.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped. For everything. God, I kissed Derek tonight....
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I know it’s not your fault that he bit you, it’s just ... I’m just not good at this stuff. I don’t like to share.”
“What? Like I’m a bone? Like I’m property?” I pinned him with my most withering glare and, surprisingly, it worked. He looked just about as ashamed as it was possible to get. And, good. He should feel that way. I didn’t belong to him or to Derek or anyone. I was my own person and I could choose to do what I liked.
“You have to accept that Derek is a part of my life,” I said. “He’s my friend. And, believe it or not, I had friends before I met you. I had Heather and Pete—well, Pete sort of—but anyway. That’s not the point. I used to do track. I used to see movies with people other than you. Not that I don’t like seeing movies with you . . .” I tugged my fingers through my hair, frustrated that I couldn’t voice what was bugging me. “You can’t pitch a little baby fit every time I go see Derek,” I said. “He’s in my life. You have to deal.”
He looked irritated by the baby-fit thing, but he blew out a long breath, raking a hand through his hair. “I’m a controlling jerk.”
“Only because you care,” I said, and it was true. He didn’t think of me as a bone or as his property. He was just a big jealous idiot.
He cursed. “I’m trying, okay? You gotta understand, Faith, I’ve been alone for centuries. I don’t deal with humans on a regular basis. With werewolves, when you got a problem, you just fight it out. That’s how I function. I shut down emotionally and save it for the moon. But I can’t do that with you, obviously, and honestly I’m struggling, all right? I mean, I’ve had human girlfriends sometimes, yeah, but I never let anybody in. Not really. Not since before I was infected.”
I blinked, taken aback that he was talking about his human life, since he almost never did so. In my head, I could see what I saw on New Year’s Eve—his sister screaming for him as she was killed just out of his reach, the countless fights he’d drawn in the building windows, the deaths he’d caused, the pain he endured every month for over three hundred years. And all those months we’d spent together as he tried to keep from killing me.
Then Lucas went on, his voice like a calming lullaby in my ear. “My family and Vincent were probably the only people in existence that understood me,” he murmured. “They were the only people I ever let in. And they’re all dead now. Ever since Vincent killed Reece, I’ve been closed off. Not because I want it that way, but because that’s how it’s gotta be. To keep people safe. I’m not used to being open. Being honest about what I’m really feeling. Am I gonna screw it up sometimes? Yeah. But, believe me Faith, it’s not some territorial you’re-mine-not-his dog shit. It’s because I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I looked up and met his eyes. “Okay,” I said, not really knowing what else I could say. He was trying, right? And that was all I could really ask for.
I missed my first day of classes—not a good way to start the semester. I was behind before I’d even started. But first days were usually pointless so . . .
No. I sucked.
Derek showed up at the house when night fell, with Katie hot on his heels. Apparently, he’d asked her to come up to the mansion and they’d run together, which I’d thanked Katie for profusely. She was surprisingly weird about the whole thing—defensive and flippant. I was just glad she was out there to watch over Derek and help him through the things I couldn’t. Although, it did kind of hurt my feelings that Derek now took solace in Katie’s company when he used to take solace in mine.
We made it back to campus sometime around midnight. Lucas and I slunk out of his car and began shuffling to his room with Derek traipsing along beside us, wide awake and chipper as ever. He was actually whistling.
I suppressed the urge to plug his mouth up with my fist.
This being-awake-twenty-four-seven thing was starting to get old. I was turning into a major grouch. We walked through the abandoned courtyard, heading for Lucas and Derek’s building, when a rush of wind like a Mack truck on the highway passed and three slim forms materialized before us.
It was Calvin, Silas, and Melissa leering at us like a trio of demonic supermodels.
Lucas immediately began to tremor and shoved me behind him.
“Tighten your muzzle, dog,” Calvin said. “We come in peace.”
Lucas let out a low guttural sound, and Melissa laughed, displaying her sharklike teeth. “Maybe he wants us to neuter him.”
“You look a little pale, honey.” Lucas growled. “Maybe you’d like a tan. I can strap your skinny ass to that tree there and watch you burn till noon.” He barred his teeth in a half snarl, half grin. “I love a good vamp-roast.”
Melissa paled further, but her eyes glittered like squirming beetles.
Then Derek shoved past Lucas, effectively stopping the showdown, and slapped Calvin’s hand in greeting.
“Ready to go?” Calvin asked Derek, leering openly at me.
“Yup,” Derek said.
My eyes flipped to him, and I tried to get past Lucas, but that was like trying to get around a brick wall that constantly moved wherever you moved.
“Derek,” I said, peering around Lucas’s waist. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Going out,” he said airily.
“Aww, Derek,” Melissa cooed. “Your pet is worried about you. Look at her pink little face.” She licked her lips. “Maybe you should bring her with you. I’ll let you bite mine if you let me bite yours.” She wiggled her hips suggestively.
Lucas quaked violently, and I thought for sure he was going to change, but he remained under control.
“Now, now,” Calvin admonished, shaking a finger at Melissa. “Friends don’t let friends drink blood.”
“Meanie,” she pouted.
Calvin snickered, watching Lucas keenly. “And anyway, I don’t think Faith is Derek’s pet after all, Mel. I think she’s the dog’s bitch.”
Lucas started forward, snarling. Silas and Melissa hissed back, fangs barred.
“I’m nobody’s anything,” I said, realizing too late how stupid that sounded. “And you’re not going anywhere with Derek.”
Calvin was unconcerned by my ire. “Well, that’s really up to Derek, now isn’t it? We had a lovely evening planned for the four of us. Box tickets to the big game in New York tomorrow night, private jet. First class all the way.” He threw his arm around Derek’s shoulder and shook him a little, grinning hugely.
Derek looked swayed already.
“You can’t go,” I told him. “You have class tonight.”
“You need to put some slack on that leash, human,” Melissa purred as she snaked her hand up the back of Derek’s neck.
Derek seemed to deliberate for a moment and then shrugged.
“I’ll catch up,” he said.
“Excellent!” Calvin said. “Well, off we go, then. Farewell, Faith, my dewdrop.”
I made a noise of repulsion, which was quickly accompanied by Lucas. I rounded on him. “Lucas, you’re supposed to be guarding him,” I hissed. “How can you just let him leave with them?”
“I’m protecting the humans from him,” Lucas argued. “Not protecting him from the vampires. There’s a difference.”
“They’re vampires!” I yelled. “You’re supposed to kill them on sight, so kill them!” Power writhed inside me, threatening to force Lucas into doing what I wanted. “Please,” I said instead.
Lucas’s jaw flexed, and his gaze flickered to mine for a moment. “Not with you here,” he ground out.
The vampires relaxed, all leering smugly. “Well, now that that’s all cleared up,” Calvin said with a cocky salute. “We’re off.”
“Ciao,” said Melissa and made a kissy face at us.
With that, the three of them blew out of the courtyard.
Derek remained for a moment and shrugged at me. “Now you guys will have the nights to yourselves, too.” And he blurred out of the courtyard.
18
JEALOUSY
February arrived in a flurry of homework, track practice, and vampires. Derek hung out with them pretty much constantly no matter how much I tried to warn him against it. Making things worse—or better depending on how you looked at it—was that the murders had actually slowed to a near halt since Derek took up with the vampires. It was great because people weren’t dying, but it made convincing Derek to stay on the werewolves’ side even more difficult. The only bright spot amidst it all was Valentine’s Day. Lucas and I had a perfect night—the first one since ... well, probably ever.
After dinner at a yummy Italian restaurant in Old Town, Lucas drove us back to CSU and stopped in the drive to give me my present. It was snowing lightly and the sky was this gorgeous violet color as Lucas reached into his coat pocket and handed me a little white box. “This is the most ridiculous holiday known to mankind,” he said, putting the box into my hands. “But I know you girls like it. So here. Happy Valentine’s.”
I smiled triumphantly. He rolled his eyes, hiding a grin, and I opened the box. Inside was a silver necklace.
“Silver?” I asked, frowning. “Why would you get me a silver necklace?” I’d had to put all my silver jewelry away months ago to keep from accidentally putting it on and wearing it around him. Apparently, it “burned like all hell.”
“I thought it was nice,” he said evasively.
I narrowed my eyes at him, unconvinced. “But I can’t wear it,” I said. “Not around you.”
“Obviously,” he said. “It’s for when I’m not around. It might give you a few extra seconds to get away if you need it.”
I looked down at the delicate silver chain and the little rose on the end of it, thinking that Lucas was always giving me things to protect myself. The stake. This necklace. Both so that I could have a better chance of living in his world. It should have been romantic that he cared so much, but somehow it just felt cold. Like he was arming me for something.
I picked up the necklace, letting it dangle between my fingers. A little plaque hung on the clasp. I brought it closer and cursive script etched into the silver gleamed at me in the yellow light of the courtyard lanterns.
I’ll always come back to you.
My heart fluttered with pleasure, and I looked up at Lucas again, feeling the smile that must have been all over my face.
“Promise to wear it every full moon, all right?” he said, chocolate eyes earnest and a little vulnerable, which was just way too adorable for words.
I nodded and put the necklace down to fold myself into his arms.
“Look, I wanna say something else,” Lucas rumbled. “We’ve been at odds a lot lately, ever since I bit Derek. But I just wanted to say I’m gonna try not to let it bother me as much anymore. You hanging out with him, I mean. If you say you’re just friends, then you’re just friends. And I have no place trying to get between you two.”
I met his gaze. “Thank you. I hate all this fighting. If I just felt like you had my back, it’d make the whole Derek thing easier to take.”
“Hey,” he said, looking firmly into my eyes. “I’ll always have your back.”
I twisted my lips to the side. “Not lately. Not about Derek. You were more than happy to write him off at the first sign of weakness. But, I don’t think you really remember what it was like being new. To not know your body and its limits. Derek’s confused. But I know if I can just get him away from the vampires, he’ll be able to see how wrong he is about them. Just give me some time, okay? I can fix this.”
It seemed to take Lucas a long time to manage his thoughts on that one, and I could feel the turmoil raging beneath him. But then I felt something click in him, and he nodded slowly. “Okay. I trust you.”
He must have seen the relief on my face because he smiled and said, “Is that all it takes to make you happy? I should tell you I trust you more often.”
“You don’t have to say it. Just show it.”
“I will.”
And I could tell he really meant it, which was more precious to me than any gift he could have bought.
“Now this makes my gift look lame,” I said. I shivered and cocked my head toward his building to indicate it was time to get my human butt inside and out of the cold.
“Why?” he asked as we began walking up the lane to his building. “What is it?” He took up my hand and brought it to his mouth to blow hot air all over it, which made goose bumps ripple down my spine in the most tantalizing way.
“Well, it’s kind of an interactive present,” I said, casting him a sidelong glance to gauge his reaction.
He looked more than a little intrigued, but for all the wrong reasons. His eyes smoldered into mine, and a roguish grin quirked his lips to the left.
“Not that kind of interaction!” I said, flushing. “I asked my mom to send me my grandma’s famous chocolate-banana cake recipe. It won awards and stuff, and it’s ridiculously delicious. My mom bakes it every Christmas.”
“So you made it for me?”
“Actually, I thought we could make it together. You know, for fun.”
“Fun?” he asked, as if it was some kind of foreign language. “What is this thing you speak of?”
I swatted his arm lightly and ignored him. “And I got a movie to watch, so we can eat cake in bed.”
“I’m liking this more and more as you go.”
“I thought you might.”
We went upstairs to Lucas’s room, where he had just enough kitchen appliances to facilitate cake making. The oven was tiny, the counter space minimal and the sink even more so, but it only made it more fun. Unfortunately, Lucas turned out to be just as useful in the kitchen as I was, and between the two of us, the only thing we were making was a mess.
“I think I found something werewolves are bad at,” I said.
“You’re one to talk.” He looked down at my congealing lump of mushy banana. “That’s supposed to be light and—” He checked the recipe. “Fluffy.”
“I’ll show you fluffy.” I took the spoon and thwacked a big lump of it at his face. Which he dodged easily.
“Nice try, babe.” He looked behind him at the mess I’d made on his desk. “I believe that was my statistics homework you just ruined. You owe me two hours of laborious studying. I just don’t know how you’re gonna make it up to me.” He leaned in close, kissing the smudge of chocolate on my cheek.
“Don’t even try,” I said. “You probably spent five minutes on that.”
“So five minutes of compensation are in order.” He nibbled on my ear. “Plus interest.” He began snaking his hand up the bottom of my shirt, and as soon as I was sure he was sufficiently distracted . . . I dumped the bowl of banana goo over his head.
I shrieked, giggling madly as I ran across the room to get away from him.
He just stood there. Dripping in grayish goo. Staring at me with an appalled half smile.
I put the rolling desk chair between us, still laughing uncontrollably. I watched him as he straightened and walked slowly toward me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. I backed up, climbing onto the couch, still gripping the chair between us to ward him off.
“Lucas,” I warned. “Don’t you dare.”
“I hope you like banana.”
He shook his head like a wet dog and sprayed absolutely everything—including
me—with mushy banana. I screamed. He tackled me. And we spent the rest of the night in bed watching a chick flick and eating store-bought cookies straight from the box.
All too soon, it was the night before the full moon. It was Derek’s first full moon since he’d woken up, and the tension between the three of us was almost blindingly intense.
Lucas and Derek were supposed to go up to Gould together in a few hours to spend the night in the woods, but with the two of them barely on speaking terms anymore, I’d never been so scared that my boyfriend and my best friend would kill each other.
I was sure I’d be allowed to tag along and play my usual role as referee.
Not so.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” I said as I stared out the window of Lucas’s room. “I’ve been up there for the full moon before and everything was fine.”
“That was different,” Lucas said. “I was ... well, you know where I was, and you were locked in there with me. No werewolf was gonna go within twenty miles of that room. You were safe. This time, you’re just a hunk of fresh meat.”
“Do you have to say it like that?”
“It’s the truth.” I turned to watch him stuff clothes and toiletries into a duffel bag. He paused when he saw me watching him and said, “I know you have your connection and everything, but what if it doesn’t work? Or what if Rolf usurps you again? I’d just feel better if you weren’t around us. Even Derek won’t be himself.”
“I want to be wherever you are.”
His face softened, and he stepped toward me. “It’s not that I don’t want you to be with me. It’s just not safe. Can you get that?”
I shifted my jaw, looking away as I tried to stave off tears.
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “Promise me you and Derek will be safe up there. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you—either of you.”
Lucas’s mouth tightened infinitesimally, but he said, “I promise.”
I looped my arms around his neck for a hug, but he pulled them away and took a step back.
“Not tonight,” he said. “It’s too close. I don’t wanna chance it.”
Blood Crave Page 18
