by Ian Wedde
And then Johannes came up from the mill where Papa had seen him doing woodturning work for Herr Tiesel. He kept his stall tidy and didn’t hurt himself with the tools, he could swing a scythe as well, he was quiet-spoken and understood what a joke was, and Elke soon thought, well we shall see.
She was going to get a new cat or two she told Mutti in the morning when she took in her tea with honey, she’d had to kill the old one yesterday because it was too sick to take care of the mice and rats, she’d go down to the mill after milking and see if she could catch a couple, she’d take a little fresh milk to tempt the cats and some eggs for Frau Tiesel. Mind the fat old witch doesn’t eat you up, said Mutti with a laugh that was also a cough, she was measuring the drops of laudanum into her tea, Elke counted fifteen. Then she took a swallow and looked at Elke – Killed the old cat, neh? Daughter? – but she was smiling when ‘daughter’ kissed her dry cheek. It’s sunny, Mutti, she told her, you should sit outside in the nice sunshine.
There were some eggs in the usual places by the fodder stall inside and outside under the furze fence around the vegetable garden, and also in the hen shelter where there was a spread-out sullen broody hen with a clutch under her – a bit late sister it’s getting cold hadn’t you noticed? The self-important rooster advanced sideways towards her leg in a stupid aggressive manner so she gave it a good kick that made it flap off squawking, and then she put some straw in a big basket for the eggs and a sack to cover the cats when she’d caught them and the fresh milk in a corked bottle and a tin bowl to put it in – maybe she could talk to Herr Tiesel about getting some more oats, even some sweepings, she could come down with the sprung cart later? Outside in the sun by the big door to the Bauernhaus, Johannes was holding a blade to a length of wood on the lathe there, the shavings curling down on to the ground, she could see his knee going up and down above the treadle strap so steady the way it just kept on going it was nice to watch, but he couldn’t look up at her, and there was Mutti in sunshine by the pear tree, was she asleep? She was going to catch a nice little cat she said to Johannes as she passed him, and then his eyes did lift to her under his thick dark eyebrows before he bent back to his work, Puss puss he said to the piece of wood. The morning train had gone some time ago so the bustle of loading up flour would be finished and the cats would be enjoying the sunshine undisturbed. The clouds were hardly moving beyond the trees down there, the leaves were almost all gone now and those big pale clouds with slowly rolling shapes would soon turn the colour of dirty tin and fill with snow, Johannes had better keep his promise to speak to Papa at supper or he’d be feeling the cold all alone in his stall!
The sweet young heifer trotted over from where she and the cow were grazing together down the bottom of the meadow, she liked Elke to rub the hard bone between her eyes. In spring when she came on season the bull would be walked over to her from the Webers’ place at Wellingdorf and then after a while her calf would go to pay for the bull, she would bellow but then stop when she got used to Elke’s hands milking her, season after season it was the same, just the same or nearly so regular and steady like Johannes’s knee under the lathe, just the same or nearly so as long as she could remember, except for the knee of course and of course when Greta went to Sønderborg, and then Josephina to somewhere only she would know about when it happened but of course she would tell them. When Greta went to Sønderborg it was to expand the sameness and make it more profitable but when Josephina went that plan was spoiled just like the nightgown she’d made for the Junkfrau, or so most people thought so it seemed, but meanwhile here she was, here was Elke walking over to the mill to get a new cat and not for the first time, and there was the young heifer with her head down again enjoying the last of the fresh grass before winter, and that wasn’t unusual either and Elke still liked it and also the coarse rub of the heifer’s brow against her knuckles.
She’d brought some fresh eggs, Elke said to Frau Tiesel who was sitting outside under a wide hat by the house door next to the mill, would Frau Tiesel mind if she caught a nice young cat or two, theirs had got sick and she’d had to kill it, they needed a new one or perhaps two before winter drove the mice and rats inside. And she hoped Frau Tiesel was in good health, and her husband as well? And that business was good? Frau Tiesel was spread out on her chair rather like the broody hen back at the Bauernhaus and her expression was also sullen – So, she enquired, were they satisfied with that Johannes that her father had persuaded to leave the mill and go up to the house of Meister Hansen the esteemed cabinetmaker and master of coffins? Was that Johannes living up to their expectations and the expectations of Meister Hansen? And indeed of Frau Hansen, and how was she? She hoped so, and that Frau Hansen was better and recovering from the disappointment of her youngest daughter leaving the family, because they would know by now that Johannes was not to be trusted, he was a traveller with no family and no assets, he would be gone by next week, see how easily he was persuaded to go up the hill, did they wish to heap disappointments on poor Frau Hansen?
The mill wheel was sloshing and groaning away down at the race, the mill hands were shouting happy insults at each other while hoisting grain sacks, and for a moment Elke considered an insult of her own, for example didn’t Frau Tiesel find herself overstuffed not just with cakes and flour dumplings but with ‘uncharitable thoughts’, the term old Pastor Köhler had liked to use in advance of the wooden smacking spoon, and too bad she didn’t have a wooden smacking spoon or better still the heavy dung-shovel within reach at that moment as Frau Tiesel looked at her with a what-are-you-going-to-do-now expression? Well she wasn’t going to let the fat old witch eat her up that was certain – she thanked Frau Tiesel kindly for her advice but ‘as it happens’ it had not been her papa Meister Hansen who had persuaded Johannes to come up to the Bauernhaus, he had persuaded himself and without finding it hard to do so it would seem, he was a steady man with a mind of his own and many useful skills if not assets as such and no doubt he would stay as long as he chose to as Frau Tiesel knew he was capable of, and where would Frau Tiesel like her to put the eggs? – not somewhere unmentionable was what she thought while Frau Tiesel adjusted her wide hat and said take them in to the maid, there had better not be any old ones and there were some cats living by the stable she could take as many as she wanted if she could catch any, they were a cunning lot those cats but then the Hansens were clever people also were they not?
Yes they were you old shit-sack witch, and it wasn’t long before the two mill hands hoisting grain sacks had added some fresh mullet to the enticing milk and there were two young Katzen in the basket – they made a fuss at first but soon went quiet with only occasional humming moans and groans under the sack. And how is that Johannes, asked one of the mill hands, you’d better look out for him girl he’s trouble that one! Ah said Elke, trouble, and what do you boys know about trouble? Your trouble is sitting over there like a great black toad, if she sees you helping me with the cats she’ll leap over here and squash you! No but she was harmless that Frau Tiesel said the boys with sorrowful expressions, no fun to be had there, too bad she can’t even catch blowflies with her tongue that one however much she waves it around.
Supper time, it had better be supper time, supper time today, she told Johannes as she walked past him with the humming basket of cats. He was holding up a freshly turned chair leg and looking at it with one eye shut – he kept the eye shut but swivelled his head to watch her go past and didn’t change his expression, ‘Genau,’ he said. So it wouldn’t just be her plan for cabbage soup with dumplings that would be ‘on the table’ later together with the mullet the mill boys had given her, they caught them in nets where the tide came up the Schwentine below the mill and she would poach them very fresh with some capers and parsley, Papa’s favourite, and potatoes too – because Papa would have to be in a good mood when Johannes told his true story at supper, how he was ‘a traveller with no family and no assets’ according to Frau Tiesel, did Papa know that?, and what apprentice term had
he and Johannes agreed on before that ‘traveller’ might indeed ‘be gone by next week’? Along with the promise about what he was going to say to Papa ‘when the time was right’? The cats were annoyed and so was Elke because she knew less than she thought she had about that man Johannes who’d only ever told her he was travelling not as a journeyman but simply because he liked to and because he learned about places and people and how to do different work. She put the tin dish with some fresh milk and the remains of the cut-up mullet from the mill in the boarded holding pen next to the fodder stall and then tipped the cats out of the basket and shut the gate, they flew about complaining and trying to climb the walls for a while but then sat still with the tips of their tails twitching, then finally went to the milk and fish, yes that’s how it was – what looked like a prison at first might soon appear differently and indeed seem desirable after a day or two, but if she was to finish her jobs and then make the supper she would first have to unclench her fists which were gripping her annoyance as if there were buckets of it that she had to carry somewhere and do something with. She carried the buckets of annoyance out to the garden and made herself useful there for a while in the fresh autumn sunshine until it was time for her to begin supper.
And so then Johannes walked past the kitchen area twitching his nose at her, he’d washed at the pump and his black hair was dripping down the shirt on his back, ‘Aha, supper time,’ he said, ‘is it not?’
Then they ate for a while, she’d got two nice little cats Elke told Mutti and Papa, and how was Frau Tiesel asked Mutti, she was glad to have the eggs said Elke, and Johannes was looking at her – Meister Hansen, she saw his lips beginning to shape her father’s name just before he said it.
‘Meister Hansen and Frau Hansen!’ said Johannes boldly standing up and moving his chair back firmly, he had wiped his mouth and beard with his fingers, ‘I want to thank you for your kindness and hospitality these past weeks, I don’t believe I have said so before or if I have then not often enough.’ Then he paused and Elke’s heart shut but not in time to stop a cold draught entering her body – what, was he announcing his wish to ‘be gone by next week’? They had trusted him, Johannes told them with one hand on his heart and the other holding the edge of the table, his voice was low and quiet now and he seemed certain about what he was telling them, he was an orphan with no family that he knew about since he had grown up by himself first in an orphanage in Göttingen in the south of Hanover where he was told that his father was a Frenchman as a result of which he was sometimes treated harshly, so he left the orphanage when he was about twelve years old and worked in stables in the town and then left Göttingen which was a nice enough town but one for which he had no love, and so it went for some years as they could see since he was no longer young and inexperienced and he considered himself a free man ‘with diverse skills’, a pause, including reading and writing and numbers.
He’d brought Lefty inside to his stall after Papa came back from the town with a cartful of broken furniture, and the sound of the horse grinding steadily at his feed and stamping a hoof from time to time was what was happening in the silence before Johannes went on in his level voice to say to Papa and Mutti, who had both stopped chewing, that despite his circumstances he hoped that Meister and Frau Hansen and indeed Fräulein Hansen would think well of his service and abilities and indeed not think any less of him because he came with little besides his skills and his willingness to help them, not that he expected them to be grateful, it was he who was grateful for the opportunity they had given him to work for them and show them what he could do – the word ‘help’ had made Papa’s mouth open indignantly but he shut it again before an objection came out of it because Johannes then said that he hoped he might respectfully ask for their daughter Fräulein Hansen’s ‘hand in marriage’ – he said ‘hand in marriage’ with the first sign of discomfort since he’d begun as if its formality was awkward for him and didn’t come easily from his planned words to his mouth and then out into speech.
Elke’s heart opened again and a warm draught came in this time, it went up into her face that Mutti was looking at without smiling, she could feel that her face was red whereas Mutti’s was very white, was it whiter than usual? It seemed as though Mutti was about to say something because her mouth opened and shut quickly many times with a little clapping sound of her lips but then she pushed her chair over on to the floor with a crash and hurried away out of sight into her and Papa’s room – Go to your mother, Papa told her without taking his eyes off Johannes who was still standing with one hand holding the edge of the table. As she was opening the door to Mutti’s room Johannes said in his even voice that it would be an honour to become a member of Meister Hansen’s family and then with more warmth and quickly before she could shut the door again that he truly dearly loved Fräulein Hansen the daughter of Meister and Frau Hansen, she was strong and beautiful and a ‘lily of the field’.
‘A lily of the field’ – it was dark but Elke found Mutti’s body curled on the bed, and curled herself behind the thin wheezing back holding it close and also holding close what Johannes had said, ‘truly dearly loved’ and ‘lily of the field’ – ‘Mutti’, she said against her mother’s little sharp shoulder blade, ‘Mutti, I love that man, I love him.’
Dearest sister Greta and Herr Andersen and also Josephina, I don’t know where you are now little sister in Hamburg somewhere, Greta please send this letter to my Schwesterchen if you know where she is residing she knows I miss her and of course also Finn Otto and Catharina I hope all those little lilies of the field are well and happy. This letter has bad and good news in it, the bad news first I am sorry. Our dear Mutti died she was so thin and not able to breathe or talk without coughing. The Apothek came from Ellerbeck and listened to her back he said her lungs were filled with poisonous liquid, what about the laudanum asked Papa, too late for that said the fat monster and Papa threw him out of the house I don’t blame him, he has cost Papa a lot of money and we have very little of it. Mutti went to bed on an evening that I will tell you more about soon and she never got up again, she died a day and a morning later. I had to take her clothes off and make her put on a nice warm nightgown the one with roses embroidered on the front that you made for her Josie when you were quite young about twelve I think, she didn’t speak again after that night except for saying your name when she saw the nightgown I’m sure you want to know that little sister because there was so much anger in this house after what happened on Faulstrasse and perhaps our Mutti had learned what anger is for at last and what it is not right for. I have to tell you that her body was a pitiful thing so thin and scratched all over its front, that was what the laudanum did to her Papa thinks. He is very sad mourning for his dear wife day and night and will not sleep in the room he and Mutti used for many years, he has made a bed for himself in one of the stalls just like an apprentice or a journeyman would, he goes there after supper and makes no sound at all but keeps working during the day just the same as he always did without any change but with no joy in his labour. Mutti is buried in the graveyard down at Pastor Köhler’s Kapelle, of course it isn’t Pastor Köhler’s anymore but that’s how we still think of the place, the new pastor is quite young with a nice little family of boys and girls, his wife looks after the school which will be a good thing but more about that soon. Mutti is buried next to her mother our oma, all three of us daughters as well of course as Papa are named as mourners on her headstone. Josephina I hope you will be happy to know that and forgive our mutti for her anger, I do believe it was what took her life in the end but now as Pastor Kolnick the new pastor said she is in a place of forgiveness where our sins are washed away. Tante Elizabeth and Herr Mayer and Mathilde and also the miller’s family Tiesel came to the funeral and burial and the Weber family from over in Wellingdorf and also Johannes who has been working for Papa and was a very steady and able man in this time of need. It was a cold day but the sun was shining and the air was fresh I kept thinking it would be good for Mut
ti’s health that is what happens when someone dies you can’t believe it. Tante Elizabeth brought some food and wine over from Gaarden, we had a little Hinsicht by the pear tree where Mutti liked to sit after she got sick and where Oma liked to sit when she was alive and where Greta and Danne’s marriage breakfast happened I’m sure you remember, also we planted a verbena by the grave I hope it lasts out the winter and grows strong next spring it was Mutti’s favourite tea as you know. Now for the good news I hope you don’t think it disrespectful to put them together like this but the bad and the good news touch each other on the evening that Mutti began to die quickly from her sickness. It was supper time when Johannes asked Papa if he could marry me, we two had talked about it but not to Papa or Mutti until then. I think it was a shock to Mutti who always hoped that my husband would be a successful man like Herr Danne Andersen or Herr Mayer over in Gaarden that would lift her out of her life of common toil as she said, but Johannes has no family and no assets other than the skills of which he is proud and rightly so in my opinion and I love him with all my heart for his honesty since he has never pretended to be more than he is that is an orphan who cannot know his family and whose assets in this hard world are what he can do which includes sitting with me his future wife to help with this letter. We will be married in the spring by Pastor Kolnick and I hope that my sisters and their families will come to our wedding we will send you a proper notice when the arrangements are done, we can also have a remembrance at Mutti’s grave at the same time. And now I will finish my letter I am happy to end with the good news. Your sister Elke with love and from Papa also whose hand has pressed down on this page.
