by Caitlyn Dare
The more I think about it, the more things don’t add up.
“I know it sucks. Trust me, I know.” She flashes me an apologetic smile. “But you’re his prosapia. Once the Coglio takes place… you’ll be his fiancée. There’s no going back on that.”
Like she needs to remind me.
“What exactly happens at the Coglio?” My voice cracks, betraying my nerves. It’s easier to ignore what the future will bring than to overthink any of it.
“There’s a dinner at Gravestone Hall. I guess you could say it’s like an engagement party. And then you and Cade will… you know.”
“Sex.” The word is like ash on my tongue.
“Yeah.”
“It’s always a full moon. You know how Q likes its moon rituals.” She rolls her eyes.
“It’s such bullshit,” I hiss. “I saw Cade at the party, fucking some girl.”
“Babe, he’s a manwhore of epic proportions. This whole town reeks of double standards. Gravestone is a man’s world, and we’re just along for the ride.”
“Awful pun.” I grimace. But then we share a long look and burst into laughter.
“That’s the spirit, Mia. You can’t overthink this stuff, it’ll drive you insane.”
Just then, we hear the rumble of engines.
“Looks like they’re home.”
“They haven’t been gone long.” I stand, nervous energy vibrating inside me.
All the blood has drained from Sasha’s face as she sits frozen in the chair.
“It’ll be okay,” I say. “Whatever happens, you have me.”
“It’ll be fine.” She shakes her head a little, snapping out of the trance she was in. “I’m sure it’s all fine.”
The second the guys enter the kitchen, it’s apparent that everything is not fine. Channing looks as pale as Sasha and refuses to meet her eyes.
Bexley, on the other hand, stares brazenly at me, willing me to look at him.
I don’t.
Instead, I walk straight over to Cade and burrow into his side. “How did it go?”
“Like every other meeting with Q,” he says coolly, dropping a kiss on my head. “Although Channing has some news.”
A ripple goes through the room, and Channing rakes a hand through his hair. He inhales a long breath and then exhales a long sigh. “Q thinks it’s better for me to stay Electi. Since Bexley and Alex are both so new to our ways, Phillip wants me around. My Eligere will be next summer.” His defeated gaze finally flicks to Sasha, who has tears brimming in her eyes.
“That’s… great,” she chokes out. “Excuse me, I need to take a shower.” Sasha all but runs from the kitchen.
“What’s her problem?” Brandon scoffs.
“Dude,” Ashton says. “You know she has a crush on Channing.”
“Nah, she’s over that shit, right, Chan?”
“Fuck if I know.” He folds his arms over his chest and shrugs. His face is a stone mask. Cold and impenetrable. Our eyes lock, and I narrow mine, but he gives nothing away.
“It doesn’t matter,” Cade snaps. “She knows the rules. She’d be a fucking idiot to break them.” The verbal warning is for Sasha, but Cade stares down Channing and I get the feeling he knows something. Which wouldn’t surprise me; Cade seems to know everything.
“I should go and check on her,” I say, untangling myself from Cade’s arm. But he tightens his grip and bends down, kissing me hard.
I inhale a shuddering breath that could be mistaken for lust.
It isn’t.
“Tell her we’re having a pool party. Nothing crazy. But I expect both of you to be there.”
“Okay.” I smile. “We’ll be there.” As I turn to walk away, Cade slaps my ass, making me yelp. Male laughter rings out behind me, but I don’t rise to it, keeping my head held high as I walk from the kitchen, past Brandon and Alex… and Bexley.
His jaw clenches as he watches me, tracking my every move.
“Mia.” My name forms silently on his lips, but I don’t respond.
I can’t.
No matter how much the tether between us pulls taut.
The second I’m clear of the kitchen, I release a shaky breath and hurry to Sasha’s room. My heart aches for her as I step inside and find her sobbing into her pillow.
“I should have known,” she said. “I should have known it was all a lie.”
“I’m so sorry.” I join her on the bed, running my hand down her arm. “For what it’s worth, he looked as devastated as you.”
“It doesn’t matter. I get it now. We’re never going to be free from this life… I was fooling myself into believing it could be different. That me and Channing could—” An ugly sob tears from her lungs, and she buries her face in me.
“Shh, babe. It’ll be okay.”
“It hurts,” she cries. “It hurts so much, Mia.”
“I wish I could make it better.”
“You can…” Her head whips up, her face a red puffy mess. “My tin—”
“Sasha, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. There’s a pool party. Cade wants us there.”
“I can’t go, not like this. I need something to take off the edge.”
“Fine.” I get up and go to her nightstand.
“The top drawer,” she instructs, and I pull it open. The tin is buried under a magazine.
“I thought Channing took your stash.”
“I always have an emergency supply hidden. I don’t get high because I like it, Mia. I get high because sometimes it’s the only way I can—” Her body trembles as she smothers another shudder.
I understand now.
Sasha has lived this life for years. Part of the Electi’s inner circle but not truly one of them. She won’t ever be free to choose who she loves or who she marries.
Her life is not her own.
I’ve been a part of this fuckery for mere weeks. Sasha has been part of it her entire life. It isn’t any wonder she self-medicates.
I watch as she takes the tin from me and flips the lid, revealing small baggies of various pills. “I hate them,” she says, so defeated I can feel her despair. She pops two pills on her tongue and doesn’t even bother washing them down with water.
“Sometimes,” she whispers as she lies back on the bed, “I think death would be better than this life. But I’m not brave enough to do it.”
Her words hit me like a wrecking ball. I share her despair, share the soul-crushing pain that bleeds from her right now, but never once have I contemplated death.
I want to fight. I want to find a way out of this mess.
But what if she’s right…
What if there is no way out?
What then?
11
Bexley
I watch Mia leave the kitchen and then glance at Channing. He looks like he's thirty seconds away from losing his shit.
"Come on, man. Let's hit the gym," I say, slamming my hand down on his shoulder and pushing him forward.
His body is rigid as he stares at Cade, the muscle in his neck pulsating.
"What?" Cade asks innocently, which we all know is fucking bullshit. Something tells me that Cade fucking Kingsley was born corrupt, and it's only gotten worse with every day that has passed. "If you're really lucky, you'll get a girl as hot as Mia as your prosapia.”
I fight the urge not to react to his words, but with every barb he shoots my way, the harder it gets.
"Let's go." I push Channing forward, turning my back on Cade and his bullshit.
"The girls will be here in an hour, and they'll expect to be entertained,” he calls after us.
"I'm sure you're more than capable, Kingsley," I shoot over my shoulder before heading toward the stairs to the basement.
The house sits on a hill, so one wall of the basement is a solid sheet of glass that allows us to look out over the pool beyond.
"This is bullshit," Channing spits out once the door slams behind us.
"I'm sorry, man. You kinda expected it thou
gh, right?"
"I guess." He falls down onto the weight bench and drops his head into his hands. "I fucking promised her, though. Did you see the look on her face?"
I nod despite the fact that he's not looking at me. But he really doesn't need me to confirm how devastated Sasha looked when Cade announced his news.
"I don't want anyone else," he mutters.
"Fucking know how that feels."
I'm hardly dressed to work out, but I'm not going back upstairs now and risking bumping into Kingsley. So I make do with how I am, dragging my shirt over my head and dropping it on the bench along with my cell and wallet, before stepping onto the treadmill.
The garden and pool are currently empty—well, aside from a few of Cade's staff arranging everything for his impromptu party.
It's such bullshit.
All of it.
I up the speed until the only thing I can focus on is keeping up with the belt. Music leaks through the inbuilt speakers, and when I look over my shoulder, I find Channing dropping his cell down and lying back on the bench, ready to press some weights.
I want to help, but I have no fucking idea how.
He's in just as hopeless a position as me and Mia.
Love conquers all. What bullshit.
I run until my muscles burn and sweat drips down my body. At some point, Channing climbed on the treadmill beside me and we've been running in sync for at least thirty minutes when two people walk in front of the windows and our pace falters.
"Motherfucker," he grunts, his eyes locked on Sasha.
And fuck if I can't see his issue. The bathing suit she's wearing is almost nonexistent. Not that I've paid all that much attention, seeing as Mia is walking beside her, although her body is covered in a light floral dress thing.
My fist curl, hating that despite the fact that she's tried to cover up, she's showing off way too much fucking skin for these assholes to eat up.
As if they can feel our heated stares, they both turn toward the window. Sasha is the first to find us. Her movement stops as she grabs Mia's forearm. She says something, but I can't read what it is as Mia's eyes land on mine.
Tension crackles around us despite the glass that separates us.
"Fucking hell," I mutter.
"We gotta fucking fix this." Channing slams his hand down on the stop button and his movements slow.
I do the same and glance over at him, watching him eat up his girl. His chin drops in shock, and I turn back to the window in time to see Sasha run her hand seductively down her body.
A loud growl rumbles up Channing's throat at her little display. "She's fucking taking shit again."
"Can you blame her?" I mutter, thinking how much I could use some of that shit right now. Anything to make this easier.
After a second, Channing rips his eyes from his girl and marches out of the room, slamming the door closed behind him as he goes. Disappointment washes over Sasha's face as Mia wraps her arm around her shoulders and guides her over to the loungers.
I stand there watching them, knowing full well that Mia is aware of my attention, until Cade, Ashton, and Brandon emerge, wearing black boardshorts. Ashton and Brandon immediately cannonball into the pool, sending water all over the girls. Cade uses their surprise to his advantage and wraps his arms around Mia's waist, pulling her back into his body. He drops his lips and whispers something in her ear.
Anger surges through me, pulling my muscles tight as I imagine just how she feels, how she used to shudder when we connected.
Cade buries his nose in her hair, and I inhale as if it's me.
"Motherfucker."
As if she heard me, Mia turns my way. Our eyes hold for a beat, but I can't read anything in hers, while I'm sure my anger is more than obvious in mine. She's either learning to lock down how she really feels, or she really means it when she tells me that we're over.
Either way, it's fucked up.
Shaking my head at her when Cade's fingers touch her jaw and encourage her to twist so he can kiss her, I turn my back on them and follow Channing's lead. I want to stay hidden, to refuse to attend his fucking party, but I know the longer I stay in my room the more chance I've got of being dragged out of here and made to do something I really don't want to do.
The music is now pumping through my window, and the sound of laughter and water splashing can clearly be heard, but despite how much fun they might be having, there's not a single part of me that wants to join them.
I stare at myself in the mirror before I bite the bullet and go down there. My eyes lock on the crest burned into my chest. The sight of it makes my stomach churn. I fucking hate it. It's just a permanent reminder of the life I don't want but am bound to.
Sucking in a deep breath, I rip my door open. At least if I'm down there I can somewhat protect Mia. I swipe a bottle of vodka from the kitchen as I pass through before claiming the lounger between Alex and Channing.
Almost all the girls are in the pool, flicking their hair over their shoulders and pushing their bikini-clad chests out as if it's meant to entice me. The old me would have lapped that shit up. He'd have been right in the middle, much like Ashton and Brandon are right now, taking everything they were offering.
But I'm no longer him, and the only girl I see is the one on the other side of the pool, sitting astride Cade.
Her in that position drags up images I really don't need. Scrubbing my hand down my face, I try to force them out and focus my attention elsewhere.
Sasha is sitting beside the two of them, looking about as miserable as I feel. She's sucking on a straw, quickly swallowing down whatever cocktail she has, and when I look to the table beside her, I find it full of empty glasses. She's going to regret this in the morning.
Mind you, as I twist the cap of the bottle in my hand and lift it to my lips, so might I.
As the day drags on, the drinks get stronger and the party becomes wilder. We've already been forced to witness Ashton fuck some girl in the pool, one of the many reasons I'm refusing to dive into the thing. He's now got a different girl up against the side of the house. That guy has no fucking shame.
I have no idea who all the girls are. Aside from Brook, I don't think I've ever seen most of them before. But clearly, they all know who I am, and they're more than willing to give me whatever I want.
Not fucking interested.
Watching Sasha as she gets up and stumbles away from her lounger, I sit forward.
"She's fucking wasted," Channing points out, although it's not necessary. "If any fucker touches her…" he growls.
I look to Mia, and my heart drops into my stomach. Cade has her backed up against the side of the pool. His lips are attached to her neck, and she's got her head thrown back in pleasure. Fuck knows what he's doing under the water, and frankly, I don't want to know.
"I'll go." I nod toward where Sasha is trying to get through the door and into the house and take off.
I wrap my hand around her waist when I get to her and she startles. "Sorry, wrong Electi," I say sadly. "You look like you could use some help though."
She twists to stare into my eyes. Her pupils are blown, and I crave the emptiness she's currently experiencing. Although, when she speaks, I wonder if she's actually been able to forget anything with her high.
"You know."
"Yeah, Sash. Come on, before you faceplant on the floor."
"I need… I need my room."
"Okay." Sweeping her up in my arms, I carry her up the stairs, my own legs feeling a little weak from all the vodka.
The second I put her back on her feet, she rushes to her nightstand. My brows pull together as I watch her. I was kinda expecting her to go to the bathroom.
"Don't tell him," she barks the second my eyes land on a small tin in her hands.
Walking over, I take in the contents. My mouth waters and my body aches for the high. "Make it worth my while." My eyes hold hers for a beat before she looks down, plucks two little white pills from the tin, and passes them
over.
I don't bother asking her what they are as I throw them back. Right now, I don't give a shit. I just need… I need it all to go away.
She follows my action with two pills of her own before walking over to the window and staring down at the pool below. "I hate my life," she mutters.
We can't see Channing from here, but I've got a full view of the couple I don't need to watch. Only this time, it's not just the two of them. There's a topless brunette with her hands in Cade's hair. His hands are on her tits but his mouth is still on Mia's.
"Motherfucker," I growl.
"That's nothing. He's high. It makes him worse."
"He can't… I need…" Anger confuses my thoughts.
"No, you can't. You need to let her deal with this. You've got to trust that she knows what she's doing."
"How can she deal with that cunt?"
Sasha shrugs, and it does fuck all to help. "You just have to. You can't fight this for her. You've got enough on your plate now you're one of them."
"Great." We both step away from the window. Sasha drops to the edge of her bed, and I fall into the chair at her vanity unit. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about Channing."
"I never should have gotten my hopes up. I should have known they'd never let him go."
"Don't lose faith. We can't, or all of this will be for nothing."
Sasha glances up at me, amusement dancing in her eyes. "You're not what I expected," she admits.
"Is that a good thing?"
"Yeah, it is. So, didn't fancy a taste of Brook today?" Her smirk tells me that she's joking, but the pain her words cause is still like a knife to the heart.
"No. The only good thing about that night is that the images I have are of Mia."
"That's really kinda fucked up."
I scoff. I don't need to be told.
There's a commotion outside, but neither of us stand to look. Sasha probably feels the same way I do and would rather not know. Channing's down there—I know Mia is safe. Alex too, although he's been off his head for a few hours now already.
"Channing's not one of them, you know?" Sasha says after long, silent minutes. "Brandon isn't really either. He's just easily led."
