by R. J. Scott
Nate stared at him, and Jared could see all the questions in his expression and held his breath. What he’d just done was confirm that he too was okay with friends, and that he was here to help. After a pause, Nate nodded. “Yeah.”
He went into his office then came back out bearing a notebook, a folder, and a calculator, then set up on the table.
“Welcome to my world,” Nate murmured as he sat, then opened the book and shuffled it Jared’s way.
Jared held his hand out for the pen, pulled over the calculator, and glanced at the figures.
“Okay then, let’s do this.” Jared remained upbeat, but Nate frowned and stared at the paper as if it was going to bite him. As Jared explained the calculation, and added wording about expectation versus reality, the frown cleared, and by the end of it Nate was still confused, but it appeared as if some of the weight had been lifted.
“Thank you,” he said with a half yawn, and then rested back in the chair. “I mean it.”
Jared fought the urge to pat his hand, or casually touch his arm. They’d set boundaries, and now they just had to stick to them.
Easy. Right?
Chapter Six
“Can I get you another drink? As thanks?” Nate closed the folder, rubbing his palms over the red plastic cover.
“There’s no need.” Jared rested his head in his hand and smiled. “Just happy I could help.”
He smiles so easily, so warmly.
“You did,” Nate said.
Jared had gotten a little ahead of himself in places, diving too deep into the numbers and stripping the calculations back, trying to explain the why and theory behind them. Nate was more learn-a-method-and-repeat, but with different numbers, when it came to anything math-related.
Jared chuckled. “Good.” He ran his fingers up and down his empty glass, the motion capturing Nate’s attention.
Jared was a good-looking guy, gorgeous eyes, pouty lips, flirty body language, and a killer smile that would make anyone melt.
What am I even thinking? Nate felt hot suddenly. I don’t have time to melt. Too much to do. And besides, if it was just about sex, he was able to find a fix for that. He was sure Michael, or somebody else could help him to satisfy those needs.
He stared at Jared. What drew him to Jared wasn’t the same as to someone like Michael. Being around Jared was different. It was as if he was being seen, all of him, not just physical desire, and against his better judgement he’d taken an interest in Jared in return. Jared was giving him something he’d been missing, and it was comfortable, but at the same time, kind of scary.
How much of me does he actually see? The father, the bar owner, the tired, scared, lonely man?
Nate cleared his throat and pointed to Jared’s glass. “Are you sure I can’t get you another? If it makes you feel better, I’ll even let you pay for it.”
Jared met his eyes. “Thanks, but I should head out. I have an assignment or two due, as well as some work stuff.” He pushed his glass away and sat back, readying himself to leave his seat.
“Sounds tough,” Nate said.
“Not as tough as running this place, I’m sure.” He got to his feet, and Nate did the same. “You’ll say hi to Luka for me, won’t you? He seems like a good kid.”
“He is, usually, and of course I will.” Nate gathered his things. He felt there was something he was forgetting. “Oh, that’s right. I have something for you.”
Jared shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t want anything.”
“This you have to take. Just wait here for a moment.” He pointed at the table. “Sit. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Jared was confused but obediently sat back down.
“Two minutes.” Nate didn’t explain further and headed to the office. He sighed as he glanced around the small space. The once ordered shelves had fallen into disarray over the years, their guardian no longer around to keep them in check.
“Where is it,” he mumbled to himself. He had brought to work the letters Luka had written. He had already handed over the one to Gregg, who had briefly glanced at it and grinned before crumpling it up and tucking it into the back pocket of his pants. The letter for Jared, Nate had left on his desk, which was covered in disheveled piles of folders and paperwork.
Great. He moved a few things, then checked the desk drawer, relieved to find the folded letter on top of a pile of pens and post-its.
He picked up the piece of paper, checked the letter’s contents. Luka would be happy to know he was able to deliver it. He took a deep breath then returned to Jared.
“Here,” he said and held out the note.
Jared took it from him. “This is…?”
“You’ll see.” He slid back in the seat facing Jared.
Jared chuckled. “From Luka. That’s sweet.” He met Nate’s eyes. “Sweet kid. Please thank him for me.”
“Sure.” Nate worried his lower lip. “I know I’ve said it plenty of times already, but truly, thank you. For the other day, and just now.”
“You’re welcome.” Jared leaned forward, and for a moment Nate thought he was going to reach over and take his hand.
Nate swallowed back the lump that formed in his throat. Was he disappointed? If so, about what? What did he want from Jared or his touch? A friend? Comfort? Someone who’d rub his arm and tell him everything was going to be okay? That he was doing a good job?
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t heard those kinds of words before. Don, Kay, Lee, even Gregg and Abi. But in some ways, it felt as if those were said out of obligation. Jared was practically a stranger, a fresh perspective, a psychology student who maybe saw truths others didn’t.
Nate clasped his hands together. It wasn’t as if Jared had that kind of superpower.
“Anyway.” Jared sat back. “I should go, but, if it’s okay with you, maybe I could stop by for another cocktail some time?”
It was nice to relax and chat with adult company. Nate didn’t do it often enough. He had no siblings, his parents were down in Florida living the high life of their retirement, Don and Kay, though family, weren’t his, and if not for Luka, since Rhea’s passing, would they care as much as they did? Lee was his neighbor, a godsend where Luka was concerned, but a neighbor nonetheless, and before friendship, Gregg and Abi were his employees.
The other adults in his life had been infrequent, brief, physical connections, whose names and faces he doubted he could recall now. He’d never wanted anyone but Rhea. She’d been the only woman he ever loved.
Maybe she will be forever. The only one.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed his preference for male sex partners.
“Are you okay?” Jared asked when Nate didn’t answer.
“What? Oh, yes. Sorry. I think I still have numbers swirling in my head.” He laughed it off. “But yes, definitely. You should come again and bring your friends.” He met Jared’s eyes. “You know they can help my percentages by buying lots of cocktails.”
Jared nodded. “Sounds good.” He did reach out this time, touching the top of Nate’s arm. “Take care. I’ll see you again.”
“Okay.” Nate folded his arms across his chest, lifting one of his hands to wave when Jared glanced back at him. “Bye,” he mouthed. He relaxed his shoulders when the bar door swung closed behind Jared.
“He’s gone?” Pops said from behind Nate, as he collected the empty glasses.
“Yeah. He had something to do.” Nate turned his head, glanced at the clock on the wall behind the bar. “I should probably get going as well. Are you sure you’ll be all right?”
Pops quirked an eyebrow. “Who do you think I am?”
“Retired.” Nate grinned.
“I see now. Luka seems to think he’s funny, too. Must get it from you.”
Nate rubbed the back of his neck. “But, seriously, are you sure this is okay?”
“You said you wanted to spend some extra time with Luka, what’s not to be sure about? Besides, I have your very capable staff on hand
if I forget how to pour a beer.”
Nate lowered his head. “Thanks. But promise me, you’ll tell me if I’m asking too much. Last thing I need is Kay on my case.”
Pops drew a cross over his heart with his free hand. “Trust me, I don’t want my wife on my case either.”
Nate nodded. “Okay.”
“So, will Jared be coming again?” Pops asked, resting a hand on his hip, his gaze settling beyond Nate toward the exit.
“I don’t know. He said he might.”
“Maybe when he gets thirsty, hey?” Pops laughed.
Nate exhaled through his nose. “Maybe.”
“He seemed like a great guy. Friendly. Straightforward.”
“He is. Well, I think he is.” Nate smiled. “Luka seems to like him.”
Pops looked at Nate thoughtfully. “I’ve missed that, you know?” He raised the hand in which he held the empty glasses.
“Missed what?”
“You, smiling. Don’t see it enough these days. And certainly not that kind of smile.”
That kind? What did that even mean?
“I don’t get it.” He smiled plenty, didn’t he?
“You know. That smile. It was the one you used to have whenever you looked at my Rhea.”
Guilt ached in Nate’s chest. He unfolded his arms, gripped his ring finger. “Don, that’s not… “ He was surprised when Pops wrapped his hand around his and stopped the twisting of his wedding band.
“It’s been four years, Nate. It’s okay to show that smile for another person. It would have been okay even before now. I’m not saying it should be Jared, I’m not saying it has to be anyone, not if you don’t feel ready. I’m just saying, she wouldn’t mind if you found someone you wanted to smile for. I just want you to remember that.”
Nate tensed his jaw. The bite of grief tightened in the back of his throat. He gripped his ring, resisted the urge to free his hand from beneath Pops’.
“Sorry,” Pops said and withdrew his hand. “You know I’ve crossed the line when you start calling me Don again.”
Nate shook his head. “It’s not you it’s… I know Rhea wasn’t like that. She wasn’t petty or spiteful. I know it but still, sometimes…” He released his hand, stretched his fingers. The dim lights of the bar highlighted the scratches from years of wear on the ring’s silver surface. “It’s hard.”
“Go home,” Pops said.
“You about to tell me my face will make the beer taste bad?” Nate tried to lift himself out of the thick black tar he felt as if he was sinking into.
“No, but Luka is waiting for you, right? Go see your son.”
Nate nodded. “Yeah.” A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. Luka was his reason for not sinking beneath the surface.
Seeing Luka was exactly what he needed.
“Dad, I’m done.”
Nate twisted the science workbook. “You want me to check it?”
“I’m fine. Mrs. Bridges says I’m good at science.” He put his pencils into his pencil case. “I got full marks in the experiment we did last week, and I got three smiley face stickers in class.”
“Are there frowny face stickers, too?”
Luka closed his book, rested his chin on the edge of the table. “I don’t know. I’m too awesome.”
Nate laughed. “So modest.”
“You should ask at the next parent-teacher conference.”
“Another one? There’s only so many times I can be told what an amazing son I have.” He leaned back to rest on his elbows. The two of them sat next to each other on the floor at the coffee table.
“Do you want me to skip class or something?” Luka raised his eyes, dimples in his cheeks as he grinned.
“Don’t you dare. As you said. You’re awesome so let’s keep it that way.”
“Okay,” he said.
Nate checked the time on his cellphone. “So, what now? You’ve ninety minutes until bedtime. A movie? Video games? Board games?”
Luka pouted as he considered his choice. “Mouse Trap or Guess Who or Battleships. Or all of them.”
“Really?”
Luka looked at him with doe eyes.
“Fine. If you’re quick.”
“Yes.” Luka whooped as he scrambled to his feet and ran toward his bedroom.
Nate chuckled and leaned back to stare at the ceiling. He was calmer than before, what Pops had said, mixed with his own feelings from hanging out with Jared had sent him spiraling. Could he really move on with someone new? He’d fought against it all this time, used Luka and the bar as excuses to keep his heart closed to the possibility of loving someone else.
It’s okay just the two of us. Me and Luka, we just need each other.
He lowered his head when he heard Luka come back into the room, a pile of game boxes in his arms.
This way is better, right? Nate’s thoughts betrayed him as Jared, his smile, continued to linger in the back of his mind.
“So, which one first?” Nate sat forward. Jared wasn’t here, Luka was.
Luka pointed at each box in turn then settled on the middle box. “Mouse Trap.”
“Come here a minute,” Nate said.
Luka crawled over. “What?”
“Closer.”
Luka sighed but came nearer, yelping then laughing when Nate grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug.
“Ah, this is nice. Luka hugs,” Nate said and nuzzled into the crease of Luka’s neck. Time with his son was the most important thing to him.
“Itchy.” Luka tensed, raising his shoulder to his ear to squeeze Nate out of the space. He giggled as he squirmed, slipping down until he was out of Nate’s hold and laid on the floor. He lay there coughing as he caught his breath.
“You all right down there?” Nate ruffled Luka’s hair.
Luka nodded and scrambled back to the coffee table. He tipped up the box, emptying its contents onto the table. “You help, too,” he insisted and threw the sheet of instructions toward Nate, only for the paper to twist back in his direction and he grumbled.
“Coming,” Nate said and shuffled forward. He smiled as Luka spread out the various Mouse Trap parts. “So, which bit first?”
“You look after these,” Luka said and pushed the player pieces over to him.
“Yes, boss,” Nate teased and Luka grinned.
Yeah. This is fine.
Chapter Seven
The call woke Jared from a vodka-and-kisses kind of dream, and for the longest time he ignored the discordant buzzing, but the damn thing kept going until the noise fractured the warm and fuzzies he had going on and pulled him awake. Bleary-eyed, he searched for the cell, which he was sure had been right next to him but had slipped into the top drawer when he’d shoved the lube back. So much for getting off to the images in his head, then sleeping and losing himself in sexy dreams that had lasted all night long.
Moving the cell made the screen light up and he groaned and fell back on the pillow. Ethan. Three missed calls and five texts, plus ten notifications in their chat. He called him straight back, because Ethan was not only his closest friend but also his roommate, and if there were phone calls and texts and messages then there was also trouble. Ethan was synonymous with trouble, either with chemistry gone wrong or his dating messes.
“What’s wrong, Ethan?” Last he’d known, Ethan had been having dinner with his latest love, Marcus something or other, an accountant who Ethan assured Jared was not married.
There was some banging and crashing and then a woman’s voice on the phone.
“Is this Jared Williams?”
“Speaking.” Jared sat up in bed. For all Ethan’s mishaps, he’d always answered calls, and this sounded way more official than his idiot best friend.
“This is Officer Lester. We have Ethan Cooper here and he’s asking for you.”
“Here where?” Jared swung his legs to the floor then stood, already pulling clean underwear out of the drawer and doing the one-legged dance as he listened to the woman
talk.
“We’d like you to come collect your friend from St Marks Memorial.”
“What’s he doing there? Is he hurt?” Fear settled in Jared’s chest.
“No,” Officer Lester explained. “He’s here because I’m purple, and he said you are listed as his next of kin.”
Jared pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it, wondering if maybe he was still asleep. Next of kin sounded way more dramatic than just emergency contact. What did she mean she was purple? She was still talking, but even on speaker phone, as he dressed, she wasn’t making much sense. Something about a boyfriend, and did Jared know what Ethan had been planning, and did he know how much a Lexus cost? Jared certainly didn’t know how much a Lexus cost, given he’d never owned a car. After all, the train tracks ran right from college to his shared place with Ethan, and nobody needed a car in the city.
“… doesn’t want to press charges, but if you don’t get here soon I might arrest him myself.”
Jared called a cab and made it to St Marks in record time because there wasn’t much in the way of traffic at three a.m., sliding to a halt in reception and looking for god knows what.
“Mr. Williams?”
He spun to face the woman who’d spoken, a cop in uniform with the name Lester on her badge, but it wasn’t that which made Jared stop, it was the fact that half her face was purple, and most of her uniform. In fact there was a distinct pattern on her skin where it was clear she’d thrown up a hand to cover herself.
“Me, I’m Mr. Williams, Jared.”
“This way.” She led him down a corridor and through doors until Jared was all turned around. They arrived at a visitors’ room, and she shoved open the door. “He’s all yours, take him home. Now.”
“Jared! You came!” Ethan sounded like a kid meeting Santa, jumping to his feet, hugging Jared hard, then grabbing the bags on the seat next to him. “Let’s go.”
Jared decided there and then questions would wait, given Officer Lester had her hand on her belt and her purple-colored expression was dour. He hurried Ethan out of the room and then near-dragged him down the corridors, attempting to recall the way he’d come, and then they were outside the hospital, Ethan looking up at him with his patented puppy dog lost expression.
