by Nina Lincoln
“Apparently, he and Hayden and Nate like to play games,” I mutter sourly.
Sitting up, she moans, clutching her head, and I give a brief thought to be wickedly grateful, I’m not the only one who’s drunk as she lectures me.
“So? They’ve done that shit since they were kids. Get over it. Colt’s out there wooing a bitch for you. I could only be so lucky,” she says tartly.
“What if I don’t trust him?” I whisper.
“Do you?” she asks pointedly.
Glancing away, I refuse to respond, and she sighs, “Look, we only get one great love. Do you want to pass up yours because he’s stupid?”
Getting up, I stagger to the bathroom and stare at my reflection. Is Colt my one true love? I don’t know, but I may never know if I let him go.
Chapter Nine
The following morning, I throw up ten times to expel the evil I ingested, smiling at the idiotic shit we got up to the night before. I may be in the seventh circle of hangover hell, but I don’t regret it.
The ordinary teenage moments I should be allowed to have are too often stolen, and it makes me cling to them that much more.
Teddy calls Sunday morning, and I answer the video chat to find him solemn. With all the damn drama, I haven’t been able to talk to him beyond the occasional chat, so it’s good to see his face even if it isn’t in person, and he’s decidedly grim. I miss the days of our conversations in the library. Teddy has a knack for grounding me.
“Finn, I’m worried about you. Maybe you should leave?”
Shuffling the phone so I can see his face better, I smile sadly, “Maybe so, Teddy. But what’s to say this psycho doesn’t follow me? I don’t know who they are. How far do I have to go?”
He sighs, the sound distorted through the speaker, “I don’t know. This is all just so messed up.”
“Yeah. Hey, have you seen or heard from Tiffany?”
“Um, no, why?”
“Well, she knows who he is. If I could just talk to her, maybe she would tell me, you know?”
“Yeah, but she’s not likely to appear knowing the cops are looking for her.”
“True. I wonder if she’s been home? If her parents know anything?” I ask.
“Finn, let the police do their job.”
“I know.”
I don’t know why, but I refrain from sharing our sordid plans. I don’t want to involve Teddy in something that makes my skin crawl as it is - the fewer people who know, the better. Besides, he’d lose his mind if he found out about the backup plan with Ramie.
“What are you going to do about the senior trip?” he asks.
“I hadn’t even thought about it,” I mutter.
Fuck. Wandering the woods doesn’t seem the safest plan, but at least it will be crawling with faculty and other students. I’m not sure I can get out of it, but I should probably try.
“Well, I think you should get a note or something. I can’t believe they’d make you go after what happened at the damn school, no less. Should sue the assholes or something,” he mutters.
“True. I’m just so tired, Teddy,” I mutter.
“I know, Finn,” he says softly. “Have you spoken to Colt?”
“Um, no, I think. I think it’s best if we just go our separate ways.”
My heart doesn’t agree, clenching painfully in my chest, but it’s safer for Colt, and frankly, I’m not sure I’m ready to trust him, now or ever. Not that he’s been begging.
“Well, just so know I’m here for you,” Teddy says, his cherubic cheeks creased in a solemn smile.
“Thanks, Teddy,” I say, tremulously.
*****
The following week is quiet. Colt wanders around with a perpetual scowl on his face. He informed Melissa, who told me that Tiffany hadn’t returned any of his messages, which worries me. What if Tiffany is stuck wherever Sarah is? What if they’re both dead?
This is all so weird it blows my mind. I mean, I have a stalker with minions who is clearly ready to do whatever he wants to have me. And for what?
That’s a road I don’t really want to go down.
I’m in the library mulling over the drama that is my life when a text comes through from an unknown number.
I need to talk to you
Who is this?
Tiffany
Staring at the screen with horror, I contemplate her request. Should I? This is what we wanted, but what if it’s a trap? Tiffany hasn’t exactly ever been concerned about my safety. Shit, she’s set me up in multiple situations. But if I want answers, do I have a choice?
Finn: Why?
Tiffany: This isn’t going to end, bitch, and now my life is on the line
Oh well, as long as you’re in danger. Sourly I type out a response.
Finn: Can’t you just tell me who he is?
Tiffany: No, not over the phone
Finn: That doesn’t make any sense
Tiffany: He knows everything bitch, he probably knows I’m texting you right now
Okay, paranoid much?
Finn: Fine, where?
Tiffany: The place Colt took my cherry
Gritting my teeth, I type out a response, rapidly, cursing the bitch. She just had to slide that in somewhere, didn’t she?
Finn: How am I supposed to know that?
Tiffany: I don’t know, maybe ask him? Meet me there tonight, at 8 pm don’t be late
Ask Colt? Is this bitch high? Closing out the phone, I sigh into the universe. Should I? Do I want this to be over?
Fuck.
Since Colt is still in all my classes, it’s not hard to track him down, but he’s back to acting like I don’t exist, which causes my pathetic approach to leave a bad taste in my mouth. The fucking specter of my fan looming over my head is a good distraction, but I’d be lying if I said Colt’s behavior isn’t devastating.
Color me surprised. I guess I’ve finally learned how to deal with it if walking through life numb and depressed counts anyway.
After our last class of the day, he precedes me from the room, and I follow with dread. He’s been so cold and icy lately, I’m not looking forward to this, especially because the topic isn’t exactly pleasant.
“Colt!” I call out, hunching my shoulders when he stiffens. Jesus, is it that painful to talk to me?
Slowly he turns, giving me a heated look. For a moment, we stare at each other silently as students flow around, parting for him because they always sense the predator in their midst.
When he doesn’t move from his spot, I step to the side with an exasperated look, waiting while he reluctantly joins me against the wall.
“Um,” I say, searching his gaze.
He lifts a brow, and I sigh, turning my eyes to his chest, which doesn’t help, I miss him and the physical closeness we once shared. But how can I know if any of it was real?
Being around him opens a cavern of pain and indecision I’m not ready to address, and his nonchalant and decidedly cool demeanor isn’t helping.
“Look, if this is about Tiffany, I haven’t heard from her,” he rumbles.
Nodding, I murmur, “I know, but she texted me.”
“What?” he asks, standing from the wall.
“She wants to meet,” I say through numb lips.
Standing here, pretending his icy presence isn’t shriveling my soul, is more challenging than I thought.
“Where?”
“She said...she said where you took her cherry.”
The silence is so drawn out that I glance at Colt’s face to find him looking at me like I’ve grown two heads.
“What?” he finally says.
Sighing, I roll my eyes and say, “Where you took her virginity.”
“I never popped her cherry,” he mutters.
“Well, she seems to think you did.”
“Yeah, well, Tiffany lost her virginity to Paul Stokes in the seventh grade,” he says dryly.
Confused, I rub my forehead. “Then why is that what she said?”
“I have no fucking clue.”
“Okay, well, where was that? Where did she do it with Paul?”
“At a party,” he shrugs.
“A party. Are there any party’s tonight?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“Then maybe we need to have one?”
“Why? Look, Finn, this doesn’t sound right. Why would she reach out to you? And what’s a party going to do? You think she’d show up where everyone is?”
“If she thought her life was in danger, yes,” I whisper.
“I don’t like this, Finn,” he growls.
“Neither do I, but I’m scared, Colt,” I whisper.
His bright eyes turn soft, searching mine, and for a moment, it’s just the two of us, with nothing between and my heart thumps in my chest at the intimacy, but then he glances over my shoulder, and his eyes shutter.
“Nate,” he says coldly.
“Begging for more, Finn?” Nate sneers.
Casting my eyes to the ceiling, I say bitterly, “Fuck off, Nate. It’s none of your fucking business.”
With that, I walk away from them both, rage bitter on my tongue.
*****
Somehow, I convince the others we need to have a party. Since it’s a school night, we can’t do it at Dirk’s, confirming he does at least have parents.
Instead, we gather at the river, lighting up a huge bonfire. I don’t know what Colt told people, but I guess it doesn’t matter, they come in droves.
Melissa has been tasked with sticking to me all night, and she’s taking this shit seriously, standing over me like my own personal bodyguard, complete with crossed arms and a scowl.
Glancing over at her, I mutter, “Can you be a little less conspicuous? We want Tiffany to approach me, after all.”
She grunts, shifts, and goes back to her menacing stance. Rolling my eyes, I plunk down by the fire. I can’t help but remember the last time I was here, with Colt. He held me close, and we ended up making love in his truck when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
Now he’s on the other side of the fire, with a lazy grin, and some chick, snuggled up cozily. To his credit, he’s not paying her much mind, but it’s still annoying.
Dirk gave me a curious stare when he arrived, looking between Colt and me with confusion.
Good, maybe word will spread, and I’ll have one less thing to worry about, assuming my fan backs the fuck off.
Sipping on a drink, I pretend to enjoy myself, which is easy to do because no one pays me any mind except Ramie, who sits next to me with a sad expression on her face. I bet we make a dreary pair.
“Why don’t you just ask him out?” I ask idly when I spy her looking at Hayden again, who’s currently across the way sucking face with some unknown chick. Ho.
“Wouldn’t do any good,” she mutters, taking a sip of her drink.
“Why?”
“He’s ignored my existence since grade school. He’s not interested,” Ramie says dryly.
“Oh.” It’s weird. Ramie’s hot with pretty long dark hair, curves, and nice boobs. I don’t know why Hayden wouldn’t consider her unless he’s avoiding the commitment angle.
Whatever. After a few hours, I’m exhausted from pretending not to watch every move Colt makes, and I have to pee. Still no sign of Tiffany. Maybe this isn’t what she meant?
Sighing, I stand and turn to Melissa, “C’mon, I gotta pee.”
Melissa trudges after me, silently. It’s kind of creepy, and I’ll be glad when the night is over and she can go back to her normal gruff demeanor.
We pass into the edge of the trees, and I squat, doing my business with a grimace, before hanging out with my ass in the wind to drip dry. Ugh.
I’m buttoning my pants when I hear a twig snap behind me, and we both turn as Tiffany steps into view. She looks terrible, her usually long blond hair greasy and snarled, with deep circles under her eyes, and a rather ugly snarl on her face.
She looks me over scathingly, but she’s so pale and jittery, she’s more pathetic than anything, and inexplicably I feel pity for this girl. She’s so strung out she’d probably make a deal with the devil. Actually, she already has, and I think she’s as good as gone if her friend finds her.
“Well?” I rasp, caution sliding down my spine. I mean, Melissa’s a bruiser, but we are still alone in the woods with the party behind us loud enough to cover any sound.
“Bitch! You’re lucky, I came!”
“Look, Tiffany, this is dangerous. Maybe you should turn yourself in,” I say softly.
“Fuck you! You think being on the inside is going to change anything? He’s got eyes everywhere.”
“Who? Who is he?”
“Ha! You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?” she sneers.
Fire rushes through me, but I take a deep breath and try to remain calm. We’re talking about my fucking life, and the bitch still can’t be nice. “What do you want?”
“Money. You’ve got plenty right, rich bitch?”
“Fine, I can get you money, but you have to tell me.”
“Not until you pay me,” she screeches.
She’s looking around with paranoia, her eyes wild, and with a sinking sensation in my stomach, I mutter, “You don’t know, do you?”
“Of course, I do!”
“No,” I say softly, “you’re just as fucked as I am.”
“It’s Ben! Okay, it’s Ben. Now can I have my money?”
“Ben was sent to get me by him.”
“So? He lied!” she exclaims.
“Whoever was in that gym with us was not Ben.”
“So, Ben could’ve made that shit up.”
“Why do you think it’s Ben?”
“Because he’s always the one making me do shit and pretending it’s someone else. There is no one else!”
“Do you know where Sarah is?” I demand.
This is going nowhere, and now I feel stupid for making everyone come out, although I don’t think the masses are sad about a party on a weeknight.
Her eyes flick around wildly, and she’s so paranoid even I swivel my head around before catching myself. Fuck.
Stepping forward, she makes to grab my arm, but Melissa intervenes, growling softly. Under any other circumstances, I’d be teasing the shit out of her, but this situation is so messed up.
“Tiffany?” We all freeze when Colt steps into the fray and says her name softly.
Tiffany turns to him, her eyes welling with tears, and with an expression as hard as granite, he opens his arms, his shuttered gaze meeting mine as she rushes into them without hesitation.
With a pang, I watch him fold his arms around her, offering her comfort, something I may never have again. He grimaces, which she can’t see buried in his chest, but it doesn’t make the ache lessen.
And when he shoos us away with his hand, we stand frozen, caught up in the fucked-up situation. What have I done?
His eyes meet mine, like glaciers of ice, and he mouths, “Go.”
Finally, I turn away and follow Melissa back to the fire, glancing back one last time to see him rocking her gently in his arms. Clutching my stomach, I will back the tears and plunk down beside Ramie, burying my face in my hands.
Watching your lover embrace another is undoubtedly the worst kind of torture. And for what? What if it is Ben? Then Colt’s actions are pointless.
It doesn’t make sense, none of it. We’re no closer to the truth, and I can’t get past the thoughts of what Colt is currently doing to comfort Tiffany. It’s a complete mindfuck.
Eventually, I beg fatigue, and Melissa takes me home, where I toss and turn on the couch, imagining Colt and Tiffany together in vivid detail.
*****
The following morning, I hurry to school only to find Colt’s not there, which only serves to ratchet up my paranoia. What if he’s hurt or worse? Then again, maybe he’s still comforting her, having come to his senses. After all, being around me is bad for his health - lite
rally.
By lunch, I’m crawling in my skin. I have to know one way or the other before I lose what’s left of my sanity.
Marching up to Hayden seated at his usual table, I shove his bitch aside, essentially cock blocking him.
She slides to the side with a glare, which I ignore as Hayden smiles at me lazily, arches an amused brow, and drawls, “Ah Finn, did you change your mind then?”
“Fuck off! Have you heard from Colt since last night?”
“No, why would I?” he smirks.
“Can you text him, please?”
“Why don’t you?”
“Because I’m, we’re...please?”
Sighing, he pulls out his phone and sends a message. “There, happy now? For the record, you’re fighting the inevitable.”
“Which is what?” I snap.
“You and Colt. Yes, he fucked up, but he cares about you, and I can’t say I’ve ever said that before. He’s a dick, but he’s your dick.”
“He’s not mine,” I grumble.
“Indeed,” Colt says behind me, and I spin around with relief.
He’s okay! But all my relief fades to despair because Colt’s looking me over like he’s never seen me before, and he’s got hickeys on his neck, evident for all the world to see.
Turning away, I walk blindly to the doors leading outside, gasping against the pain in my chest so acute I can’t breathe. Fuck! Leaning against the wall, I crouch over my knees and pant.
“Finn,” Colt says as he looms above me. No more Princess, I guess. Another fucking dagger to the heart.
“Did you fuck her?” I snarl.
“For the record, no. But why do you care?” he asks icily.
Looking up into his beautiful eyes, I seethe poking him in the chest. “Don’t you dare! You broke my heart! You! I didn’t do this,” I end in a sob.
“Finn-“
“No! I can’t believe...actually, I guess I can. Was any of it real, Colt?”
“Of course, it was real! I have your name tattooed on my chest!” he bellows.
“Why? Why couldn’t you just have loved me?”
“I do love you!”
“But not enough, never enough,” I whisper.
“How much more do you want? My fucking heart beats for you! I spend every waking moment thinking about you! I can’t live-fuck!”
