“What’s wrong, Rod?” She furrows her brows and places her hand on my arm.
“The same as always, love. I’m worried about Juliana. That’s my life mantra. I always try to protect and save her, but I’m coming up a day late and a dollar short. Let’s face it—I’m failing her, Daisy. She’s growing weaker by the day, her pain is increasing, and she’s trying harder to hide it all for my sake. She’s stronger than I ever thought about being. I’m not the one who’s suffering through treatments, but she’s trying to make this transition easier on me.” I snap my mouth shut, not intending to share that last bit of my soul just yet.
My self-preservation guard is normally better intact than that, and I’ve never been one to let it down for anyone since my mom died. Now, Daisy has me running off at the mouth about feelings, fears, and our future like I’m one of her girlfriends. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“It’s normal to worry about her, Rod. You love her, you raised her, and she’s your family. You naturally want to protect her. Anyone who knows you can see there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to help her. She knows that too, you know. She knows she can depend on you for everything. Her medical problems are not your fault. She only wants you to support her decisions and stay by her side regardless of what the future holds.”
“My head knows you’re right.”
“The heart is not as easily convinced though.” Her kind, sympathetic eyes nearly take my breath away. I remember that same expression on the visitors’ faces at my mother’s funeral.
We keep the conversation light and the banter witty for the rest of the flight. The words hang in the air between us though. Losing Juliana is my worst fear, and it’s coming true before my eyes. I can’t fix her—literally. I’m not a match. I can’t wish or will this away. These are our cards, and we have to play the hand we’ve been dealt, even though it’s a shitty losing hand.
After we land and Daisy and I make arrangements to meet later once we’ve settled in, I set off on my own path. There’s something I need to do. Not want to do. Not a fleeting thought or passing fancy, but a deep-seated, unyielding desire to right a few wrongs.
I make the drive on autopilot, barely paying attention to my surroundings while moving through traffic. My mind is preoccupied with what comes next. None of this will be easy, but it’ll be worth it in the end. Even if I somehow have to convince both Daisy and Juliana of that.
I shift the car into park and sit in the driveway to collect my thoughts before I make my move. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, and we didn’t part on the best of terms after our last conversation considering I thought I’d never return. But this visit is vital, with the circumstances being what they are.
How I play it depends on how well my presence is received.
As I open the car door, the front door of the small, modest house swings wide open. We stand stock still, staring the other down in a silent battle of wills. It stretches out long enough to be obvious and beyond normal decorum. Apparently, he’s as thrilled to see me as I am to be here with him. He crosses his arms over his chest and steps forward.
“What the hell do you want, Rod? You back to find new ways to ruin my life?” His tone is sharp and cuts, but I let it roll of my back and focus on my reason for coming back again.
“I’m here to give you a chance to redeem yourself, Gabriel. This is a chance for you to do what’s right, not act selfishly, and give your disturbed soul a little peace. Only you can give me a name and location of one of your old frat brothers.”
“You know damn well anyone who was in a fraternity hates the word ‘frat.’ You say shit like that on purpose, just to piss me off.”
“No, truly, I don’t. It’s a habit to shorten the word. You know my education didn’t follow the normal route, so I was never part of that scene. I need to find one of your fraternity brothers.”
He glares at me for a minute before ignoring my request. “How are Juliana and my daughter? You know, the ones whose lives you ran me out of?”
“Gabe, you ran yourself out of their lives. I tried to help you, but you wouldn’t have it.”
“I love them.” He roars and drops his fists to his sides.
“If you really loved them, the heroin wouldn’t have come first, Gabriel. You would’ve gotten clean at the facility I got you into, and you would’ve stayed sober for them. They needed you to be the man of the house and you abandoned them. I told you to choose between them and your next high, and you made your choice. Don’t blame me for the selfish choices you’ve made. Just admit to yourself you can’t face what you did back then, and you’re taking out your anger on me.” I step forward with my own challenge. “Will you be a man now or will you tuck your tail and run again?”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Daisy
Over the last two weeks since we’ve been back from Florida, Rod has been quieter than usual. Though I know his change in demeanor has nothing to do with us as a couple, I can’t help but question what’s going on in his mind. He makes up for the mental distance by closing the physical gap between us—frequently and in every way imaginable.
Touching. Loving. Caressing. Pleasing. Taking me to heights I’ve never even dreamed of reaching and gently guiding me back to the ground, over and over again. He uses our physical contact as a distraction, to avoid whatever pain he’s facing or difficult decision he doesn’t want to make. He loses himself in me, and I’m irrevocably bound to him.
“Isa, it’s time to get up, sweetheart.” I tickle her ear and a smile crawls across her little face. “You’d better stop playing opossum with me.”
This is a game we started since we’ve been back. I help Rod get her ready for school and bring her back to him in the afternoon. Juliana held out as long as she could, but her condition landed her back in the hospital soon after we returned home. She and I have had frequent long discussions on the phone, but she’s adamant to keep Rod in the dark about our options. To her, there’s only one choice—wait until the baby is born to begin the donation process.
I’d planned to tell Rod about the pregnancy as soon as we returned from Christmas in Florida. That was my intention and the promise I made with myself. The secret was only meant to get us through the holiday, not to continue for weeks afterward. But my luck has held true to form, and I haven’t found the right time to break the news to him yet. With Juliana in the hospital and his moods swinging wildly from one extreme to another, I’ve put it off every time I thought I’d worked up the nerve to tell him.
At some point in the very near future, I have to break down and tell Rod the news. If I wait until I’m showing, it’ll just make the conversation awkward.
“Miss Daisy, can’t we stay home today? It’s too cold to go outside.” Isa rolls onto her back and rubs the sleep from her eyes.
“I’m afraid not, sweet girl. We have school today. No playing hooky allowed.”
When she’s dressed and I’ve fixed her hair, we head to the kitchen to join Landen for breakfast. Louise takes such good care of us, cooking all morning to provide a smorgasbord of anything we could possibly want. Isa and Landen each grab a plate and start piling it with food. I follow behind them and soon feel a pair of strong arms encircle my waist.
“Thought I told you already I don’t like waking up alone anymore. The bed is too big and too cold.” His lips are against the shell of my ear. His deep voice, low and sultry, sends waves of goosebumps down my arms.
“Good morning, and I missed you too.”
“Then stop leaving me. We can easily fix that problem.” He kisses my cheek, his lips are warm, and his stubble rubs against my skin, eliciting all sorts of thoughts that are inappropriate for our company.
“Oh, if only life were that simple. We both have to work, Rod, so we have to get out of bed at some point.” I chuckle then turn my head to reciprocate the kiss.
“What if you didn’t have to work? Would you quit your job?”
His question is one I’ve thought about eve
ry time I’ve bought lottery tickets—a pipe dream if lighting struck and changed my life forever. Short of that, quitting my job was never a possibility, so I haven’t given the topic much legitimate thought.
“That’s an interesting question, but I really don’t know the answer. If I didn’t work in a school system, I’d still find something to do. It’s not in me to sit idly by while others work.”
“I could hire you to be my sex slave. Then you’d never sit idly by while others work, I’d make sure of that. You’d be paid very well for your round-the-clock services. Luxury accommodations. Excellent views. Your every wish would be my command. In fact, it’d basically be as though I worked for you.”
“What an attractive offer. That’s very hard to turn down. How long do I have to think it over?”
“The position isn’t going anywhere. Take as long as you need. In fact, I’ll even let you do some on-the-job training tonight.”
“You’re too generous, Rod. But I’m taking you up on that offer before you change your mind.”
On the way to school, I receive a call from Juliana. I drop the kids off at the front door and sit in the car to talk to her in private.
“What’s up, Jules? You’re calling early this morning.” I hold my breath and brace myself for bad news.
“My brother is up to something he refuses to tell me about. Do you have any idea what he’s doing?” No hello. No good morning. Just straight to the point. She’s pissed.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific than that. He’s always up to something, so that’s a bit of a loaded question.” I’m relieved this call is only about Rod and not about her health. I don’t think I could stand another setback.
“Fair point. My best friend, Karen, said Isa’s dad has been asking about me. I haven’t heard from him in five years, and suddenly he’s interested in how I’m doing. He’s also asking about Isa, even though his parental rights were stripped after he abandoned her at three months old. Karen poked around for me and found out Rod paid Gabe a visit a couple of weeks ago. I need to know why he felt the need to go see him and what he’s up to. This has opened up a lot of old wounds. What if he happens to show up out of the blue? What if he tries to get his rights reinstated? Can he even do that? I’m not even there to explain any of this to Isa.” Her voice quivers as the words tumble out of her mouth.
“Slow down, Jules. Take a breath, and let’s talk this out. There has to be a reasonable explanation for all this. He hasn’t told me anything about his visit, but he has been quieter than usual since we’ve been back. I assumed it was because he was so worried about you.” My thoughts swirl as I attempt to piece this puzzle together.
“Daisy, you don’t think he’s getting everything lined up to… to give Gabe custody of Isa, do you?” Her voice breaks and I know she’s frantically wiping away tears without even being able to see her.
“There’s no way in hell he’d do that, Jules, and you have to know the answer without asking. He adores you and worships her. As protective as he is of both of you, he’d never trust her care to some guy who split five years ago and hasn’t tried to make amends since then. There has to be another explanation.”
“You’re right, and I do already know the answer to the question that’s pestering me. I feel guilty for even thinking anything negative about Rod. It’s because of my fever and all the medications I’m on. I’m delirious. Rod never liked Gabe anyway, so his sudden visit doesn’t make sense. Now I can’t stop thinking about Gabriel, and he’s not someone I want on my mind. Can you find out what’s going on for me?”
“You got it. If I have to, I’ll put Rod through the third degree tonight until he gives up the information. CIA interrogators will come to me for training after this. I’ll break him.”
She chuckles with me, relieving some of her pent-up frustration. We talk a few more minutes before I have to go inside. She sounds calmer when we disconnect. “Thank you. I love you, Daisy. You’re the sister I never had.”
“Love you, too, little sis. You focus on getting better, and I’ll man-handle your brother in your absence. We’ll talk later, after I find out what he’s up to.”
The rest of the day goes by so slowly, and this topic stays at the forefront of my mind every second. I’m racking my brain to figure out why he would’ve contacted Isa’s father after all this time, and while Juliana is in the hospital. They’ve been Rod’s whole life for so long, there’s no way he’d abandon them now. But he hasn’t mentioned going to see Gabe, even though whatever was said between them has clearly affected him and explains his off behavior.
When I arrive at Rod’s, I get the kids settled in to work on their homework and Louise makes snacks to hold them over until dinner. Rod’s in his office, staring intently at his laptop when I enter. He looks up at me and a sexy smirk slides across his face.
“Given my proposition any thought today? I’ve had a very long day alone after spending so much time with you for the last few weeks.”
“It has been a long day, hasn’t it?” I drop down in one of the chairs across from his desk. His smile fades as concern etches in his features.
“What’s wrong, babe? What happened?” He moves around the desk and sits next to me, holding my hands in his.
“Juliana called me first thing this morning. Very upset. Powerless while she’s in the hospital. Rumors of Gabe asking around about her and Isa have reached her. She also knows about you going to visit him. What are you up to, Rod?”
The color drains from his face as my words sink in. He remains stock still and silent for several heartbeats. I slide to the edge of my seat, unsure of what to expect next, but positive I’ll need to pace around the room while trying to make sense of it all.
“Rod, you need to talk to me. What’s going on?” I prod again.
He drops his chin to his chest and stares a hole into the floor. “That motherfucker. He was supposed to keep his mouth shut.”
“About what?” I squeeze his hand to prompt him to talk to me.
“Promise not to get mad at me?”
“No. But I promise to hear you out. That’s the best I can do.”
“Fair enough. Gabriel Rivera was Juliana’s college boyfriend, and he’s Isa’s father as you know. He hasn’t been in their lives since Isa was three months old, but I went to see him because he has some information I need. If he doesn’t have it himself, I knew he was the only one who could get it for me. Anyway, we had a long conversation that day, and he was supposed to keep this under wraps. So much for keeping his word. I should’ve known better than to trust him. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“What, exactly, is he keeping under wraps for you, Rod?” He needs to get to the point. I can’t hold my breath much longer.
“He can give me the name and location of Landen’s biological father. I know you haven’t made up your mind yet, but if you decide to pursue charges, I want to make it as painless for you and Landen as possible. You deserve to feel safe and protected. You shouldn’t have to worry about running into him out anywhere. He should be behind bars if not six feet underground.” The more he talks, the redder his face becomes and the further away his eyes appear.
“Rod, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to have that information. I’m not so sure you won’t go find him yourself.”
“You’re exactly right, and I’ve already planned for that. I hired a private investigator who used to be a detective with the county sheriff’s department. Gabe’s supposed to pass the information on to him. The investigator will track the guy down and dig up any other dirt we need. If you decide to take this to the police, we’ll hand them an air-tight case to open, throw the book at the bastard, and close it out as a win for the good guys.”
I lean back in the chair, breathless. My mind is racing. I was not expecting the turn this conversation has taken. Do I want to find my attacker? Do I want to press charges? Do I want to be a court spectacle and have my private life become fodder for his attorney to us
e against me? Besides myself, I have to consider how all this will affect Landen one day, whether he knows the man’s name and whether that man is sent to prison for what he did to me. There are so many variables and no way to know which path will be the best in the long run.
“Now it’s your turn to talk to me. You’re not usually this quiet after I share something in confidence with you, especially about something so important. Are you mad at me?”
“No, I’m not mad. How could I be when I know your heart is in the right place? This is a hard decision to make. There’s so much to consider first. If nothing else, I can say Gabriel kept his word regarding the reason for your visit. Juliana was taken aback by him asking about her and Isa, but he didn’t mention anything about this. She couldn’t figure out why you’d approach Gabe after all these years with no contact at all.”
“I honestly never even considered he’d stir the pot and cause any problems. He left of his own choice. In hindsight, I suppose I could’ve warned her, but your story isn’t mine to tell anyone else. She still wouldn’t have all the background on why Gabe is the only one who can help me right now.”
“When you hear back from your private investigator, tell me what he’s found. Maybe the information he uncovers will help me decide which path to take. If this guy has found some way to redeem himself, maybe we drop it. If he’s still a sorry piece of shit, maybe we pursue it.”
“If you want to send him to prison, I will be at your side every step of the way. If it gets to be too much for you, let me bear the load. If you don’t want to step outside and face the world, you’re safe right here with me. You and I will do this together. You’ll never be alone in it again.”
The same questions return to taunt me.
Miss Nash, is your current lover aware you’re pregnant with his child? No? Will you turn on him years later and claim he raped you too?
I don’t have to be a psychic to see where this will end up.
All I Need: Rod & Daisy (All Of Me Duet Book 2) Page 14
