by Leenie Brown
“I will accompany you,” said Lady Sophia. “Reginald, please have a bit of something sent up.” She followed Anne from the room. “Are you well?” They took the stairs side by side.
Anne nodded and then gave a small shrug. How was one supposed to feel when they had been tricked? Part of her wished to run after him and make him explain why he had done it while another part longed to climb under her covers and begin the day again, forgetting all that had just transpired.
“You are an attractive match,” said her aunt as if she knew what Anne had been thinking. “You have both wealth and connections as well as beauty.” She opened the door to Anne’s room and entered.
Anne crossed to the window and looked down at the wet street. She saw people moving quickly from house to carriage and servants scurrying on their errands, collars pulled high, hats pulled down against the weather. “I stood here this morning,” she said, not turning from the scene, “and I was upset because I would not be able to go for a drive. I have never been on a drive with a gentleman, you know.” She sat on the cushion in the window seat and kicked off her shoes. Pulling her feet up under her skirts but remaining positioned in such a way that she could still watch the people below, she continued, “If he had attempted a compromise in public, I would have been forced to marry him.” She drew a shaking breath. “I would have found myself precisely where I did not wish to be, unable to do as I wanted because someone had more power than I.” She rested her head against the wall at her back. “How does one remain safe?”
Lady Sophia joined Anne at the window. “Safety is never guaranteed.”
Anne sighed. “Then how am I to choose?”
“What did your heart tell you about Sir Hugh? Did it feel safe when in his presence, or was it excited or maybe unsure?”
Anne considered the question and thought of how her heart had told her to dismiss Sir Hugh, but her mind had overruled her heart. If she had but listened. She sighed. “It was unsure. I liked his attention and found him handsome, but I never felt at ease. I thought I might learn to feel so. After all, I had only met him and knew very little of him.”
Lady Sophia patted Anne’s knee. “Just so. Your heart is an excellent guide if you will listen to it carefully. It is not above being tricked, but there will often be that little worry, hanging at the back of your mind when your heart desires something it should not. Let it guide you, and then ask for advice. I will always tell you the truth; you know that, don’t you?”
Anne nodded. The two of them sat there silently, watching the movement on the street until a tray containing two small glasses of sherry and a few biscuits arrived.
“Marrying for love alone is not enough,” said Anne as she took a sip of sherry and wrinkled her nose. It was not her favourite drink.
“And I believe, unlike your mother or Lady Matlock, marrying for position alone is also not enough,” replied her aunt. “Matrimony is a tricky business.”
“It is indeed,” agreed Anne. She ate a biscuit in silence and finished her drink. “Marriage is not for everyone.” She sighed. “I had not wanted to always live in my mother’s house. I had hoped to have a home of my own to run, but perhaps it is not to be. Maybe I should return to Rosings and find some work to occupy my time.”
Lady Sophia placed her empty glass on the tray and then crossed to Anne and kissed her forehead. “You need a rest. I do not believe you are destined to remain unwed.” She cupped her niece’s chin and lifted it so that Anne looked up at her. “Let your heart choose,” she said gently. “Promise me you will give it a bit more time before returning to Rosings? I should miss you dearly if you left too soon.”
Anne could not help but smile. “I will not return to Rosings until after I have visited Hertfordshire and have shared in the celebration of my cousin Richard’s wedding. However, if I have not found a prospect by then, I shall go home with my mother.”
Lady Sophia kissed her on the forehead once again. “You are not giving me very long to help you, but I will do my best.” She turned to leave. “Do you wish to sort the papers from today’s visit after your rest?”
“Have them placed in my sitting room,” Anne replied with a nod.
“Very well. I shall see you at dinner?” There was a slight lift of uncertainty in her voice.
“You will,” Anne assured.
“Rest well.” Sophia closed the door softly.
Anne climbed onto her bed. She knew it would be more comfortable to undress, but she did not wish to call for her maid. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath of the peaceful, silent air and released it slowly and repeated until finally, her mind drifted away from the worries of the day and into the land of dreams.
Chapter 9
Anne squared her shoulders, turning to the right and then the left as she stood before the mirror. Satisfied with what she saw, she dismissed her maid. She stood for a few more moments in front of the mirror. Her finger ran along the gold chain of her necklace as she thought. Her sleep had been refreshing to her body and partially to her mind. The removal of one man, no matter how handsome or charming he might have been, did not mean her search was at an end. There were many more names on papers in the sitting room. Surely one of them might be appropriate. She might even be able to speak to her uncle and have the most promising investigated, so that she could know more about them than what they presented. “It is a good plan,” she said aloud before giving her reflection a nod and turning to leave the room.
“You look lovely.” Admiral Fitzwilliam greeted her at the bottom of the stairs. “Your mother has asked to see you before you go, but I have not given her my word that you would. The choice is entirely up to you.”
“I will say a quick farewell,” said Anne with a sigh. She knew if she did not at least attempt a small appearance, her mother would comment on it for days, if not weeks. Sometimes, when it was not too taxing to do so, it was best to just appease Lady Catherine, and Anne knew this was one of those times. So, she stepped into the drawing room. After a few moments of conversation with her mother and Lord and Lady Matlock, Anne was back at her uncle’s side and being handed into the carriage.
“Are you looking forward to the celebration? Sophia mentioned that a special cake had been commissioned for Miss Katherine, although it is to be a surprise to her from her sisters. And Rycroft has invited several friends, so that games might be played, and if he has his way, a dance or two will be had. I still find it amazing that two such opposite people as Rycroft and his lady should make such a good match. That boy could try the nerves of a saint.”
“Then perhaps she is an angel and not a saint?” Anne asked. She too had noticed how very different in personalities Lord and Lady Rycroft were, but it did not seem to hinder their relationship. In fact, it seemed that it aided it as one complemented the other perfectly. “I am quite anxious to see Lady Rycroft as well was as Mrs. Darcy and Miss Katherine.”
Her uncle’s brows rose. “I had thought you called them by their Christian names?”
“It is a formal event,” she explained. “Besides, I believe you led the conversation by referring to them formally.”
He chuckled. “So I did. I suppose it is the thought of it being a special occasion in celebrating the betrothal of Richard and Kitty.” He shifted in his seat. “It is sad that Richard’s parents could not attend, but Sophia agreed that it might be best to keep it to the younger set and a couple of old chaperones.”
The light was not great in the carriage, but Anne was positive that the comment had been made with a wink.
“I am quite pleased for Richard. He has found a fine wife,” said Anne.
“Finally, we Fitzwilliams will have a family that is happy instead of the fighting factions that were of my generation and the one which came before.” He sighed. “Lord Matlock has done his best to keep things as they were, but thanks to you and your cousins, his ways have been tumbled for a time.” He reached across the carriage and patted her knee. “You know I wish you just as happy, do y
ou not?”
“I do,” she said, her voice just above a whisper.
“Then I must express my opinion on a matter.” He shifted again in his seat, this time leaning toward her and grasping her hands. “I lost my love a long time ago. I have tried on many occasions to find something, anything, that would fill the void left by her absence. The sea came close, but that is now gone, and the empty place remains.” He chuckled wryly. “We remain friends, but she has established her life and seems contented, for which I am happy.”
“Did she marry?” Anne bit her lip after the question left her mouth. She hoped he would not be offended by her curiosity.
He squeezed her hands. “She did. I wish with all that I am that I would have followed my heart. There is no greater regret than to have been so close to grasping happiness and having it slip away, never to be returned. I beg you to consider this before you make any choice about marriage. Promise me this.”
The carriage was beginning to slow as she gave him her promise. They waited for another carriage to leave before finally pulling in front of the house and disembarking.
~*~*~*~
Mary stood between Rycroft and Kitty, waiting to welcome her new cousin and friend. “I am so happy to see you, Anne. I have wished for a visit from you, but Lady Sophia tells me you have been very busy with interviews.”
“I have,” Anne leaned close to Mary, “but it has not been enjoyable. They are all rather dull. I would much rather spend time with you and your sisters.”
Mary smiled and pulled Anne into an embrace. “Tomorrow, you must join us at the museum.”
“I would like that.” Anne felt a sigh of relief pass through her that she would not be subjected to yet another round of dull interviews.
Kitty took Anne’s hand. “You have not yet met our sister Lydia. I can assure you that our visit will be anything but dull with her along.”
Mary chuckled. “She has improved in the last month, but she is still Lydia.” A rather loud giggle was heard from the drawing room. “That is she. Lydia is rarely quiet. Come.” She wrapped her arm around Anne’s, ignoring the look of displeasure from her husband at being displaced by his cousin. “I will introduce you. Everyone else is here, so we are just beginning with some wine in the drawing room while we wait for our meal to be ready.”
“Georgiana was allowed to come,” said Kitty, “since we did not wish the men to outnumber the ladies.”
“Samuel invited some friends.” There was a hint of concern in Mary’s voice. “There was one he did not wish to invite, but things have changed, and it really could not be helped.”
Anne stopped walking. They were just outside the door to the drawing room, and she could clearly hear Alex’s voice. “And who might these guests be?” she asked, turning toward Rycroft.
Rycroft glanced at Richard and the admiral as if asking for their support. “Madoch, Lester, Endicott, and Blackmoore.” He grimaced at the last name. “He is the one that could not be helped. Please stay.”
“All will be well,” assured Mary. “Blackmoore has offered for Miss Bingley and been accepted. He has also apologized to Samuel and promises to be on his best behaviour. He knows that his footing is tenuous. Should he be dismissed from this gathering, he might also lose Miss Bingley.” She leaned her head closer to Anne’s and lowered her voice. “Mr. Bingley and Mr. Hurst were not pleased to hear of the cut he received, and were they not so anxious to rid themselves of their sister, I doubt his offer would have found success.”
Anne smiled at that but shook her head. Her body wished to run from the house, but her stubborn nature would not allow it. She also knew that she would place a cloud of disappointment over the party if she did not stay, and so she would. She would also have Rycroft know her displeasure at the circumstances. “I have had my fill of trying gentlemen today,” she said firmly as she glared at Rycroft. “If either of them do anything to make me uneasy, I will leave.”
“No,” said Rycroft firmly, “they will leave. I promise. I have told Blackmoore as much, and as Mary said, he has given his word, although I am not certain I put much faith in it.”
“All will be well,” Mary tried to assure once again.
“Rycroft has a pistol, and I am a crack shot,” whispered the admiral, causing Anne and the others to laugh. “So, you see, you have nothing to fear.”
Anne shook her head again and drew a deep breath. “Very well, I shall stay as long as Rycroft’s pistols are handy.”
Mary tightened her arm around Anne’s and gave her one more reassuring smile before they entered the room.
Anne, hoping that she was doing a credible job of looking the part of a self-assured lady, smiled and curtseyed in greeting to all who were gathered. Thankfully, everyone returned to their prior conversations, and Anne found a seat next to Kitty and tucked out of view of the gentlemen, whom she wished to avoid. She occupied herself by observing the occupants of the room and attending half-heartedly to the conversation between Kitty and Elizabeth until dinner was announced.
“Oh, la,” said Lydia rather loudly. “Who shall escort me to dinner?”
Kitty groaned, and Elizabeth closed her eyes while Mary, who stood next to Rycroft, gave her youngest sister a decidedly pointed look.
“Please do not subject me to taking her into dinner,” came a voice from behind Anne. “I would much rather converse with a friend.”
Anne turned toward Alex.
“Please,” he begged.
Anne had opened her mouth to refuse, but when he smiled at her just then, she found her words turning to those of acceptance instead of refusal.
“Thank you,” said Alex extending his arm to her.
Anne hesitated before taking it. “This is only as friends.”
He nodded his agreement, but there was something about his eyes that made Anne believe he was not being entirely truthful with her.
“We shall sit by one of your cousins, and you shall be perfectly safe,” he said.
She began to smile at him for that was what she was sure was expected, but then thought better of it. Since when, she chided herself, had she done something simply because it was expected? “I fear you are not being truthful,” she said as they walked.
He shook his head. “I am afraid you are wrong. I have no intentions of placing you in the way of danger.”
“Perhaps,” she agreed as she took her seat, “but you do not intend for us to be mere friends.”
“For this meal, I do.” He smiled at her and flicked an eyebrow. “Beyond this evening, you know my wish.”
“It shall not be granted.”
“That remains to be seen,” he replied. “Now, shall we turn the topic before you become distressed, and I am ousted from this meal. My stomach has been rumbling for half an hour, and I have no intention of going hungry.”
“Very well,” she conceded. “Of what do you wish to speak? Your uncle?”
He smiled. “My uncle is well, though he has a bit of gout in his foot, which slows him, but his business is thriving. There is nary a soul who is not pleased with his service. Nearly the finest horses in Brighton.”
She laughed. “If you are trying to sell me on his business, Mr. Madoch, you should be saying that his horses are the finest, not nearly the finest.”
He smiled. “Ah, but that I cannot do.”
“No,” said Jonathan, who was seated next to his friend. “His Highness would not be best pleased to hear his are not the finest.” He lowered his voice to just above a whisper before adding, “even if they are outshone by Madoch’s uncle.”
“You remember Mr. Lester, do you not?” Alex asked Anne. “I believe you met him once before?”
“I am not certain if I do remember him.” Anne studied Mr. Lester’s face for a moment. He did look oddly familiar, but she could not place him.
“We went riding six years ago — you, me, and Madoch,” Jonathan tipped his head and looked back at her. “I believe it was the day before Madoch and I departed for Brighton.
”
“That was you?” she asked softly. Her mind recalled him perfectly now. She had slipped from her room to meet Alex for a ride and had found him in the company of a friend.
“It was.”
“Forgive me for my lack of memory,” she apologized.
“It is understandable. It has been six years, and ours was but a passing acquaintance.” He dropped his eyes to his plate. “I’ve not had the opportunity to forget you,” he said it softly.
She heard the accusation in Mr. Lester’s tone and looked at Alex, who shrugged. “I often speak of home, and since you are part of those memories, I fear Lester has heard of you often.”
Anne smiled and then focused on the vegetables on her plate. Such comments were definitely not keeping her safe, no matter how closely she sat to any of her cousins or their wives. He had spoken of her and thought of her — often. She wondered if it had been as often as she had thought of him and if he had thought of her in a flattering way or a vengeful way. The thought startled her. Perhaps he wished to marry her, not because he still loved her, but because he wished to repay her for shunning him. Perhaps he did not want to marry her at all. Perhaps he wished for her to want to marry him, so that he might toss her aside. She stabbed a carrot particularly hard. The tines of her fork made a horrid scraping sound on her plate, and her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. She chewed the offending vegetable slowly and thoroughly before attempting to continue any sort of conversation.
Carrot conquered, and embarrassment partially faded, she made a second attempt at small talk. “I would tell you of my uncles, but I believe you already know how they do. Well,” she said with a wave of her hand in Darcy’s direction and glance toward Rycroft, “at least the ones who remain.” Her cheeks flushed again. She had not meant for the comment to sound as unfeeling as it did. “I mean to say we have had a great deal of loss in our family over the past six years. Rycroft’s father, Darcy’s, my own.” She hated how her voice always caught whenever she mentioned her father’s death. It had been nearly six years. When would it ever become a topic of which she could speak without that feeling of despair gripping her heart as it did.
