by Cassie Mae
“Really?”
Does he sound happy about that? Omigosh!
“Really.”
A laugh-sigh thing rumbles his lips, and he taps his piccolo against his thigh. “Good.”
“Good?” I totally ask out loud.
Half-smile. Melting into the porch even though it’s getting real cold outside. “Yeah.” He motions to his moped and says, “I can take you home if you’re feeling better. Maybe go for a little ride. I’ll let you borrow a jacket.”
“Sure!” I shout, and he jerks his head back. I need to calm the freak down. “Sure,” I say much cooler. “Let me just call—”
A gray car barrels around a corner and flies over the speed bump. Why is her timing so awful?
“Zoe.” I sigh.
He laughs, and I keep internally happy dancing every time he makes that sound. “Another rain check?”
“You owe me two now.”
I stand, testing the pressure on my ankle and refusing to look at the rag he used to clean me up.
“I don’t think you’ll need stitches or anything. It’s not even bleeding anymore.”
“That’s a relief.” I watch him stand next to me, and he waves a minute finger at Zoe. He wants an extra minute!
“Hey, so if we’re being friends, you want to do something this weekend?”
Yes! A million times yes! Pluck me from Earth and place me in Heaven!
And yay for not letting that outburst pop out. “Sure. When?”
“I have to check my work schedule,” he says, pulling his phone out. It’s a different one than he had a few weeks ago. Guess he traded in his iPhone too. “And I just realized I don’t have your number.”
He’s asking for my number. My hips start to wiggle because I want to dance so badly. I pretend I was just switching weight on my legs.
I reach for his phone and almost tremble my fingers off as I type it in. I double and triple and quadruple check the digits to make sure they’re right before sliding it back in his palm.
“Awesome. I’ll call you as soon as I know my schedule.”
“Sounds great!” Damn, there I go again. But he’s smiling, so I’m not going to back step my enthusiasm.
Zoe honks and startles me out of my left flip flop. I slip it back on, ignoring it’s still a little damp from my bush accident.
“Better run.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He goes to give me a hug, but I really thought he was going for a fist bump or something, because he’s still got his piccolo. So I end up punching his chest and getting my wrist twisted in an awkward trap as he wraps his arms around my shoulders. I really need to take a class on how to behave like a normal person.
But even though it’s weird, it’s the best weird hug of my life.
“Um, yeah,” I say all breathless as if he was totally making out with me. Ugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I can’t help the little jig I do to the car, even if he’s watching me.
Chapter 9
I’ve kissed someone before. So why am I freaking that he has too?
I’m in that mostly asleep, but point five percent awake state when my ringtone jolts me from my bed, making me knock my body pillow to the floor. Days of silence, and this is the text I get from Sydney at eleven o’clock at night.
Sydney: Hey
I sit back down on the mattress, pulling my pillow up to snuggle with as I clack back.
Sierra: Hey
I let my eyes close till the phone goes off again.
Sydney: Adam told u wut happened, right?
This is so not the time of night for this conversation. I yawn and turn on my light so I don’t zonk out in the middle of it.
Sierra: Sorta. He said he was going 2 tlk 2 u. Did u guys work it out?
Sydney: Yeah, we’re cool. Sorry 4 the weirdness.
Sierra: So r u dating? 2gether? Wassup w/that?
It takes her so long to respond, I get up and take a midnight pee, get a bottle of water from the fridge, and help a very tired Mom back into bed because she’s sleepwalking again. When I’m back in my room, I open the text and let out a large breath and squint to read it.
Sydney: Nah, we’re just friends. I don’t like him that way, u kno? He took it ok, don’t worry. The whole kiss thing was spur of the moment. Never shoulda happened. N E way, I think he wanted 2 TRY d8-ing, but I can’t w/him. Like it’s already bad enuff @ school, I kno a relationship w/Adam wouldn’t exactly help the crap we go through already. & a relationship w/me won’t help him either. I know that sounds totally bitchy, but it’s how I feel. I’m tired of being on the bottom rung. U understand that, right? I mean, Adam understood.
I want the cold shoulder back. That was so much better than this load of garbage.
I can’t help my temper flying from my fingers as I write back.
Sierra: Wow. Didn’t realize u were so ashamed 2 be our friends. Wuts next? U’ll ditch us @ lunch cuz u don’t wanna be called a cock-tease 4 the millionth time? Newsflash, u got that label all by urself, & Adam & I r the only ones who’ve stuck by u through it. I don’t care if ur not into Adam & stuff, but don’t feed me the bullshit of not d8-ing him because he’s not good enuff 4 u. If n e thing, ur not good enuff for him
I hover over the send button, a ball of fire on my bed. I’ll probably singe my sheets with my rear. But I shake my head and instead of sending it, I delete every word.
Sierra: I get it. Gotta go 2 bed. Ttyl
She’s terrified of the kids at school. So am I, but I’ll never be sorry for hanging out with my friends. I pull up Adam’s name on my contact list and send him a text.
Sierra: Talked 2 Sydney. Lemme know if ur ok.
I shut off my lamp and tug my pillow close, tossing my leg over it. I’m still coming down from my fury. Why do people suck? It’s not even the jerks at school now; it’s one of my best friends. She’s going down the path of approval just like Zoe tried to do. Will she end up hating me because of where I sit on the social ladder?
My phone goes off, and I really consider not looking at it. I’m so done with it all. But I won’t be able to sleep knowing I have an unread message.
Adam: I’m ok. Thx 4 checking tho. Ur a good friend.
Sierra: No probm. C ya 2morrow
I wonder if I’ll be the one giving the cold shoulder now.
***
The next few days are the slowest days of my life. I want it to be Saturday so bad, Friday night feels like I’ve waited a hundred years for this moment.
Levi has to work, but he has Saturday morning off, and he wants to watch a movie together.
A movie.
Translation: possible make-out date.
Further translation: time for Sierra to FREAK OUT!
I know he said “friends,” but we’ll be alone, on the couch, watching who knows what, and I get stomach jitters thinking about what I need to wear, how I should sit, what to do with my hair… agh! I need Zoe.
I’d call Sydney, but she doesn’t even know about me and Levi. I’ve been distant and focused on other stuff that doesn’t turn me into a pissed off scary wench. So, until I “mentor” Brea again, I’ve kept my eye open on the girls Levi talks to. And unfortunately, he talks to Blinky almost every day. She’s a flutist and knows her shit. She was talking to him about cadence and drum line and how sorry she is that he’s not a big part of that or something. I’ve got some competition in the band knowledge area. I’ve really got to step up my musical game.
I tap on Zoe’s bedroom door ten minutes after I hear her shower go off. That should be enough time for her to cover up the goods with pjs or something.
“Come in!”
Okay, when someone says “come in” they better mean it. After I turn the knob and take my first glance of human shaped lumps under her sheets, I let out a tiny yelp.
“My eyes!”
I’m ready to slam the door on my sister and her boyfriend when Zoe’s comforter goes flying off them. I slap my hand over my face and scream. “What the hell are
you doing? I don’t want to see… that!”
Ew, ew, ew. I’m so out of here.
“Chill, Sierra. We were just reading,” Zak says, and when I peek through my fingers, there he is, fully clothed and clicking a flashlight off. There’s this big ass book lying open on the bed.
I drop my hand and let out a huge gush of air while Zoe laughs at me. “You guys! Don’t tease me like that. I already have issues with the paper thin walls.”
“We didn’t mean to,” Zoe says through her giggles, then she totally reaches over and pinches Zak’s butt. “And it’s not like we do anything anyway, right babe?”
His ears get pink, and he rolls off the bed, busying himself with the bookshelf. Yeah, Zoe. I don’t want to hear about all of that either.
“So, what’s up?” she asks, turning away from Zak and looking at me. My cheeks balloon, and she leaps off the bed and pushes Zak to the window. “Sorry, girl talk. I’ll hop over when I’m done.”
Zak’s eyes go from Zoe to me, back to Zoe, then he smiles and pecks her lips.
“And you can tell me what you talked about with my dad…?” Her voice lowers in his ear, but I catch it.
A smile spreads on his face, and he doesn’t answer. He ducks out the window and waves bye to both of us. We hear a thunk and an “oomph” and a “made it!”
Zoe lets out a sigh shuts her window. She walks over and pushes my cheeks together, then pulls me down on her bed.
And I spill.
“So Levi is coming over tomorrow to watch a movie with me, and I have no idea what to wear or how to behave or if I should get snacks or if we should even sit on the couch together or what the heck this is or what it means, and I don’t know if I should wear makeup or lip gloss or if I should even expect anything because holy crap, what if nothing happens, or I go for something and he’s like, ‘whoa! What are you doing?’ That’s super embarrassing, and I just want to have fun, but I want him to know I like him, but what if he doesn’t like me, and it gets all awkward and stuff? Because Adam and Sydney are like that now, and I don’t want that to happen to me and Levi. I want us to be friends, but I want him to like me too. Zoe, help!”
“Whoa, back the freak out train up.”
I fall back on her bed and toss a pillow over my face so she doesn’t see my cheeks explode.
“Okay, let me see if I got it all. Levi. You. Tomorrow. Movie.”
“Pretty much,” I muffle.
She knocks the pillow off my face. “Just be yourself.”
“That is the most generic advice ever.” My bottom lip sticks out. “Zoooo…eeee. Help me!”
She laughs and skips to her closet. “All right. I’m going to let you take some of my old clothes, and you can make something frakking amazing with them. But then you’re on your own.”
“You have no thoughts about this?”
“I already told you, Levi likes girls who are totally real and know who they are. Just be yourself.”
Urg, Zoe is supposed to be full of romantic advice. She has a boyfriend and kept him for the past two years. Then again, Zak and Zoe’s idea of romance is dressing up as those weird alien things from Avatar and telling each other their butts look good with Wii controllers in their back pockets.
I could compliment Levi’s little stick thing. Oh no wait… that sounds bad. What was that instrument called again?
“Hmm…” she says, pulling out a few of her old cotton tees and leggings. I’m already thinking about tearing the sides on the red V-neck and tying them back together with the fabric from the bright blue cami. “I think you should make something comfy so you’re not adjusting yourself all night.”
“Day.”
She looks over her shoulder at me. “Huh?”
“He works tomorrow night, so we’re hanging out during the day.”
Her arms swing through the air, and she goes to the other side of her closet. “That changes everything!” Suddenly she’s pulling out pastels, and my mind goes crazy with all the stuff I can do with those.
I want to shove the pillow back over my face. Is everyone this nervous before a potential date-slash-hang-out with a potential friend-slash-boyfriend? Or is it just me and my ability to make a big deal out of every single itty bitty thing?
Zoe looks over her shoulder again, and my face must give away all my thoughts.
“Hey,” she says, much more like a caring sister instead of being so blasé. Good. I need caring Zoe. She bounces on the bed next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Deep breaths. It’s just a boy.”
No it’s not. “It’s Levi,” I mutter. “He’s perfect, and I’m…” So don’t know how to finish that sentence. I’m what? Nothing. Bottom rung. Just like Sydney said.
Zoe laughs, and I feel like smacking her. Can’t she tell I’m not really in the joking mood?
“Okay, Levi is not perfect.”
“Yeah right. When is he ever shoved in a locker? Or made fun of for brushing against the opposite sex?”
“People shove you in lockers?”
That is so not the point. “Okay, so it was the janitor’s closet.” And the stupid wank in there said if I went down on him that would make the teasing stop. I kicked his balls so hard I’m surprised they didn’t fly out his mouth. Welcome to my first week in high school.
Zoe goes to puff out her cheeks, and I squish her mouth so she can’t. She talks through my fingers. “You know how Levi and I met, right?”
I let go of her lips. “School…” Totally lame-o answer.
“Yeah, but I also had my tongue jammed down his throat two seconds after we first spoke to each other.” She grabs my hand, and it’s a good thing because I want to smack my sister over kissing my crush before he was even my crush. “Right there in the cafeteria—in front of half the school.”
Oh the visual. I’m starting to get green jealousy dots through my vision. “Public displays are your specialty,” I spit and yank my hand from hers.
“Hey,” Zoe spits back at me. I shouldn’t have freaked because I know we’re about to fight, and Zoe usually wins. “If you’re going to get all bitchy on me, I’m not going to finish. I was trying to fill you in on how Levi isn’t perfect, but he’s a great guy. If you don’t want to hear it, then you can tear up your own clothes.”
Damn her. I flop back on her pillows and close my eyes. I can take it. Keep the kissing visuals out of my brain, and yeah, I can totally do this.
“Sorry. I’m listening.”
Zoe falls down next to me and plays with my hair. “So, I was messed up, and Levi came to see if I was okay. And I totally used him. Made out with him in front of everyone to prove I was over my breakup with Cody.”
I groan at Zoe’s ex’s name, and she laughs.
“It backfired, obviously. But even though Levi kissed me back, I don’t think he knew what was happening. And he tried to apologize for it. Then I got shitfaced at a party. He took me home, didn’t take advantage of me, and we became friends. Stayed that way, too, even after I came out as a major dork and started dating Zak.”
I wait for her to keep going, but when she doesn’t, I open my eyes and watch her tangle her fingers in the strands of my hair.
“Um…what part of that makes him not perfect?”
She laughs again and sits up, playing with her own hair now. “He makes mistakes too. Just like any other human.”
“And his mistake was?”
“Hello! Making out with a complete bitch stranger. To this day, I’m still not sure why he let me do that to him.”
Her eyes go to her bookshelf, and I can tell her brain is somewhere else. Mine is still straining to block out the visions of Levi’s beautiful lips on my sister’s.
I cough, and it gets stuck in my throat, so I end up snorting and breathing funny. “So, um… did he ever like you? Or did you like him?”
Zoe’s eyes skitter back to me, and she semi-smiles. “No. But even if he did or I did, it was two years ago, Sierra. Things are different. I’m different. And s
o is he.”
Yeah, I guess she’s right. I force the jealousy causing images out of my mind and focus on how Levi looked when I told him I wasn’t dating Adam.
“My point is”—she lies back down—“you don’t have to look perfect to get Levi to like you, okay? Just—”
“Be myself. Yeah, yeah. I get it.”
We giggle, and she shoves my arm. “Okay, then. Time to make these boring clothes into something awesome.”
I watch her butt wiggle back to her closet, wondering if I feel better or worse. Zoe says be myself, but I’m searching my brain, and for the life of me, I have no idea who that is.
Chapter 10
This is way beyond full on leg touching.
There are three things I wish I was better at.
One: walking. Because I trip and fall on my face everywhere I go.
Two: keeping my boobs in my shirt. How did Zoe do this when she wore the cleavage show stoppers? Maybe it’s because she didn’t trip over her toes.
Three: lying. Sounds bad, but I’m an awful bull-shitter when it comes to my parents.
These three things pop right into my head when the doorbell rings, and I race down the stairs, trip on the last one, fall to the floor as my left boob pops out, and stuff it back as my mom asks, “What’s the rush?” through a fitful of laughter.
I spout off, “Nothing. Totally fine. Just fell. I’m not expecting anyone. No.”
She laughs again and says, “Go put on a different shirt.”
Like a big baby, I pout all the way back upstairs and pray it’s not Levi at the door yet. Because holy mortifying.
Yanking the shirt I tied last second, I fix the double knot and jump up a few times to make sure the girls stay in place. The bright green shredded trim on the bottom hem swings around my hips, making me feel like a ballroom dancer for a minute. I was going for the same kind of effect the band uniforms have when Levi marches around the football field. Guess I only sort of achieved it.
