by Harper Bliss
“And that I was the reason it isn’t working out.”
“Look, um, Jeffrey,” I begin, even though I don’t know what to say to him. This is my worst nightmare coming true. I don’t want to have this conversation. Ali knows that—she must. Is that why she told him? Is this my moment of reckoning?
“I will not stand in the way of my daughter’s happiness. I’ve done enough of that.”
“W—what do you mean?”
“I told Ali last night and I’m telling you now: you have my blessing.”
Christ. Ali could have let me know. Why didn’t she? Maybe she didn’t believe Jeffrey’s blessing would make it through the night.
“If you want to be together, you should be together,” he says.
I nod because I still don’t know what to say. These are not the kind of conversations Jeffrey and I have.
“But… there is one caveat.”
Of course there is. This is still Jeffrey Lennox I’m talking to.
“If you’re going to be with Ali, I don’t want you to be the COO of LB.” He shakes his head. “Because I can’t give my blessing to something I know is doomed.”
“Excuse me?”
“I was never there for my family because I was always working, Jill. I don’t want history repeating itself for Ali.”
“Are you kidding me? You want me to resign?”
“If you’re serious about her.” He just shrugs, like he just asked me to take a day off instead of a massive step back.
“This is bullshit, Jeffrey, and you know it. How can you claim to give us your blessing and then ask me to quit? Then you might as well retract your words. I’ve given my life to LB. I haven’t—”
“Or maybe you don’t have to resign, Jill. Just take a step back. Because, yes, you’re right, you’ve given your life to LB. So how can you make Ali happy if you continue to live only for your work?”
“That is not your call to make.” I stand up and grip the bar at the end of his bed. Who is he to suddenly wish all this happiness on his daughter? I’ve probably spent more meaningful time with Ali in the past few weeks than he has in all of the thirty-five years of her life.
“Yet, I’m making it,” he says.
“Oh, no, you’re fucking not, Jeffrey. I’m not a pawn you can move from here to there. I’m not an ingredient you can disperse while, very belatedly, trying to make your daughter happy, or trying to redeem yourself as a father.” I look into his gaunt face. He doesn’t look so chipper anymore. “If Ali and I are going to be together, it will be on our terms and our terms alone. So, thank you for your rubbish blessing. And fuck you.”
I grab my purse and make to leave.
“Jill, wait,” he says. I can tell he’s straining his voice. “Please.”
“I’m leaving. You can apologize to me later. But let me tell you this: you’re still a shitty father.” I storm out of his room and bang the door shut. The sound reverberates through the quiet hospital corridors. I’m so angry, I have to steady myself against the wall. Who the hell does Jeffrey Lennox think he is?
I take a few deep breaths. I can see a nurse walking over to me and I don’t want to be asked any questions. I smile at her as I walk out. What was Ali thinking? Then again, now he knows. And I have some thinking of my own to do. Because, clearly, things have changed. I’m just not sure yet if they have done so for the worse or the better.
Without thinking, I drive in the direction of Ali’s house.
37
Ali
“A heads-up would have been nice,” Jill says, as I let her in. “I walk into Jeffrey’s room and he gives me this speech about your happiness, after which he proceeds to tell me that he knows about us.” She huffs out some air. “Fuck, Ali.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to think. Honestly, Jill. It’s like I was talking to a different person last night.”
“Oh, let me assure you that he’s still very much the same.”
“What do you mean?”
She inhales deeply. “I’m still getting over the fact that he knows. I didn’t want him to know, Ali. I know that man. I know what he can be like. Already, it’s made my position untenable.”
“Hey, calm down.” I gently nudge her into the living room. “What did he say?”
“You obviously had a heart-to-heart with him. And I’m glad that you did. He really does want you to be happy. So much so, that it has suddenly become his prime concern, but… he gave me an ultimatum. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I want to be with you, I can’t be COO as well. That I would need to take a step back at LB.”
“He said what?” My head hangs down for a second, then I look up at Jill. “I’m so sorry, Jill. What did you say?”
She pulls her lips into a half-smile. “I told him to shove his ultimatum up his ass.” She bursts into a chuckle and I do the same.
“It’s the only possible reply,” I say. My chuckle transforms into a full-on belly laugh. “Fuck him.” I can’t believe my father would say that to Jill. Then again, should I really be so surprised?
“The funny thing is, though,” Jill says, “that he made it sound as though his demands came purely out of the goodness of his own heart. He didn’t spend enough time with you when you were a kid so now I somehow need to make up for that.”
“I don’t even really know what it feels like to have a parent worry about me like that.” If my dad hadn’t spoken to me the way he did last night, I’d find this all very hard to believe. “I’m sure he does worry about Sebastian and me, but never openly. As if that would be admitting a weakness.”
“It is admitting to a weakness. Being a parent… we don’t know what it’s like, Ali. He does.”
“I still can’t believe he said that to you.” I arch up my eyebrows. “Just like I can’t believe the things he said to me last night.”
“It’s a lot. First the surgery. Then what happened between us yesterday. Now all this. I bet you didn’t sign up for any of this when you decided to come back to L.A.” Jill’s kindness radiates in her smile.
“And now that he knows,” I say. “Where does that leave us?”
She nods slowly, then glances at me. “I don’t know.”
“When you remove all the bullshit”—My heartbeat is doing a funny jump as I speak—“And only look at the essence of what we want, which is, if you don’t mind me speaking for the both of us, to be together—” I stop. I really shouldn’t be speaking for the both of us. “Do you want to be with me?”
“Ali,” Jill says. “I do, but it’s so complicated—”
“No, it’s no longer complicated. The only complications are in your head.” I stop myself again. Being too forceful with Jill has gotten me into trouble before. “Dad knows.”
“Yeah, and he basically forced me to resign.”
“I know that’s what he said to you, but that’s not what he said to me last night. He told me to be happy. He assured me that my and Sebastian’s happiness are all he wants now. It’s a little late, but still, I’m inclined to believe him. Either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about what my dad wants, anyway. It’s about what we want. My father has no right to try to control us.”
“We’ll be working together and—”
“Jill, stop. Just stop making up reasons. Just tell me: do you want to be with me or not?”
She looks at me again, her glance careful at first, but then there’s a small shift in the set of her jaw, the tension in her shoulders recedes, and her smile grows deliberate and a little wild. “Fuck, yeah.” She walks toward me. “Yes, I want to be with you, Ali.”
I take her hand and pull her closer. “About fucking time.” I curl my arms around her and kiss her on the lips. “I’ll talk to my dad. I’ll set him straight.”
“I believe I’ve already done that.”
“Jill Gold.” I give her an approving smile. “Perhaps the only person on the planet brave enough to stand up to Jeffrey Lennox.”
“Well, he was in the hospi
tal, looking quite frail despite the expensive pajamas.”
“I suppose, in a way, he was defending my honor.”
“Your honor?” She slants toward me and kisses me below the ear. “Last I checked, there wasn’t much left of that.”
“How dare you speak to me like that,” I whisper in her ear. I’d like to say so many other things to her, but a quick quip is all I can manage, because Jill’s lips are traveling the length of my neck and soon I won’t be able to say anything anymore at all.
38
Jill
“I’m not sure about this.” I pull Ali away from the open door.
“Come on.” She tugs my hand toward her. “United we stand and all that.”
“The man just had bypass heart surgery. We should check with his doctor first.” I know I’m making excuses. Standing up to Jeffrey, in the heat of the moment, was one thing, facing him alongside Ali is another thing altogether.
“Seeing us together is not going to give him a heart attack, okay?” She stands still in front of me. “If anything, it will make his old heart swell with happiness.” She snorts. “That was too much.”
“I just don’t feel very comfortable.”
“Neither do I, but we should just get it over with. Let’s just talk to him. Show him this is real. And get on with our lives.”
“But—”
“No.” She tugs at my hand again. I wriggle myself free from her grasp, but she doesn’t stop. She enters Jeffrey’s room. My only other option is to leave the hospital—and let Ali deal with her father alone. I won’t let her do that. So I follow her inside.
She’s standing at the foot of his bed. Sebastian is sitting in a chair in the corner. Great.
“Well, look at that,” Jeffrey groans. “Everyone’s here. Shall we get Evelyn to come as well? She can take notes.”
“Dad,” Ali seems unperturbed by her brother’s presence.
Sebastian just nods at me. He looks like he had a rough night.
“Hi Jeffrey,” I say. “How’s the old ticker?”
“Old is the right word for it,” he says, and fixes his gaze on me. All the things he said yesterday come flooding back and I remember, most of all, that he still owes me an apology. Because it’s not Ali and I who are in the wrong here. It’s him. He shouldn’t have tried to control me the way he did—it wasn’t just infuriating; it was condescending.
My presence doesn’t seem to surprise Sebastian at all, even though Jeffrey being in the hospital is a private affair. Or has Jeffrey told him? I glance at him from the corner of my eye. He doesn’t look like a guy in the know. He looks like a boy trying to please his daddy by showing up, even though he’d much rather be sleeping off his hangover.
“Dad,” Ali repeats. “Jill and I want to talk to you.”
Jeffrey makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. “There’s no need.”
“Why do you and Jill want to talk to Dad?” Sebastian asks, his voice sounding as gruff as the stubble on his chin.
“It’s private,” Ali says.
“Is it about LB?” Sebastian asks.
“No.” Ali’s very curt with her brother.
“Then what’s it about if Jill’s involved?” He squints at me.
“I just told you that it’s private. Can’t you take a hint?”
“Ali,” I say. “Why don’t you talk to Sebastian outside for a minute. I’ll talk to Jeffrey.”
“But we were going to—”
I interrupt her. “It’s fine. Just go. Tell him.”
“Tell me what?” Sebastian’s already gotten up. He looks at Jeffrey and, for a split second, I fear Jeffrey might just blurt it out.
“Fine,” Ali says. “Seb, can I speak to you outside for a minute?”
Sebastian shrugs and follows her out of the room.
When it’s just Jeffrey and me in the room, I give him time to speak—I wait for my apology.
“Don’t hurt her,” he finally says, after a few long minutes of silence. “Please, Jill, do anything in your power to keep her from getting hurt again.”
I’m taken aback by his words because they’re not what I had expected. I also never imagined speaking to Jeffrey about his daughter like this—with romantic intentions. On top of that, what he asks of me is not something I can promise.
“I think you can probably help with that.” For the first time since setting foot in his room, I look Jeffrey in the eye. I’m looking into the eyes of an old man, someone quite possibly nearing the end of his life.
“Maybe,” he says. “But Ali has always been her own woman. The absolute opposite of a daddy’s girl.” The shape of his lips resembles a smile, but the rest of his face doesn’t cooperate with the sentiment. “Look, I know I’m being a fucking cliché here, what with reaching out to her while I’m in here. Almost like a death bed confessional.” He scoffs. “But the truth is that I am now one of those fathers who wishes he could go back in time and be there for his children when they needed him the most. I wasn’t strong for them. I hid my weakness behind my work. It was the perfect excuse. So giving you and Ali my blessing is the least I can do.” He sounds so tired again all of a sudden, but I have to ask. I need to know.
“What about your ultimatum?”
He locks his gaze on mine again. “I did with that as I was told.” A glint in his eye. “By you.” And that’s all he has to say about it. “When Sebastian arrived earlier, I half-expected him to confess to me that he was sleeping with Anton.”
I burst into a chuckle. “Nah, I really don’t see that. Anton’s way too uptight.” Anton has been Lennox Breweries’ Chief Financial Officer for years.
“I always thought you were uptight, Jill.” Jeffrey’s entire face is smiling now.
“Excuse me?” I can’t continue my part in our banter—which is brand new in our relationship—because, from the hallway, noise flares up.
“Looks like it’s not me you have to worry about,” Jeffrey says. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with Sebastian. Ali will land on her feet. But Seb… I don’t know.”
“Sebastian will be all right.”
“Yeah.” Jeffrey doesn’t sound very convinced.
Then Ali and Sebastian waltz back into the room. Sebastian gives me a silent once-over, then shakes his head. I look at Ali, who rolls her eyes at me.
“I’m tripping,” Sebastian says. “I swear I didn’t take anything, yet I’m standing here, in my father’s hospital room, tripping like it’s nobody’s business. Because my sister has just told me that she’s fucking the COO of LB and that you…” He looks at Jeffrey. “Told her that is okay?”
It doesn’t look like Sebastian will be all right any time soon.
“Seb,” Jeffrey says. “You need some time to wrap your head around it. That’s all.”
“Oh, I don’t. I know what’s going on here. They’ll be ganging up on me all the time—it’ll be Ali and Leah all over again.”
The unexpected mention of Leah’s name fills the room with a sudden, brittle silence.
“What are you talking about?” Ali asks.
“Nothing. I just… I’m going to need some guarantees, that’s all.”
“Tell us what you mean, son,” Jeffrey says. “About Leah.”
Oh Christ. What have I gotten myself into? It’s beginning to feel like family therapy.
“Ever since I can remember, Ali and Leah formed this front, this inseparable unit, that was always out to get me. I could never find a way in with them, no matter how hard I tried. And then Leah died, and of course Ali was shattered, but so was I. But once again, because it was always Ali and Leah, my grief didn’t seem to matter as much. But I loved her too, okay? She was my sister, too.” He looks like he has something else to say, then stops abruptly.
“I’m sorry, Seb. I never realized,” Ali says. “I was always too caught up in my own shit.”
“No kidding.” Sebastian sits down.
“But Jill and me being together has nothing to do with Leah,” Al
i continues.
“I won’t allow you to make me feel like an outsider in our family’s company, Ali. Even when you become the big boss.” His voice breaks a little.
And there we have it, I think. All Sebastian wants is to follow his father. It’s been written all over his face since the first time he set foot in LB headquarters.
“Okay,” Jeffrey says. “Thanks for… sharing.” He reaches for the cup of water next to his bed. “Good meeting,” he tries a joke, but his eyelids are droopy.
“Do you need help?” I ask. “A nurse?”
He shakes his head. “Just some rest, I believe,” he says.
Ali, Sebastian, and I look at each other and, at least in that moment, we can find an understanding. We leave Jeffrey in peace and as we walk to the hospital’s exit, I think it’s very telling that Sebastian’s most obvious concern about me being with his sister, is his position in the company.
“Do you want to hang out?” Ali asks, once we’re outside.
“No. I need some time to think,” Sebastian says, and skulks off.
39
Ali
“Sebastian was right,” I say, as I stare down at the headstone of Leah’s grave. “It was always me and her against him. It really wasn’t fair.”
“You were kids,” Jill says, shuffling her feet.
“Not all the time.” I stand a little closer to her. “Thanks for coming with me.”
“Of course.”
“That got quite heated. Perhaps I should have known that Sebastian would be there.” I look at the calligraphed letters of Leah’s name, the dates underneath, bracketing her short life. “Sebastian can be such an asshole, but I’m no angel either.”
Jill curves an arm around my shoulders and only because she pulls me close to her, only because she makes me feel safe—loved—do I even consider saying what I’m about to say. “A few weeks after Leah died, after the first shock had worn off, and the grief just slammed into me minute after minute, I wished… I wished it were Sebastian who had died in that car crash instead of Leah.” I pull away from Jill a little. “It’s dreadful to think about now. It’s truly appalling, I know that. I’m so ashamed.”
