by Janice Lynn
How dared he tell her what to do? Try to tell her what she needed? The only reason she’d agreed to let him come with her was because he needed a lesson in helping others, on what Christmas really meant. She should have said no. Him being here obviously stressed her.
“No reason except you need to rest.”
She ignored his comment. Drawing on all her inner strength to hide just how woozy she felt, she smiled at the ladies watching them curiously. “Once we get these packed, we’ll divvy them up and take the ones on my list to deliver. Dr. Kelley can go home and rest.”
Eyeing her like a kid studied a sole, tiny package labeled for him under the Christmas tree, Dirk frowned. A tightly controlled muscle jumped at the corner of his mouth. “This is too much after working all night. Call and cancel the fruit basket delivery.”
Tempting, but then who would deliver the baskets? Besides, she was pretty sure it was the stress of being near him making her feel so bad. That and the virus. If he’d just quit looking at her…
“No.” She couldn’t cancel her activities. Sure, she’d been a little out of sorts. That wasn’t any reason to let down those depending on her. They needed her help to make their Christmas all it should be, all hers wouldn’t be.
“Abby, if you’re not feeling well, Joyce and I can finish this up,” Judy, the lady in charge, offered, placing her hand on Abby’s shoulder.
Dirk smiled smugly, obviously viewing the woman’s offer as reinforcement that he was right, that she should do as he wanted. Enough was enough.
“Seriously.” She made eye contact with the elderly lady she’d bonded with while still in nursing school on her first volunteer project. “I’m fine. I just made the mistake of mentioning to Dr. Overprotective—” she flicked her thumb toward Dirk, hoping how much he meant to her didn’t show “—that I’d been feeling under the weather.”
“Nothing serious, I hope,” Judy said sympathetically, completely ignoring that Abby had said she was fine.
“Of course not. I’ve just had a little nausea and fatigue for a few days. No big deal.” At the woman’s look of concern, Abby added, “Nothing contagious.”
At least, she didn’t think so. If so, surely some of her coworkers would be having symptoms by now since she’d been fighting this for more than a week. For that matter, Dirk would be having symptoms. He’d definitely had up-close exposure the night of the Christmas party.
“I’m definitely not contagious,” she repeated, hoping to reassure her friends.
Her face brightening, Joyce clapped her hands together gleefully. “Ooh, when you walked in today, I just knew there was something different about you. Beside the fact you brought this gorgeous man with you.” The older woman sent a knowing smile Dirk’s way then returned her attention to Abby. “Just look at how you’re glowing.”
“Glowing?” Abby’s mouth dropped just as Dirk’s can crashed to the concrete floor as the woman’s meaning sank in. The sharp intake of his breath almost drowned out the loud clang. Abby was surprised the thunderous beat of her heart didn’t deafen them all. “If you’re implying… I think you’re making a wrong assumption.”
The two smiling volunteers looked at each other, then back at Abby and Dirk, their smiles fading as realization dawned. “You’re not pregnant?”
“Uh, no.” Abby coughed into her hand, trying to make sure she worded this correctly so she didn’t end up as before, protesting to the point that she was only convincing her friends of the opposite. “Of course I’m not pregnant. I can’t be.”
Dirk had used a condom. Although she’d been wrapped up in what they’d been doing, she was sure he had used protection. She’d found two opened foil pouches.
She faked another cough, whether to show her symptoms were from something else entirely or just to buy a few more seconds to think of what to say she wasn’t sure.
“You ladies are as bad as Dirk about overreacting.” She laughed as if their suggestion was preposterous. It was preposterous. Pregnant. Her. No way. “I’ve just been pushing myself a little too hard with the holidays and have picked up a minor bug of some sort at work. You know how I’m exposed to everything in the emergency room. It’s a wonder Dirk isn’t sick, too.”
But even as she gave the excuse she counted back the days since her last menstrual period and came up with a too-high number. Way too high a number. Oh. My.
This time she inhaled sharply, would have dropped a can if she’d been holding one. Her fingers curled into her palms, her nails digging painfully into the soft flesh.
Could she be? Was it possible? She’d never considered the possibility, hadn’t dared to consider her lovemaking with Dirk might leave her pregnant. They were consenting adults who’d used a condom. Not overzealous teenagers who’d had unprepared-for sex.
She wasn’t pregnant. Or was she?
She wanted kids. Someday, she wanted kids a lot. But not while unmarried and by a man who said he wanted to just be her friend. She wanted the dream. Snuggling in front of the fireplace together, sipping hot cocoa, enjoying each other’s company. She’d take his hand and place it over her much, much thinner belly from where she’d finally stuck to that exercise routine and, with hope in his eyes, he’d ask if she was. She’d nod. They’d fall into each other’s arms and be so happy together. A family. No more lonely Christmases. No more lonely ever.
But never had she imagined being pregnant, unwed and finding out while volunteering at a food bank with the prospective father having told her just the day before that they were only friends. By the look on Dirk’s face, this obviously wasn’t how he’d envisioned the moment, either.
Powerless to stop her hand, her palm settled over her abdomen. Was Dirk’s baby growing inside her? Would she give birth to a little boy or girl with eyes so blue they left the sky envious? With hair so inky black the night paled in comparison?
If so, what in the world would she do about an unplanned pregnancy by a man who she technically barely knew, but felt as if she knew better than anyone she’d ever met? A man who said he only wanted to be friends and professed not to even like Christmas?
CHAPTER SEVEN
DIRK’S ears roared with the intensity of a jet taking off inside his head. Any moment he expected the backdraft to knock him off his feet and send him crashing against the wall.
Mentally, he was already thrashing about the room. Emotionally, he’d already crashed and gone up in flames.
Abby’s big hazel eyes had widened with shock, had darkened with unwanted possibilities, with fear, then softened as her hand pressed her lower abdomen.
Hell, no. She couldn’t be. He’d used a condom both times they’d made love. He always used a condom. Always.
But, hell, how old had the condoms in his wallet been? Although he hadn’t lived the life of a monk over the past four years, he hadn’t exactly had a high prophylactic turnover rate, either. He’d never considered checking the condoms’ expiration date. They’d been, what? About a year old, maybe? God, it was possible they’d expired.
He should have checked. He should have known better. He was a doctor, trained not to make the mistakes a seventeen-year-old boy would make.
Abby might be pregnant, and it was his fault.
He didn’t want her to be pregnant.
The two women who’d hovered over them both like mother hens were obviously drawing the same conclusions.
Despite her protest, Abby might be having a baby. His baby. The slightly stunned expression on her pretty little face said so.
Another woman, another pregnancy, swept through his memories. Sandra excitedly telling her news. Lord, he’d been scared. After all, he’d still had a few years of residency left. But he’d looked into her eyes and he’d hidden his fear, had swept her into his arms and spun her around. A baby. Shelby. And now, would there be another baby?
Sharp pain zigzagged across his chest at the thought.
Both volunteers turned to him, expectation and protectiveness of Abby in their eyes. He couldn
’t blame them. He felt like beating the crap out of him, too, for doing this. He deserved worse if he’d made her pregnant.
Judy crossed her arms over her chest, her head bent slightly to one side, as if to say, Well?
Uh-huh. He wasn’t going to have that conversation with two strangers watching, listening to every word.
Abby wasn’t pregnant. And if she was… Hell, he didn’t know what they’d do if she was.
Regardless, that was a private conversation. Not one for women he’d just met, even if they were longtime friends of Abby’s and treated her like a favorite niece.
Following Abby’s lead, Dirk drew on acting skills he’d honed in the days following Sandra and Shelby’s deaths, days in which he’d been dead inside but had had to go on, puting on a front for the world. Had put on a show for his friends and family who’d not been able to look at him without pity in their eyes. Pity he’d tired of and left behind. In late spring he’d started searching for another position, knowing he couldn’t face another holiday season under their watchful gazes. In June he’d accepted the position in Philadelphia, finished up his Oak Park contract, and had started in the emergency room in October.
And met Abby. Possibly impregnated her.
“This is the last of the boxes, Abby. You ready to pack them into my truck so we can go?” God, he hoped so, because he wanted away from the prying eyes. “We’ve still got to go pick up those fruit baskets and get them delivered. Unless I can convince you to cancel out so you can rest and properly get over this virus.”
Did his voice sound normal? Or could everyone in the room hear his panic? See how his insides quavered at the thought he might have made Abby pregnant?
“I, uh…” Her hand fell away from her belly. She turned to him, her expression so tentative and vulnerable that something fragile deep in his chest cracked open and bled freely, gushing, leaving him weak. “Yes, I’m ready. Let’s get these loaded.”
Stunned by the rush of emotions, Dirk just stood, unable to move, unable to put on a show, only able to watch Abby smile briefly at the other volunteers and walk over to a far corner of the room. She had a dolly in her competent little hands within minutes.
“It’s not much,” she said, rolling the dolly toward him. “But it will do at a pinch.”
He would have welcomed any excuse to get away from the mother hens’ knowing looks. He hightailed it, boxes in tow, moving at record speed, leaving the three women alone.
Even before he’d made it out the door Judy’s excited squeal echoed throughout the building, across the city, across his stampeding heart.
“Tell me the truth. You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
He turned, waiting at the doorway to hear Abby’s answer. The two women had practically pounced on her, were holding her hands and excitedly asking her questions.
As if sensing he still stood there, she glanced toward the doorway, met his gaze. Deep emotions shot across the room, deep pleas. Pleas for exactly what Dirk wasn’t sure, neither was he sure he wanted to know.
Abby needed him. How could he be there for her when there wasn’t anything left of him to give?
“Tell us.” Judy wrapped her arm around Abby’s shoulder in a motherly hug. “Are you pregnant or not?”
“Regardless, we love you and are here for you,” Joyce added. “You know that.”
Did they even know he still stood here? He held his breath, waiting, wondering, knowing it was impossible, knowing it was damned well possible. He’d made love to Abby quite vigorously. Twice.
“Don’t be silly and start rumors,” she said with a falsely bright voice, looking from one of the ladies to the other, then at him. Their gazes met, clung to each other.
Don’t say it, Abby. Don’t say that there is any possibility you might be pregnant.
“Of course I’m not pregnant.”
Which should have relieved him, but her eyes told a different story.
All eight of Santa’s reindeer drop-kicked Dirk in the gut at once, knocking his breath out of him and stomping him to smithereens while he was down.
Abby might be pregnant with his baby.
What had he done?
“This is crazy,” Abby protested when Dirk pulled his truck into a parking space at the pharmacy.
After his terse “We’ll talk when we’ve finished delivering” they’d continued in virtual silence. They’d delivered to the public housing residents on her list. They’d smiled and said all the appropriate things to the grateful recipients, but there had definitely been underlying tension.
Abby didn’t feel tense. Not really.
She felt numb. Perhaps in denial. Yes, she’d missed her period. Two of them. But she’d been irregular on occasion in the past, so that was the likely explanation. Certainly, she hadn’t thought anything of her missed periods. They’d always come and gone as they pleased.
Plus, there were the increased demands on her time with her Christmas volunteering. Although she loved what she did, believed one hundred percent in making the holidays brighter for others, the workload was stressful.
Stress. Stress did a lot of things to the body and could be the reason for the missed periods. She hoped it was. Really hoped it was.
Which was why she didn’t want to walk into the drugstore and buy the item she knew he’d come for, although, from the moment he’d turned off the ignition, they’d just sat in silence.
What if she was pregnant? What if the test came back positive? Then what? Hadn’t he already told her he didn’t do relationships? Yet he’d gone with her today. God, the man confused her. She really couldn’t be pregnant.
“I’m probably not.” She battled the tightening of her throat that she might be. “You used condoms.”
She was twenty-five years old. Why was her face on fire at saying the word “condom” out loud? Here they were discussing the possibility of having a baby and she was blushing over contraceptives?
Gripping the steering wheel, he stared out the windshield at some unknown object. “Women get pregnant all the time despite having used a condom.”
God, he sounded so terse, so like he hoped she wasn’t pregnant. Despite understanding and feeling exactly the same way, his reaction stung. No doubt having her pregnant with his child would be a nightmare to Dirk. After all, he’d only slept with her because they’d been grieving. Although, admittedly, the intensity of his grief had caught her off guard. But there had been sexual attraction between them, too. Lots of sexual attraction. She hadn’t imagined the sparks, the way his gaze had lingered when they’d first made eye contact, the way he’d seemed shocked by the physical awareness zipping back and forth. But women used for sex weren’t supposed to end up pregnant.
Oh, God. Dirk had used her. Two months had passed before he’d asked her out again. That had only been after she’d initiated contact outside work, after getting him to be Santa. The physical attraction was there, but obviously Dirk wasn’t interested in a relationship.
The morning they’d made love, they’d shared a physical attraction, an emotionally wrenching work experience, sex, a budding friendship, and, possibly, made a baby.
Just the thought had her hand going back over her belly. Was Dirk’s baby nestled inside her, growing and wanting to be loved? If she was pregnant, and, God, she hoped she wasn’t, but if she was, she would love this baby. A baby she and Dirk had made.
Maybe made.
“Don’t do that,” he snapped.
“What?” Startled by his outburst, she jerked around in the passenger seat to look at him.
His blanched white fingers clenched the steering wheel. His face looked just as pale. “Cover your abdomen as if…as if you are.”
Was the idea that repugnant to him? Of course it was. She was the one longing for a family, longing for someone to love, and the idea of an unplanned pregnancy left her in a cold sweat. No wonder Dirk was pale. Such a gorgeous man probably had loads of people to love, loads of people who loved him. A baby with a woman he’d used
was the last thing he’d want or need.
Then another thought hit her. Was there someone already in his life?
Oh, God. Was that why he was so upset? Although she’d never heard of anyone special in his life, she wasn’t privy to the intimate details of his life. Actually, his private life was just that. Private. She’d never heard anyone speak of outside work activities involving the man gripping the steering wheel so tightly there was likely to be finger impressions when he let go.
“Is there someone in your life, Dirk? Someone who will be upset if I’m pregnant?”
He didn’t answer her, just gripped the steering-wheel all the tighter, his fingers digging into the dark leather. “If you’re pregnant. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”
A baby. That’s what they were dealing with. She wanted to scream at him. But she bit her tongue, reined in her anger. She couldn’t lash out. Not when deep down she didn’t want a pregnancy any more than he did. It was just…just what? She wanted him to be happy he’d made her pregnant when she wasn’t happy about the idea herself?
Wasn’t that irrational? Could she blame it on hormones? She winced. She could, but she wouldn’t believe it. But if she wasn’t pregnant, this was all immaterial, all stress and angst for nothing.
She sighed. As much as she didn’t want to walk into the store and purchase a pregnancy test, he was right. They had to know. Had to figure out what they were going to do if she had gotten pregnant that morning.
There went the rest of her life, all riding on the results of a plastic stick.
She reached for the door handle, but Dirk’s hand shot out, stopping her.
“No, that’s not fair to you. I’ll go and buy the test.” He squeezed her hand, held on another few seconds, as if for his own reassurance. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, Abby. This isn’t easy. Just…just wait here.”
With that, he leapt out of the truck and flew into the store as if he’d been snacking on Santa’s reindeers’ magic corn.
Dirk supposed it was only appropriate that he be surrounded by Christmas hell while he waited on Abby’s sofa to find out if he’d made her pregnant.
