“I’ve seen the church,” he said.
“You, Autumn and Maura should come.”
The bell sounded on Mr. Feazell’s door and within seconds Autumn bounded through the curtain’s opening with a white paper sack bulging with candies. “We got lots more candy and GiGi took a bunch of pictures,” she said.
Maura followed her into the tiny space, and it didn’t take Hannah more than a moment to see that something had changed in the woman’s disposition during the time she’d been away. Her eyes were moist with unshed tears, and her mouth quivered slightly.
Autumn didn’t notice anything but Hannah, and Hannah kept her attention by surveying and marveling over all of the candy she had in the bag, while Matt stood and moved toward his mother-in-law. He held up a finger to Hannah, then he and Maura exited the display area and whispered outside.
The majority of their words were muttered so softly that Hannah couldn’t make them out, and Autumn’s exclamations about the candy drowned out a portion as well, but Hannah did catch enough to understand why her temperament had changed so dramatically during their walk to and from the Sweet Stop.
“She didn’t say a thing, not to me or to the guy at the candy store. Not one word.”
A few minutes later, Hannah heard the bell on the door again then saw Maura slowly walking toward the fountain in the center of the square. Autumn noticed, too.
“Where’s GiGi going?”
Matt had returned to the display area and squatted down next to them on the floor. “GiGi is going to sit by the fountain and watch the geese for a little while,” he said, but Hannah detected the sadness in his tone. She knew Maura had been upset that Autumn hadn’t opened up to her, as well. But she would, eventually, if Hannah had her way.
God, let that be part of Your plan, that Autumn will open up to everyone, not just me. And help Maura be patient while she’s waiting to reconnect with her granddaughter.
“She gave me the phone before she left,” Matt said, extending the cell phone toward Hannah.
“Thanks.” For a brief moment, Hannah’s fingertips brushed against his as she took the phone. She glanced up, found that he also looked at the place where their skin touched. Hannah fumbled over the keys on the phone and tried to determine how to review the photos that Maura had taken.
“Here, let me help,” he said, but instead of taking the phone from her, he eased his hand around hers and then guided her to the correct keys. “There they are. This arrow button will let you look through them, and you can zoom out with this one here.”
Hannah swallowed, nodded. “Thanks.”
“See that picture with all of the chocolate stuff,” Autumn said, twisting to look at the phone’s display. “That’s the one I want to do first.”
Hannah found the photo, zoomed it out and turned it so Autumn could see.
“Yes, that one.” Autumn drew her brows together and rummaged through the box of tiny candies that Mr. Feazell had found this morning. Her tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she withdrew tiny chocolate cupcakes, a tray of fudge and some miniature chocolate-covered strawberries.
Hannah opened the back of the tiny display case for the candies, and Autumn began carefully placing the items inside. Hannah watched her situate a row of cupcakes. “You’re doing a great job,” she said.
“Thanks! What do you think, Daddy?” She turned the case to let him see the cupcakes, all lined up across the mini shelf.
“It’s beautiful, sweetie,” he said.
Autumn continued placing the cupcakes and candies, while Matt and Hannah worked together to praise her efforts and make sure she had whatever she needed to put the items in place. Matt also helped Hannah find additional faux flowers to match the ones in the windowsills above the candy store, and the two of them worked together to create the window boxes of cascading plants for the candy store dollhouse.
After about an hour, Matt stretched. “I’ve gotta stand up.” He rose from the floor, and his knees cracked loudly.
Hannah laughed. “Guess you’re used to standing when you work, huh?”
“Definitely,” he said, rolling his neck as he spoke. He scanned the area outside the window and then asked, “Is that your father?”
Hannah followed his gaze to see Maura sitting on one of the benches near the fountain and next to her, Hannah’s father. The two tossed bread toward a group of geese. Their heads moved as they talked, and she even saw her father laugh at something Maura had said. “Yes, that’s Daddy. He used to go to the fountain regularly and feed the geese, but he doesn’t come to the square that often anymore.”
“He came today,” Matt reminded.
She nodded. “He came today because he wanted to talk to me about my— Well, about some things that were bothering him. I guess he decided to feed the geese while he was here.”
“Well, I’m glad they’re visiting. Maura hasn’t had an opportunity to meet too many people since we moved here. She mainly stays at the house and basically only leaves to take Autumn to and from school, go grocery shopping, that type of thing. She could use a friend, especially one that makes her smile.”
Hannah saw that now both of them had their heads tossed back, and from the way her father pointed to one of the bigger birds, they were apparently laughing at something one of the geese had done. She smiled at the two of them. It was amazing, seeing her father actually laughing, appearing to enjoy himself, after so many years.
“You know,” Hannah said, again deciding to jump on an opportunity, “Maura would meet a lot more people if y’all came to church. Especially tomorrow, since we’re having the fall fellowship and all.”
“Daddy? Can we? Can we go to church with Miss Hannah tomorrow?”
Hannah ran her palm down Autumn’s silky curls. “Yeah, can you?” she teased.
He laughed. “How can I say no?”
“You can’t!” Autumn said, standing and reaching toward her father to give him a hug.
He hugged her back. “You’re right, precious. I can’t.” He peered over her shoulder to look at Hannah. “Okay, what time is the service, and what can I bring for that meal?”
“Ten o’clock, and I’m bringing plenty of food, so don’t bring a thing.”
“All right then, it’s a date,” he said.
“It’s a date,” Hannah repeated. And although it wasn’t a date in the traditional sense of the word, with the way her heart was beating, she was even more excited.
Chapter Three
Matt woke Sunday morning realizing that Hannah Taylor had done something that he hadn’t been certain was even possible anymore. She’d made him feel alive again, like he could have a chance at experiencing life again, experiencing a relationship again. Since he met her, he found himself thinking about her more often than not, hearing her laughter in his thoughts, seeing her smile, picturing the way her eyes darken when she’s happy. And for the first time in two years, he imagined himself finding love again. No, not love with just any woman, but love with Hannah. He could see her beside him, growing closer to each other, and the two of them forging the type of relationship that would last a lifetime.
But there was a definite problem with any type of future Matt could visualize with Hannah Taylor, and that involved the words that had troubled him since yesterday afternoon, playing through his mind continually in a loop and keeping him awake for the majority of last night. Hannah’s words.
“Because of my cancer, I didn’t want to get close to someone and then put them in the situation of going through those treatments, all of that waiting and wondering and hoping with me. So I’ve kept to myself the past few years.”
By the time Matt, Maura and Autumn were in the car and headed to church, Hannah’s statement had become a haunting declaration of the very reason that Matt could never have a relationship with the captivating woman.
“I can’t go through that again,” he said, more to himself than to anyone in the car.
Maura, ever observant, turned toward him an
d asked, “Can’t go through what, William?”
“Matt,” he corrected, and gave her a smile.
“Still can’t get used to that, but I’m trying,” she admitted. “But don’t change the subject. Something’s been bothering you all morning, and I didn’t want to ask in front of Autumn, but since she’s into her movie, I’d really like to know.”
He glanced in the rearview mirror to see Autumn, settled in the backseat with her headset on and already picking up where she left off yesterday in Finding Nemo. Matt often wondered if the similarities between Autumn and the little fish were what drew her to her favorite movie. Nemo lost his mother and had a father who had a hard time connecting with his child and who definitely had a difficult time learning to trust again, to live again. Come to think of it, the similarities between Marlin, Nemo’s dad, and Matt were pretty uncanny too.
“William?” Maura prodded then amended, “Matt? What can’t you go through again?”
He lowered his voice, in case Autumn could hear beyond the headset. “Letting myself care,” he said simply. But if he were completely honest, he’d have said, “Letting myself love.”
Her mouth tightened, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re talking about Hannah Taylor, aren’t you? I thought I detected something between you two. It’s been a long time since I saw that look in your eye, but I was fairly certain…”
“What look?” he asked, glancing at her momentarily but then quickly taking his eyes back to the road.
“The look you had toward Rebecca when you first met, the look that said you were fascinated by her and that you were thinking of her as something more than a friend.” She squeezed his shoulder. “That look.” When he didn’t speak, she sighed. “Listen, there is no reason that you should spend the rest of your life alone. It isn’t what Rebecca would have wanted, and it isn’t what I want either, just in case you’re wondering. You’re a young, healthy man who should enjoy life to its fullest, and that beautiful sweet Hannah has obviously captured your interest, something no one else has done in two years, I’d guess. There’s no reason you shouldn’t ask her out.”
“Yes, Maura, there is,” he said, turning onto the road leading to the church.
She huffed out a breath. “Well, I’m listening. What is it?”
Matt decided there was no way to sugarcoat the facts, so he didn’t try. “She has cancer. Breast cancer.”
“She’s in remission,” Maura clarified.
He nodded. “Yes, but you and I both know that the fact of the matter is that her cancer can come back. Do you really think that’s anything I should put Autumn through again? Let her get attached to someone and then let her watch them die again?” He continued toward the church parking lot. No, he didn’t want to put Autumn through it again, but he also couldn’t put himself through it again.
Maura only hesitated for a moment before spouting her case. “So you’re going to live your life in fear of losing someone you love again,” she said, her tone resolute. “Everyone dies, William. Eventually we lose the ones we love. That’s simply a fact of life. I lost Nolen ten years ago and Rebecca two years ago. I loved them both dearly, but I had to keep living. I had no choice. Life still goes on.”
“Maura, that isn’t what I’m talking about. This, with Hannah, is different. She has the potential to die of the exact same disease as Rebecca. I simply can’t put Autumn through that again, let her get attached and love someone that way and then lose her again.” He parked the car, motioned to Autumn to find a stopping place in the movie and waited for her to press the pause button before turning off the ignition.
“But don’t you see?” Maura whispered. “Autumn is already attached to her. That’s the whole reason we’re going to see Hannah each day, because she’s the only person Autumn has really connected with since we lost Rebecca. Either way, Autumn would be upset if anything happened to Hannah. But Hannah is in remission, and I certainly don’t see why you should risk having a relationship again simply because of what might happen in the future.”
He shook his head, about to argue his point a little more, but then he heard the unsnap of Autumn’s seat belt. “Yay, we’re here!” She leaned forward to stick her head between their seats and peer toward the church building. “And there’s Miss Hannah!” And suddenly, just like that, Matt found himself looking toward the Claremont Community Church with the apprehension of a kid heading to the tree on Christmas morning, except it wasn’t presents that he wanted to find.
It was Hannah.
“Yes, there she is,” he responded, and he couldn’t hold back a smile of appreciation at the exquisite woman standing near the church steps and waving at them.
Maura nodded. “In case you’re wondering, that’s the look I was talking about.” She raised her brows and pointed to Matt’s face.
Matt tried to think of a response, but luckily Autumn’s excited squeal saved him.
“Look! She’s wearing those shoes I like!”
He noticed the sparkly silver ballet slippers that Hannah had on the first day they’d seen her at the toy store. The remainder of her outfit was equally eye-catching. She wore a Kelly green short-sleeved sweater and a matching floral skirt. Something on the top left side of her sweater caught the sunlight and glistened, and he noted the pink ribbon pin, he assumed a staple in Hannah’s daily wardrobe. She looked more spring than fall, even though today was the 2nd of October. But somehow, on Hannah, the look seemed to fit as a statement of life, the fact that she survived a battle and was still going strong, pushing forward and ready to live, like those bright spring flowers covering her skirt.
He recalled that same look of triumph on his patients’ faces at the research center in Atlanta. Most of their faces, anyway. Occasionally, he saw another look, one of defeat. That was the look that hurt the most, especially the day he saw it on Rebecca’s face. He didn’t ever want to see that look on Hannah’s face, which was why he didn’t need to let his feelings toward her go beyond friendship. And it also meant that somehow he needed to control Autumn’s closeness with Hannah.
Autumn quickly got out of the car. “Can I go ahead and see her? Please?”
How in the world would he ever curb Autumn’s enthusiasm toward Hannah? And how could he, when Hannah was the only person who’d gotten his little girl out of her shell?
“Can I, Daddy?”
“Sure,” he said, gathering their Bibles from the console. He looked at the shiny leather exteriors, hardly touched in the past two years. Thankfully, he’d known where they were on the bookshelf in his home office. He may not have been to church in a while, but he knew to bring the Good Book when he went.
The Good Book. That’d been Rebecca’s term, and he’d adored the reverent phrase. She’d carried her Bible everywhere, right up until those last few months, when her faith began to waver. At the very end, however, during those last days, she’d found God again. But somewhere around that same time, Matt had lost Him. Looking at the steepled white building, the people gathering to worship together and the children happily chatting, he realized that he’d missed more than having someone special in his life. He’d missed all of this, missed having faith, missed having God.
“Maybe it’s time,” he said as he climbed from the car.
Like earlier, Maura didn’t miss his statement. “Maybe it is,” she agreed. She waited for him to make it around the front of the car and then joined him to walk toward the building. “I meant what I said before. Rebecca wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone forever,” she said, her words quietly spoken. “Maybe it is time.” She looked toward Autumn, now hugging Hannah’s legs. “Hannah Taylor is a beautiful young woman, and she has a good heart. You can see that just looking at her. Autumn obviously has been touched by her.” She paused her steps. “And you can’t make decisions about your future, and about Autumn’s future, based on what-ifs. You’re interested in Hannah, and you’d be a fool not to see where that interest will take you. It’s been two years, and I agree that it
is time for you to live again.”
Matt was floored. “Maura, you misunderstood. I wasn’t talking about dating again.” He indicated the Bibles and held one out to her. “I was talking about this—church and God. I was saying that maybe it’s time to come back to church, and back to Him.”
Autumn’s giggle lifted on the breeze and carried a burst of hope straight to his heart. His little girl was coming back to them, and he was thrilled.
Maura noticed him smiling at his daughter and at Hannah, who’d evidently said something about her shiny shoes that made Autumn laugh.
“Well, maybe it’s time for all of it,” she said, undeterred as she accepted the Bible. She ran a hand across the soft red leather. “Church, God…and living again. Dating again.” She nodded pointedly, as though the matter had been decided.
Matt was grateful that the church members didn’t mind passing them by in the parking lot and also didn’t appear to hear any of this conversation as they moved toward the building. All said hello or nodded, or issued some other type of greeting as they passed, but they didn’t eavesdrop, which was good, considering how uncomfortable he was with this conversation.
Maura tucked her Bible close to her chest. “I can tell you aren’t in the mood to talk about it now.”
“No, Maura, I’m not,” he said then thought about how negative that sounded and how truly blessed he was to have her here. “But I do appreciate how concerned you are for me and for Autumn. You know that. Now, let’s go catch up with Autumn and see if we can remember how all of this goes. It’s kind of odd feeling like a fish out of water at church.”
“I think you’re making a mistake,” she mumbled, but then her attention moved from Matt to Autumn and Hannah, waving at three people nearing them on the sidewalk. Bo Taylor walked beside a red-haired man and a pretty, very pregnant brunette. They all waved back and all three smiled, though Bo looked a bit apprehensive as he moved closer to the building.
Healing Autumn's Heart (Love Inspired) Page 5
