He drew back and gave a soft laugh. “There was no letting, sweetheart. This is where you belong. We would’ve brought you here sooner if we could’ve.”
“I love the house, love the yard.” I scooted down and laid my cheek over his heartbeat, strong and sure and comfortingly real. “Are there daffodils, in the spring?”
“Not yet. Time to plant some soon, if you want.”
“I do, bucketsful, all colors and shapes and sizes.” I yawned and closed my eyes, smiling as I imagined the future we would make. “In February, the yard will be a riot of yellow heads, bobbing up and down in the breeze, and we’ll pick tons of them and put them in vases all over the house. Willow will love them.”
“If she doesn’t eat them.”
I laughed around another yawn and my heart matched the rhythm of his. “We can plant daylilies and irises, and oregano. We need oregano.”
The bedroom’s door squeaked, and a moment later, the mattress dipped under Jason’s weight. “Oregano means spaghetti, right?”
Eric snorted. “Do you think about anything besides sex and food and basketball?”
“Sure,” Jason said easily. “I think about y’all and my truck all the time.”
I snickered into Eric’s t-shirt. “He means he thinks about us having sex in his truck.”
“Eh. Too messy.” Jason slid a hand down my back. “Why are you still dressed?”
“Waiting for you,” I said. “Where were you?”
“Snack. So, what did I miss?”
“Daffodils,” Eric said. “You caught pretty much everything else.”
I pushed myself off of Eric and stood. “And y’all have been so eager to talk through your bond around me.”
“We’re trying the privacy thing.” Eric propped his hands behind his head, watching me undress in the near dark. “Usually not in the bedroom though.”
“Never in the bedroom,” Jason declared. He inched Eric’s shirt up and pressed nibbling kisses along the pale skin he’d exposed. I never get tired of doing that.
Oddly, his thought made both my bond with him and my bond with Eric ping and stretch. My mind whirled. I touched my forehead and swayed. What was that? What had he done?
We want to re-establish one tonight, or try. Eric braced himself on his elbows. The glow in his eyes intensified, clearly visible even in the shadows. If you’re ready.
A hollow fear surged upward so suddenly I gasped.
“I don’t…” The words were tight, thin. The last time we’d tried that, I’d gone crazy, succumbing to the shadows. I’d lost the light, nearly lost them, and found something so terrible, so horrifyingly real. Memory and blood and death, memory, blood, death, memoryblooddeath. The fear collapsed inward, reducing to a single point of sick agony. I doubled over and retched, and Jason and Eric scrambled off the bed, bracketing me, surrounding me, saving me as they had from the very first moment they’d stepped out of the shadows into the light.
Eric’s hand circled over my back, leaving a warm trail along my skin. “It’s ok. We don’t have to try again.”
I inhaled through my nose. Bile choked me, threatening to spill over. I swallowed it down, willed it back. “Jason was hurt. Jason was… And you, Willow. I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose you again.”
But I remembered what it was like, the communion of one, the awareness of everything that was them and me, that perfect moment when we’d joined together, three impossibly becoming one. Beautiful. Solid. Tempting. I remembered wanting it, too, desperately needing to join with them in a way I could never do if I were human.
Even over the pain and horror, through the clawing fear and agonizing doubt, I wanted it still, just not at the expense of the people I loved. Not at the expense of myself.
What a fool I was, thinking I was ready for it, marching myself steadily along this path with an arrogant confidence when the fear had been waiting in ambush this whole time, patiently seeking the perfect opportunity to strike.
Elizabet thought she was strong enough?
She will be. Eric, patient, calm. Soon.
“Soon,” I echoed. “When I know I can control it.”
They whipped around, staring at me.
“What? You think I can’t hear you when we’re this close?” I shook my head. “I thought we’d already settled that.”
Eric’s mind pulled back completely, his warm presence cutting off abruptly, leaving a gaping hole in my head.
“Ow.” I gritted my teeth and wheezed through the dizzying sense of loss. “Damn it, Eric, come back.”
“Give me a minute.”
Something riffled through my mind. Lights flashed in random sequence behind my eyes and memory surfaced, vignettes I’d never known I held. Mama laying in a hospital bed, crying into Daddy’s shoulder, weariness clinging to every line of his body…
(…sorry, baby, so sorry. Mama, fingers curled into fists. I wanted him so much, wanted to give you a son…)
The sorrow welled up from the depths of forgotten memory, pulsing through every atom in my body, engulfing me. Miscarriage. A tear slid down my cheek. Mama had had a miscarriage I hadn’t known about. How did I know now?
“It feels like you were young,” Eric murmured. His fingers gripped mine tightly. “Two maybe?”
“Come back now,” I sobbed. “Please, Eric.”
A baby’s wails rose from the other bedroom. Jason pushed away from us and left, and a moment later, Willow’s sobs subsided into sniffles.
A railroad spike of pain stabbed through my mind and I screamed, cutting it short with a grimace. Couldn’t wake the baby again. Couldn’t upset her.
“Found it.” Eric exhaled heavily and loosened his grip on my hand. “Just a minute more, baby. Hold on for me.”
Blue light flashed through my mind, followed by a greasy, roiling cloud of shadow.
I rocked forward, bowing my head under their weight. “No. No. Please stop.”
“Not long…”
Onward they came, memoryblooddeath, and a chilling voice heralded their ultimate victory.
Did you miss me, little Gianna?
Selena, coated red with viscera, her dead eyes crazy and mean. I screamed at her and held my hands out, warding her off. A pinpoint of light grew behind her. I pushed with all my might, pushed her hard into it, and she fell, piercing herself through the heart. The light flooded my mind, wiping it clean, chasing the shadows far away, and I went limp and sagged against Eric.
“There, now,” he said, and he was back in my mind, right where he belonged. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I laughed shakily and pushed away from him. “You’re so lucky I’m a pacifist.”
“You are not.”
He sounded so pleased with himself, so smugly certain, I smacked his stomach. The blow was weak, more from a lack of strength on my part than a lack of intent, but it did what I wanted it to. It reminded him I was his wife and not nearly as weak as he thought.
He laughed and fended off another blow and pulled me into a stand. “Hit me if you need to, Gigi.”
“Don’t ever do that again.” Whatever it was. My knees threatened to buckle. I flopped onto the bed and rolled over on my back, staring up at him. “What did you do?”
“Found the base of one.”
My eyes went wide. “You what?”
He stretched out beside me and propped himself up on an elbow. “Found the base of the bond between the three of us. It shattered, sure, but the remains are still there.”
“And you, what, rebuilt it?”
“Can’t do that, not on my own. That takes the will of all three of us, but I can heal that space in your mind.” He lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe help you down the line.”
“I want to try again, to re-connect with y’all that way. No, I do,” I said when he gave me a skeptical look. “I guess I didn’t realize how afraid I was of everything going wrong until…”
“Hey, it’s ok. We understand. There’s no
hurry.”
I probed our bond, certain he wasn’t being entirely honest. Don’t know how I knew that, only that I did. He was worried about something, something he was trying to prepare for. The storeroom downstairs popped into my mind along with half a dozen other things. The alliances he was making, his choosing Jason for a favorite, pushing Jason and himself to become stronger because that’s what we needed to do to survive. Eric needed us to be as strong as we could be, for him, for us, for our family.
I drew in a shaky breath and met his gaze in the meager light. He played the long game, always had, and he believed we needed to re-establish one.
And I was too weak to do it.
My heart calmed, settling into a normal pace, and my breaths evened out. “Nathaniel’s coming up in a few days for his first night with me.”
“I know.”
I shifted onto my side and threw a leg over both of his. “I thought I’d try Darien, too. He’s strong, his blood’s rich. And he could be a useful ally.”
A slow smile spread over Eric’s mouth. “There’s no hurry, baby.”
I pressed my mouth to his, once, and again. God, I loved that, loved his touch, loved that he was trying to give me time to heal, time to find my control. My husband. My sweet, beautiful husband. “Yes, there is,” I said softly. “You need me to be stronger. I’ll work harder at it, for you.”
“For us.” He cupped my face, sliding his fingers softly over my skin. “For all of us, ok?”
I nodded and kissed him, loving him the way he loved me, enough to sacrifice everything he was and then some.
Chapter Four
Three days, three glorious days with my family, taking care of Willow, sleeping every night surrounded by the two men I loved best. It was the most wonderful feeling, being there with them. Around school and teaching, Eric helped me build a mental cage around my shadows. Around school and basketball, his last season at Tech, Jason tested my control, pushing me to the edge of my limits, then well past them.
He was always there to pull me back.
I was never alone with Willow, couldn’t be until my control was firmly in place, but I cared for her nearly the whole time, cramming in every moment with her that I could. She seemed to grow right before my very eyes, though her vocabulary remained stubbornly composed of two words, Dada and no. I chased her around the house, crawling after her, laughing and playing. Every once in a while, I coaxed her into a stand, hoping she’d take her first step while I was there. She held on to my fingers and refused to step forward or back, simply standing there bouncing gleefully, her gurgling laughter spilling through the house.
At night, I’d tuck her in and sing a lullaby. Faded jeans. Ok, not much of a lullaby, but it was a connection between me and my mother and Emily, and now Willow. Three generations of strong women. Three generations of love. It was the only thing I could give her of the woman who’d raised me and the girl who’d been my sister, for now, anyway, so I shared it with her, singing her to sleep while the moon and stars painted on her walls glowed softly around us.
Eric and Jason and I made love every night, all three of us tangled up together, and here, the love was so strong, I forgot my fears, forgot the shadows, forgot all the reasons I had to play it safe. On our last night together, I lay cradled between them, Jason behind me, Eric facing me, our fingers twined with one another’s.
“I want to try again,” I said, breaking the silence. “Eric can guide me. We can rebuild one right on top of the old base. That’ll be easier than doing it from scratch, won’t it?”
She’s fucking kidding, right?
Eric, smiling. She can hear you, Jase.
“Right. Sorry.” Jason shifted behind me, edging closer, and his near-constant erection prodded my bottom. “You sure about this, Gigi?”
“No, I’m not sure.” But that wasn’t right, not exactly. The last time, it had been so beautiful being in their minds, gliding along their bond, so peaceful right up until the moment my body and mind had rejected it. “Never mind. Maybe we should wait until Marco at least is around.”
“Forget it,” Eric said flatly. “That ass horns in on us too much as it is.”
“Cut it out, Eric. Jesus.” Jason’s voice held a touch of humor mingled with exasperation. “He’s trying to help us.”
“He’s trying to steal you from me.”
“You mean from us,” I said blandly. “Right?”
“Only child syndrome,” Jason murmured. “Never learned how to share his toys.”
“You’re not a toy,” Eric snapped, but there was a hint of laughter underneath. “And no, I meant me. Marco would never come between the two of you, but he’d sure as hell love to separate either one of you from me, just because he can. He’s a sadistic bastard.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Now who’s being the ass?”
“Fuck it. Marco’s half in love with you and you know it.” Jason stretched a long arm out and grabbed Eric’s chin. “Not that it matters. You’re mine and I’m not sharing you.”
I elbowed Jason lightly in his ribs. “Hey!”
“You don’t count.”
He let go of Eric’s chin and dragged a fang lightly along my shoulder, raising a thin line of blood. I could feel it welling up through the tear in my skin, feel it leaving my body, nourishing him. He latched his mouth over the cut and sucked, and heat spread outward, pebbling my nipples into tight nubs, shivering over my skin and through my veins, pooling between my legs in a rush of liquid need.
Eric’s hand untangled from ours and slid down my skin, taking the same path as the heat. His fingers brushed lightly over one nipple, tweaking it in gentle tugs. “I’ll guide you to the root of the bond. Jase and me, we can extend ourselves to you, but after that, it’s up to you. Pull your bonds with me and Jason toward the base of one. Use them to steady yourself.”
I could do that. Sure I could.
“Wait until we’re all joined,” he warned. “Don’t try it before then.”
I nodded. Blood and sex. We’d need both to complete the connection.
Jason licked the cut in my shoulder, sealing it, and drew away. His breath feathered over the wetness he’d left behind, and I shivered. “She needs to come first. It’ll help her loosen up.”
Eric’s eyes went completely black, the way they did when his beast arose. Oddly, it didn’t frighten me at all, though I was worried. I stroked a finger over his sternum and peeked into the seat of his emotions. Eagerness. Desire, wrenching in its strength. And a memory, of him and Jason holding an unknown woman down, making her come again and again with their mouths and tongues and fingers.
A tendril of envy threaded its way through me and I broke the connection.
Eric cupped my face. “Never fear the past, Gianna. It can’t be changed, and that particular incident may prove useful someday.”
I had no idea what he was talking about, but I did as he asked and let the envy slip away, along with the tiniest ping of hurt that they’d found another woman.
Jason rolled me over on my back and pinned one hand above my head. “You’re gonna like this, Gigi.”
“Mmm,” I said, pretty sure I would even if I didn’t exactly want to. Jason had a way of stretching boundaries that was sometimes less than comfortable for the people around him.
Eric pulled my other hand over my head and pressed it into the pillow. He shared a long look with Jason and leaned over me, capturing Jason’s mouth with his own. Jason mmmd and his hand tightened on mine, and Eric pulled me into our bond, sharing the pleasure of Jason’s kiss with me.
I relaxed and fell into it, savoring the love spooling between them. I loved watching them together, odd though it was. Sometimes I envied their closeness, especially all the memories they’d made while I’d been in the cage crawling my way back to a semblance of humanity, but mostly, I enjoyed it. Mostly, watching them make love turned me on.
An imp of mischief tapped on my shoulder and I closed my eyes, searching for a memory of the thr
ee of us making love. I wanted one where Jason had fucked Eric or vice versa, and frowned when I couldn’t find one, not originating within me. Surely they’d had sex with me around. I flipped through my memories again, all of them from the Now and the Before, what I’d managed to retrieve anyway, and came up empty.
Well. That was a situation I’d have to remedy soon.
My eyes popped open and I snickered. They were still kissing, seemingly lost in one another, so I took advantage. I reached gently out to them and eased my way into memory through the one place they could never close off to me, their hearts. There I found exactly what I was looking for. I teased the memory out of Eric, enriched it with my essence, and breathed it back to them, expanding sight and sense and sound, filling them with the beauty of the three of us learning one another. Jason laying flat on his stomach with his mouth on my pussy, Eric on top of him pumping slowly in and out of Jason’s ass. The sweeping pleasure, the sighs of release, the sharp scents of arousal and cum.
Jason shuddered and drew back, breaking the kiss. “Jesus, Eric, don’t project. That’ll send me right over the edge.”
“That wasn’t me.” Eric turned to me, his eyes black, his breaths panting out in harsh gasps. “What are you doing, Gigi?”
I grinned, the mischief far from gone. “Participating.”
Jason huffed out a laugh. “Jealous?”
“Nope,” I said cheerfully. “I just realized y’all have never made love with me around and I wanted to watch.”
“So you found one of my memories.” Eric shook his head, his mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “If you wanted us to do that, why didn’t you say so?”
“Didn’t think about it until just now.” I wiggled my hips, shifting on the bed into a more comfortable position. My hiney was going a little numb. Couldn’t have that. “Why don’t you have sex together when you’re with me?”
Jason stretched out on the bed, laying partially on top of me. “We can have sex anytime, me and Eric, but you we can’t have like that, not all the time.”
“We want our time with you to be with you, not an extension of what we’re already doing.” Eric leaned down and brushed his mouth over mine so fleetingly I barely tasted him. “Believe me. We do it a lot.”
The New Vampire Page 18
