Audra blinked, turned away. She had to think. It’s your fault, she wanted to tell him. Richard abuses me because I slept with you. Because of you I’m a soiled woman, filth! Oh, but it had seemed so beautiful and right at the time. And part of her knew it had not been a terrible, sinful thing. The worst part was that seeing him again brought back all the feelings she had so cleverly buried. Dear God, she still loved him! After what Richard had done to her, she never thought she could have these feelings for any man again, not even Lee.
“I…I’ve been ill, that’s all,” she answered. She breathed deeply for control, deciding she had better look like the blushing bride. Lee Jeffreys had a temper. If he thought anything was terribly wrong, whether her fault or his or Richard’s or her father’s, he would try to do something about it. That was the nature of the man, and he was a Yankee man, a Union man, an abolitionist; he was in territory belonging to some of the most devout proslavery people in Louisiana. Besides that, Richard knew Lee was the man she had slept with. If Richard caught him here…She shuddered. A confrontation would be a disaster, particularly for Lee, who had unknowingly walked into a great deal of trouble, unless she could make him leave before Richard returned. He had been gone over a week already. He could come back any day.
She faced Lee, putting on an air of confidence. “What’s done is done, and I am quite happy,” she told him. “I’m sorry, Lee, about not getting the letter, but it wouldn’t have made so much difference. I was promised to Richard for a long time, and once I got home, I knew this was where I belong. I also knew you would never be happy here. My marriage has made Father terribly happy, and Richard has helped Joey a great deal and is kind to him.” She walked back to her chair and nodded toward another. “Sit down, Lee. It is so hot, isn’t it? I remember your commenting to me last summer about how much more pleasant the summers were in Connecticut. I suppose you were right after all, but then the heat does not bother me so much as it probably bothers you.”
Lee just kept staring at her as she took her own chair. She was making idle conversation now. My God, did she really think she was fooling him? His letter wouldn’t have made any difference? He didn’t believe that for one minute. And look at her! What on earth was wrong with her marriage?
He decided that for the time being he would let her carry on and put on a good show. She reached out her hand to show him her sparkling ring. “We were married May thirteenth. Oh, it was a grand wedding! We have clippings from the newspaper about it. I’ll show them to you. In fact, Richard and I are holding a cotillion right here at Brennan Manor when he returns. The dance will be to celebrate our marriage with some of the local people. We were married in Baton Rouge. Once the elections are over and a proslavery man is in the White House, Richard and I are going to Europe for a delayed honeymoon.”
Lee came closer and took a chair, glancing at the ring. “Nice,” he commented. “What are Richard and your father doing in New Orleans?”
She withdrew her hand before he could take hold of it. She would be fine as long as he did not touch her in any way. Oh, but she needed desperately to be held, protected! Lee would do it if she asked him, but he was the last person who should know about the hell she had been living in.
“There is a meeting there of the most powerful men of Louisiana,” she said. “They are deciding what to do about getting a proslavery man elected to the Democratic party. The first convention was a failure, you know. No one could agree on anything. There will be another soon, this time in Baltimore. Father and Richard won’t be able to go, but they want to do what they can beforehand to get the proper delegate on the ticket.”
“It won’t matter,” he answered. “Abraham Lincoln is going to win.”
“Never! The South will unite and keep him out of the White House.”
What difference does it make right now? Lee thought. Right now I am looking at one of the unhappiest women I have ever seen.
Lena brought more lemonade and poured a glass for Lee. Joey returned and peppered him with questions. Lee mentioned he had been to the Republican convention, and both Joey and Audra wanted to know what it was like, what Chicago was like. Before long they were all talking like the old friends they had been back in Connecticut, and Lee thought Joey seemed a little happier. Maybe this Richard Potter was at least good to the boy. Maybe he treated Joey better than he treated his own wife.
He wished there was time to go back to Baton Rouge yet tonight and get the hell out of here. God, he still wanted her! Did he really have any business prying into her marriage? May thirteenth. Hell, that was only seventeen days ago. Something was very, very wrong here. She was carrying on as though she were a nervous wreck. And thin—she was so thin. Even if she did not love her new husband with any great passion, if he was kind to her, gentle with her, she should be at least reasonably happy. Maybe she had been ill. Maybe she was pregnant already. He hated to think it could be something worse.
Right now he felt like punching Bennett James right in the mouth for urging him to come here. Never had he felt so stupid and out of place. Hell, there were Negroes all over the place, one out cutting the lawn with a scythe, another tending the flowers. Audra ordered another to take care of Lee’s horse and bring in his leather bag. A young Negro girl came out to fan both of them, and he heard Lena order someone inside to get started with supper.
“Why don’t you have Joey show you around Brennan Manor?” Audra was saying. “I would like to freshen up. I just don’t know what has been wrong. After our beautiful wedding and our first several days of marriage, I became quite ill and was unable to eat, as you can probably tell. My clothes are beginning to hang on me in the most terrible way. If I don’t gain back some weight, I’ll have to have Henrietta take in all my clothes. She will raise a terrible fuss then! Oh, Lee, you must meet Henrietta. She is the fattest person in the entire world!” She laughed then, and for a brief second Lee thought the laughter was going to turn to tears. Her mouth started to curve down slightly, and her eyes watered.
She suddenly got up and walked away from him, taking several deep breaths before facing her brother. “Joey, go and put some shoes on. I want you to take Lee for a walk in the gardens out back, and show him the house, too.” Lee could see real tears in her eyes, in spite of her smile. Joey ran inside, and she folded her arms in a show of pride and authority. “Of course, it would be impossible to show you the entire plantation,” she said.
In Lee’s estimation she was stretching out her words more than normal, as though to emphasize her southern accent so he would be properly impressed with their differences. “It would take a couple of days to see it all, and, of course, I suppose you must leave tomorrow.”
Was that a hint that he had better leave tomorrow? “I probably will,” he told her.
She gave him a look that told him she was practically begging him to go. “Well, as I said, it would take days to see all of Brennan Manor and Cypress Hollow; and now I am in charge of both when Richard is gone. Why, I am the richest woman in Louisiana now, you know. You should have seen the crowd of spectators that turned out in Baton Rouge just to watch our wedding coach go from the church to my Aunt Janine’s house. It was a white carriage pulled by white horses, quite romantic. Richard wanted everything to be perfect. And he agreed that I can live right here at Brennan Manor most of the time, so I can be close to Joey.”
She walked closer to where Lee was still sitting, and her smile faded. “I truly am sorry, Lee,” she drawled, “about not getting the letter. You must be so embarrassed, but you shouldn’t be. I will always care deeply for you. You know that. And I dearly respect your coming here. If I had known, I would have answered the letter, and told you not to come. We both know Richard is by far the best man for someone like me. I knew that as soon as I got home again. It was just like you said—I had to come home to know what I really wanted.”
Lee did not remove his eyes from hers as he rose. “And you’re the most miserable liar I’ve ever met,” he told her bluntly, “as
well as the most miserable-looking new bride! There is something wrong here, Audra, and I’m not leaving until I know what it is. I’m probably the cause of it, but maybe I can fix it before I go.” He watched her eyes widen with something close to terror.
“No! You must leave in the morning, Lee, and never come back! I will talk to Joey and the house servants and make sure they never tell my father or my husband that you were here.”
Lee felt the rage returning. “Why, Audra?”
Again a mask came over her face. “Because you’re a Yankee. Why else? Right now Father and Richard would be outraged to know a Yankee man came visiting!”
“That isn’t the reason, and you know it! I’ll go make the rounds with Joey. I’ll take supper with you tonight, and maybe I’ll leave in the morning, because I can see by your eyes that you’re terrified that I won’t—and not because of what might happen to me. It’s because of what might happen to you, isn’t it! What have I walked into, Audra? What is going on?”
She stiffened. “It is none of your business anymore, is it? I am a married woman now, and that is that! You are the one who said it must be this way, and you should never have come here. Please just leave in the morning. We ended this once. You should never have started it again.”
“It was never really finished. If you had gotten my letters, it might all be different.”
“My God, Lee!” She raised her chin authoritatively. “It would have been the same. Look around you. You don’t belong here. You might have tried hard, but it never would have worked. Why couldn’t you have left it the way it was?”
He angrily reached into his pants pocket and pulled out some papers, slamming them down on the table. “Because of this! I found it at Maple Shadows, and I thought maybe it was a sign that I should try again, because no matter what our differences, I still love you, Audra Brennan! And you, by God, still love me!”
Audra stared dumbfounded at the familiar-looking stationery. With a shaking hand she picked up the sheets of paper, studied them a moment.
Lee, my love, Just as the sun shines, And the ocean wind blows wet and wild…
“Dear God,” she whispered. “I had forgotten that I left this there.” No, no! She must not cry! “I…I was like a child when I wrote this, Lee. It was before we ever—” She felt the heat coming into her face, and it had nothing to do with the weather. “You should have burned it,” she said, one tear finally slipping down her cheek.
Lee took the song from her and folded it, shoving it back into his pants pocket. “Never,” he answered. “Apparently it is all I will have left of you.” He ran a hand through his hair, turning away a moment to gather his thoughts. “It’s no one’s fault but my own. I failed you, Audra. I’m sorry.”
“We failed each other…and ourselves, but we both know what had to be. This home, Joey, my father, they are all still most important to me.”
“And that’s why you married Richard Potter, to protect Brennan Manor and Joey.” He turned to face her again. “Sometimes the things we hold dear are not always worth the price we pay for them, and if I had come sooner, I might have been able to find another way to convince you of that.”
Oh, if only she could allow herself to let him hold her, just for a little while. How safe she would feel in those strong arms! “Promise me you will leave in the morning.”
He reached out and brushed at the tear. “No promises, Audra. If you think I’m afraid of your father or Richard Potter, I’m not. But you are, aren’t you?”
She could not take her eyes from his. Never had a more blessed sight met her eyes than to see him standing right here in front of her, but it was all for nothing now.
“N-no,” she lied.
He leaned closer, grasping her arm. “I’m not leaving here until I know the truth about your marriage, Audra. You and I have some talking to do!”
Joey came back out then, eager and proud to show Lee around Brennan Manor. Lee let go of Audra, but he gave her a look that told her their conversation was not finished. He left with Joey, and Audra watched them, wondering how they both could have been so foolish as to think they couldn’t find a way to work things out.
The song…she had left the song in the desk at Maple Shadows. Since that first day she arrived back home, she had deliberately put it out of her mind. Now she wondered if leaving it behind had been the worst mistake of her life, and if Lee’s worst mistake had been letting the song bring him to Brennan Manor.
14
Lee swatted at a mosquito that buzzed near his ear, then sat up, wondering if it was the mosquito or the rumble of thunder that had awakened him. Brilliant flashes of lightning lit up the spacious bedroom like daylight, and in his sleepy state it took him a moment to remember where he was. He started to get out of bed to get himself a smoke when his feet got tangled in mosquito netting, and in a fit of anger he yanked it aside and rose.
Yes, he remembered, all right! He was in Louisiana, and he’d never had a more miserable night. The setting of the sun had done little to alleviate the heat, and now the air hung heavy and humid and still, waiting to be stirred by an approaching storm. The lightning hit again, and he could see his gear sitting on a nearby chair. He walked over to it and fished around for the box of thin cigars he carried in it, found one. He used the lightning flashes to make his way to the fireplace at one end of the dark room, where he found some long matches. He struck one and lit the cigar, wondering why in hell anyone in Louisiana would bother to put fireplaces in their homes. Did it really ever get cold enough down here to need them?
He took a drag on the cigar, wishing morning would come sooner, not even sure what time it was now. As soon as the sun was up, he was getting the hell out of here. He walked to the French doors that led out to a terrace, hoping to find a breeze, but there was none. Droplets of rain began pelting him, and he stood there and enjoyed it, letting the rain cool him until suddenly the heavens opened up and the rain beat on him so hard he had to go back inside. He closed the doors, and the wind finally picked up, blowing the curtains away from one window. He decided not to close it. It was too damn hot. Hell, let the floor get wet. What did he care?
He walked over and sat down in a chair near the window so he could feel the breeze. Part of him was glad he had come here, if for no other reason than to be able to see Joey again. The kid had grown, and his voice was deeper, but he still stuttered badly. He’d like to take him back north and send him to a special school where he was sure Joey could get help; but just as with Audra, he knew he’d never get the boy away from Brennan Manor. It was obvious by the way Joey proudly showed him around the sprawling mansion, and the way he talked about how big the plantation was, that the boy was solidly convinced this was where he belonged.
Lee suspected Joey really didn’t care for the responsibilities his father and Richard Potter were putting on him, that his main reason for staying on and struggling to build himself into the “ruling king” he was expected to be was because of a need to do something, anything, that would make his father proud of him. He could not imagine the boy ordering a whipping or buying and selling human beings at auction blocks. Joey would never be the kind of man his father expected of him, and Lee wanted to tell him to quit trying. But what business was it of his anymore? Fact was, it had never been his business.
He shouldn’t be concerned about Audra, either, but part of the reason he couldn’t sleep was the haunting terror in her eyes. Seeing this place, seeing how she handled the Negroes, her elegance, her authority, all told him she was right to come back here. She did belong at Brennan Manor; trouble was, she did not belong with Richard Potter. She had put on one hell of a show to make him think she was fine, but he knew better.
Oh, how she had carried on at the supper table about all the “grand” things she and Richard had planned. She bragged about this and bragged about that, told him about Richard’s valuable gun collection at Cypress Hollow, how the man had traveled to Europe and Africa and intended to take her to such exotic places s
ome day. She did not doubt that some day Richard would be governor of Louisiana, which would mean that she would rule the governor’s mansion.
Lightning flashed again, this time so close he heard a snapping sound. In almost the same instant thunder cracked in a mighty explosion that made him jump slightly. He stood up and began pacing, despising himself for not coming here sooner. He still loved her, dammit! And he knew by her eyes that Audra still loved him. For all her pretense at having done the right thing, there was a terrible sorrow in those eyes, and it came from something more than having seen her first lover again. The sorrow would not be there if she had married someone who was good to her, but no one could convince him that Richard Potter had been good at all. She had as much as admitted it earlier in the day, but then she had put on that front again, pretending all was well. If he thought for one moment that she was genuinely happy with her new husband, he could go home knowing that at least she would be loved and taken care of. Materially, she obviously would be taken care of, but a woman had more important needs that he suspected would never be fulfilled for Mrs. Richard Potter.
“You stupid son of a bitch,” he grumbled to himself. “You should have come down here right away and had it out with her father, given it a try!” He wished there were some magical way a man had of knowing exactly the right decisions to make in life. He and Joseph Brennan probably would have had their share of battles if he’d come here to live after all, but they might have been worth it if it meant not seeing that awful loneliness and even fear in Audra’s eyes.
The storm outside raged on, just like the storm in his heart. Thunder cracked nearby, muffling the sound of what seemed like a knock at the door. He glanced at it, waited. The rain poured down even harder. There it was again, a light, hesitant knock. He took the cigar from his mouth and went to the door to open it. Lightning flashed, and he saw her in the light. It was so hot she hadn’t even put on a robe. Her hair was brushed out over her shoulders, and she looked up at him with those exotic green eyes.
Tender Betrayal Page 19
