by Emma Quinn
Finally, I was finding myself as well as learning, which I didn’t even know that I needed to do.
“Well, thank you very much,” I replied gratefully. “I will definitely do an application. I appreciate the recommendation as well. I would love to get this. I’ll try not to get my hopes up too high though.”
“Believe in yourself,” Mr. Bond called after me as I walked away from his room. “You could get this. There is no reason why it shouldn’t be you. Remember that. I wouldn’t have put you forward for no reason.”
I waved at him, unable to hide my wide hopeful smile, as I left the classroom with the application form in my hand. I was going to give a lot to this because I knew all too well that companies wanted work experience as well as education. Just learning about something wasn’t enough, you had to live it for a bit as well, and this would look incredible on my resume. Having the support of my teacher would mean so much as well.
I climbed in to my car and head back to my apartment with my head spinning the entire time. I was mentally filling in my application form already, deciding what parts of myself that I was going to put forward. I was anxious about it, but I had to believe that I had something to offer. I’d spent so much of my life working hard and putting in the effort when others didn’t which had to mean something, along with my amazing grades… yep, I was going to do this. I was going to make it work for me, I was going to give it my all, make them feel lucky to have me…
What the hell? I had been working on this application for hours. Selling myself to the internship program wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. Just when I thought I had something good to say about me, I considered who I would be up against. People who had done things I couldn’t even dream of, people with even better grades and recommendations than me. Without anyone giving me a boost, I kept caving into self-doubt.
And now, to make everything a million times worse, there was a party going on somewhere in my building. A party so loud that it was giving me a headache. I couldn’t even think straight with the music and all the talking, never mind get this form done. With the way that it had been torturing me today I didn’t want to continue doing this tomorrow as well. I had other college projects that needed my attention and not much time to give it.
“Who the hell is that?” I flung my door open to listen out. I could hear the noise coming from down the stairs which was annoying because if the sound continued to creep up like it had been doing over the last hour then my apartment would be shaking. Since it was past midnight I felt like it was okay to go and ask them to keep it down.
This wasn’t student housing, this sort of thing wasn’t to be expected here. This was a proper apartment block and there had to be rules and regulations. I might have been seen as a party pooper but I really didn’t give a shit. This form had made me tetchy and irritated. I had let it go on for an hour or so hoping that it would calm down, but it hadn't. If I didn’t act soon then I was going to end up in a real mess. More stressed out than I already was.
I wasn’t normally so forth coming, but tonight I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I bounded down the stairs two at a time, a burning hot rage circling through my veins, until I found the apartment with the party going on. The door remained wide open as people filtered in and out of the apartment, and it was clear that the occupants of the apartment across the hall were involved in the activities which was why they weren’t complaining.
So many people in this building were going to hate me after this, but it had to be done.
“Excuse me,” I said to the first woman I came across, still in the hallway with a cigarette hanging out of her lips, completely ignoring all of the no smoking rules which was another irritation for me. I didn’t want the building that I had to live in as well to smell of smoke. They had to have removed the smoke alarm batteries as well which was a risk for everyone. Was it really worth it just so a few people could smoke? “Who’s party is this?”
“Guy who lives here.” She shrugged one shoulder at me. “I don’t know his name.”
“You’ve come to his party and you don’t even know him?” I couldn’t hide my shock. “Who does that?”
“Everyone. Who doesn’t do that? How do you think parties become ragers? It’s all part of the fun.”
“Well, this isn’t about to become a rager tonight, I can assure you of that,” I bit back. “Not when I find out who’s damn party this is. Other people have to live in this building as well, you know. It isn’t fair.”
“Urgh.” She rolled her eyes and twisted away from me, clearly seeing me as someone who wasn’t even worth the time of day. Well good, I didn’t have anything to say to her either. I did hear her shout some derogative things after me as I raced off but I didn’t give a shit. She was selfish, and I didn’t care about selfish people.
“Who’s party is this?” I cried out to people as I passed them. Most people didn’t even hear me because the music was so loud. What sort of party needed to have music like that? Didn’t anyone want to talk? “Who lives here?”
Sometime people yelled something back at me and a lot of the time it didn’t make any sense. The names I did get were never the same so it was impossible to work out who actually had anything to do with this place. I never cared enough to get to know any of my neighbors before, I wasn’t interested in them because I needed to focus on my work rather than worrying about making friends, but now I wished that I had taken just a little bit of notice. That way, I could actually try to find someone specific. Any minute now I was going to get so fed up of this that I would forget it and head back up the stairs to stew in my own misery and rage. If it got any worse then I would eventually need to call the cops to get the party stopped… then I would be the most despised person ever.
“Hey, girl!” I barely heard the voice over the beat, not until someone touched me on the shoulder making me jump. I wasn’t sure what it was about this person which made me so shocked because everyone else here had been bumping in to me the entire time. There was something oddly electrifying about it all. “Are you the one asking for me? Someone said that you are trying to find the person who lives here and who is having this party because both are me so I would be happy to have some kind of conversation with you… oh!”
“Jake?” Oh my God. A thick ball gets stuck in my throat. I can’t believe what the hell I’m looking at here. Ever since that dreaded night with the stupid sweet sixteenth and the dares, the night that tore us all apart and caused Brandon to move half way across the world, I hadn't given Jake a moment of my time because it was all his fault… I certainly never expected to run in to him here where I had started my new life… ruining it again.
He hadn't changed, he was still putting partying first, still not caring about his education, and still now. His stupid party was going to cost me my summer internship. What the hell was I going to do now?
“Mila, what the hell are you doing here?” He stepped back from me, looking as stunned as me, the ghost of our past floating between us.
“I could ask you the same question,” I rasped back. “What the hell are you doing here?”
8
Jake
M
y blast from the past stared at me with utter distaste, not that I could blame her. The last time I spoke to Mila was on that fateful night when everything fell apart and my life was ruined. Well, my life at high school anyway. I just about managed to shake off the past when I came to college, but the lessons that I’d learned still remained.
God, seeing her again was like a giant thump in the face. It struck me dead in the heart and left me utterly speechless. All I could see in mind’s eye was that awful interaction between us which made me push Brandon to do what he did. I was irritated because he asked her on a date and then left her alone, and back then I used to get obsessed with stupid little ideas, such as trying to punish Bandon for his behavior. I thought that it would make Mila feel better and me as well. I was always under the assumption that power would help me.<
br />
I was too much like my father then, I behaved like a rich bastard. But I wasn’t that person anymore, I had been slowly straying away from that version of myself ever since that night. But now, the night had followed me here.
“Are you at college here?” I gasped, now very shocked as I realized that if Mila truly was here then I was never going to be able to get rid of who I was forever. It would always follow me around in one way or another.
“Yes, I am. I live in this building actually, and I’m trying to get some work done.”
I resisted the urge to smile. I might have changed one hundred percent, but Mila was still the same person. “At this time of night? It’s far too late to be worried about work. You should be having fun.”
Her hands flung on to her hips and she narrowed her eyes angrily at me. “If I wasn’t working, I would be trying to sleep at this time of night. But I wouldn’t be able to do that either because of the noise. However, I am working because I have a very important application form to fill in for a summer internship…”
“Woah, you really are always thinking ahead, aren’t you?” I widened my eyes in shock. “Most people are simply trying to settle in and you’re already reaching for the stars. You will go far in life, Mila.”
I could see it now, her with some form of high flying career, clicking her impossibly high heels on the marble flooring of some sleek office somewhere, bossing her subordinates around and all of them being far too scared to argue with her, not that there was any point because she was so smart that she would always be right…
“If I don’t work hard then I won’t get anywhere. Not all of us have life handed to us on a plate…”
Huh, I guess she didn’t know that I lost everything that night then, including my trust fund. I suppose she wouldn’t because I hadn't exactly broad cast it around. I didn’t really have any friends to tell then anyway because I had the bad luck curse. But my father really cut me off. I pissed him off to the core which meant I had to find my own way in life. Not that I found that a problem, I was actually pleased it helped to build my character…
“I don’t have everything handed to me on a plate, Mila, or I wouldn’t be here. Why spend time at college when I could already be earning myself a fortune? You might not think it of me, but I don’t have it all.”
“Hey, Jake…” Almost as if she wanted to disprove my point completely, Helen, the tall blonde girl from my class slung her arm casually around my shoulder and yanked me close to her like I belonged to her. “You dancing?”
I watched Mila roll her eyes. Yep, it wasn’t going to be easy to prove to her that I wasn’t the same person.
“No, I’m not dancing.” I shook Helen off. “I’m actually having a conversation with my friend here.”
“Friend?” Mila and Helen both exclaimed this in shock at the same time, which nearly made me laugh.
“Yes, my friend. So, I will come and find you later on, maybe, Helen. Thank you.”
I shot her a pointed look but to be honest, Helen was much too drunk to see that. Thankfully, her friend grabbed her attention and she bounced off on her merry way without any clue as to what damage she had just caused. I could almost feel the hate rolling off Mila in waves. She didn’t want to be here with me, not at all.
“Look, Mila,” I said in a hurry in an attempt to change that. “I know what you must think of me, and I get it. I was an asshole on that night. On many nights actually, I spent a lot of time being an idiot. That was the worst, I will be honest about that. When I look back at it now and I think what could have happened…” I shuddered, it still gave me nightmares. “Well, it doesn’t bear thinking about. You, Brandon, and Kelly could have been killed, maybe even other people as well. There was no reason for me to make that happen and I feel bad.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I think about that a lot, you know, what could have happened. But I also think about what did happen. Because of you, my high school best friend was sent to live in England. I lost the person that I was closest to. Sure, I made another friend in Ashley, but I still always missed Brandon…”
In my personal opinion, Brandon was always a bit of an idiot and not worthy of Mila’s friendship. He was always aiming for higher, wanting to be popular, not caring about who he trampled on along the way. He was the one who stupidly got behind the wheel of a car when he was drunk just to try and impress me and some of the cheerleader girls when he already had an awesome friend in Mila… but this definitely wasn’t the time or place to say that.
“I do know how you feel because I lost all of my friends as well,” I replied quietly. “But I know that was through my fault so I’m not saying it for sympathy or anything. Just because I want to show you that I do get it.”
The hard exterior surrounding her melted just a little bit. I could tell that I wasn’t totally getting through to her yet, but it was better than nothing. This was actually turning out to be the best surprise birthday party ever. And not because of my friends… although I was very grateful to them for doing this for me. I never thought that dredging up the past could be good for me in any way, but it seemed that I didn’t know what was best for me.
“I don’t think that I ever thought about it, to be honest,” Mila admitted quietly as the music continued to pound around us, creeping up in volume which was only going to upset her. “I just went on with my life, hating you and everyone who was at that party because I blamed them for taking Brandon away from me. I’m sorry that happened.”
I wasn’t sure if she was really sorry or she was just saying that to be polite because really she believed that I deserved it, but it was nice to hear. Mostly because there was much more of a warmth to her tone now.
“Anyway, like you said…” Mila suddenly smiled, much to my surprise. “We’re in a different place now. This is two years later and a brand-new chapter of our lives. We don’t need to dwell on the past. But I do need to get my application form filled in so I suppose I should get going. I don’t really want…”
But I wasn’t about to let her get away with that. She had walked back in to my life for a reason and I wasn’t going to let her go. Without giving her any choice in the matter I pulled her towards the small area of the room where it had been transformed in to a dance floor type thing. I started dancing, the booze in my system loosening me up, but I was stunned with Mila definitely didn’t react in the way that I was expecting her to. She looked shocked and horrified.
“What are you doing?” she hissed in anger. “I can’t dance with you. That’s ridiculous.”
“Why not? You need to loosen up a little bit. It is my birthday after all.”
“The last time I loosened up on your birthday, my whole life got turned upside down,” she reminded me. “I’m not here to make the same mistake again. I have to get this form filled in, so I need to go now.”
“You really aren’t going to stay?” I couldn’t keep the disappointment from my voice. “This could be the birthday where we change everything and really start again, don’t you think? This could be the day that everything gets better…” No, I could see that she was already drifting off away from me. “Mila, not even for one minute…?”
She shook her head and crushed my dreams. “You have Helen to dance with. You don’t need me.”
But I did need her. Something about seeing Mila once more made me yearn to have her in my life once more. I thought that I wanted to leave the past behind now that I was in college, but I guess not. Now I wanted to cling on to that little piece of it, to never let go of Mila…
9
Mila
I
couldn’t be here any longer, it was all getting too much for me. being around Jake again after all of these years was a lot, looking into his eyes and knowing that he was the reason my life had turned upside down was too much. If it wasn’t for Jake then something could have eventually happened between me and Brandon, maybe he would have even become my boyfriend in the end, we could have gone from friends to
lovers in the best way possible.
But he had to have that stupid sweet sixteenth birthday party, he had to do all of those stupid dares, and he had to take advantage of the way that Brandon looked up to him, and he ended up wrecking everything.
“I want to dance with you.” As Jake took my hands in his I felt a sparkle of something shoot all the way through me. Hate, it had to be. There was no way that I could feel anything else for this man. Not a chance. “I haven’t seen you for years. Not properly anyway and now we’re at the same college, living in the same building, there has to be a reason for that, don’t you think? It might be time for us to reconnect and be friends again.”
His words… they stirred something inside of me. In a way it would have been nice to have another familiar face around for when times were hard. Not that I was too worried about times being hard because as always my focus was on my work. But still, I couldn’t help but yearn for something more, another friend…
My heart raced, I almost reached out and grabbed him just to have another person in my very small social circle, just because I knew that there would probably come a time when I needed someone to talk to… but then it was never going to be him, was it? Jake was never going to be a friend of mine. I couldn’t betray Brandon like that.
“We were never friends,” I declared, the words falling out of my mouth before I was even ready to admit them. “Me and you were never in the same circles. We only hung out on that night and that wasn’t good…”
“I know.” Jake’s head hung low. “And I was an asshole then, I hate that you have only seen this side of me.”
I waved my arms around in a sweeping gesture. “It doesn’t really seem like you have changed, Jake.”
