Maddox

by Lisa Helen Gray

  I let out a growl. “I’m not finished. He keeps coming over. He’s good with my kids. Asher can’t bloody sleep without him. He gets in my personal space and he eats all our food. He never listens, always demanding to pay for everything, and never hears me when I tell him no. He just does it anyway.”

  Tracey gets up, pulling me to a stop. I hadn’t even realised I was pacing until she brings me to a stop. She bursts out laughing, and I look on, stunned and maybe a little hurt she’d laugh at my dilemma.

  “You, my sweet girl, like him.”

  I scoff. “I do not.”

  She grips my chin gently, turning my head until I’m facing her. Her gaze softens and she gives me a small smile. “Yes, you do. Your uncle drove me nuts too. It’s kind of what made me fall in love with him.”

  “I’m not in love with Maddox.” She gives me a pointed look, and I let out a sigh. “It doesn’t matter how I feel towards him. He doesn’t do relationships or any kind of commitment. I’m pretty sure even being friends with me is new for him.”

  “You don’t know that,” she softly scolds.

  I step back out of her embrace. “Yes, I do. Because he tells me any chance he gets. You don’t know him, Aunt Tracey. He’s a free spirit with zero regrets. He lives his life to the fullest and makes sure he gets the fullest back. He doesn’t want to lose that by settling down, and he certainly won’t do it by being with a single parent. He’ll want kids of his own.”

  “You could have more kids,” she tells me. “It doesn’t mean anything in this day and age.”

  I scrape my hair up into a bun on the top of my head. Now that I’m finishing soon, it doesn’t matter what it looks like. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t see me like that. No one will.”

  “Nonsense. Debbie’s son is coming to town—"

  “No. No, no, no, no. I told you—”

  “Just hear me out. His sister has just opened a restaurant up in town and he wants a date to go with him when he visits. He came in to see his mum and offered to take her, but she has an out-of-town conference to get more sponsors. I told him you’d love to go.”

  “You did what?” I screech.

  She grimaces, holding her hands up. “Just think about it. You know it’s only a friendly date. It’s nothing too serious. And maybe it will give this neighbour some incentive to ask you out.”

  “Oh God,” I groan, glancing away. “I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

  “Well…” when a flash of guilt flashes across her expression, I narrow my gaze on her.

  “What?” I whine. “What else did you do? Promise my firstborn to him? Because I’ve got to tell you, she might be mini, but she will fight him.”

  She waves me off. “Your mum also agreed.”

  “Mum knows about this?”

  “Yes. She was here when he arrived. I’m sorry. I just think it will be good for you.”

  “Ring him and tell him no,” I demand. “I don’t even know him.”

  “You’ve met him once,” she tells me, snorting.

  I had, and although handsome, he didn’t spark my fancy. He was just Nolan, Debbie’s son, to me.

  “I don’t care. I’m not going on a date with him,” I tell her.

  “Um, well, it’s next weekend so you can’t cancel now.”

  “What? That’s seven days away.”

  She sheepishly shrugs. “You can’t let him down now. He was so excited.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

  “Just think of it as a test run. You’ll get to break the fear of going on a first date and do it with someone you know is a respected gentleman. You don’t have to be worried about calling him back because it’s only a favour—unless you want to go on a second date. And you’ll get a free meal,” she tells me, trying to persuade me into this. “And let’s not forget that you’ll know once and for all if your neighbour has feelings or not. If he lets you go on a date with some other guy, then it’s only friendship he wants. If he stops you, well, you’ll know he wants more.”

  She’s right. She is horribly, connivingly right. Still, I can’t do this. “You’ll have to cancel, Tracey. I won’t go. I’m not playing games with someone like that.”

  “But—"

  “Please, Tracey.”

  “Okay,” she breathes. “I’ll go speak to Debbie now.”

  I nod, waiting for her to leave before leaning against the shelves. I can’t believe my mum and aunt did that. And Debbie. I expected more from her. She is the other owner at Nightingale Care Home and has been best friends with my aunt since nursery.

  “At least I got out of it,” I mutter, before getting back to work.

  *** *** ***

  Slamming the car door shut, I begin to drag my feet up to the door. I’m exhausted, and now I have to go and do some cleaning, make sure Asher is okay, and get dinner on.

  I push through the door, expecting there to be chaos, but all I’m greeted by is the sound of the T.V. playing.

  I slowly shut the door, the click of the lock echoing in the small hallway. Stepping into the front room, I come to a stop at the sight of Maddox sitting on the floor, Asher lying between his legs, content with just looking at Maddox’s face. My daughter sits behind him on the sofa, combing his hair. I bite my bottom lip to smother the giggle threatening. I hadn’t seen it as she was combing, but there are also plastic butterfly clips scattered in his hair.

  I glance back at Maddox, trying to see if he’s uncomfortable, but he’s glued to the T.V., his eyes sparking with amusement.

  Turning in the direction of the television, I chuckle. Jasmine had finally won him over and gotten him to watch Frozen. Number two as well.

  “I’m back,” I call out when it becomes evident they haven’t heard me.

  “Shush,” Maddox hisses, not looking away from the television.

  “Hey, Mummy,” Jasmine greets, before going back to her task. She sticks her tongue out, biting down on it as she concentrates.

  “Let me watch this,” he calls out. “It’s not long started so you can join us if you’re quiet.”

  “Well thanks,” I mutter dryly.

  Maddox begins to laugh uproariously, and Jasmine giggles, falling onto her side on the sofa. “This guy is a hoot,” Maddox declares, before snorting. “Samantha.”

  The ground beneath Olaf opens up and he glances down into the hole. When he calls out ‘Samantha’, Maddox tilts his head back, bursting into laughter. “I need an Olaf in my life.”

  I leave the room to get out of my work clothes, and as I reach the stairs, I hear Jasmine reply, “Me too. Me too. I’ll ask Santa again.”

  “Ask for me too,” he demands.

  I stop on the stairs, a smile pulling at my lips when she replies, “Why can’t you ask him? He might not bring me mine if you want one too.”

  Maddox snorts. “I got put on the naughty list.”

  “The naughty list?” she whispers, her voice trembling. “It’s really real?”

  Maddox chuckles. “Yeah, Jaz. It is.”

  “I’m going to be the best girl ever.”

  I hear a shuffle before Maddox replies, “Jasmine, you already are.”

  “Really?”

  “Hell yeah. Your mum couldn’t be luckier to have a daughter as good and as cool as you.”

  “Maddox, you’re the best,” she gushes out.

  “Tell your mum that,” he grumbles.

  “She knows. She talks to Nanny about you all the time.”

  I inwardly groan. My daughter and those big ears. And Maddox… not two minutes ago he was telling me to shush. Now he’s chatty Cathy.

  “What does she say?” he asks.

  “Last night, she told Nanny she’d kill for you to be here.”

  “She did, did she.”

  “Uh huh. Asher wouldn’t go to sleep,” she declares, and I hear the dejected sigh come from him. I smile a little, picturing his crestfallen expression.

  “Did she say anything else?”

&n
bsp; “She said her lady bits stopped hurting,” Jasmine reveals, and I slap my forehead. I need to get changed and get back in there before she tells him about the time I cried on the phone to my mum because it felt like one of my stiches had torn. It hadn’t. But the pain was real.

  I race to my room, throwing my clothes onto the floor in my dash to get dressed. I throw on some pyjamas before racing downstairs.

  Maddox is still in the same position but now Jasmine is sitting next to him, glued to the television. When he glances up at my entrance, his cheeks flush.

  Oh God, she told him about the rest of the conversation.

  “I’m, um, putting dinner on. Did you want something?”

  “Dinner can wait,” he tells me. “Just come sit and relax. You just walked in from work. And this is good. This Olaf dude is hilarious.”

  “I’ll tell everyone you said that,” I warn teasingly. “And Jasmine needs feeding, so I’ve got to get something on now.”

  He shrugs. “Tell anyone. I’m masculine enough to not give a sh—sugar. And Jasmine had a big lunch.”

  “I made her lunch,” I point out. “She didn’t eat it.”

  He bites his lip, glancing away. “We, um, kind of went to see my mum, and she fed us.”

  My body tenses. “You didn’t tell me you were leaving the house.”

  “I didn’t think it would be a problem. I’m sorry,” he tells me, looking unsure.

  I slump, feeling bad. “It’s fine. It’s no trouble.”

  “Are you going to watch the rest of the movie?” Jasmine asks.

  “I, um—” I squeal as Maddox dives for me, knocking my legs out from beneath me. Instead of hitting the floor like I assumed I would, I land on Maddox. “Maddox. What on earth?”

  “Are you going to watch the movie with us?” he demands, grinning up at me.

  “I have things to do.”

  He tilts his head up to look at Jasmine, rolling his eyes at her. “She has things to do.”

  She folds her arms over her chest, her expression filled with determination. “Mummy,” she calls in a sing-song voice.

  “Jasmine,” I warn when she steps closer to me.

  Maddox pokes me in the ribs, and I curl up, my stomach tensing. “Don’t you dare,” I warn, struggling to get free.

  The grin that lights up his face stops my heart. He is breath-taking. Before a moment can be shared, he digs his fingers into my ribs lightly, and begins to tickle me. “Are you going to watch the movie?”

  “Never,” I choke out, squirming as laughter pours out of me.

  He rolls us until he’s above me, situating himself between my legs. “Then I guess we’ll have to keep this up until you say yes.”

  My eyes widen. “You wouldn’t?”

  He glances up at Jasmine, the wicked grin on his lips causing my thighs to clench. “We will, won’t we?”

  “Yes,” she roars, before diving on Maddox. He lets out a gruff breath, but then begins to laugh as he dives for my waist.

  “No,” I cry out, the pressure of my bladder increasing each time he tickles me.

  “Say yes,” Jasmine cries out.

  Oh God, I’m going to piss myself.

  “Yes. Fine. Yes. But Maddox is doing dinner.”

  Maddox stops his onslaught, but Jasmine stays wrapped around his neck. He glances down at me, his eyes sparkling with happiness. “I’ll order take-out.”

  I roll my eyes. “That’s nothing new. Now, would you get off me?”

  He smirks, putting more pressure on top of me. “I don’t know. I’m kind of comfy,” he states. “How about you, Jaz? Are you comfy?”

  “Yes!”

  I place my hand on his chest, my breathing escalating at the warmth seeping through his T-shirt. “Maddox,” I whisper, and his pupils dilate, filling with desire.

  My brain fizzles, and I forget my left from my right. It’s him. All him. His large frame covering mine, his touch so gentle as he tries not to squash me, and his scent.

  God, he smells so good.

  He lifts his hand to my cheek, his thumb slowly sliding over my jawline. I flick my tongue over my bottom lip and his eyes watch the movement as his chest vibrates with a groan.

  He leans forward, and my heart races as his gaze burns into mine, lost in the sea of emotions.

  He stops abruptly, his body jerking, and my brows pull together—until Jasmine swings further over his shoulder, her face popping up next to his, lit up with a smile. “Mummy. Come on. It’s the best song.”

  I clear my throat and slowly Maddox rises, unable to look at me. I wouldn’t be able to either. I pull down my shirt, covering my stomach that had been bared to him during our little scuffle.

  “You know what? I’m starving,” Maddox states, getting up off the floor. “I’ll order us food. Yeah?”

  As he leaves the room, my heart stutters. I close my eyes, my aunt’s words from earlier playing through my mind.

  She was wrong. There is no way he is attracted to me. He wouldn’t act revolted each time we get close if he were.

  “You okay, Mummy? You look sad,” Jasmine asks, coming to sit on my lap.

  I press a kiss to her cheek. “I’m not sad. I’m always happy around my babies.”

  She giggles, snuggling into me. “I’m not a baby anymore.”

  I let out a sigh. “Jaz, you’ll always be my baby.”

  “And Asher?”

  “And Asher,” I agree, leaning over to pick him up. He coos, his little legs and arms kicking about in excitement. I laugh, pressing him closer to my chest and kissing his forehead.

  I don’t need a man to complete me. My life is complete with these two. I’ll go on this date, but I’m doing it without expectations. Because one thing is for sure: I’m not going to settle. I’m not going to be with someone until I’m absolutely sure they are the one. People might say I have my head in the clouds, but this is life. And it’s a life I want to spend surrounded by love and happiness.

  And right now, I couldn’t be happier.

  If Maddox doesn’t want me, it’s his loss. I’m content with being friends. Because as much as I am attracted to him, I value his friendship more.

  Knowing I need to move, I place Asher back on his blanket and Jasmine on the floor next to me. I get up, heading to the front door, to where I dropped my bag. I pull out my phone, bringing up my chat with my aunt.

  Amelia: Can you tell Nolan I’ve changed my mind. I’ll do it. I’ll go with him. But just as friends.

  Aunt Tracey: I knew you’d come to your senses. I’ll pass along your number.

  Amelia: You didn’t cancel?

  Aunt Tracey: I’m your aunt and I love you. You’ll have fun. See you tomorrow.

  I glance down at my phone, biting my lower lip. I’ve done it now. I can’t keep changing my mind.

  There is no going back now.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  MADDOX

  My spoon clinks against the bowl filled with ice cream as I dive in for another scoop. It’s my second bowl—okay, maybe fifth. But I have my reasons goddammit.

  Amelia.

  She’s fucking with my head, and I’m letting her.

  Why does she have to be sexy without meaning to be? Why does she have to make me laugh and enjoy my time with her? She doesn’t bore me. Her kids—believe it or not—also don’t bore me or scare me. Life with her is just that… life.

  I had the house, the car, a business, and family who loved and adored me, but until her, I never felt like I was living life. A car, a job, a house… it was all society’s steps. It was a routine mapped out hundreds of years ago, and people continued to do it. It was all about the next step in life. It was about when you were going to settle down and have kids. All of that sounded boring and exhausting.

  Why can’t we just live for the now?

  I work because I like what I do. I love building things and seeing something come together. I love my car because as fit as I am, no fucking way will I walk everywhere. It killed m
e as a kid when one of the parents couldn’t pick me up. And I got a house because I wanted my own space. I wanted peace, even though I had been wrong about that.

  Maybe you are wrong about this.

  A low, guttural growl rises up my throat. I’m not wrong. Am I? I have never felt so exhilarated, so at peace, or needed, as I do when I’m with Amelia and the kids. Is that what people strive to have; to be? Because although it kills me to admit, it doesn’t feel like I’d be chaining myself down. It doesn’t feel like I’d be giving anything up, only gaining so much more.

  I slam my spoon down in the bowl. This is my dad’s fault. Not Amelia’s. He told me I’d never get a girlfriend, and it’s clearly playing on my mind. It has to be the reason I’m so attracted to her, why my stomach sinks every time I leave them in that house. Why I’m imagining a life where it’s just us. Only us.

  It’s like the time Dad told me I couldn’t touch his spring onions. He knew I hated them, but he put the dare in my head and pushed me to eat the jar. He’s doing it again with Amelia.

  That has to be it.

  I don’t want to give up single life. I love fucking different women. I like the variety, the no commitment. With Amelia, it’s all a massive commitment. I can’t just have a fling, get her out of my system, and move on. There are kids involved, and I couldn’t do that to them.

  Or to her.

  I’d also have to give up our friendship, and that’s something I’m not prepared to do. She means too much to me.

  All my thoughts about commitment and accepting it as something I want is my dad’s voice in the back of my head. It’s like being told you can’t have something. You only want it more.

  I can’t let him get into my head.

  I groan over the noise going on next door. It has been going on for over an hour now. I can’t even get a moment to drown in my own misery.

  When the picture in the hall falls and smashes to the ground in the hallway, I don’t even blink. I should have learned and stopped replacing it every single time it got broke.

  My phone beeps with a message, and I slide back in my chair. As I race to get my phone, I trip over my feet, falling flat onto my stomach as I slide across the kitchen floor. “Fuck!” I grouch, getting myself and my pride up off the floor. I reach for my phone, my shoulders deflating when I see it’s a message from Mum and not Amelia. I had hoped she would cave and admit she was missing me.