by Amber Heart
‘Yeah? Well, it’s not funny.’ He said, opening a file a little too roughly, small rips appeared in the corners.
‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ She asked.
‘Nothing, everything’s fine.’ They sat in an awkward silence for a little while. Sometimes, he wanted to just get it all off his chest, how his mother was dying and he was terrified of it happening, but, he never said anything. ‘How did your date go?’
‘Not bad.’ She was quieter now, guarded. It was like the progress they’d made last week had completely erased itself. He’d blown it. ‘No second date though.’
‘Was the salad really that bad?’ He asked, trying to make a joke.
‘Dinner was fine, but then we went back to his.’ Oh no, he didn’t want to know. ‘And, well… he couldn’t, you know… perform.’ Then she burst into a fit of giggles, the noise echoed in the empty room. He laughed along with her.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, jesus, I felt bad for him. It must be embarrassing.’
‘Especially on a first date.’ He couldn’t contain his laughter. ‘I would blame you for not doing a good enough job, but I certainly never had any trouble. I’d never been so ha-’
‘Yes, thank you. You don’t need to finish that sentence.’ But she was smiling again.
‘You could do better anyway.’ He smiled.
‘I think I’m just going to leave it for now, you know?’ She sighed. ‘Dating at least, I just need to get some.’ She started logging onto her computer. ‘Last night only made things worse.’
‘Well, you know where I am if you’re desperate.’ He winked, making sure she saw it, before he got up and walked off.
Olivia sat at her desk, watching him walk away, the offer running through her mind. She knew he was probably joking, but, after last night, she would gladly take him up on his offer. All she needed was a quick fuck, no strings attached. She already knew he was good...
Damien was washing his face in the bathroom, splashing himself with cold water to wake himself up. He shouldn’t have shouted at Hardy like that, but luckily, she just passed it off as him being tired. He looked up at his reflection and smiled to himself. All weekend, he’d been so jealous that Olivia was with someone, and now, he knew it had all been pointless. He even felt a little sorry for Tom. Maybe now, he could let it go, whatever he’d been feeling, and just get on with his day. As he went to leave the bathroom, the door opened hard in his face and he stepped back quickly.
‘Hardy, what are you doing in he-’ He was cut off by her kissing him hard on the lips. His hands automatically grabbed her waist, pulling her body against his, his hands exploring her curves. She moaned and pulled him into a cubicle by his tie, slamming the door shut.
‘No one’s in here, are they?’ She asked quickly, pushing him against the door as he started kissing her neck. Even if someone was, he doubted that would stop them now.
‘Just you and me.’ He whispered.
‘Thank God for that.’ She laughed, untucking his shirt and unbuckling his belt quicker than he’d ever done it himself. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’ She asked, her hands already reaching for the hard bulge in his pants as she stripped him down.
‘Not at all.’ He assured her, kissing her again as he unzipped her jeans. He was breathing hard, her touch was sending him wild. ‘Are you sure you want to?’ He didn’t want her to do anything she might regret. Both of them knew what this was, just another hook-up, but she still had to want it.
‘I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.’ She said, pushing her pants off herself, impatient he was taking so long. He picked her up and rested her against the door of the cubicle, her legs circling his waist tightly.
‘Fuck.’ He moaned as he pushed into her. ‘Jesus, two years has been too long.’ He sighed. She nodded in agreement, kissing him more, wanting him to go faster.
‘We’ve not got long.’ She whispered.
he thought. ‘God, if you weren’t so annoying…’ She trailed off, letting out a moan. They climaxed together, both of them left panting when it was over. After a little while, he put her down, a bit reluctantly, and watched her get dressed. She was silent now, her cheeks pink. She didn’t quite look him in the eye.
‘Erm…’
‘Don’t tell anyone.’ She mumbled, pulling her pants back on. He just nodded. She walked around him and unlocked the door. In the mirror, she straightened her clothes and checked her hair and then left as quickly as she came in. What the hell had just happened?
When he came back to his desk, she was talking with the sergeant, pointing at a case file they were both looking at. The room was almost full now, everyone had suddenly arrived while they’d been… busy. She gave him a nervous glance when he sat down but he was stunned, he couldn’t focus. He hadn’t even thought twice about it, his whole body had wanted her and now, he didn’t know what to think.
‘You want me to pretend we didn’t just-’
‘We’ll speak later.’
‘Hardy, come on.’
‘Becca!’ She beamed, jumping up from her seat. ‘Ready to go check out that apartment?’ She asked. Becca was stunned by the vigour in which she stood up and gave her an odd look.
‘I’ve just got in, give me five, yeah?’
‘But we should really check out that apartment before any evidence disappears.’ Even Damien could tell she was desperate to leave, desperate to get away.
‘Okay, I’ll be two seconds.’ Becca nodded, grabbing some things from her desk and then, they were gone.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Becca asked, once they reached their car in the garage. Getting inside, Olivia rested her head against the dashboard.
‘I fucked him.’ Olivia sighed.
‘Who?’
‘Damien!’
‘What? When?’ Becca’s interest peaked instantly.
‘Like half an hour ago. In the men’s bathroom.’ She was appalled with herself, but god, she felt good.
‘What?!’ She laughed, the smile on her face brighter than it perhaps should have been.
‘Keep your voice down.’ She begged, looking around the garage as if someone could hear them from inside the car.
‘How the hell did that happen?’
‘I don’t know! The date with Tom didn’t go well and I was really in the mood, he made a joke that he’d… offer his services and I practically pounced on him.’ The words left her mouth quickly, hoping to move on. ‘God, I’m such an idiot.’
‘Do you regret it?’ Becca asked. No-one knew them as well as Becca and she knew exactly how they felt about each other, even if they didn’t want to admit it.
‘No, not one bit. In fact, I’d do it again.’ She covered her face with her hands, her cheeks were burning. ‘I can’t stand the man, but god, he’s so bloody good.’
‘You need to be careful, Liv. Feelings could get hurt here.’
‘You know I don’t like him that way.’ She shook her head.
‘I didn’t mean your feelings.’
She rolled her eyes, ‘He doesn’t like me!’
‘Clearly.’ She sighed sarcastically. ‘Liv, he’s a good guy. You can’t just pay him attention when it works for you. Just be careful.’
‘I will.’
Damien was sat at his desk, his mind still running through his encounter with Olivia. He understood why she got shy afterwards, they were both shocked that it had even happened, but avoiding him was childish. He took a deep breath and tried to get on with his work, but his phone rang and distracted him. Mom.
‘Hey, mum. You okay?’ He asked straight away, she never rang him at work.
‘I’ll be there soon. Give me twenty minutes. I love you.’ He hung up the phone, then rushed around gathering his stuff. He’d been so distracted by Olivia, so caught up in what that morning had meant, and now when his mother needed him, he wasn’t there.
He bumped into Olivia when he was leaving and, as much as he wanted to talk to her, she wasn’t import
ant right now.
‘You shouldn’t have run off like that.’ He said, unimpressed as he walked past her.
‘Where are you going?’ She asked, grabbing his arm to stop him.
‘Home.’
‘Why?’
‘I have something to do. Keep your nose out of my business.’ He snapped, pulling his arm out of her grip. She scoffed as he walked past but he didn’t care. She could think what she wanted.
‘Mum, you okay?’ He called as he rushed into the apartment. A terrible smell hit him the moment he opened the door.
‘Dame?’ She called from somewhere in the apartment. Following the sound, he found his mother sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the toilet. She looked small and frail, as if she’d thrown up everything her body was holding. Sometimes, Damien believed her chemotherapy hurt her more than it helped. He crouched down and moved some hair from her face and that’s when she started crying.
‘Hey, come here.’ He wrapped his arms around her.
‘I don’t want to do it anymore, I want it to stop.’ She sobbed against him. There was a lump in Damien’s throat and it took him a moment to answer.
‘Come on, mum. We’re going to the hospital. We’ll talk to them about it, get everything sorted. I promise.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ She murmured as he helped her stand.
‘There’s nothing to be sorry for, let’s clean you up and then we’ll go.’
When they left the hospital, his mother had decided to stop all treatments. It hadn’t been an easy decision for anyone. Even after a lot of arguing, and trying to convince her to carry on, nothing had changed her mind. She just wanted to spend the time she had left with as little stress as possible.
‘Do you think you’ve made the right choice?’ He asked as he drove her home. Of course, Damien didn’t want her to stop; he wanted her to keep fighting, to live, but he knew she was hurting, even if she didn’t say it.
‘I do. It’s what I want.’ She smiled and it was the first genuine smile Damien had seen in a long time from her. ‘I’ll be okay, love. You should get back to work.’ She said.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Honestly, I’m fine. Go on, I don’t want you getting in trouble.’ They pulled up to the house soon enough and she rested her hand on top of his.
‘I love you.’ He smiled, reaching over to kiss her cheek. Everything felt limited now, like he’d run out of moments with her. He didn’t want to think about losing his mom.
He got back to the office in the afternoon and he could feel the tension before he even sat down. Olivia didn’t look up when he reached his desk, she was typing away on her computer, the sound of the keys was probably audible from every corner of the room. She looked pissed off. He sighed and looked around the office; it was quiet, everyone was slowly getting through their work, but he knew something was wrong. Damien looked down at the papers on his desk and sighed. He just wanted to talk to someone, tell someone that his mother was choosing to die and that he had to deal with that, but no-one but Jason knew.
‘Detective Macken, my office, now.’ The captain called from his door, his words clipped and angry. He’d been expecting that. He took a deep breath and made his way to the office, closing the door behind him. ‘Do you care to explain where you went?’
‘I had to nip home for a bit.’ He explained and the captain folded his arms across his chest.
‘You’ve been hours, detective. Hours you should have spent doing your job.’ Damien started to get frustrated, it felt like nothing was going right today. No matter what he did, it backfired. ‘Do you think it’s acceptable to behave like this? Are you trying to get fired?’ The captain continued throwing questions at him but he stopped listening after awhile. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
‘I’m sorry, Captain.’ He just wanted to go back to his desk, start work, distract himself for a few hours.
‘Get out of my sight.’ The captain sighed. He was disappointed in Damien, saddened he was wasting himself.
Damien left without saying a word and went back to his desk, almost every pair of eyes in the room followed him, perhaps expecting him to pack up his things for good. He didn’t want to do the stupid paperwork, he wanted to go home and sit with his mom, talk to her about everything that came to his head because she wasn’t going to be here forever.
What made things worse was that Olivia was the only one who didn't look up at him. She was ignoring him completely, acting as though there wasn’t anyone sat across from her. She hated being snapped at, he knew she hated it, but he’d snapped at her regardless earlier.
‘May I borrow a pen, please?’ He asked, trying to test the waters. She just threw one his way, not even looking up from her work. ‘Thanks.’ He mumbled.
Hours passed by, pointless hours of pointless paperwork, and she still hadn’t said a word to him, let alone looked at him. The day had been a rollercoaster, especially between them; first thing this morning they were going at it in the bathroom, and now she was pretending he didn’t even exist.
‘Do you want a coffee?’ He offered.
‘I’m fine.’ She said, still not looking up.
‘You sure?’
‘I said I’m fine, Macken.’ She snapped.
‘Fine, act like a fucking child, see if I care.’ He raised his voice a little and then stormed out the room.
Everyone looked up, wondering what had just happened. It’s common knowledge that they don’t always get along, but this was a whole different level. Olivia tried to ignore them all, turning her attention back to her work, but she also knew something was seriously wrong with Macken. Maybe after a little while, when he’d cooled off, she’d look for him.
Damien was hiding in the evidence locker, sitting on the floor in the corner, his knees hugged to his chest. He wiped at his eyes before whoever was at the door entered, not bothering to check who it was.
‘Mackie?’ Came a soft voice. It was her. Of course it was. He sniffled and wiped the last few tears away, but his eyes were so red, it was obvious he had been crying. ‘You in here?’ He waited until she found him, not bothering to call out. He wasn’t sure his voice would be loud enough. ‘There you are.’ She smiled at him a little, an uncertain smile, before she sat next to him. ‘Talk to me, what’s wrong?’ She asked.
‘What isn’t wrong?’ He sobbed, not able to fight the tears anymore.
‘Oh, come here.’ She said, pulling him to her, his face resting in the crook of her neck. She felt the tears drip onto her shoulder. ‘I’ve never seen you like this.’
‘There’s just so much going on.’
‘You can tell me.’ He shook his head. ‘Damien, come on.’
‘Why? So you can go out there and tell everyone that Damien Macken cries in the corner of the evidence locker when life gets shit?’
‘Damien, we’re friends.’ She sighed, knowing he needed her to be patient with him. He was quiet for a while and she stroked his hair as he cried, holding him until he could speak again.
He took a deep breath. ‘My mother’s ill, and we’re thousands of miles away from home, struggling for money in a city I barely even know.’
‘We can talk through this.’ Liv assured him. ‘I’m sorry about your mom, Dame. I don’t really know how to help with that, except saying it’ll get better eventually. With money, I can always help out if you need it, and I can be a good tour guide if you need it.’
‘I’m not asking you for money, Hardy.’
‘What about your dad? Can’t he help?’
‘He’s back in England with a twenty-something year old fiance who likes spending whatever money he has. Plus, he’s a stubborn arsehole, he doesn’t care about us.’
‘Shit.’
‘And now the captain’s threatening to fire me and I’m head over heels with a woman who can’t stand the sight of me half of the time. So I’m sorry I’ve been shitty but everything just seems-’
‘Fucked up.’ Olivia agreed, hugging him a littl
e tighter. ‘You’ve been carrying that around for ages and didn’t say anything? If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have made you work with Davies.’
‘You weren’t to know, and it did make me appreciate you more.’ He shrugged, closing his eyes for a moment, enjoying her fingers running through his hair.
‘The captain won’t fire you either, you’re a good detective, Dame.’ She smiled. ‘And… I can stand the sight of you, you just piss me off sometimes.’
Damien blushed a little; he hadn’t exactly intended to admit anything, but everything just came out.
‘Modesty at its finest.’ He chuckled a little.
‘After this morning, I think we can be open with each other.’ She chuckled and Damien moved his head from her shoulder to look at her.
‘I get that it probably didn’t mean anything but-’
‘No, it did, I mean…’ Olivia stuttered for words, her cheeks reddening. ‘It’s just, the past few days, you’ve been different, in a good way. It was like you were that guy at the bar all over again.’
‘He was a charmer.’ Damien smirked.
‘He was definitely a charmer.’ She agreed. ‘But it’s also nice to see this side of you, the hard-working guy who’s looking out for his mom.’ She smiled, reaching to smooth his hair back down.
‘Who also cries in the evidence locker. You sure like your men vulnerable, Hardy.’ Damien chuckled, moving to stand up. Holding out his hands, he helped Olivia to stand up with him and he smiled that she was stood so close.
‘Best get back before the captain tries to fire you too.’ He chuckled weakly.
‘Go and wash your face.’ She smiled.
‘Are you coming in with me or have you seen enough of the gents today?’ He asked, opening his arms for a hug, which Olivia happily gave him, wrapping her hands around his neck. Now that she knew the truth, or knew most of it at least, he felt better than he had in weeks.
‘You think you’re so funny.’ Olivia laughed and he smiled. As she started to pull away, he kissed her cheek without even thinking about it. He wanted to say thank you, say that she meant a lot to him, and just a simple kiss felt right. She stopped moving and, for a moment, he thought she was going to slap him, maybe push him away, but she gave him a small smile as she bit her lip, her cheeks tinged red. Her eyes flicked down to his lips and he leaned forward slowly, kissing her lightly, just once. Then, he kissed her again, hungry for her, pulling her body as close to him as he could. Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck.