Big Meat
A Recipe of Love Novel
By: Paige Conners
©Paige Conners
All Rights Reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Dedication:
Dedicated to my Grandma who is the strongest woman I know.
Thanks for always sharing your bodice rippers with me!
Table of Contents
Big Meat
©Paige Conners
Dedication:
Table of Contents
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
Epilogue
Playlist
Acknowledgements
About the Author
1
Lindsay
God fucking dammit, I hate hospitals. Frankie is always going on and on about how important the sense of smell is because it’s the strongest trigger for memories. She is talking about positive scents and memories, though. The problem is, the same is true for bad smells and memories that are better left alone. The weird sterile scent of the cleanser they use on the floor never changes, at least I can’t smell the funky odor of the laundry detergent they use here. That might be enough to make me forget why I’m here and bail.
I rush into the waiting room and see Anthony across the room, at 6’6” he would be hard to miss even without his massive red beard and tattoos. He’s leaning against the wall looking out the window, judging by his vacant expression, he’s not aware of anything going on around him. I use my small size to my advantage, weaving through the crowded waiting room until I reach him. I don’t give in to my normal hesitancy around Anthony and just slam into him and wrap my arms around his narrow waist. My head barely reaches his rock solid pecs, and he doesn’t react to my weight slamming into him. The only sign I have that he felt me was him reaching up and cupping the back of my neck with his big hand.
I think briefly about the sight we must make. The big bearded badass with a tiny sprite clinging to him. I’m only 5’ and have short red and orange hair that looks like fire. Others would describe me as petite and lithe, I personally think of myself as a twig but a mighty one. In any case, I probably look small and breakable next to him, especially with his giant hand dwarfing my neck.
“What can I do?” I ask without pulling back, my eyes still closed. I have to keep moving and doing whatever I can so I don’t give in to the tears I can feel brewing. Staying still and quiet introspection aren’t my things to begin with, especially not when I’m having trouble maintaining control.
“Just let me hold you for now please, Lindsay? I know you need to be in action making sure everything is handled, but I just need a few minutes please.” At the broken sound of his voice, I hug him tighter.
I’ve never heard his voice sound like this, he always sounds gruff and his voice slightly rusty. He doesn’t like talking much, so his voice always strikes me as rough at first and then smoothing out. Today his voice is a shaky whisper, and I don’t think it’s due to our location.
Very slowly, Anthony gently slides his arm down and diagonally across my back. I feel incredibly fragile and tiny in comparison to him. Especially when he treats me like this. I force myself to stay completely still and let him hold me, the only person who ever really holds me is Frankie, and she’s not much bigger than I am. There’s no way I can completely relax, but I do enjoy his warmth and the sound of his strong heartbeat against my cheek. His hand wraps around the side of my waist and his fingertips almost reach my navel, it’s like now that he has permission to hold me he’s wrapping me up as much as he can with one arm.
“He was shoveling the snow. I got stuck in traffic on 95 driving into the city because of the fucking weather, so instead of waiting for me to get there he decided to do it himself. It was old man Patel who called 911, he said he grabbed his chest and just crumpled. The front desk lady down in the ER told me I needed to come up here and wait, that they had to do an emergency procedure, but she didn’t tell me anything else. I signed in like they told me to, no one has let me know what’s going on yet though,” he whispers into my hair, not letting me go. I ignore the wetness I can feel on the crown of my head, he can water his beard as much as he wants. His dad is awesome, and I refuse to acknowledge the possibility we might lose him.
“Okay, lemme go do my thing and I’ll find out what’s up. Frankie and Joe want to be here, but Joe is worried about the germs Frankie would be exposed to with her being pregnant. So, based on what I find out we’ll figure out what to do next. Okay, big guy?” I look up as I pull back, forcing him to let me go at the same time.
I reach up with one of my hands and dry his cheeks. I don’t want anyone else to see his vulnerability. Of course, I refuse to acknowledge why that might be, or what the look in his eyes could mean. I pull my attitude tightly around me, making sure my armor is as tight as normal before turning to do what I do best, take control of the fucking situation and get shit handled. It’s the least I can do for my family.
I walk over to the information desk at the front of the room eyeing the middle aged woman sitting behind the desk. Despite what people think, I don’t get things done just by being mean and demanding my way. I have to analyze my adversary and come up with a battle plan. And yes, everyone is my adversary. They have something I want or need and I have to figure out the best way to get it. In this case, the woman looks older and has a wedding ring. She’s wearing the normal teal scrubs everyone else is, but has a comfy floral thermal underneath hers. Her necklace looks like one of those living lockets that are always on social media. I wonder if people would buy them if they knew how much they can give away to an observant person like myself.
“Ma’am, excuse me? I was hoping you might help me with some information. Our…” I wave my hand in Anthony’s direction, I would normally claim he’s my brother but I don’t think anyone would believe that. I take a deep breath like I’m fighting for control of my emotions. “Tony Macellaio, Senior. They brought him here in an ambulance and they told us to come up here, that he was having an emergency procedure. No one told us what procedure, or why he needed it. Can you just tell me…” I trail off fisting my hands on the counter, I look away blinking my eyes to clear the tears gathering.
“Oh you poor dear. I can’t imagine waiting for information on a family member, or my kids having to wait. What did you say his name was? I can see if the Surgical Support Nurse has any information for you. They normally would come tell you when the procedure started, but if no one was here then they might not have been able to.” She reaches out and pats my hand in the universal there there gesture, in her case I think she truly means it.
“Anthony Ma-Chey-Lie-Yo, Senior.” I slowly sound out their last name, making sure I emphasize the senior by glancing at Anthony who has resumed staring blankly out the window. Yes, I am playing this woman’s obvious dedication to her family, and I don’t feel a single drop of guilt. If I were doing it for monetary gain or something criminal, then I might feel bad. Since it’s for my family, I will do whatever it takes.
“Okay dear, I’ll call the surgical nurse and have her come talk to you both, as soon as possible.�
� She’s reaching for the phone as she’s telling me this so I just nod and walk over to the coffee machine I see sitting on a table.
I’m in luck, instead of the sludge or weak watered down crap I was expecting, there’s a Keurig. I start brewing myself a coffee and pull out my phone to start dealing with all the texts I need to. I quickly go about getting the info about what happened this morning. I pull up my email and draft an out of office response, which makes me chuckle since I work from everywhere. I’m available almost nonstop for my clients, they’ve woken me from my sleep and interrupted supposed nights off.
I respond to texts and emails while I switch out disposable coffee cups and make Anthony a drink too. By the time I’m stirring in the sugar for him, I know everything that happened up until Big Tony was whisked away by the nurses in the emergency room. I walk back to Anthony and hand him his coffee, taking up position in front of him waiting for him to look at me.
“It’s snowing again. I have the truck, so I’ll take you home when we leave.” His eyes are emotionless when he looks up from the window, which is so wrong. I want to rage at the unfairness of it. His eyes are almost always warm, intelligent and laughing, a few rare times I’ve seen his eyes soft with love or blazing with anger, but never this cold dead expression. I don’t bother antagonizing him like I normally would, just nod my acceptance. I can let him be his overprotective alpha self for once because I know he needs it.
“Can we sit please? My feet are still cold.” I start towards the open chairs behind us and have no remorse about playing him and his need to take care of me either. This is my way of taking care of him and he will respect it, if and when he figures it out. While walking the short distance I think about how Anthony was Little Tony until he got taller than his dad, instead of changing his dad’s nickname he just started going by Anthony. The more serious name suits his personality.
I need him to sit down and focus and get away from the dark thoughts that must be plaguing him nonstop. Once we’re both sitting down, he grabs my hand with his free one while drinking his coffee. I glance down at our joined hands unsure how I feel about this. If it were me holding his hand, it would somehow be easier than thinking of it as him holding my hand. I have no idea how to explain it any clearer than that if anyone asks me why I’m staring at our hands looking puzzled. Sighing, I push those thoughts away. I don’t have the time to delve into my emotional issues right now.
“Okay, the surgical nurse should be coming out to tell us what they’re doing and the specifics soon. What I’ve learned is, he had a massive heart attack. The ambulance had to shock him on the way here. Right now, they’re probably either catheterizing his heart and putting a stent in, or they may have to open him up and do bypass surgery. It depends on how bad the blockage is and if it’s in more than one location. This hospital has an excellent cardio unit though, most nearby hospitals send their difficult cases here. This is the best place he could have been brought to, they have better recovery rates than anywhere else in the city. When your dad gets back on his feet, he’s going to have to change how he lives. I’m talking everything from diet and exercise to stress.”
His hand has been clenching and relaxing as I drop my verbal bombs on him. I know how close Anthony is with Big Tony, to be honest we’re all jealous. In our core group, Big Tony and Big Papa are the closest things any of us have to father figures in our lives right now. I have to believe that he will survive this and come out stronger. Then I can kick his big Italian ass until he gets better, so we don’t have to worry anymore. I squeeze Anthony’s hand again and let him gather his thoughts.
“Thank you, Lindsay. I’m glad you’re here with me, this place… it’s hard being here. This is where they brought Mom after the aneurism. I don’t think I’ve been back in this hospital since then. I couldn’t get past the memories of my mom, and thoughts of how bad it would be if Dad died here too.” He looks around the room like he’s waking up from his weird trance finally. “You’re right, we need to focus on the next steps. I let everyone else handle the shop without me and Dad today, we have enough sausage and stuff ready for now. More than likely, we won’t have as much business as normal because of the weather. I’ll need to stop on our way home to check on sales and what we have on hand. Do you have anywhere you need to go today?”
“Nope, I already had canceled anything out of the office because of the weather. If I run out of food or toilet paper, I’ll just steal it off of Frankie and Joe. It can be practice for when the Spawn is a teenager.” He laughs and lets go of my hand but is still angled towards me.
Anthony doesn’t even seem to be aware that he’s rubbing his pinky up and down the side of my hand. I debate with myself on calling him on it, but decide to let it go because of where we are and all.
“I’ve always heard demons don’t like the cold…” Finally, we’re back to our normal friendly but antagonistic interactions.
“Well, we can’t all be Sasquatch’s long lost cousin.”
We spend the next few minutes joking, trading insults, and generally bickering until the nurse comes and lets us know the details about Big Tony. They were going the least invasive route of catheterization, and it would be done soon. Once he was out of recovery, they would move him to the Cardiovascular ICU down on the 4th floor and we could visit him for fifteen minutes. He has a long road in front of him, but it looks like he will make it. Without thinking, I lay my head on Anthony’s shoulder and hug his arm while she’s talking to us. It’s not until he goes to shake her hand that I realize I’ve latched onto him.
After she leaves, I pull out my phone and start letting everyone know what’s going on, completely ignoring what I had just done. I’m totally the Queen of Denial, and I don’t care, I will wear that crown with pride. I own that shit and frankly, I think I would look totally badass with a crown.
2
Lindsay
I rest my head against the passenger window in Anthony’s truck, letting the chill keep me from drifting off. I don’t have any of Frankie’s issues with vehicles, but I absolutely cannot fall asleep now or I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I hate people who can take a nap during the day and not have it negatively affect them. If I don’t nap long enough, I’m groggy and more exhausted than before. However, if I nap too long, I may be awake and energized at the time but I’ll pay for it later that night when I can’t sleep for shit. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have such an aversion to sleeping pills. I know plenty of people who can take them no problem, but that warning label about may be habit forming, terrifies me.
We move slowly through the city, and it seems quieter than normal with the snow falling again. There’s something about the snow that makes everything seem peaceful and still. Granted, it’s more likely people being sane and staying inside out of this mess and the cold. As we pull up to the intersection, I roll my window down and take a picture of the park on the corner. It may have been shoveled earlier in the day, but now all the paths are covered with snow again. There are no footprints to mar its pristine surface. The snow clings to the skeletal branches of the trees and the park benches. The beauty of the scene makes my chest ache. Compositionally, I couldn’t ask for better and snap several pictures before the light turns green.
As I’m pushing the button to put the window up, I have to laugh at the fact that Anthony didn’t say a word about my bizarre behavior like most people would. I lock the screen on my phone and shove it in my bag. I’ll crop the photos and edit them later before posting the best on social media. Everyone always thinks of historic sites and urban landscape when they think of Philadelphia, so I like posting shots showing the hidden beauty that can be found in the city. We’re more than just the LOVE statue downtown. Then again, even that park was getting remodeled to add more green space this year.
“Did you get the shot or do I need to circle the block?” I glance up at his strong profile trying to figure out if he’s picking on me or if he’s serious. He has such a good straight face; it’s a
lways hard to tell with him if I can’t see his eyes. Unfortunately, right now it’s dark, and he needs to keep said eyes on the road.
“No, I think I got it. If I’m wrong, I can always walk back up and take some from different angles.” Absently tracing a finger through the condensation on the window, I think about walking around the city taking pictures of different parks as well.
Sure, I would be cold, but there’s a lot of statues and fountains that look different covered in snow. From the corner of my eye, I watch Anthony reach out to grab my hand, but at the last minute, he lays his hand on my forearm gently.
“No night explorations of the city by yourself, please? I know you’ve been running around it for the past ten years, but I don’t like the idea of you out by yourself. And I also know it’s sexist and I don’t care, neither do the criminals who target women by themselves.”
I choke back my outrage that started to bubble when he started talking, his explanation saved him from a scathing lecture. As much as I want to lecture him about female empowerment, I know he’s simply worried about me. I could tell him about all the self-defense courses I’ve taken and the safety measures I follow when I go out wandering, but I decide to indulge his overprotectiveness knowing how stressed he is.
“What if I get someone to go with me? Would that make you worry less?”
“Yes, it would, but I don’t think your normal partner in crime is going to be up for a late night stroll. Isn’t she still getting tired out from the bambino?” He shifts his hand back to the center console and his focus back to the road giving me the chance to admire his profile.
He has some of the best cheekbones I have ever seen in my life, even with the beard you can see how chiseled they are. I can remember when his beard was trimmed short how strong his jawline is. I was disappointed when he started growing it longer, but now I love it. I realize in all the years I’ve known him, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without a beard.
Big Meat (A Recipe of Love Book 2) Page 1
