*****
Storms had been predicted that Friday, but as the day progressed Friday evening turned out to be near perfect weather for the cookout: clear and mild, a little humid, but not unbearable.
Allison, Sally, and Barb sat at a pool side table under the shade of an open umbrella. The smell of food grilling floated through the air along with the sound of laughter, chattering voices, and above it all, Hall and Oates blasting from the clubhouse speakers. Sally wore a matching skirt and blouse, which Allison thought was a bit dressy for a cookout. Her hair was particularly big tonight, and so thick with hair spray that Allison thought it may crack. The colors of her face and matching outfit were bright enough to bring on a migraine. Barb was as subdued as Sally was overdone. She was not, however, wearing her surgical greens tonight. She wore a pale blue button down shirt, khaki pants, and a white doctor’s jacket with her name tag on the collar. Her stethoscope hung around her neck. Allison wondered if she slept in some sort of medical garb.
“Are you working third shift again tonight, Barb?” Allison asked.
“Yes.” Barb answered looking thoroughly bored. Allison had read somewhere in one of her “How To Sell People” books, that you have to ask open ended questions to the shy and introverted in order to draw them out. Allison made a mental note to ask more open ended questions to Barb and only closed ended questions, or better yet, no questions at all to Sally.
“When do you ever sleep?” Allison asked Barb.
“I don’t.” A two word reply, but still not enough to qualify as a conversation.
“She’s serious,” Sally interjected. “She doesn’t sleep.”
“I’m surprised our Barbara here has a bed. She only sleeps sitting up.”
“I don’t have a bed.” Barb breathed out the words.
“That’s right. It’s just a mattress on the floor.”
“Really?” Allison remarked, realizing too late that she had just set Sally up for a long soliloquy.
“Really. And it doesn’t get much use either... for anything, if you get my drift. But we’re trying to change all that. Aren’t we Barb?”
“You’re embarrassing me again, Sally.”
“So. It’s what I live for.” Sally laughed and slapped Barb on the arm with the back of her hand. It was an annoying habit which always caught Barb off guard. This time it seemed like it would have knocked her over if she weren’t sitting down.
“I’m not embarrassed. I’ll honestly admit it. My mattress isn’t getting enough use either,” Sally said as she gulped down the last swallow of white wine from a plastic cup that was blotted with pink lipstick half-way around the rim. “Do you know any single men you can fix us up with, Allison?”
“The only ones I’ve met since I’ve moved back are Frank and Tim.” Barb and Sally looked at each other and smiled.
“Neither one of us would mind Frank. He’s such a sweetheart. Unfortunately he’s saving himself for someone special. He told us that at one of our get-togethers. I think he had a little too much to drink that night.”
Allison looked over at the other side of the pool by the clubhouse where the men stood, grilling burgers and chicken breasts, drinking beer and laughing loudly. She spotted Frank for the first time that evening. She felt her face automatically break into a smile. He wore a chef’s apron and chef’s hat, which made him look so corny that Allison chuckled. He had a spatula in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. He was smiling and laughing with the guys. He looked right at Allison. It was as if he knew she was watching him. He acknowledged her with a smile and a lift of his beer bottle, as if to offer her a toast. Allison beamed. When she saw Sally was watching her, she stopped smiling and turned her attention back to the ladies.
As Sally continued to talk, Allison thought of Kent and discreetly looked at her watch. Six-thirty. She stole another quick glance at Frank. Kent wasn’t due to arrive at the party until eight–had to stop by the farm to catch up on some things first. There was a part of her that wished he wouldn’t come at all.
The young man that Allison remembered as Tim, the Totally Impossible Man, stood next to Frank. He was slightly shorter and fairer than Frank. He wore a pair of swim trunks and no shirt. He had a muscular build, and the look of a man who worked on developing those muscles in order to show them off. Allison suspected he may have a cocaine problem. He sniffled, pinched his nose a lot, and seemed perpetually wired.
“And then of course there’s Tim,” Sally said looking at Barb. They both rolled their eyes. “It’s a shame his character doesn’t match his looks. Oh, we all love Tim like a brother; it’s just that he’s the black sheep of our little Camelot family. Deep down he’s nothing but a sleazeball. More wine?”
“Please,” Allison replied lifting her cup.
Sally pulled her bottle of white wine out of a cooler and poured some for Allison. Sally offered some wine to Barb who stuck her hand over her cup. “Time to switch to caffeine.”
“Oh, right.” Sally pulled a can of Coke out of the cooler and handed it to Barb.
“What does Tim do for a living?” Allison said, realizing again too late that she’d just directed another open ended question to Sally.
“He’s a lawyer. He’s one of the Schultzes of Schultz’s Law Firm.”
“Oh. Of course.”
“But poor ol’ Tim. He’s trying to break away from the family firm so he became a public defender.”
“Public defender? He can’t be all bad then.”
“No. He just did it to piss his family off, and to see to it that his drug dealers don’t end up behind bars. Then leaning over to Allison and lowering her voice, Sally whispered, “I live in the apartment right next to him. I hear it.”
“Hear what?” Allison asked.
“The porno flicks He’s got a VCR, you know. He was the first at Camelot to have one. Anyway, he watches these porno movies on his VCR, turns them up so loud the entire building can hear all the moaning and groaning. I bang on the wall sometimes to try to get him to turn it down. He never does.”
“That’s our Tim,” Barb said with her feeble effort at a smile.
“Yep. What would we do without him?”
“He’s a very faithful friend,” Sally said. “If you’re his friend he’d do anything for you. I believe he’d even give me some sperm if I asked for it. But in Tim’s case I’d be concerned about damaged genes.”
“Sperm?” Allison choked on her sip of wine.
Sally handed her some cocktail napkins. “I wouldn’t have sex with him or anything. I’d be too afraid of getting a disease.”
“You’re talking about artificial insemination,” Allison pondered aloud. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, but I’ve ruled Tim out as a candidate. Now Frank! There’re some good genes there. Him I would have sex with. I asked him once, you know.”
“Asked who what?” Allison felt flustered.
“I asked Frank to impregnate me,” Sally said loudly.
“You’re kidding! What did he say?”
“He said no. I assured him he wouldn’t have to be responsible for anything, that I just needed his sperm. He told me he wants to be responsible for his kids when he has them. And he told me–get this–you’re not going to believe how sweet this is, that he wants to be in love with the mother. Told me he wants to do it the conventional way. Wants to fall in love, get married, and then have kids. In that order. Says he couldn’t stand the idea of a kid of his out there somewhere that he couldn’t be a father to. Isn’t that sweet?” Sally put her hand over her heart, fell back in her chair, and sighed. “They just don’t make ‘em like that anymore. The woman who gets Frank is going to be one lucky woman. It’s too bad you’re engaged. You’re the first woman he’s shown an interest in since I’ve known him. And I’ve known Frank for three years now.”
“What!?” Allison didn’t know if it was the wine or the conversation that was causing her face to feel so hot.
“That’s enough, Sally. You’ve h
ad too much to drink,” Barb said. Allison could tell from Barb’s words and stern look that Sally had just committed an indiscretion–something, Allison got the feeling, that Sally did a lot.
“Oh, I don’t care,” Sally poured herself some more wine. “You’re the one who has to work tonight. Not me.” Barb shook her head and put her finger up to her lips, giving Sally the signal to say no more.
“What?” This was one time Allison hoped Sally would talk
“Oh, Barb, stop shushing me. It’s no big secret. Everyone knows about Frank’s little crush on our new neighbor here.”
“Frank has a crush on me?!” Allison leaned in and lowered her voice. She felt suddenly dizzy. Careful to hide her exhilaration, she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. “What makes you think that?”
“I was privy to one of Frank and Tim’s conversations. Don’t ask me why those two are friends but they are. Best friends. Anyway, Tim said to Frank that it was about time a decent looking woman moved into our building. Tim has a thing for you too, you know. Anyway, he was trying to convince me to convince Frank to hit on you. Said if Frank doesn’t hurry up and do it then he will.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Not at all. You should’ve seen Frank. He got all red and embarrassed. He said he couldn’t do that because you’re engaged. Tim said, ‘Big deal. She ain’t married yet.’ Then Tim said, and I quote, ‘She’ll take one look at this and she’ll dump the chump,’ referring to himself, of course. He was clowning around like he always does saying stuff like, ‘Allison baby. Dump the chump and hop on this’. All of a sudden Frank got really angry at Tim. Said he better not hit on you or he’d deck him. Said you were a good person, worthy of respect. Frank actually told Tim he’d kick his ass if he kept talking about you like you were a piece of meat. We were stunned. We’d never seen Frank like that before.”
Allison tried hard to process all this information she’d just gleaned from Sally. Sally took a big gulp of wine and stared at Allison hard in the face.
“So do you know everything about everybody in the entire apartment complex, or just our building?” Allison asked without expression.
“She knows about everybody in the entire complex,” Barb replied with her left eyelid twitching slightly.
“Not everybody. Only those worth knowing about. Thanks a lot Barb! You make me sound like a gossip.” Barb didn’t say anything to retract the alleged accusation.
The awkwardness of the moment got to Allison. “It turned out to be a nice evening, didn’t it?” she finally said in desperation.
Tim approached them and said, “Hey Sally, you know you want me,” he said putting his arms around her, puckering his lips up, and making a kissing noise.
“Oh, please!” Sally stuck her hand flat on his chest and firmly pushed him away.
Allison could tell she secretly enjoyed the attention.
“It’s no use fighting it, baby. This thing is bigger than the two of us. Steal down the hall to my place tonight.”
Sally reminded Allison of the cat in the Pepé le Pew cartoons as she struggled to free herself from Tim’s embrace. “And wouldn’t you just shit a brick if I did?”
“I’ll leave the door unlocked for you,” he said in a barely audible whisper, but mouthing the words so everyone could read his lips. Everyone who witnessed the silly comical scene laughed. Allison didn’t know who enjoyed being center stage more–Tim or Sally. Tim finally let go of Sally and turned his gaze toward Allison.
Tim was not a bad looking man, Allison thought. He was quite good looking actually, funny, and charming. But he was a jerk. A quick-witted, smooth-talking, coke-snorting, cocktail-guzzling, skirt-chasing jerk
“I see the Camelot Welcome Wagon has gotten a hold of our new neighbor here,” Tim said eyeing Allison up and down. “May I give you some advice?” he said standing uncomfortably close to her. “Don’t believe a word these two tell you. You hang around these characters long enough and you won’t know fact from fiction.”
“No, Tim. We’ve told her nothing but the facts,” said Sally.
“Then I’m sure she knows what a virtuous guy I am.”
Allison felt his hand tapping ever so slightly on her left shoulder. She looked at his hand, remembering that his arm was attached to that hand at the wrist. How or when his arm got around her shoulder she had no idea, but there it was. Boy, is he ever smooth. I didn’t even feel it. She peeled his hand off her shoulder with the same disdain she had once peeled leeches off her arms and legs after swimming in an infested lake.
“Stick with me and I’ll show you the ropes,” Tim said still standing too close and seeming completely unfazed by the fact that Allison was inching away from him.
“Oh, really? What ropes are those?” Allison asked.
“The ones he uses to tie women to his bed post,” Sally said.
“Oh, so you’ve seen these ropes, huh Sally?” Allison replied.
“Touché,” Barb said with more expression than she’d had all night.
“Uh, oh! Looks like we’re busted Sally ol’ girl,” said Tim laughing a loud and raucous laugh. Barb made guffawing gestures with no noise coming out. Sally harrumphed, clucked, and rolled her eyes.
“Hey Frank,” Tim called out above the party din to the other side of the pool. “She really is fast on her feet,” he said pointing to Allison.
“Put you right in your place, didn’t she, Tim?” Frank hollered back.
“Whoa! She’s not that fast.”
Allison was distracted by hunger pains. She tried to figure out some way she could discreetly make her way over to the grill so she could be away from these three and closer to Frank and the food. Allison wanted a medium rare burger. She didn’t care at this point if it was rare or just warmed half-way. She’d eaten steak tartare in France and survived. Allison watched in amazement as Frank handed his spatula to one of the other guys and walked over toward them.
So there they were, the five existing residents of Camelot building 3300 clustered around one another. Frank in his chef’s hat and apron with his bottle of imported beer; Tim with his bulging muscles, no shirt, sniffly nose, and dented beer can, which he repeatedly pushed at with his thumb, making an annoying clicking noise; Sally with her plaster of Paris hair, bright colors, and big glasses; and Barb with her stethoscope, big tired eyes, and nails bit down to the quick. It was a strange family, but oddly one she felt herself becoming a part of whether she wanted to or not.
Chapter 6
Allison thought it peculiar that she felt comfortable around the residents of Camelot building 3300. Frank was the only one that she really liked. Wasn’t that just like a family though?
Allison was estranged from her own family. She thought she had adopted Kent’s family. That’s what they kept telling her anyway. His mother would say, “Why you’re family, Allison honey.” She never felt like family around them. They were too nice, too normal. Kent assured her that they had skeletons in their closet too, and she knew that must be true. Yet she’d never seen them as anything but friendly, polite, and stable. She felt more comfortable around the blatantly flawed, and that’s what this group was.
“I saw Louise showing the vacant apartment to some old guy today,” Sally announced.
“That downstairs apartment is still vacant?” Barb asked.
“It has been for some time,” Tim said.
“You don’t suppose it’s the history of the place, do you?” Sally said.
Allison watched as they all looked knowingly at one another.
“Don’t go getting superstitious on us Sally,” said Tim.
“What happened?” asked Allison.
They all looked around at one another knowingly.
“The last guy who lived there committed suicide,” said Sally.
“That’s horrible!” said Allison.
“He shot himself in the head last Christmas eve.”
“It’s been empty ever since?” Allison asked.
The
y all nodded.
“It makes you think,” said Frank. “We were his neighbors.”
“We tried to reach out to him, but the guy was a loner,” said Tim.
“It really shook us up,” said Sally. “That’s why our building’s so close. We all promised to look out for one another after that.”
“And Sally takes that promise very seriously,” said Tim. The comment brought smiles and a few low key chuckles, but the mood of building 3300 was now quite somber. Even Sally was quiet and thoughtful.
The bells from the nearby church rang out. Though the chimes competed with the sounds of the stereo and all the other hubbub, Allison heard the bells somewhere in her subconscious mind. She looked at her watch. Seven o’clock.
“Life can be so sad,” said Sally. A strange moment of reverence followed in which the little crowd remained silent. Allison looked around at their faces and wondered if they were all secretly mourning.
“For whom the bell tolls,” Allison said, but she didn’t know why. A few more unbearable moments of silence followed. It was Tim who spoke this time.
“Uh, this is a party, guys. We’re supposed to be having fun.”
“I better go check on the food,” said Frank. Allison guessed Frank to be in his mid to late twenties, but already she noticed worry lines around his brow. The thought of his former neighbor had completely transformed his cheerful countenance into one of deep woefulness. His eyes were now a deep, almost navy blue. His serious and sensitive nature became apparent to her at that moment. This must be the other side of Frank underneath all the surface lightheartedness, Allison thought and she admired him for it. He walked slowly, back to the grill.
Allison watched him until Tim put his arm around her shoulder once again and shook her out of her trance.
“C’mon, Allison,” Tim slurred his words, “Let’s go for a swim.”
“I don’t have my bathing suit on,” she said, once again peeling his arm off her shoulder.
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