by Parker, Lexy
“I’m happy for you. I truly am. You’re a lucky woman. You only find love like that once in a lifetime,” I said, sounding wistful.
Jamie immediately got serious. “I’m sorry. I think you can and will find love again. You know I wouldn’t be upset if you started dating. I don’t think you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life alone. Gage would never want that.”
I nodded, hating the conversation. “I know, I know, but I’m just not there yet. I don’t think lightning can strike twice. I had my one and it was amazing. I wouldn’t trade in a single minute of it. I only wish I could have had longer. It seems like we had barely been together before he was taken away. There was so much more to do, so many more memories to make,” I said, feeling the same familiar lump in my throat when I allowed myself to feel sorry for all that I had lost.
“It isn’t fair. I wish the two of you could have grown old together, but Dani, you can’t stop living because he’s not here,” she said gently.
I nodded, blinking back tears. “I’m living but I have to recalibrate everything. It’s like I was headed down a road, had an excellent map and knew exactly where I was going and then, without warning, my car was dropped in a foreign country, on an unfamiliar road with no map and no destination. I’m still trying to figure out where the hell I’m going.”
She didn’t say anything more about it. I knew she cared about me and wanted me to be happy. I couldn’t help but think I was cheating on my husband. Philip had lost his wife and we had talked a lot about it and how hard it had been for him to move on. He assured me I would know when it was time and not to rush it. I was going to take his word on the subject. Jamie had brought light into his dark world and I believed if it was meant to happen for me, it would. I was also okay with it never happening. Gage had been the love of my life. We had been high school sweethearts. It was hard to picture myself ever kissing another man or, God forbid, doing anything else.
“Did you hear about the Memorial Day ceremony?” Jamie asked, deftly changing the subject.
I nodded my head, slurping my soda through my straw. “I did. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun. There’s going to be a huge potluck I’ve heard.”
“Yes, with a pie-eating contest, and a chili cook-off,” she said with excitement.
I rolled my eyes. “That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Pie and chili.” I shuddered.
“At least it isn’t a hot dog eating contest. Those always end badly.”
“How could they not? No human should eat twenty hot dogs in five minutes. It’s revolting,” I complained.
“They’re going to dedicate a park bench to him,” she said in a low voice. “They’ve got a place right by the flagpole.”
I cleared my throat. “I know. I think it’s a very sweet gesture. The parks group asked if I would speak at the event.”
Her eyes went wide. “They did? That’s amazing! Are you going to do it? You have to do it.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t like public speaking. I feel weird talking about him in front of strangers. Like, he’s mine and I don’t want to share, except with you.”
“You should share his story. He was an amazing man, a great brother and a good husband. I don’t mind people knowing about him and what he sacrificed,” she said proudly.
“I am proud of him and what he did for all of us, but I don’t know if I can talk about it. Not yet. You should do it. You would be the perfect person,” I said, suddenly really liking the idea.
“Dani, you’re the perfect person to speak. Everyone in town knows you and Gage. They knew you when you were young and they all know how much you loved him. You don’t have to say much, but I think it would be really cool. I love the idea of having a bench with his name on it. I’m excited for it,” she gushed.
“I don’t know. I don’t have any profound words of wisdom to offer. There are other military wives that have lost their husbands. One of them should do it. I feel like I don’t have the right words or will say something corny,” I told her.
She looked at me with those eyes that always saw too much. “Dani, there is no one that has a recent loss. Gage was an important part of this town and a lot of people miss him. You’re the connection to him. They all want to help and support you and this is the only way they know how. Unless you want a parade of casseroles being delivered to your door again, I think you should do it. They want to stand there and pay their respects.”
I rolled my eyes. “No more casseroles or lasagnas or any other freezer meal.”
Jamie giggled. “They all wanted to make sure you were fed. You’re too skinny.”
“I work very hard to be this skinny. This body doesn’t come easy,” I reminded her.
She winced. “I know. I’ve been in one of your spin classes and barely lived to tell the tale.”
“I’m thinking about it. I want to honor Gage, but it still kind of feels surreal. If I get up there and talk about his death, that means I have to accept he is really gone,” I confessed.
“Oh sweetie, I think that’s exactly why you need to do it.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Dani, your story could help the families of other fallen soldiers. You could be an inspiration,” she encouraged.
I smiled, thinking of little ol’ me inspiring anyone. “We’ll see. They were still in the planning stages.”
“It’s going to happen. The city already ordered a ton of fresh flowers for the Memorial Day celebration in the park. They are going all out this year. It should be a lot of fun. I’m looking forward to it,” she said enthusiastically.
The waitress came by to get our orders. I ordered a salad, dressing on the side, while Jamie ordered her usual cheeseburger and fries. “I hate your gene pool. It is wholly unfair,” I complained.
She grinned, slurping the rest of her shake. “I’m going to take advantage of these genes before my jeans have to be traded in for maternity pants.”
“I can’t believe you are finally thinking about a baby. I can’t wait. Maybe you’ll have twins!” I said excitedly.
She was shaking her head and holding up a hand. “No. Don’t you dare wish that on me. I need to ease into this baby thing.”
“I’m going to be the best aunt in the world. I’m going to spoil him or her like crazy!” I squealed.
“Not too spoiled,” she warned.
I winked. “There is no such thing as too spoiled.”
Chapter 3
Clay
I sat in one of the rather uncomfortable seats at the small airport in town, checked my watch and saw I was about ten minutes early. That was a good thing. I hated to be late and I didn’t want to give my big brother anything to complain about. He’d tell Mom I was purposely late, she’d get mad and lecture me and a shitty day would only get shittier. I remembered when we were younger, and I watched a lot of TV like old reruns of the Cosby show and the Brady Bunch. I used to wish I had a loving relationship with my brother where we could tease each other and be best friends at the same time.
We didn’t. Emmitt hated me. I could never really understand why. I still didn’t know why. It was like he always saw me as a pest. I never got to grow out of that little brother role. Maybe it was why I joined the marines fresh out of high school. I was craving brothers and I found them. Philip was more my brother than Emmitt would ever be.
I heard the announcement come over the loud speaker that the flight from New York had landed and would be unloaded soon. It was a small airport, little puddle jumpers and small planes. It wasn’t like I had to wait for a big commercial plane to unload. I rose from my seat, waiting for Emmitt to emerge through the gates.
Emmitt was hard to miss with his laptop bag flung over his shoulder, his business suit on and pulling a suitcase behind him as he walked in my direction. He looked rich. Some guys just had that look about them—he had it. He looked like he owned the damn place.
“I thought you’d be on a private jet,” I teased.
He
scowled at my joke. “Not this time.”
It was like I had got all the humor in the family and he’d gotten none of it. I wasn’t even sure he knew how to smile. Technically, he smiled, like a piranha smiles at a meaty piece of leg. “I guess it must be in the shop.”
He harrumphed, never breaking his stride as he kept walking toward the exit. I walked alongside him. I was about two inches taller than him and technically had longer legs, but he could out-walk me. I was convinced it was pure determination and a huge ego that made him appear so much bigger than I.
I used the key fob to unlock the doors to my truck that also served as a delivery truck with my company name on the side. Emmitt stopped, looked at me and then the truck. “Is this what you’re driving?” he sneered.
I looked at my newer, black Chevy quad cab and didn’t see any problem. I loved my truck. It wasn’t exactly a pile of shit. “Yes, were you expecting a limo? That’s in the shop,” I said dryly.
He growled under his breath before reaching for the back door to toss in his suitcase and laptop. “Great.”
“Do you need a stepstool?” I teased when he had to grab the handle inside to hoist himself into the seat.
He shot me a glare. “No, I don’t need a God damn stepstool.”
I grinned and walked around the front of the truck. I couldn’t imagine always being in a bad mood. It had to be mentally exhausting. I chose not to be a dick. He chose to be a dick one hundred percent of the time. I got into the driver’s seat and started the engine.
“Want to stop for a beer before I take you out to the house?” I asked, only half-joking.
He looked at me, his lip curled with disgust. “No, I don’t want a beer. My God, you haven’t changed a bit. You’re not some teenager or soldier home from boot camp. You’re a God damn adult.”
“Marine.”
“What?” he snapped.
“I’m a marine, not a soldier.”
“Same difference,” he shot back.
I turned to look at him. “No, it’s not.”
He rolled his eyes. “Jarhead. Isn’t that what they call you?”
I ignored the insult. I was a jarhead. I wasn’t technically in the marines any longer, but like they said, once a marine, always a marine and Emmitt could say all he wanted about me, but I would never let him talk shit about my brothers.
“How long are you in town for?” I asked, trying to make casual conversation.
“Trying to get rid of me already?” he shot back.
I bit my tongue. I was, actually, but I wouldn’t tell him that. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a beer or a glass of wine or whatever it is you drink.”
“Where? At the local tavern?” he sneered. “Don’t you think you should save the money you earn instead of wasting it on stupid shit like that?”
“A beer? I know I’m not flying around in private jets or living in an apartment that gets hidden by the clouds on rainy days, but I assure you, I can afford a beer now and again,” I told him.
He shook his head. “You need to try harder, do better.”
“Do better at what?” I asked.
“Life. You’re still living in this shithole town, driving around in a pickup with your company logo on the side. Have some pride!”
I grinned, unable to resist. “I have a lot of pride, which is why the company logo is on the truck. Plus, this is also my work truck. I can do double duty. If I get a call right now, I can rush right out and pick up a delivery without having to go back to the shop.”
He looked horrified, which was exactly what I had been going for. “This is your actual work vehicle?”
“Relax. All the dogs and greasy food ride in the backseat. You shouldn’t get anything on your fancy suit,” I assured him.
“What? God dammit, Clay!” he shouted, lifting his ass from the seat and looking under him. “Do you know how much this suit costs? I don’t want to be sitting in dog shit!”
“That one dog only shit the one time and I got the truck cleaned up right after. It won’t get on you,” I teased, totally lying about all of it.
He realized I was joking and sat down, glaring at me the whole time. “Do you ever take anything serious?” he spat.
I shrugged a shoulder. “I took the marines seriously. I took combat seriously. The rest of this stuff called life, nah. Once you’ve seen how bad life can really be, you tend to get a little perspective,” I told him.
He scoffed, shaking his head. “Always with the war stuff. You’re either dark and morose or cracking jokes. You really do have some serious problems. You should get your head checked.”
I grinned, winking at him. “I did. That’s why the marines kicked me out.”
That gave him pause. “I thought it was your knee.”
I shrugged. “Maybe that was it. Hell, my brains are so rattled I can hardly remember my own name most days.”
He shook his head, staring out the window. “I don’t know why you went into the military in the first place. We’re not that kind of a family. You should have gone to school and made something of your life. You made it seem like Mom and Dad couldn’t afford to send you to college.”
“I chose my path,” I said firmly, not going to defend my decision to join the military. I had defended myself too many times to him and my parents. They acted as if my service was an embarrassment, a black stain on a family of white-collar workers with degrees and business suits.
I parked the truck in the driveway of my parents’ large, modern house that had been built within the last five years. It was in one of the new suburbs with HOAs that require their lawn be perfectly landscaped and manicured at all times. It was another one of those prestigious things that made them feel a little better about their station in life.
My mom burst out of the door and rushed down the walk to greet Emmitt. She threw her arms around him, hugging him tight for several long seconds. I watched the scene with a sort of detachment. They had always been close, or rather, my mom saw Emmitt as her perfect son and doted on him, even if the perfect son didn’t quite show her the same affection.
“We’re so glad you’re here!” she exclaimed, taking a step back.
She turned to look at me, a smile on her face. “Thank you so much for picking him up, Clay.”
“Sure, it’s the least I could do,” I said.
“Come inside, both of you. I’ve made some sandwiches and tea while your father had to run a quick errand,” she was saying as she walked back inside.
Emmitt looked around the yard before following her inside. There was a look of resignation on his face, which confused me. I guess that left me with dragging his bags into the house. My mom had two plates of sandwiches cut into small triangles sitting on the center island. She’d clearly been busy.
“This looks great, Mom!” I told her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
“I’m just so excited to have your brother home. How long has it been?” she asked, knowing exactly how long it had been.
“Three years,” I told her.
“Three years!” she exclaimed. “I should never have to go that long between visits. Sit, sit, both of you, grab a plate and help yourselves,” she gushed, flitting around the kitchen.
I watched Emmitt grab a sandwich and peel back the bread to check out the contents. It was rude and I hated he could be so disrespectful to our mother, who was clearly overjoyed to have him in her house. I took a bite of my own and nodded my head. “So good, Mom.”
“What do you think, Emmitt? Do you like it? I made a couple of different kinds,” she said like a nervous girl.
He shrugged a shoulder. “It’s fine.”
“You’re going to stay long enough to go to the Memorial Day party at the park, right?” she asked Emmitt as if I wasn’t sitting right there.
He hesitated. “I’m not sure.”
“You have to go. I want everyone to get the chance to see you. I talk about you all the time!” she exclaimed.
I finished my s
andwich, listening to her prattle on. Her conversation was directed at Emmitt. He was the shiny new toy in the room. I wiped my mouth and cleaned up the crumbs that had fallen before putting my plate in the sink.
“I’m going to go. I’ll let you two catch up,” I said, giving my mom a hug.
“What? Your brother came all this way to see us!” she said.
“I’ve got some things to do,” I lied. “I’ll be around tomorrow.”
“You’ll make time for the party at the park, won’t you? I’d love to get the whole family together, even if it’s only for a few minutes,” she insisted.
“Of course, Mom, I’ll be there,” I assured her. “See you later, Emmitt,” I said with a wave.
He ignored me, still inspecting the half-eaten sandwich. It was obvious he didn’t like it and was making sure my mom knew it. As I walked out the door, I heard her telling him she’d make him something else to eat. I shut the door behind me, blocking out the noise. She would literally bend over backwards for him and Emmitt would treat her like shit.
I had learned a long time ago it wasn’t only me he didn’t like. I got the feeling he didn’t like anyone. His family wasn’t good enough for him. I was sure the reason he never visited Hope was because he hated to acknowledge he had come from a small town in backwater Tennessee. My parents weren’t poor, but they weren’t living in a penthouse on Fifth Avenue either. Emmitt was ashamed of his life.
I wasn’t going to let his shame bring me down. It was easier to just stay away from the guy.
Chapter 4
Dani
Dr. Mike had asked me to go in with him to take care of a few of the appointments that had been bumped yesterday after a woman brought in a litter of puppies suffering from parvo. It had been an all hands-on deck situation and to prevent the spread of the deadly virus, we had rescheduled some of the minor appointments. I didn’t mind. It wasn’t like I had anything else to do. Being a lonely single lady meant my weekends were wide open.
