by M A Price
“Maybe it’s not User made? What we’ve put in there?”
“Crabble leaf,” Reyn interjected at the same time. “There is supposed to be crabble leaf.”
Trust the Prince to recall. The pain had been stronger without the mixture and an odd feeling was running through him. A desperation for more. Another side effect Becca had warned of and he hadn't taken seriously.
Jala jumped up, her long skirts nearly knocking over the pot and flung her arms around him. Reyn looked uncomfortable at first but slowly reciprocated. Jax had the oddest feeling that he was looking at a man who hadn’t been hugged in a very long time.
“You are a genius Landress! I’d completely forgotten! I think I might have some in my chambers…” she didn’t finish the sentence as she dashed from the room, the door banged loudly behind her.
Reyn moved back to his bookcase whilst they chatted idly and waited for Jala.
He did have quite the collection to admire.
Jax kept moving his hand up and down his arm. The place where the Mark had been was raised now, grey lines which would soon turn to black and be visible to all. The previous scars had faded; almost as if they had been seen to by a healer. The one across his abdomen was in a similar state.
“Did it hurt? When you burnt them away?”
Jax hadn’t expected the question, but apart from his mother nobody else on Brodanna knew, and she was…wherever she was across the sea.
Far away hopefully, looking after Myka.
“It was agony, but I thought it was the only way. Agony for nothing now, I guess? Hurts just as bad now they’re returning.”
“They’re returning because The Unforgiven are more powerful, aren’t they? You have to be a Guardian when the threat is so high.”
“I think so. I think it’s trying to tell me to be with whoever carries Kara’s Mark. As if I could make any difference.”
“Becca Youchnore thought you could, and she seemed like a smart woman to me.” Reyn pulled a book down into his arms and drifted in his direction. “Don’t count us out yet. You’ve managed to hide for years and are surprisingly intelligent, I’ve been the mistake of my family for just as long and lost more than you know. Jala’s got more energy than both of us and three times as much honour. There’s always a chance.”
Jala zoomed back into the room before he could reply and in truth, he was glad.
The Prince’s words choked him.
Jala was jumping across Reyn’s carefully placed and expensive looking weapons chest, crabble leaf in hand. Her skirts flew up to display green striped socks sticking out of her work boots and Jaxon couldn’t help but laugh.
“Let’s make you some tonic!” she screeched, planting herself back next to the pot. “This is crazy, everything is pretty bad, but I do like hanging out with you guys. All we need is a pretty girl to join us and I’m set.”
He exchanged a fleeting look of worry with Reyn.
He knew they both very much hoped she’d have the chance to meet a pretty girl.
Forty-Two - Katanya
Being alone with Becca’s body was harder than she’d anticipated. She had so many things left to say; but nothing felt right.
Ivloch had cried in her arms for over an hour before they made their plan. She’d retrieved the shovel from the tree, and he had even smiled slightly, shook his head and patted her back as it returned to his hand.
Together, he with the shovel and she with her magic, they had shifted the earth and created what would later become Becca’s grave.
Katanya volunteered to be the one to ride back to camp and collect anyone who wanted to say their goodbyes but Ivloch had strongly demanded that he go.
“I want…I want to give them the chance and I’ll be doing something. I can’t promise I’ll keep it together again if I’m sat here with her,”
That had been about three hours ago and as darkness started to form around her, she supposed she’d have a while yet to wait. It would have taken time to gather whoever wanted to attend. Then they would have to make the journey without garnering too much attention.
She watered and fed Ballaca and then decided to take a swim in the lake. The water was warmer than she’d imagined and made her feel considerably better. Becca would have loved to see her just relaxing in her lake. She let the water wash over her body as she took the time to think.
Her decision had been made for a while, she admitted as she walked to the waterfall. Standing under the downpour she wondered if Becca would be pleased or horrified at the choice. She imagined it would probably be a bit of both. She’d definitely be proud of her though.
She always had been, even on the days when she couldn’t be proud of herself.
Another hour passed as she washed and cleansed herself. She shook her hair out as she climbed back onto the rocks, about to plait it as usual, but recalled how Becca had always loved it down. It could dry in the evening heat and curl all it wanted today. She dressed in her discarded clothes, slowly casting her power over each item to clean them.
The stars had come out and she could feel the pit of power inside her growing empty from the digging and her emotions being so erratic. That was the problem with the gift coming from her mind; her mind didn’t always want to play the hero.
“Just one more thing today,” she decided, more a silent plea with herself. She concentrated, the beginning of a headache forming as she did so, but luckily the fire inside her seemed to understand the importance of the task.
Across the lake, the waterfall, around the grave and the clearing itself she lit torches of fire, each contained in its own sealed globe. She wanted Becca to have the goodbye she deserved.
She rubbed the top of her head and moved towards Becca’s body. A circle of her fire globes had formed around the casket and Katanya hadn’t even realized she’d asked them to. Sometimes her magic really did know her better than she knew herself. She sat and finally released her own lament.
It seemed to ease the pain in her head. Becca had always been the one who told her when to stop holding herself together; when it was time to let it all out.
“I’m going to say all this now because soon…soon everyone who loves you is going to be here. I’m going to spend most of the night looking after your oaf of a husband for you…Kara Bec he is a mess and if we lose him, then we’re going to lose this war. You probably know that better than me though.; I think, I think he’ll get us through." Finding the right words was far from easy. “Maybe not all of us; but he’ll do what he can, and the ones who don’t make it? I guess he'll pass them over to you now, if there’s anywhere after this,” she paused, trying to contain herself enough to finish.
“If there is, then find Kyllian there for me? Take care of him. Tell him how much I miss him, maybe don’t tell him how I went away but tell him I love him and he’s with me every single moon. You know I barely spoke to anyone about him and if it wasn’t for you Becca, I never would have made it, so I promise you, more than any vow I’ve ever made, or will ever make I will look after Ivloch, how you looked after me. I'm going to try my best to save this ruddy world in your name.”
Katanya heard faint noises in the distance and looked for where she’d left her weapons.
“I think that’s probably them now mum, so I should go and we should give everyone else a chance to do this… I love you Becca
Katanya kissed the tip of two of her fingers on her right hand and brought them down to the lid of the casket.
“We choose who we are and where we belong,” Echoes of the words Becca had said to her as a child, and when she had taken the Blessing vow with Kyllian.
She pulled herself up, the noises growing closer as she walked to her arsenal.
They found her in the middle of the clearing, sword in hand and light burning all around her.
Forty-Three - Camrin
Camrin had wandered back to camp as Ivloch arrived.
Spending the moon drinking had probably not been the best plan; but it was hardly th
e worst idea he had ever had.
Ivloch didn’t ride for the main tents as Camrin had expected but instead brought Yemtree to a halt in front of him. He sidled from the horse and stood stiffly.
Seeing Ivloch, his eyes puffy and hard, made something in his chest tighten, and he dropped the bottle of Dexter’s wine on the wet grass.
He moved to hug the man he respected more than anyone in the world.
“We’re doing a funeral son, I came back to get the people who…who Becs really loved,” Ivloch sighed, pulling away slightly but keeping an arm round him. Camrin was certain he saw his eyes dart towards the spilt beverage.
“At the old house?” he asked. It was a guess, but Ivloch had clearly been somewhere and he could think of nowhere else.
“You get the people you want there ready and I’ll gather everything we need,” Camrin decided, the heaviness of what awaited sobered him. "We'll have to leave enough soldiers here. Just in case an attack does come."
Ivloch consented and headed towards the fire pits, Yemtree’s reins in hand. Camrin looked around him; what would Becca Youchnore want at her funeral?
He’d never wished for Katanya’s presence more. He would even welcome the eye-roll at his cluelessness.
He did his best to gather everything that came to mind quickly, including supplies to stay the evening then found Idyn to help him load the cart. They both worked in a comfortable silence. If Idyn wanted to know where he had been, he didn't ask.
Ivloch returned with a group of around fifteen people twenty minutes later, all mounted. Yenna, Dexter, and Fendir led the way beside him.
“Any more and we’ll get stopped or caught,” Ivloch seemed to say the words more to himself than anyone else but Camrin saw Idyn nod all the same.
“Jengen volunteered to stay and keep a constant watch. He sends his respects though.” Dexter sounded sombre.
What confused him the most was Mara’s presence in the crowd slowly pulling Idyn’s mare towards them. She looked sad but awkward; as if even she knew she shouldn’t be going. Camrin willed himself not to react to her presence, now wasn’t the time for such a scene. The alcohol swilling through his system told him otherwise.
He took control of the cart at the back of the procession as they rode for the house. Idyn and Mara stayed nearby, much to his irritation, Dex carefully planted himself between them and Camrin’s line of sight. The ginger man just shook his head every time he saw Camrin glower in their direction.
Ivloch led them. alone at the head of the procession.
Camrin ached to be with him, just for the companionship, but was afraid he would say the wrong thing.
He thought of Niya, wherever she was now and how much she would have wanted to be here; how much Ivloch would have wanted her to be here. Did she even know yet? Her network of spies might have reached her with the news. Marius and Tabyka would have no idea. Other faces Becca had loved all missing from the procession.
Mainly he thought of Elex. Becca had missed the small memorial they gave her too. She hadn’t been as close to Becca as him, Katanya or even Idyn but this would have mattered to her. She would have been angry, ready for a fight, and ready to destroy that whole palace. She would have known exactly what to say to Ivloch to ease his wounds and have rode next to him recalling her favourite Becca moments.
He couldn’t help but imagine Ivloch smiling as he heard them.
He thought the idea would have comforted him but for some reason, probably the same part of him that had decided to get drunk as soon as he heard, it made him angry. Why did Elex, when she was so good at everything, get to escape this world and leave behind the ones who didn’t know what to do?
He just wanted a little bit of her ability to know what to say, to soothe and to fix. All he seemed to have was the other side of her.
The one that demolished.
It took them longer than Camrin had thought it would to reach Becca's sister’s house, but when they arrived, he was awed to find Katanya surrounded by hundreds of flickering fires.
She looked like a flaming goddess, protecting her shrine.
Camrin supposed she was.
He parked the cart near the house, using the structure to hide it and brought the horses down to the lake, where everyone was gathered around the grave.
He had forgotten, somewhere along the way to adulthood, quite how beautiful this place was and Katanya’s display did a good job of reminding him. The light of the moon danced across the supple water. Becca would have found it enchanting. She would have coaxed him to take a moment to appreciate the wonders of nature.
Ivloch stood at the head of the grave, everyone encircling him. He gestured to Camrin as he approached, and Dexter moved to make a space for him next to their leader. He accepted with gratitude.
Katanya was on Ivloch’s other side and he saw her pull Mara from the very back and grab her hand. They shared a sad smile and Camrin couldn’t help but wish he had someone to lean on himself. It was only then he noticed Idyn right behind him. Idyn reached out his hand and placed it on his shoulder, Camrin forced himself to choke back the sob that formed in his throat at his touch.
“I’m not going to do a long service or make us all say a piece here,” Ivloch begun, his voice surprisingly steady. “All I’m going to do is say my bit and then…then I want the people here, the people that were closest to Becca to have a drink, to camp and to smile, and to jump in that ruddy lake. Say your goodbyes when it feels right to you, and you alone. She’d have wanted that and someone earlier today,” he placed his arm around a crying Katanya “…someone today reminded me that this, as awful as it is, it isn’t about what I want it’s all about Bec and what she would have loved. That just happened to be all of you.”
He placed his other arm around Camrin and beckoned Idyn closer.
“Me and Becs never had children, you all know that, we never wanted our own, but these three here, they became our family and helped make our lives tenfold better. You all did.” He let go of them now and took a step closer to the grave. “I loved you Becca, you were the reason I did everything, and I swear to you, on every wonderful ruddy moment of the twenty-three moons we spent together, that I will do whatever I can to win this war in your name and make this world a better place. Then one day…one day me and you will be back together, and we’ll spend eternity in some ruddy boring place like this and every second will be worth it.”
He knelt down and picked up one of the red gert flowers from the ground and placed it on top of the casket before nodding and walking towards the lake. They had been Becca’s favourite.
He saw Katanya follow suit but say no words. Either she had said them previously or was saving them for later. She went to Ivloch and sat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Camrin wasn’t sure what possessed him to pick up a flower next, but he was acutely aware of everyone looking at him.
“For the mother of us all, and for the better world you wanted.” He bent and dropped the flower on top of the others. He felt his legs move without his permission and a wave of alarm crushed over him as he became aware they were leading him towards Ivloch and Katanya.
“May I?” he found himself asking behind them and Katanya turned, tears in her eyes and moved her head in agreement. He sat next to Ivloch, his head resting on the other shoulder and he couldn’t say how long they stayed there, but by the time they moved all the flowers had been laid to rest and it was Mara who was using her power to slowly bring the earth back down to bury Becca.
Forty-Four - Katanya
The night had gotten colder as the hours went on; but nobody seemed to mind.
Shouts were coming from the lake as people ran through it, some form of game happening in its waters. Others sat by the edge talking in groups, a few wandered alone and every so often she would see someone go over to Becca’s grave, sit and say whatever version of farewell felt right to them.
She climbed up the rocks by the end of the lake, the waterfall to her right, a bottle to numb
her feelings strapped to her belt where her knives usually rested.
The light from her fires had dimmed, but they were still there.
As she scrambled further up, she found a soft round plateau which would let her overlook everyone below. The fact that two of her lights were already here made her wonder if somehow, part of her had known she would visit the spot.
She could see Mara sitting by the lake, wrapped in Idyn’s arms. She seemed to be smiling which was good, it warmed her heart, like the fiery liquid she sipped as she sought the others.
Camrin was in the lake, he looked drunk but also more relaxed than she had seen him in a long time, Becca certainly would have loved that. Yenna and Fendir were by the grave, each consoling the other.
Somehow this evening was feeling like a respite from the war; from what was coming next and she supposed they all needed that. What’s the point in fighting if you don’t get to remember what you’re fighting for? To say goodbye to those you lose.
Her thoughts were interrupted by noises below, she took another swig from the amber bottle and peered over the edge of the rough rockface. Ivloch was scaling the rocks to join her; quicker than a man of his size should be able. She slanted to the right, allowing her legs to swing over the edge and leaving Ivloch enough room to join her.
He did so with ease and positioned himself to be as comfortable as he could be in such a small space, his legs forced to dangle with hers.
“You going to give me some of that?” he asked, a slight smile crossing his features.
She took another swig and handed him the bottle. He examined the label, rolled his eyes slightly in disapproval but took a long hard drink.
“The bottle I drank before this was at least two years older and tasted better,” he grumbled.
“You always were particular about your drink; I remember Becca telling me she hated you for it when you first met.”
“Aye, that she did,” he chuckled lightly, caught in the memory.
